Please don't down vote, I'm a desperate guy in need of help.

PUAGohan · 2015-06-27T23:05:07+00:00

a) all you have is the moment. fuck your past, it means absolutely nothing. zero. zilch. it doesn't exist. the future doesn't exist neither. right here, right now is all that matters. imagine you were just born, plopped into this earth and here you are.

b) the labels you attach to yourself are completely meaningless. virgin. who gives a fuck, it means absolutely nothing. stop labeling, stop judging yourself. i was a virgin till 18, almost 19 and i got ripped on it daily. everyone around me lost it at 14-15. in college i did mad drugs and banged any girl that would let me. senior year i had no friends and sat in my room looking at porn all day because i craved interaction. it's a dark disgusting place i refuse to be in again. you clearly want help. so ask yourself this: do i want to sit in my fucking room and be lonely and depressed all day? or do i want to go out, step outside of my comfort zone, embrace the nervousness and the anxious feelings, and change my situation? you won't have a girl sitting in your room all day. go out and talk. who gives a fuck what happens. we have a delusion in our head that people are mean and vicious and are always judging. it's not the case. no1 gives a fuck about anything you do. run around the street screaming, singing, people won't give a shit, they're all caught up in their own problems

c) look, if you want to get girls it comes down to this. do you want to suffer the pain of regret or the pain of rejection. i've suffered the pain of regret for far too long and it is 100x worse than the pain of rejection. 100 fucking times. rejection actually feels good in a way. in your attempt to meet girls, you are going to get rejected. there will be nights you could talk to thirty girls, leave with a couple of numbers, and have absolutely zero responses from them the next day. but it's meaningless because girls are limitless. there's so goddamn many.

d) there's no magical line, there's no magical opener. it's all bullshit. these lines are for people who want to control conversation. you can't control the conversation. all you can do is jump in and revel in the chaos. "what should I say" is the anxiety talking. don't listen to that shit. if you say something wrong, who gives a fuck. if she says fuck off (which will 99% of the time never happen) who gives a fuck. all that matters is doing it. walk up to a girl say, hows it going? or i want to introduce myself. simple as that.

e) the only person you can control on this earth is you. no one else. you can only be yourself and that's it. you can sit and mope all day long and complain and cry or be depressed or you can say FUCK THAT. I REFUSE. i am going to go up to girls and i dont give a fuck if i feel sad and depressed because i am not controlled by my feelings. I AM CONTROLLED BY WHAT I WANT TO DO. and if you want to meet girls, then you need to lift your balls, say fuck it, and just go in.

f) you will always feel nervous coming up to girls. 100% of the time. but after you do a few, you'll start to act in spite of the fear and nervousness. it means nothing. girls aren't there to destroy you and make you feel like shit. theyre 100x more insecure than you are and just wanna be liked too. they're people, like yourself. dealing with their own bullshit and difficulties. they're human.

g) stop drinking immediately. suffer the pain of feeling like shit. i have a porn addiction, still do, still battling every day. what's the secret? feel like shit. accept feeling like shit. accept the boredom and depression that comes with not having that addiction to fill the void in your life. do positive things. be creative, write music, whatever. work out.

h) once you start approaching girls and making a habit out of it, no matter how depressed and shitty you feel, your confidence will start to blossom. you're in control. you make the moves. you put yourself out there. if they like you good, if they don't, fuck 'em, on to the next one.

i) you sound like a cool dude and i'm sure you have a great personality and a lot to offer the world. don't be afraid to show it. don't be afraid to be who you are. you are exactly who you are, own it, and be proud of it. warts and all. assertiveness = being honest and authentic with yourself and the world around you without being a dick.

*this was completely stream of consciousness writing, so if it's messy i apologize.

chestnutseer · 2015-06-27T23:23:15+00:00

You might feel like you are the only one in that situation but I can guarantee that you are not. I'm going to turn 23 this summer and I've never felt that connection with a guy or been in a relationship. And I'm supposed to be a pretty good looking female too. I also have a friend, a beautiful, smart friend who has never even kissed a guy. You could never tell if she didn't tell you. Virginity doesn't show on the outside.

I don't know if I can offer you really any advice except that try not to feel desperate. Easier said than done, I know, but I've noticed that when I don't think about how "old" I am or how my friends are getting engaged while I'm sitting at home watching Netflix, I feel more confident that someday I will meet someone. It's obviously taking some time, but in the end, it won't matter. Who knows, maybe my first love will be my last. I also remember reading a study that said people who lost their virginity in their 20s had more stable and happier relationships than those who lost it at earlier age. Also work out if you don't already because that will seriously make you feel a hundred times better and more confident. It really is true. Working out is magic.

