Question: Why is it generally discouraged by Seddit to tell a girl that your into her?

mileshigh_23 · 2012-03-19T23:23:44+00:00

It's not always bad but has to come from the right place.

A lot of times when a guy tells a girl he likes her its from a place of neediness. Or causes her to invest too greatly, past her comfort limit.

TofuTofu · 2012-03-20T00:00:39+00:00

I'm going to write a post tomorrow about how to convey sexual intent. Keep an eye out for it. It's important to do so, but the execution is really important.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-03-19T23:39:59+00:00

It worked for you this time, but what if she wasn't sure if she wanted to sex you yet?

You used a high risk strategy. If you're going to use a high risk strategy, you should be expecting a high reward.

Was there a high reward involved? Well, do you think she would have refused to hang out with you if you hadn't told her that you wanted to fuck her?

If you still think this strategy is so great, try it a few more times. I'm sure you'll see that you just got lucky this time. In fact, don't even count this as a victory until you actually do fuck her. She might get buyer's remorse and flake on you yet.

Also, does seddit even discourage showing interest in a girl? That's definitely a loaded question in the subject of your post.

ThePensiveWok · 2012-03-19T23:20:16+00:00

I'm one of the few that makes it a point to let a girl I know that I find her interesting and beautiful right up front. I do this though to show that I'm

1.) secure with who I am and willing to have her reject and not care ( this sub communicates my non-neediness and for most women is a big turn on )

and 2.) It polarizes the girl, this is great because with a girl that's not interested in me I don't have to waste my time and hers by playing little games to only find out an hour later that shes not into me.

But the each his own.

ARealSocialIdiot · 2012-03-20T00:14:05+00:00

It's not as long as it's honest and the girl can believe you. Usually seddit disuades people from going up to their bext friend of 10 years and telling them "HEY LOOK. SUDDENLY FEELINGS," because it literally comes out of nowhere. Telling a girl you like her when you've been doing things that would indicate you want to fuck her is perfectly fine.

imagine_asian · 2012-03-20T01:14:15+00:00

Nice post OP. This cuts to the heart of things in PU. Guys don't say what they really want because it's assumed that they lose their power in the relationship and that the girl will be able to tool them. At that point the guy also becomes no challenge for the woman so she looses attraction.

Example would be indirect game/mystery method type game: where you never openly express interest - "you're hot" etc is no go because then the girl knows why you're there AND SHE MIGHT LEAVE. This thinking is FEAR BASED.

There is a new paradigm emerging. OP nailed it. Say what you're about. Don't be afraid to be shut down. Mark Manson wrote some good work about it, he calls it "vulnerability" a name which makes guys leary of it.

To be it seems much more manly to put things out there and be ready to walk away, than to dance around the elephant in the room for fear of fucking things up.

PensiveWok's post summed up Marks work pretty well.

gabriot · 2012-03-19T23:18:33+00:00

It's not discouraged... it's direct game as opposed to other types of game.

turtle_thunder · 2012-03-20T00:27:27+00:00

If you are going to do that don't ever do it over text... thats a horrible idea

2012-03-20T00:54:25+00:00

I think it's discouraged because noobs do it wrong. You phrased it perfectly. "To be perfectly honest..." is a great thing to say. You're showing honesty, upfrontness, and that you don't give a fuck about rejection

dkismet · 2012-03-20T02:20:28+00:00

I believe woman respond to sexual feelings better than sexual speech. If you feel sexual when you are communicating with her, she will feel what you feel, and you just lead from there. This is the world woman live in. A world of feeling. Men live in a world of space and time, therefor direct, simple communication works for us, and is often preferred. Some woman are okay with sexual direct-communication, but most seem to shy away from it. This is mostly due to the fact that they simply don't want to be judged. If a woman who has been with a lot of guys was seen as a societal standard, this would not be an issue.

TLDR: Woman don't want to be judged by saying they want to fuck you. However they actually love sex, but prefer to be lead there through emotion, a form of communication that society has difficulty spotting/reading/judging.

notsurewhatthisisfro · 2012-03-20T08:11:47+00:00

You didn't do what the pick up people preach against. They caution against those kind of clingy messages that give her the feeling she could do better.

