I am so desperate

WebNew9978 · 2026-01-23T00:44:18+00:00

Well your desperation will be your downfall before you even begin

Only_Entertainer_142 · 2026-01-23T01:37:31+00:00

i’m in the same boat as you for the most part. i have a lot of instagram followers, i’d say im average at least, tall, and ive been drier than a desert. 26 too, no sex in 6+ years as well, last time I was 19. crazy FOMO, but at the same time my desperation has waned. i haven’t been on a date in over a year, partly because i’m just focused on myself at the moment. once I solo traveled the desperation went away, it gave me abundance mindset and made me realize how western women are full of themselves and play hard to get, even the ones who literally have pussies that stink. just show up at third spaces and events. my advice is stop looking for a girl to date, but look for girls as friends, because they have hot friends. if you go straight to asking a girl out and it doesn’t work, you just burned a bridge with her entire friend group. build your circles first.

Misfitshots · 2026-01-23T01:19:19+00:00

Best advice is mundane and overused but go to the gym. Try boxing or bjj they tend to have good people around if you find the right gym. Get other interesting hobbies and try to go to concerts. Be confident and don’t be desperate. If you find someone who you like talking to, don’t be clingy. Try to go a few hours between text messages. Be cool, calm, and collective. You got this.

PositionStandard6089 · 2026-01-23T01:27:49+00:00

can't speak for all women but when i was single, i was very discerning, never had a ONS, didn't like cold approaches, never did dating apps, never had a FWB, basically wanted to be able to tell my future husband about my past with pride rather than shame, etc etc

i'm not a supermodel but i'm conventionally attractive (if you like pale ladies like anne hathaway lol) and have been approached in every possible way by every age, race, creed of men.

my husband is short, and i guess not necessarily conventionally attractive to everyone, even though i adore his looks. what got me to be (eventually) obsessed with him was, he was funny and comfortable with himself. when he talked to me, i could tell based on the look in his eyes that he was attracted to me but he talked to me like i was a human being, not a conquest. we talked about movies, music, learned our common interests.

all this to say, rather than coming from a place of anger and desperation - which are understandable i'm not shaming you - reframe your mindset to something like "the women who want me are out there, i just have to get myself centered in order to attract them"

describing yourself as short and brown immediately made me think you're a cutie, so lean into that. remember you have a lot to offer, there are A LOT of young women who are not promiscuous who are looking for a man who hasn't been either so you might be surprised at the quality. of woman you can attract. are you religious at all? that's often a good way to meet people. i'm not but i've heard it's a good option lol.

Thin_Protection5616 · 2026-01-23T02:25:18+00:00

1) Turn your frustration and anger into a commitment to improve and change your life.

2) Stop using negative language to describe yourself, replace it with growth oriented phrases ("I am" > "I'm becoming")

3) If you have an accent, start working to improve it. While you're doing that, develop better vocal tonality and cadence (i.e., speak slower and deeper).

4) Work on developing better microbehaviors (i.e., eye contact, posture)

5) Desensitize yourself to talking to strangers, and work up to cold approach.

Do that, in that order.

snakeeyes666n · 2026-01-23T02:41:04+00:00

Let me start by saying you are still very young. Really. You have more than five decades of sex life to go. It is not easy to turn off emotions, but anger at yourself obviously is not helpful. And if you have any anger at women that is definitely not helpful. Or healthy. Women owe us nothing, and it is our job to be desirable to them if we want them as any kind of partners, for either short or long term. And to treat them respectfully whether they accept or reject us. The ability to release yourself from outcomes ironically will make you very attractive. So be willing to walk away. If a woman disrespects you, you retain your power (and dignity) by walking away from that. No other reaction is as powerful. Once other women see you being social, fun and - most importantly - safe with women, your value goes up fast.

So think of it like this: you must be or become a person of value to others. Be able to make people feel good. Laugh. Learn from you. Benefit from being in your company.

But know that attraction is nuanced and at times counterintuitive. So learn to vaporise neediness. It is a certain killer of attraction.

Be your best self. If you’re not fit, get fit. Dress well. Hygiene levels should be high. Be building an amazing life that others want to be a part of. Make your self-talk your best friend. Show women that you’re fun. With or without them. Make them feel safe because they are safe around you (right??). Have no expectations of others, but walk if anybody disrespects you.

For some women we may just not be their type, so solve that via exposure to numerous women. We all have dry spells at times (yes, even for 6 years). The challenge is breaking free of that. Focus on being your best self, dissolve that anger, be fun and safe, and enjoy life.

FateInHaze_Re-Pac · 2026-01-23T01:54:53+00:00

Please don't give up on yourself or your situation, I suggest first working on your internal anger first because that will sour your interactions before they even begin. I'm guessing you have some depression and anxiety about this so the first thing I'd recommend is reading the book Feeling Good by Dr David Burns, this book will clear your head and let you start being able to make progress in your game.

2pongz · 2026-01-23T02:45:25+00:00

Step 1: Find a third place that you actually like and you can consistently come back to. Make sure it's a place that's not a sausage fest.

Step 2: Make friends there but make sure you find a bro that who thinks like you and will great partner to build a friend group with.

Step 3: Stick to it, maintain your friendships, and lead the planning on things to do together, it should grow from there tbh along with your confidence.

Available-Note-9652 · 2026-01-23T04:56:20+00:00

I highly suggest the old GLL videos. They also had an approach anxiety program tailored for people just like you.

I remember my first approach. My legs were literally shaking. The girl turned me down. I felt like everybody was looking at me. I felt humiliated.