I've had a nice day today so I'm in a very hopeful mood but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have moments like you are having right now. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe because I feel like I'm going to end up alone and when I think about all the time that has gone by. In reality though not a lot of time has even passed. Most people our age don't end up together with their current SOs. There is no hurry.

EDIT: So. Exactly one week after leaving this comment, I met the man of my dreams. I can't believe it happened and I can't believe how amazingly happy and light I feel, after feeling alone for so many years. I'm falling in love for the first time in my life and it's all new and and scary but I feel like I could just fly. Never give up, guys. If I didn't go out that night, I would have never met him as he was set to leave the country the next day. Get out there. Don't let your life slip by. I love you guys. I love world.

TcH3rNo · 2015-06-28T00:32:41+00:00

You won't get any quality girls until you start working on yourself and ditch the needy, insecure loser attitude. Women in general can subconsciously smell that shit from a mile away and want nothing to do with guys like that.

You say you have zero confidence with girls but that won't come until you respect and love yourself for who you are. It's not even about approaching a thousands chicks. It's about taking pride in yourself via your work, your hobbies and whatever successes and failures you've had in your life so far and becoming the man you want to be.

edit: missing word

KwestBeats · 2015-06-28T03:21:13+00:00

Building your self-esteem is a good start. Know yourself and make it a habit to be a better man one day at a time. Live in the now. Do the things you are passionate about. Build confidence through your hobbies (ie: Go to the gym, play some sports, go for a run). Speaking from experience, I was in the same shoes as you until I got into my hobbies. Eventually, I had stories and experiences that I could share in conversations, which I eventually told to my current girlfriend who I met after a marathon I ran. She was checking her time on the screen while I was on may way to check my time on the screen. I looked her in the eye and asked, "How'd you do?". From there we had some small talk about our goals and I got to telling her a story about a mud run and we hit it off from there.

Find your passion, build confidence through it and remember to smile and ask them how they are doing when you get that opportunity. It all starts with eye contact and remember to be yourself.

SIrbigbeard · 2015-06-28T05:45:41+00:00

Getting drunk without a girl around is the best way to assure and further instigate female-depraved demoralization. Honestly I don't have a solution i was in the same boat then i took lsd and contemplated all the meaningless and hollow subconscious psychology nessesary to initiate the entirely irrational feeling that is "love". tl;dr stop drinking take acid.

ByCromsBalls · 2015-06-28T01:47:31+00:00

Hey man, I was in much the same boat and I broke through it through online dating. You say you're a fairly good looking guy so you should be able to get dates no problem. From there it's just a matter of experience. I went from hopeless loser with the women to confident and pretty constant dates in less than a year

Keep your chin up, there are tons of dudes in the same situation, you'd never know just looking at them. Fake it till you make it goes a long way if you're not confident.

PlasticSky · 2015-06-28T06:23:18+00:00

Yo I'm going to address this 'cause nobody else completely touched upon it and it has nothing to do with girls. Everyone else has things covered.

You're writing this drunk. Not sober. To me, this screams other deep seeded issues you need addressed before you turn to "get the girl" mode. Your focus is splintered and pre-occupied. And I'm not pointing at anything specific. There's a reason you picked this drunken moment to unleash. Reel yourself back and be honest with yourself about yourself and about everything. Something is wrong and it can be addressed and fixed. Women are a blind spot but not a root source.

dblake123 · 2015-06-28T05:53:46+00:00

Ok here's what you do. You are way too concentrated on results. You have to understand women really are a numbers game. You have no idea know who you're going to connect with until you actually connect with them.

Now you can improve your odds. And the way you do that is you talk to as many women as possible. Where ever you find them. The way I did it was I started talking cashiers and people who worked at stores. Then I found a few bars I liked and started talking to the bartenders who happened to be women. Then after that I found some meetups for like happy hour and things that I was interested in and talked to the women there. I've become very very good at talking to women on mountains because I like hiking. That's my home turf. You put me on a mountain and I'll make a female friend. It may not go any further than that but I will make one.

