When I recently found this sub, I was really excited. Someone asked me what I thought about it, and I said

Guys being so motivated to find a female partner that they create a subreddit and spend hours debating the psychology of a female's maze of a mind? In my mind, this is a place where people work on themselves and try to unravel the mystery of the woman - this would be first class date chat for me and I am super excited to read everything you guys say.

I then stirred the tiniest bit of controversy over saying,

I've had 200+ matches and only gone on a date with two hahah. For my girlfriends, this is normal. I empathise with why guys get frustrated.

People replied to me shocked and it made me think, "Right, I need to stop ghosting and actually give a guy the time of day."

In comes JH. A Tinder match who got my number pretty darn quickly. I hadn't thought he was my type at all but I swiped because he looked really fun to be around. We were texting and he asked when I was moving cities (I'm going massively South in 2 weeks, UK). Before I could reply he sent, "Don't tell me. Tell me on our first date."

We head over to Whatsapp and man this boy was so fun to talk to. Just gonna leave this here in case you're wondering what it looked like.

Me: I keep complaining to my housemate that I go to bed too late and yet, hear I am.

JH: Well, neither of us really wants me to stay away

Me: Woah. I just said hear. Instead of here. I'm embarrassed.

JH: Woah. I didn't even call you out on it!

Me: We are really letting our guards down.

JH: Evidently... This is dangerous.

JH: going to sleep If you appear in my dreams again I'll be sure to tell you.

Me: Again.

JH: Again

JH: He pays for tickets for a date I figured if we're going to fall hopelessly in love, money is meaningless really

JH: Wait, your real name isn't Lightergait?

Me: Nope! A nickname. Hate my birth name.

JH: Well I'll keep calling you Lightergait then. So far it's my 3rd favourite thing about you.

Me: What's the 1st and 2nd?

JH: I'll tell you over that glass of wine we talked about.

Me: Only 5/10 hugs please. I don't want to fall in love with you.

JH: I could push for a 6. Then you'd only have bittersweet memories.

I thought we'd arrange a place and time for the date together, but when I asked him what we were going to do he'd already paid for us to go to a comedy club night and would meet me at the station on Saturday evening. Swoon.

So it's Saturday. We walk from the station. I'd promised him a drink so we get that whilst waiting to get into the event. That was the last time he let me pay for a drink (whaaaat). We get into the event early and use that time to tell each other about our lives from womb to present. We quickly realise we may have been cloned (or he was just really good at fibbing). We speak about robots taking over the world, humans gaining superpowers, how he'd trudged through 3 interviews to get a new job and I open up about my racist upbringing and how I broke out of it (he's black).

The comedy act starts and we laugh til we cry. The interval comes and I visit the ladies. I come back to find he'd bought a bottle of wine in a fancy iced jug (I've never been bought wine before!). "Is this all right?", he asks. Ugh, of course it's all right!

The comedy finishes and we head back to the bar for more drinks. He's buying, again. I tell him I need to get the train home soon (I'm from a town outside the city) as the last one goes in half an hour. He says he doesn't want to leave. I take 30 seconds of silence to think and brace myself before I say something that's so un-like me. "We could get a place?" We're looking at each other with slight nervousness but excitement. I did say that nothing would happen, and that it wasn't a hookup. I didn't want that. (Yes, I was an absolute idiot for suggesting this. I will never do this again). He goes onto his phone and books a hotel room. I want to pay my half but he won't let me. We finish up our drinks and leave to grab an Uber. We walk outside and he grabs my hand, leading us to the pickup.

We get to the hotel and everyone can clearly see we are tipsy with no overnight bags. Panic starts to set in. I don't know this guy. He paid for the hotel, and to get me drunk. He wants sex. What the fuck. Do I go? I'll text my dad to let him know and make sure he checks on me throughout the night. But if I don't have my phone near me, what good is that? Shit, my battery is on 20%. I'm fucked. I feel bad for wasting this guy's time if he just wanted sex and I keep asking myself if I made that clear before coming.