In reality, nobody cared. In fact they were probably jealous because I had the balls to talk to the hot chick in line. After 10 minutes I felt amazing. Like a whole new world just opened up to me. I could now walk up to any girl I wanted and try to get laid.

Do your first approach, even if you’re shaking, and each one will get easier after that. Start going up to strangers and saying Hi. Then just walk away. Then start asking them for the time/directions. Baby steps. Eventually you will develop the hunger to go for the whole thing.

Hopefully you can dig through the replies and see this comment.

Matter_Still · 2026-01-23T01:10:25+00:00

“Everyone around me are fucking.”

Roughly 23–24% of Americans 18-29 reported no sex in the past year, according to studies. So, that takes care of that delusion.

I think any man or woman with a normal level of experience would tell you it doesn’t solve everything and what it does solve can have a short shelf life—sometimes not even an hour.

When I was in college, I saw the love of my life on Fridays. It was wonderful. But like Cinderella, when the clock struck midnight I took the Metro North back to my apartment upstate to dig in for six nights of loneliness. Great sex one night a week didn’t fix that.

professionalfumblr · 2026-01-23T01:35:11+00:00

Similar situation, though I’ve had sex more recently. Still dry as hell though. It’s hard but can’t let your desperation get the best of you. Just go out, have fun, try to make friends, it’ll all come together in due time.

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-01-23T01:57:52+00:00

You gotta love yourself man. Start by going to the gym and lose some weight if that’s also your issue. Upgrade your wardrobe and your hairstyle. All the things that you can change, unlike your height.

The problem with desperation is that it oozes. People can tell you’re insecure then they just wanna stay away from you. Then once you realize that, you feel worse and become more desperate. It creates an infinite loop where you get trapped, so you gotta get out of there. Again, start by loving and taking care of yourself.

Dogecoinbandit · 2026-01-23T04:22:06+00:00

Volume negates luck man, maybe go on a little vacation and practice some cold approaches there since there is a high probability you wont see them again. Saying your not confident enough is limiting your potential, take the time to make your inner self proud by doing hard things like someone else in this thread mentioned. Get comfortable with some cold approaches then once you return home you should be more comfortable approaching when the opportunities present themselves. Your young but the sooner you can get a handle on this the better, hope this helps.

snowbro134 · 2026-01-23T04:22:27+00:00

it's gonna be a spiritual journey brotha. the reality will change as you change. and you said it, baby steps, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. and sounds like you have a journey ahead of ya. find joy in the process and funny enough the more grateful you are even though it sounds shitty, things will change.

Thebadmamajama · 2026-01-23T04:41:25+00:00

This will sound counterintuitive, but go focus on being a great human. Being in great physical shape requires you to do basic exercise many times a week... Go take on some hobbies (learn an instrument, learn to cook, camp, archery.... Etc etc etc). Go do things that are pro social, so you're always practicing interacting with others.

All of this will naturally boost confidence (promise ). Whatever people say, ladies love confidence and a guy who demonstrates competence.

If you are desperate, anxious and frustrated, there's no reason to believe anyone will be attracted to that.

Papa_Shuji · 2026-01-23T04:46:29+00:00

same. 20m here. still a virgin

IamOscarMontesJr · 2026-01-23T06:40:57+00:00

Find A Purpose, Women Gives You Dopamine Hits Not True Joy

No_Preference_9100 · 2026-01-23T06:55:03+00:00

Bro i am 25 and tbh i never had date, infact i didn't even had my first kiss yet sex is so far away but yeah i am confident, funny and talented is most of the things like sports, gym, singing, dancing, cooking but lil to no experience in dating and yet i am happy, confident and bold tbh rather than being frustrated.

So its all in your mind focus on yourself as 1 thing I've learned that if you are at a good position like in finance, mental + physical health you will get cold approaches from everyone.

So yeah focus more on yourself rather than focusing on people who are having sex on daily basis because this is maybe the only thing which was happening right in their life.

Forget about others and focus on yourself. Trust me i get cold approaches and respects from everyone even though i am not rich or successful yet.

illusive-man-00 · 2026-01-23T10:44:18+00:00

are you on the dating apps?

How tall are you?

star_wars_the_501st · 2026-01-23T15:32:10+00:00

read the Mystery Method and stop pitying yourself.

Chemical-Ads · 2026-01-23T16:45:46+00:00

Then try to change and stop making post abt that except if you’re looking for help

travism2013 · 2026-01-24T01:18:35+00:00

i'd say a little "honest humble" or 'homble if putting them together is that I am certain both sides have enough folks saying how they feel desperate. and yes we all know how it is an "anti factor" for the person feeling it. Point - you are not alone feeling desperate. But also - so much factors in dude...it's not the the bane of you so "this too shall pass" (like gas).

Outside_Bowler8148 · 2026-01-23T00:52:25+00:00

Date your niche!!!! Go to brown events and start hooking up there, in my experience brown girls r prettt easy. Then you can build up ur confidence

Makakka2002 · 2026-01-24T00:30:35+00:00

You seem to be below average on the attraction scale. As a man you are lucky to being able to compensate that with inner/behaviour traits. Meaning your inner game has to be significantly better than the average man to compensate you basically need pimp vibe/virtual preselection. From where you are this needs YEARS of therapy and self improvement bc your inner game is worse than the average man…

Tl/dnr: Bad game isnt allowed bc you too ugly but (good) game can save you

Title	I am so desperate
Author	MadonatorxD
Upvotes	54
Comments	66
Date	January 23, 2026 12:38 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qkc110/i_am_so_desperate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-so-desperate.1571770 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571770

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