FutureWolf-II · 2012-03-19T23:00:27+00:00

I liken it to this analogy. You're playing poker, you get an awesome hand and have the opportunity to go all in and take what's currently in the pot. Or you could do a little fishing, see who bites, see if the pot gets bigger and more juicier. Can't do that if you show your cards, right? Don't be too eager to go 'all in' on one hand. Wait it out, see where it goes.

Make sense?

OhHaiDenny_Street · 2012-03-20T03:52:40+00:00

Think of it like this: by telling a girl flat out you want to fuck her you are doing the equivalent of telling her the end of the movie. And people already can guess the end of the movie, but still don't like it when you tell them. Why? People like to watch the story and feel like they figured it out for themselves. Hint, but let her Imagine how the story might end.

IV-65536 · 2012-03-20T05:47:52+00:00

In my head, I think there are some relations between fight/flight and attraction.

The same way you could imagine a dude picking a fight is I think the same for conveying intent. You could probably imagine some dude walking crazily and just looks at you like he wants to kill you, and you will start to get a vibe, but he might just be some random asshole who's like that with everyone. However, sometimes people can pull that off really well and really just feel threatening.

But other times, it might be some otherwise normal dude, maybe a little tough or whatever. But, that second he states "I'm going to fucking beat the shit out of you if you don't get the fuck out of my way", with a serious intent, you're going to have a reaction immediately. It suddenly turns the normal, maybe slightly tough random guy into a serious threat and fast.

This isn't to say that you can make any girl feel super attracted by being direct, but I'm trying to say that you'll create a reaction in her. It's not like you are spoiling the ending or whatever.

2012-03-20T01:22:22+00:00

To tack onto OP's question:

How do you convey intent once you are like far into the interaction?

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-03-20T01:58:08+00:00

You tell her when you think of you shown why she should say yes. Friend Zoned guys are the ones who never build the courage to tell her.

TheMangoPeople · 2012-03-20T04:03:58+00:00

I think seddit only discourages telling a girl you're into her for people who do so because they hope it will cause the girl to like them.

You must convey desire. You must not convey neediness.

Easier said than done, I agree.

sonneti · 2012-03-20T11:01:07+00:00

How do you feel when a girl tells you she's really into you at the beginning of a relationship? It is a complete turn off. Don't tell them you're into them it spoils the mystery

Leelluu · 2012-03-20T13:01:03+00:00

I don't know, but your title made me think of Zoidberg saying, "I'm SO in to you," and sucking on the professor's head.

2012-03-20T14:33:46+00:00

You're, not your.

Show, don't tell.

Women aren't attracted to a guy who's attracted to her, they are attracted to a guy who is attractive.

yokhai · 2012-03-20T16:22:15+00:00

It's not about what you say. its how you say it.

I could go up to a girl and gush at her, tell her how amazing she is, how much her eyes glow and how i find her hair irresistible, as long as i say it with a steady frame and play off of it, its cool.

How you compliment a girl is completely up to the emotional state it comes from.

2012-03-20T18:27:41+00:00

Yeah, this isn't what most of seddit means when people say "don't express interest".

Don't say "you're dreamy, can I massage your toes?"

But saying "I want to fuck the shit out of you" is hella caveman and generally encouraged.

2012-03-20T01:59:07+00:00

Because they are little boys playing games. There's a reason so many people say communication is required for a good relationship. It's because we aren't mind readers. We need to tell people things. If you have confidence and if you tell a woman you like her or in to her, she can't fuck with you're head. Either she agrees or disagrees. Be a man and be bold. Women play games, not us.

notsurewhatthisisfro · 2012-03-20T08:08:30+00:00

*you're

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-03-20T03:46:51+00:00

In the future, please direct specific questions like this to /r/askseddit

not-a-jerk · 2012-03-20T04:29:33+00:00

I always advise people to be direct with their interest. However, instead of your wording, I usually go with something like:

Hey, I find you really attractive. If you feel like taking advantage of that, you should; otherwise I trust this won't impact our friendship.

Mind you, I'm not your typical seddit demographic.

Edit: Copyediting.

Title	Question: Why is it generally discouraged by Seddit to tell a girl that your into her?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	57
Comments	65
Date	March 19, 2012 10:37 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/r455l/question_why_is_it_generally_discouraged_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-why-is-it-generally-discouraged-by-seddit.1330121 https://theredarchive.com/post/1330121

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