Question about a date I just had today

seduction-ModTeam · 2022-10-20T17:16:37+00:00

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ef2111 · 2022-10-20T00:37:09+00:00

You did all that you could. She just wasn't feeling it. And that's ok. Maybe you asked to walk her back to her place way too soon, but understand that time was of the essence. So you had to move quick. Eh, there'll be more chicks.

burncushlikewood · 2022-10-20T01:04:46+00:00

Man what stood out to me was the part where you said, she wasn't comfortable telling you where she's staying. This is a red flag, but it's a blessing in disguise because now you know what to work on, you need to build more comfort with her before you close, ways to build comfort, through conversation and touch

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-10-20T04:21:11+00:00

So let me go through all of these one by one:

She's travelling solo, the interaction was okay, she didn't ask questions back but I got her ig.

This is a bad sign She didn’t engage in a conversation with you, she is responding… That’s not good.

I offered her to meet today, wasn't sure if she would, and she actually came, we did coffee during the day because that was more convenient for both of us.

If you want to be just another average guy that does something completely unmemorable, going for a coffee is the way to go, followed by going to the cinema.

We were sitting in front of each other so I couldn't do much kino or anything.

You should have sat next to her, if there was no way to sit next to her, you should not have gone to that place in the first place. You should always know all the advantages of any place you go to.

but we had a fun time and at some point she said she had to go back to her hotel

To me that tells me she didn’t have a fun time if she is the one saying that she has to go first.

I offered to walk her up to there since it was close but she said she wasn't comfortable with me knowing where she stayed,

Doesn’t sound at all like she had fun. She sounds like she just wanted you to leave her alone because she had enough.

I then proposed we walk to my place to get drinks.

Lol, at this point i’m sure she was just thinking “jesus christ this guy doesn’t get it and now wants me to go to his place. He is so clueless”

She initially looked at her watch and said how long it would take,

A woman looking at her watch, is typical deliberate signal they use to indicate she ain’t interested without having to verbalise it with the hopes the guy just gets it.

I fumbled a bit and said it was close 10-15 minutes, and said we could walk and then get drinks and hangout at my place and she said she'd rather just get home and do her stuff.

Yeah dude it was obvious a long time ago she was trying to hint to you, that she just wanted it to end this thing. She clearly did not have fun.

Was there anything I could have improved there or she just wasn't looking for more?

She just went there to see what happens like most women do.

Women don’t have intentions, women just go to see if they feel the chemistry or not.

Women are not like men, women don’t typically plan beforehand whether they want to have sex or not with a guy they met, they just want things to happen spontaneously.

The idea of “my plan is to meet with this guy and fuck” doesn’t even cross their minds.

It’s more like: “He is all right, let’s see if i feel the chemistry when we meet again, or not… and based on that I’ll decide if i’m ok with having sex or if we never see each other again”.

Men whoever go like: “Oh yeah when we meet up, my plan is to take drinks and then ask her to come home with me to have sex. Doesn’t matter how the date goes, my plan won’t change”.

They have already decided what they want and come up with a plan.

Women do not think like that

So it’s not that she wasn’t looking for more, it’s just that she realised you are not what she is looking for in the middle of the date.

Generic_Username26 · 2022-10-20T00:35:22+00:00

She told you that she is not comfortable around you. A girl interested in you wouldn't say that.

And yes, she was most likely there for a lay. Where you just not interesting in her eyes?

learnbyrepetition · 2022-10-20T00:38:39+00:00

I think the date was a little incongruent with the context. She was leaving town then next day (meaning that there’s not much to do than hook up since you probably won’t see each other again) and you guys went to have a coffee, which in my eyes seems more like a less intimate date. I’d probably have gone to have drinks or something that would lead to sex easier.

Besides that, if she said she didn’t want you to know where she lives she was probably creeped out or just wasn’t attracted

SLAVAUA2022 · 2022-10-20T08:07:13+00:00

Ok dude, a few things.

I mainly dated girls in Europe but here are a few things

You don’t know anything from her past. Maybe she was in an abusive relationship before, maybe she was insecure, maybe she was looking for social contact, maybe her period started, can be zillions of reasons why girls want to take it slow or are not in the moment. Maybe you didn’t connect well enough on the date. Here’s the thing if she wasn’t showing much interest at the approach she might not went on your date with “oooh butterflies” but rather with “let’s give it a shot”.
A lot of girls need to establish an emotional connection with you before they open themselves. So girls need to know you are not risk. Women solo carry the risk in such situations like unwanted pregnancies, rape, etc. So a lot of times they try to look for signs that you are not a risk. There are different hurdles to take, for example she will judge you by the friends you have and how youbehave around them. She will get advise from her female friends on what they think of you, if her friends red flagg you then forget about your chances. This girl had none of those opportuntities so she might have opted to take it slow
There are plenty of women that like to go on dates for the social experience or the free meal, distraction, interest in themselves (ego) without them wanting to push it further.
When I dated girls in Ukraine there was the 3 date rule, nothing will happen before the 3rd date, off course there was the exception with some but still.
It all could be a test from her to you to check how much you are into her, did you keep in touch

f69ckleberry · 2022-10-20T03:50:05+00:00

This idea that sex was in the cards if only you didn't blow it... try not to buy into that... sure some women in her scenario are looking for one-night stands, but most aren't, and the ones that are usually make it pretty clear whereas this chick was not giving you any of those signs. She was likely thinking "platonic hang out" from the start,

