How to be less boring?

bones_and_love · 2017-03-22T16:40:23+00:00

There's a couple big points about talking that I never see brought up. I always see that mumbojumbo about saying stuff related to the last topic brought up. And you can 'wiggle' around it, either getting more specific, less specific, or some other two options. I don't like that advice, because I think it's usually known to anyone reading it. Their issue is with saying things that people like or it's with their own personal self-esteem, perhaps dealing with anxiety and shit.

First, a warning. I'm don't want to put too much pressure on you when it comes to convos, cuz I think a lot of the points people make on this topic center around overcoming the strain personal issues put on peoples' ability to be social. So a lot of the advice becomes chill out and don't overthink it. I'm not contradicting that... please do chill and overcome your social irrationalities. And it's not like a test or anything, there's no right answer. You really can say anything, and it doesn't matter too much.

But with that being said, it's not a completely honest thing to say that what you say doesn't matter at all. That'd be like saying the plot in a movie doesn't matter. All movies are just stories, maaan, chill. Nope. In one sentence, think of your conversations like a plot in a movie... they have to be interesting! What does that mean?

1.) The human element is always more interesting. Start talking about people in your life at any possibility. If someone brings up skiing and your second cousin does that, take it as an opportunity to introduce that unique personality in your life very quickly and mention what you learned about skiing from him, or even just say something useless like he's always skiing and got into this adventure or that one. The most social people are always telling stories about people whenever possible instead of talking about generalities or abstracts like it's a science or philosophy paper. Another example is try to talk about people in the immediate group -- have you heard what Joseph just got into? Tell stories, positive ones, funny ones. Not bitchy behind the back ones. Become the storyteller of the group, stories from your past, from other's past. In the same group, start evoking other peoples' stories that they've told you when the context makes it right. It shows you listen and activates peoples' feeling that they're participating despite you being the big boy everyone's listening to. It's basically the most powerful form of communication, the most expensive for others to buy from you. If being super faded comes up, and you're with your boy Dante that had that one story in the group, look at him and others and say, "yo, Dante, remember that time you just slid right into the back of that Ford on the interstate cuz u were off a bar?" then imitate the funny aspects of it -- "Man, you were just looking straight ahead, saw it coming, but didn't see it coming" laugh have a good time and imitate it.

2.) Similar to the first one, a secondary but a little less effective story to tell is one of history. So you have to pay attention to your surroundings. The world you live in least, the country second after that, your state after that, your city, your neighborhood most. People care about locality, so it ranks that way. So don't go around spouting shit about global news since honestly no one cares. But somehow it's just great to hear that this corner used to be a Baskin Robin's... remember that 7 years ago? It just makes people think about things. Talk about how the city got to where it is today. Talk about new spots opening up. Talk about what's exciting you about the city currently, what things are currently going on. Talk about things that actually affect people, man they're banning this. I use that! They legalized this. They're tearing down all these buildings in a year and this great pizza shop is there, gonna miss that. Do not talk about serious political shit, just lightweight history.

But more on that be present thing, you just have to pay attention and be there. There's no replacement. You have to be interested in your surroundings and people in them and less autistic/scientific/literal/having no appreciation for art/having no appreciation for history. Those things are our society and the human component within it. There's this disgusting, raw, and 'efficient' lifestyle loser nerds live where they focus on raw output, like how does this skill help my life. Can I travel there 20% faster? Can I get paid 30% more? Can I do this calculation where before I couldn't? Life isn't a standardized test. Just like you didn't need that kind of motivation to hear about your grandfather's past (your family past, the most local in the locality chain), you don't need that for any part of history.

1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v · 2017-03-22T18:50:05+00:00

This always works for me:

Make eye contact, smile, and say "Hey, I just saw you sitting here and wanted to come over and say hi...what is your name?" In most cases she will offer name.

Do not tell her your name, do not offer to shake her hand, do not tell her she is cute.

Instead, find something interesting about her, something she is holding, wearing, or doing. Then say "Hey, I love that leather jacket...where did you get it?"
or... "I fucking love your hair color...what color is it?...do you dye it your self....do you ever go blond..."

Listen to her answers...really... Most guys don't even listen to her replies and ramble on about some nonsense...

If it goes well, and she is talking back to you, try to ask her OPEN ENDED Questions, questions that don't end in a yes, no, fine, OK, sure, etc.

Ask her a question like "Why did you move here" or "How did it feel to leave a small town and move to the big city"

Start with that, let us know how it goes!

I just don't want the conversation to not lead anywhere.

/u/recyclablebanthas is right. Most of these conversations will lead no where. Don't be discouraged, try to be happy that you had the courage to even have the conversation with the girl...eventually you will find one that is willing to engage you back!

drakeshe · 2017-03-22T13:35:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

drakeshe · 2017-03-22T13:37:11+00:00

Be genuine first and foremost. You don't have to always have something to say. Pausing is your friend. When listening, maintain eye contact, listen to every word as if it's extremely important. Only speak once you've got an opinion. When starting out you can freak out and always want to come out with a quick reply or whitty comment. Stop. Be a human, think about what they just said and come up with a probing question into what theyve just said, or preferably a statement or opinion. A pause before speaking whilst giving the appearance of pondering their words only ever gives an impression of depth and value to what theyve said. Just don't go overboard.

Don't be scared of rejection. They should never get the impression your happiness requires them accepting you or finding you interesting. If you really don't know what to do, distract. Change the topic to a random thought. Change the location, hey, do you want to go for a walk? Do you want to get another drink?

I need to get some sleep. Bye.

crawleydown · 2017-03-22T14:20:35+00:00

I never know whether to blame myself or the girl for the 'bad' interactions.

