Patience.

Patience is one of the most valuable skills you can learn in seduction, and in life.

Yes – skill. This means if you’re not “good” at it, don’t worry. People say, “I don’t have any patience.” Not true, they simply haven’t practiced it. Why would you have something you’ve never practiced?

Everything can be learned; it just takes practice… and patience. ;)

Story time.

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I first learned the value of patience in seduction at a bar, with my natural Israeli friend.

After taking a lap around the bar, we didn’t see any action. I started feeling anxious. I thought we should go to another bar. He suggested we stick around, relax, and see what happened.

Sure enough, after five minutes, three girls walk into the bar – one smoking hot girl and her two good looking friends. I started to get up, instinctively following the famous “three second rule.”

He suggested we wait.

Okay, boss – if you say so.

We were very relaxed. I had my feet up on a table in front of us, we were sitting back and drinking our drinks, talking like we were just two dudes out on the town. Which we were.

Five minutes pass and the girls sit down within two feet of us. (Why? My theory – we were the only dudes in the bar just hanging out, fully relaxed and having a great time.)

Nice. Time to approach.

“Just wait.”

Okay?

Random dude sits down between us and the girls, starts talking to them. In my head, I’m frustrated. We’re obviously blowing it, we could’ve talked to them ten minutes ago easily.

But after five minutes, the dude gets blown out. Almost immediately, my friend leans over and introduces him and myself (note: he cared more about his friends than random girls at the bar).

We’re in. He’s talking to the smoking hot one, I slide in-between the hot one and her friends with my wingman game face on.

The girl ended up being his fuck-buddy for a month or so. And she was gorgeous.

Learn from naturals.

Patience.

–

At a Hookah Bar with my Israeli friend. It starts to rain outside, we move inside, find a seat next to a group of five girls.

We introduce ourselves, start talking to them, make them giggle, the basics. We get settled in and everyone is comfortable.

A big group of dudes comes in from the rain. They sit at the table next to ours.

There was a clear leader of the group – an “alpha male.” At one point, he gets up and starts dancing (he had some great moves).

When he’s done, we clapped for him.

My friend and I sit back, talking, watching the action.

The dude introduces himself to our group (the girls, but not to us). They all seem taken by him, laughing at everything he says. I’m about 80% sure this guy knew about the community – he had some game. I remember being impressed with what he was doing. Humor, push-pull, DHV stories, the whole nine yards.

I thought he had ‘em.

But we sat and relaxed.

After ten minutes of dancing monkey game, the guy attempts to isolate one of the girls.

“There’s free food outside, want to get some?”

She says no.

At this point, we strike up a conversation with the girl sitting directly to our right. She looks over at us and starts mocking the way the guy is talking. We chuckle about it and I feel bad for him. Within a minute or two, the entire group of girls is talking to my friend and I, meanwhile the “alpha male” has returned to his friends dejected.

Patience.

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It was an off night.

At a really chill bar with a friend. Started off optimistic but hadn’t talked to a group of girls yet, so I felt like I was “failing.”

Sit in the back corner with my friend. I remember what my Israeli friend taught me (he moved away a week before this). Just wait and relax.

So I put my feet up on the table and got in a great conversation with my friend.

I start talking about how I feel like a failure if I’m not approaching.

When I bring my anxiety into the real world, it loses its power. Because it’s not real, it can’t exist in reality. He looks at me and says, “You know, I kinda like just talking. I mean, if we really wanted to, we could easily kill it here.”

I realize he’s right. We both have experience in this venue, and we’ve both had plenty of practice in general. So we both look at each other, laugh, get up and go two opposite directions.

I go up to a group of five beautiful girls I hadn’t seen earlier, sit down on the bench next to one of them and tell them I wanted to feel their feminine energy (top secret opener that only fails when it does). They giggle.

They start trying to guess my name. As this is going on, I’m talking to them about how their night’s gone, they tell me awful. Sounds terrible, tell me more...

Five minutes into the conversation, a guy walks up to our table. I had no fear – at first. This group of girls were mine, they were loving every word that came out of my mouth. And I was at the top of my game.

But slowly, I felt like I was losing the floor. The girls started talking to him. Anxiety reared its gorgeous head and I almost ejected right then and there. Patience. Don’t react. Be cool. I started drawing invisible lines on the table with my finger.

After three minutes or so, the guy turns around and leaves. I look up and the conversation picks up right where it left off. But there’s a new element: the girls—once again—start mocking the guy who just came up to them. I defend him because it takes huge balls to approach a group of girls when there’s a guy with them.

Remember – other guys aren’t the enemy. Anxiety and self-loathing is the enemy.

Patience.

–

In each scenario, I felt like I was on the back foot at one point. I felt like leaving, escaping, running away. Instead, I stayed and it paid off.

This community is great at combating anxiety. But it also creates some of its own.

With concepts like the “three second rule” and “chode”, we tend to feel like we always need to be doing something. That’s not true. The three second rule is a pair of training wheels. It’s helpful when you’re a beginner, when you’ve never approached a girl.

Being governed by these abstract rules is just another way of escaping creation of your own reality. And that’s the real way to be “alpha,” or how I like to call it, being human.

With patience, you can fully assess the situation and go in when the time is right. With patience, when an obstacle arises, you can sit back, relax, and watch what happens.

Let others do the talking. Let the “alpha males” run their game.

Patience.

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For more like this, check out the archive.