Don't concentrate on getting phone numbers or dates. You can't force her to give you her phone number or go out with you so that is out of your control. Your control ends by you asking. So your goal is to ask for her phone number or ask her out. Leave the rest of it in the hands of fate.

lvav68 · 2015-06-28T06:24:21+00:00

I'm close to being 40, been divorced about 8 years, i had the same issue with approach as you do. You are young and life is good start a hobby that "forces" interaction, or volunteer, you'll feel good helping out, and that boosts confidence. As. A guy who has been single most of my life and for some reason I feel inadequate for not finishing college ( plan on going back, just never start). Make your mental approach toward women in the " I'm gonna make a friend " vs " I want to get her number to date her" makes it easier and less pressure fore you and her ( many women get hit on quite a lot, so they are om the defense as soon as they step outside thier door). When I took that approach, i was able to hold conversation easier cause I wasn't in the " next line to feed her" mode. You like comics? Go to a comic book store! ( i met a total cutie but I think she was too young.) Like anime? Hit up an anime convention! Read books? A reading group. Or get on your pc and check out the myriad of groups on meetup.com, i joined but went to few, but since everyone there is for the same thing, it's already a "no pressure " environment. go to a meet and ask her what got her into (......)? and how long she as been in the group? The thing is to get out there, want some inspire watch Shia lebouf and just do it!!!!!!

Swankymcdoogle · 2015-06-28T07:53:55+00:00

Let go... Talking and messing around with women has been, is, and will be one of the most fun things ever. You just gotta get over yourself, or convince yourself that you're a fucking winner. Whatever works, man. You got this.

m1l4droid · 2015-06-28T14:51:55+00:00

Dude I'm pretty much exactly in the same situation. Turning 25 in 3 months, never had a GF. I used to be obese sine 1.5 years ago so that destroyed my confidence, as I was picked on in High school. 2 years ago I started losing weight, then massed up a little, and now I look alright. Not saying I'm Brad Pitt or anything but I don't look ugly. I've even had some girls drop clear signals on me (meaningful eye contacts, one or two even made a sort of approach) but I'm that much of a chicken and has such low confidence that I couldn't even use those situations.

I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone, if it makes you feel better.

MindStateOfSuccess · 2015-06-28T19:29:27+00:00

Hey dude. Normally this is the case where there are at least a couple of bitches that you know and you like. With which you have flirted with, and they had shown you some interest but you learn one day that they are in a relationship with some guy, they fcked the night before with that random guy and anger starts to build, shity feeling of "Wtf is going on here, is it my fault, hers?" If this is the case and the secret hopes of building a relationship with a "safe choice" went to hell then let me tell you that this is happens everywere around you. As a matter of fact, it is the #1 reason that feeds with energy all the industry selling fake love to make money. And not only, it is the same reason which leads girls commenting on their female friends through fb " I love you <3 " blah blah.. Listen to me man, if there is at least ONE girl keeping you behind because you think there are still some chances with her, TELL HER TO GO AND FCK HERSELF, with absolutely no reason. No need for explanations, no need to justify, this is the only way you will understand that it only brings you harm and that this door should close once and forever until you overpass some mental blocks. If you find another way to close it I'm OK with that, DO IT, if not, you know what to do... Once you do this, start going to the gym, wearing some sunglasses, make up your hair every morning and generally invest in yourself. Done? Perfect .. Now go to some f!cking hookers, pay the f!cking money they want, they will worth every penny i ensure you, and get rid of that shity word virgin. IT DOESNT EXIST. Seriously WTF!?! is that word? Do you know what it means? Let me explain, it doesn't mean right now to you the lack of pleasure, it doesnt mean the lack of actually sex. It means 4u right now the lack of experience by all means, the lack of pleasent experiences from high school perhaps, the lack of experiences regarding technical problems such as "Will I satisfy her enough? ". Dude you know what they did, they influenced you to believe that something divine is hidden there. If somebody commited suicided and baptized it as an act of saving his soul would you feel depression if you did not follow him. But have you ever felt how it is to have a 30 years old beautiful woman love you? There is much more divinity there I ensure you. Yes it is true those btches do not shave their pussies everyday for nothing, OBVIOUSLY THEY DO IT FOR A REASON. And yes it is true, they have fucked dozens of times since they were fcking fifteen. Will you fulfill the emptiness that this causes you? Hey man! This phrases should make you laugh! Why? Are there no hookers at the age of 18~19? There are a shitload trust me. Do you think that fucking them without emotion is not the same. I firmly DISAGREE! It might be even better, especially if you like kinky stuff... So once you get those shity titles out of your way, you will understand which is your fcking goal, and all that remains is to build some elegance, charisma which will come to you with time. So dude, put a date right now! PUT AN X in the day that you are going to fck a hooker in your calendar. Press the word escort in google and pick something you like. Put it now not after a while, not tomorrow, right now and prepare yourself soldier! This will be the day that your whole mindset will change. I would recommend a milf for the first time though, and your second or third should be a teen girl. So check that date and do not think about it again! Fcking beautiful girls will become your hobby after that. (Forget about the love experience and all those things, these will come i ensure you with time and they will be 10000000 times better than the shity relationships teenagers build. As I told you b4 you can't imagine how awesome it feels when a beautiful 30 years old woman really loves you. Its honestly amazing!.. But your challenge right now is nothing but getting rid of this shity feeling, becoming from a warrior to a hero, and not because you fucked a slut, who gives a sht about that, but because you overpassed that depression that circumstances created to you ( did I mention to delete the word problem from your dictionary and make it "challenge", if not DO IT :D ). I almost fell in the same trap dude with you, and I know how it feels, so don't hesitate to message me for any questions and I promise to hold your hand in every step until you finally exit this shity loop.

throwawaybazillion31 · 2015-06-28T16:23:10+00:00

Have a seat. Lemme tell you about transformation.