I tend to blame myself, and thus am always on the quest for 'good material', 'good conversation topics', 'how to inject FUN into a boring conversation with someone who isn't talking etc''

It's not as if ALL of my interactions are 'bad'.

If I take a few recent approaches.

This one was 'good'. I opened her by asking if it was a gay bar. She laughed and asked me why I thought that. I pointed out some guy with a funny moustache and also mentined that my friend told me it was a gay bar. I asked her name and she gave it to me, and also asked mine without me volunteering it. I said she looks like a business woman, and then she started telling me about her job. I teased her on some of her stuff and called her 'bossy'. She laughed. I played a little game with her in order to introduce some kino. We were vibing at this point. It didn't go anywhere, but I still consider it a 'good' interaction

Compare that with some of my most recent approaches:

I see a hot girl standing near the dancefloor and tell her she looks like she wants to dance and smile. She just looks at me. I ask her her name and she tells me and then kind of looks away. I ask her what she is up too tonight and she says ''Do you want something?''. I tell her I just thought she looked cute and I wanted to speak to her and she was like ''I'm no interested''. I decided to bail as opposed to 'plough'.

I see a hot girl is standing next to me. She's got on a big coat with a massive fur hood. I smile and tell her ''I like your coat. It makes you look like a Russian spy!'' and smile. She looks at me and doesn't say anything. I have to say something else now! Not sure what. I end up saying ''It's a bit like the coat i've got on, in fact. I think you're copying me! :)''. She looks at me again. Doesn't say anything. One last try. I say ''Anyway, I'm Mike!''. She gives a fake smile and walks away

After the first interaction I felt good and like I wasn't boring, but now, after them other two interactions, i'm constantly trying to find the answer to ''how to not be boring'', ''how to have a FUN conversation with a stranger within seconds'' etc

I guess a lot of the time, it's down to the girl. You can't game a girl who isn't interested? Game is about getting the girls who are already into you?

lacuttery · 2017-03-22T18:35:37+00:00

Go out and do shit. How else do you expect to meet anyone, anyways! Bowling is cheap and a fun hobby, so is going to the gym, swimming at your local Y.

2017-03-22T18:43:59+00:00

The tips right here are not bad, nevertheless I want to add a great video on the subject from School of Life.

How Not to be Boring

jackzander · 2017-03-22T18:50:42+00:00

Interested is Interesting. Stop living in a glassy-eyed haze and look at the world around you. Try to imagine building or making everything in sight. Disassemble it in your head. If you can't, or if you realize there's something you don't yet understand, ask. Ask someone who knows, ask someone new.

Share your curiosity, and you'll become a curious thing.

phillconnors · 2017-03-22T15:19:12+00:00

you sound a lot like me when it comes to sitting there, envisioning how on earth the interaction is going to go after you open, and how to make it 'fun' so that she doesn't just leave after a few seconds!

I'm always thinking and searching for answers for ''what do I say after the open during night game to get into a fun convesation or to spike a girls emotions?''

I'm usually unable to find anything helpful. Usually it's to 'make assumptions' about her, but i've used that for quite a few approaches now and I honestly don't think it yields any better results than standard interview questions.

There's also lkie 'routines' and stuff, but all of the ones i've seen are kind of cringey and I just KNOW that they wouldn't go down very well with the girls here!

I also watch infields to try to get an idea, but there doesn't seem to be much of a pattern, and bearing in mind they can edit vids and just choose the best interactions where maybe the girl was into him based on looks so that she would 'hook' no matter WHAT he said, it's not a great help

buncha_circles · 2017-03-22T15:51:22+00:00

You need to learn how to have a conversation. I suggest you take women out of the picture for a bit. Get in the habit of going to your local pub for happy hour and talking with the guys there. I get the feeling you'd be extremely nervous doing this and that's the reason why you need to do it. Once you learn how to carry a conversation with random people then you will be able to plug in all the cool shit you do (but never all at once).

The key to being less boring is for people just to find out stuff about you that you never intentionally hid but just didn't come up.

chewbacaflocka · 2017-03-22T15:57:34+00:00

Just approach and see what happens. If you lack that much confidence, you will likely get blown out in minutes. Its not guaranteed. But it is OKAY. You will walk away with a feeling of embarrassment and a little more wisdom. Also, you won't be dead. The only ways to start becoming more interesting is to get some hobbies outsise of seduction, be yourself and just open conversation. It will become more natural for you.

You are doing okay by opening with honesty. However, try to add a little more than "I think you are cute". If she is cute, she probably gets that on a regular basis. You need to stand out.

digitalbitch · 2017-03-23T04:35:13+00:00

Do interesting things.

2017-03-22T15:08:25+00:00

Actually he interesting, go out and do things with friends.

GnarlyBellyButton87 · 2017-03-22T16:57:48+00:00

Tone.

Emphasize things, make your voice interesting.

2017-03-22T17:57:54+00:00

There's a lot of good stuff here, if you end up looking up more information, ask how to be engaging, you'll get more hits.

bugxter · 2017-03-22T13:49:55+00:00

Live more.

CoffeeIsAnAddiction · 2017-03-22T20:45:03+00:00

Don't be fat, gross, unwashed, unkempt, unprepared.

Pussy is really so easy, it is a mystery to me how ppl aren't balls deep in it every night.

Title	How to be less boring?
Author	self_journey
Upvotes	153
Comments	44
Date	March 22, 2017 12:52 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/60uefd/how_to_be_less_boring/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-be-less-boring.1422232 https://theredarchive.com/post/1422232

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