Then I look at him, take a deep breath and remember my defence skills (of which are shit). We get up to the hotel room and everything's very... Cosy. I sit on the edge of the bed to take my shoes off and he comes up to me and goes to lean down. "Is it bad that I really want to make out with you?" I quickly put a hand on his chest and push him backwards. "I'm really flattered. That's really lovely. But I'm not comfortable with that yet. In my own time, yeah?" I've been raped before. I say raped... Forced to give a guy a blowjob. Held by the head, sorta thing. I'm ready for this hotel room to be the worst decision of my life.

He steps back. "Yeah, that's fine!" He goes to his side of the bed and starts talking about something else. I'm in shock that he's backed off. I lay down on the bed next to him and we started talking about more things. Our guilty pleasures. Our TV tastes. He tells me I'm 'not like most girls'. I hate that saying because it puts other women down. I say that and he corrects himself. It's sweet. I want to see what 'most girls' look like on his Tinder... He's right. I'm not like any of them (not good or bad, just different).

I'm hungry so we set off to find a place. I don't eat animal products and he's ridiculously chill to eat whatever food I want. We fail to find hot food as it's 1am by an airport. We settle for some crisps and a smoothie to help with the hangover. We get back and laugh more. We switch on the TV and QI is on, one of our favourites (a panel of usually intelligent comedians get together and answer quiz questions in hilarious ways). I thank him for being so respectful tonight. That I know what he might have thought would happen and how it's unusual for me to meet someone that'd be ok in this platonic situation. He snuggles closer. Puts an arm around me and pulls me in. It's comfy. I feel he's hard. He's stroking my leg. We're under the covers now, still fully clothed but I'm sure something is about to happen that I don't want.

I hear him start snoring. I laugh to myself. I ask if he's awake but he's out. I slowly turn down the TV til it's muted and switch it off. I roll out from under his arm, get comfortable and sleep. It was 3AM.

The morning comes and we cuddle to Come Dine With Me (people compete for a cash prize by being rated on their cooking). I tell him I need to get home because a friend is coming to mine for lunch. He tells me he wants to walk me to the station. We chat along the way, light and laughing. We go to say goodbye and I hug him. As I come back he kisses me twice and draws away. I tell him I'll let him know I'm home safe and he leaves.

He knows I'm moving far away and that this can't go anywhere. He knew that before the date. I remind him on Whatsapp amongst flirty messages, and this is how it goes.

JH: I was only half hoping you'd put your entire life on hold for me.

Me: Only half

JH: Only half. I have no regrets

The funniest thing we have in common is that we both use this sub. He's a lurker. I hope he sees this. I have never felt safer with a complete stranger and though I was ridiculously irresponsible I will never forget the night I was taken back to a hotel room and only cuddled to sleep. If it weren't for this sub showing me how hard you guys are really trying to work us the fuck out, I don't think I would've said yes to going on this date! In retrospect, I know what JH must have been expecting. I really respect him for not getting annoyed when I kept it platonic.

I hope you stayed til the end. I don't have many people in my life that I would want to tell this story to with the way it's written, so I came here.

Edit: things I have learnt from this sub and the date

  • Fun guys make me do stupid things. I am so lucky that this will be a good memory.

  • Good guys exist. This should be common sense but it's hard to remember that sometimes.

  • Don't ghost guys. That's not very nice.

  • Girls do and say completely different things. I shouldn't under-estimate how much going to a hotel will send a more powerful message than, "This is not a hookup".

  • I should take chances on people I don't usually date more often.

  • A comedy night is a fabulous date idea.

  • I used to claim I didn't care about being wined and dined. I was wrong. Ugh

TL;DR This sub motivated me to go on a date instead of blowing people off. Had the most amazing time where I was a complete idiot and went back to a hotel with him. I was unusually shown complete respect after being wined and dined. Date is a lurker here so I hope he sees this.