But this is not a failure on your part... the good news is she was willing to hang out at all, which speaks well of how you're presenting yourself and engaging. It didn't click this time but there will be more times ahead... Look forward to them, they will be fun!

And don't look too far into the hotel comment... That was probably just something she came up with as for a reason to say no to reduce the awkwardness. Same with the other comments starting with "how long will it take"... the specifics aren't really relevant, she was just easing the no, as most nice people will do.

nanoepoch · 2022-10-20T09:32:03+00:00

Here you are, making all of this effort with banter, flirting, etc. that asked her if she wanted to go home with you, and here she is, a young, female solo traveler quickly passing through. Your goals were far from equal and it was bound to go nowhere.

vicvicious420 · 2022-10-20T02:54:03+00:00

I travel and meet up with people on bumble and dating apps all the time to hang out and get a feel for the culture with zero intention of fooling around. Just to make friends. I think she was just trying to kill time not get laid.

vicvicious420 · 2022-10-20T02:54:13+00:00

I travel and meet up with people on bumble and dating apps all the time to hang out and get a feel for the culture with zero intention of fooling around. Just to make friends. I think she was just trying to kill time not get laid.

KaleidoscopePopular · 2022-10-20T07:37:44+00:00

You never should’ve asked her to come back to your place. That is a douche move! If you had a daughter, would you want her going home with a strange man she just met?

DontCallMeTopher · 2022-10-20T01:56:31+00:00

Dude, you got farther than 99% of guys on this sub/IRL. This is a big win, learn from where you messed up and keep it moving.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2022-10-20T01:05:11+00:00

I don't hear alot of girls telling chad that they arent comfortable with him knowing where they are staying.

If she showed up for a coffee date, then proceeded to use the word "uncomfortable", that is a hard pass. You probably didn't do anything wrong, she could have not liked the color of your shoe laces, or the coffee wasn't the right temperature, or the sun wasn't at the right angle, could be any number reasons or none at all

No untethered woman is going to travel solo and be on layover and not try to get laid. If u know she was in a situationship and she claims she ain't looking for anything, that means chad was already waiting for her at her room, and I guarantee he didn't need to do a coffee date to get there

unless she is a faithful wife to a man back home, there is no way she ain't getting none on a solo trip.

AdRough965 · 2022-10-20T12:09:30+00:00

No, there was nothing you could do; You actually did a great job! She was anxious from the get; it just wasn’t going to happen. That has nothing to do with you. . For a short, ugly time in my life, I sold insurance. The most important thing I learned from that job was”if you throw 10 pieces of shit against the wall one will stick”, Meaning if you pitch ten potential customers, one will just say yes. She was the ninth piece.

incognito3107 · 2022-10-20T08:17:02+00:00

Yeah, you didn't hit right spots. It looked completely like a casual activity with a stranger. Probably not much of your fault, as she was clearly not cooperating. Next time I would suggest to embark on something more suggestive and emotional than coffee and conversation. And you need to escalate touch no matter what, it's very tricky to melt social barriers just with words and body language.

Sensitive-Pen7273 · 2022-10-20T12:13:43+00:00

You didn’t pass the shit test

AndyTateIsRight · 2022-10-20T04:42:40+00:00

My personal opinion where you went wrong is telegraphing going to your place

Thin-Cartoonist-9485 · 2022-10-20T01:20:52+00:00

She was looking a hookup....no strings attached

Ok-Soup9567 · 2022-10-20T09:30:14+00:00

First of all good job for taking action. Remember - girls are always having sex with some guy even though they deny it in public. Here’s how the guy who she’s having sex with most likely approached her. You can try implementing these tips:

1) Screen for sexual interest immediately by suggesting going for drinks in the event BEFORE you get the number. If she’s shows a lot of resistance, just cut your loss and move on by doing a “ball in her court” move. You can say “ok take my number and if you change your mind and want to grab drinks you know where to reach me.”

2) assuming she agrees to go for drinks, you’re in a good position because girls do NOT go out on a drink date with 0 sexual interest. They’ll happy accept coffe, lunch and dinner dates wit 0 sexual interest but not drinks.