I didn't lose my virginity until 26.
I didn't have my first real girlfriend until then.
Barely even kissed anyone.
I was shy and nervous about talking to girls.

Now...

I pick up girls on the subway and in delis (basically any random situation).
I am rated very well by lovers on various metrics (how well dates go, kissing, sex, tonguing).
I've had a dozen partners over the past 1.5 years.
And had sex many many times with several of them (including a few who were girlfriends for anything from 2 months to a year).

What changed? I didn't feel more confident. I just started to act more confidently. Really. It's that annoyingly, stupidly simple. I kick myself all the time about how easy it could have been. Think of those guys you think of as super confident (the ones who are respectful of everyone, especially women, mind you). Behave like them. Just act as though you are confident. Don't think so much about how you are talking with a girl, or how shy and nervous you may feel, just act as though you are confident. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at the craziness of the situation. Exude fun, even if you feel terrified. The terror will go away absurdly quickly. I don't notice it anymore, I just have fun. I make friends, male or female. I ask out whomever I want to. I am not afraid. I believe you will get it too.

The transformation was not hard work, just a very minor change, and the benefits are unbelievable.

champlu · 2015-06-27T23:02:49+00:00

Have you tried nofap?

Alb3rt01 · 2015-06-28T11:25:25+00:00

I seriously recommend Models and No more Mr Nice guy, But the main thing is TO GET OUT THERE. If you have approach anxiety, Simply go up to a girl and ask for the time and next day ask for the time and then ask how there day is going! You will conquer this Depression, Just remember "This too shall pass", If you want to improve your social skills, Boost your confidence/Self esteem and decrease depression, social anxiety,anxiety, insecurities, Cold approaching is the Cure.

senseisian · 2015-06-28T13:10:33+00:00

Try /r/nofap. It takes away that constant feeling of tiredness you feel during the rest of the day after fapping and it really makes you feel more confident around women due to the fact that your testosterone increases.

jrl999 · 2015-06-28T14:02:52+00:00

/r/fitness

redditisawesomeinla · 2015-06-28T17:31:42+00:00

There are tons of places to meet women: the beach, malls, Tinder... you need to work on your confidence/inner-game first.

endlessallison · 2015-06-28T22:26:19+00:00

Try tinder or something like that to just get the initial deed done with and bump up your confidence so you can meet a girl you really like and know what you are doing

notevenmyfinalporn · 2015-06-27T23:28:07+00:00

Have you tried online dating or tinder? If you live in a city, every single, available girl is on there, and you could go on as many or as few drink dates as you wanted just to get practice being yourself with girls.

nivar · 2015-06-28T14:41:13+00:00

hire an escort and get over the virginity.

I know /r/seduction will tell you otherwise; but I know it will push you way head on learning process because you will get rid of the horrible feeling of being a virgin, which will allow other aspect of your personality shine. (was virgin till 27 so; know what I am talking about)

Sour_J · 2015-06-28T06:34:08+00:00

Book a ticket to Amsterdam or Bangkok...visit red light district. problem solved.

geft · 2015-06-28T10:32:14+00:00

What have you got in your life that attracts girls? Money? Stable job? Confidence? Fame? Independence? If you've got none of those, don't expect a relationship anytime soon. Fix yourself first.

DavidPurple · 2015-06-28T13:48:16+00:00

Read The Game by Neil Strauss. It's a book about seducing women. It's a good place to start. Good luck OP.

DarkGamer · 2015-06-28T15:00:54+00:00

Talk to the next girl that interests you. You have 5 seconds from the moment you notice her to do this. If you don't make that window, move on.

Think of it like the high-dive. If you stand there peering over the edge it's easy to freeze up, if you jump before you think about it you'll emerge amazed how easy it was.

Title	Please don't down vote, I'm a desperate guy in need of help.
Author	seditarr897
Upvotes	175
Comments	88
Date	June 27, 2015 10:26 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3bchj5/please_dont_down_vote_im_a_desperate_guy_in_need/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/please-dont-down-vote-im-a-desperate-guy-in-need.1390227 https://theredarchive.com/post/1390227

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