3) while on the date you need to see how she responds to your flirting. If she blushes, giggles and touches you these are all good signs.

4) make a calibrated move. Assuming she’s responding well to your flirting you have to go in for the kiss. If she rejects your advances just cut your losses and let her go. If she kisses you back, you’re good to go. Invite her home and make a move. If she rejects your advances cut your loss .

The principle here is to (1) escalate (2) see if she’s cooperating (3) either escalate more or just let her go.

IMO taking her on a coffee date was a big mistake because it sets a “friendly” vibe

Wazzock_PP · 2022-10-20T06:11:08+00:00

Sounds like you gave “iso relationship” vibes my friend. As soon as you found out she wasn’t going to be in town long you should have switched up the routine. In that situation you shouldn’t ask for contact info, reason being if she decides to do something she normally wouldn’t “hook up with a stranger cough cough” she doesn’t want that decision to linger in the form of some guy in her inbox for her situationship to later find.

You did great setting the date though! Since you were surprised she showed you must of set set the time and venue verbally to her wich is a dom af move. Something you could have done preemptively though is select a spot in the venue she would have been forced to sit next to you. It’s habit for any one to take the seat across from you if it’s available.

caesarfecit · 2022-10-20T06:17:15+00:00

When you have a limited window to make something happen with a girl, you need to build sexual tension fast and get her turned on. Otherwise why would she hook up with you?

Sounds to me like your initial approach was too platonic and she saw grabbing coffee with you as something to pass the time. Trying to pull fast in a day game context is not exactly a beginner run, because it's hard to flirt aggressively sitting in a coffee shop.

Not a bad practice run, but the logistics would have been a challenge for most guys, especially coming off a flat initial meeting. The fact that she met you was a good sign though, so you probably did something right.

the-narayan · 2022-10-20T09:41:53+00:00

if she wasnt comfortable with you knowing where she lives whyd she be comfortable getting into your place 😂😂😅

was there anything to improve? yes, bail if she shows clear signs of not wanting anything/not being attracted

MrBlack__ · 2022-10-20T10:40:06+00:00

You didn’t ask the right questions before hanging out…

She’s leaving tomorrow… you thought after 1 date she’d go back to your place and fuck you… when she has other parts of her trip on her mind.

Before asking her out if you wanted to sleep with her you should atleast know if she’s busy the next day

debu206 · 2022-10-20T14:22:45+00:00

Alright so next time, suggest beer, drink, touch , laugh, tease have fun and make out as soon as you catch a vibe.

Make the kiss as physically intense as possible.

Works every time!!

AllDayErryDey · 2022-10-20T14:28:41+00:00

It's so nice to hear people are still trying out there. haha <3 I think you did okay! All you can do is try. But, as a girl once she said she didn't feel comfortable you knowing her hotel location then offering for her to come over to your place in an even more vulnerable position may have spooked her off. Not that that's wrong at all. But that's what I might have done. Sometimes is just too soon. Keep trying!

Did you buy her coffee? Or did you guys buy your own? I'm getting older now and as a things get more "modern" I'm starting to feel like I should offer to pay for my own coffee with guys, but it can send the wrong signal. So confusing.

UnclaimedFortune · 2022-10-20T15:48:55+00:00

You live in the city, she’s a tourist, why the fuck are you taking her out for coffee? She could do that in any place. You pretty much wasted her time.

Take her to the most fun place there is or even bar hopping, where you get a couple of beers each time whilst you escalate more and more. Girls just wanna have fun. Talking is boring. Having fun will allow her to increase her comfort level around you. Everyone has seen Dahmer, coffee and go back to my place feels very Dahmery.

Imagine her telling her friends about your date. So you were in this city by yourself, did you meet anyone?

Yeah I met this guy, he lives there and we went for coffee and then wanted to go back to his place..

…

You guys gotta start having more fun. Be honest with yourself, find how much you’re willing to pay for pussy and find a way to have the most fun on a date for that cost. An activity where you’re standing and moving, not seated and eating.

tcwoodj96 · 2022-10-20T16:36:48+00:00

Maybe, just possibly, she didn’t want to fuck a rando who is coming on strong in a city she doesn’t know anyone or anything about???

FramePrevails · 2022-10-20T17:14:08+00:00

You had no right asking her to your place having done ZERO kino.

It's almost disrespectful that you did actually

Shreedhar1206 · 2022-10-20T04:26:45+00:00

Give me her Instagram..let me try !

Title	Question about a date I just had today
Author	Scorchyy
Upvotes	97
Comments	114
Date	October 20, 2022 12:28 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/y8j52t/question_about_a_date_i_just_had_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-about-a-date-i-just-had-today.1248073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1248073

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