Why does being inexperienced make you feel so nervous and hesitant with women?

NunyaBidnizz68 · 2020-12-20T13:24:31+00:00

How does one gain experience? Say you're not very good at kicking a ball. Would you get better at kicking a ball by not kicking a ball, or by kicking a ball?

So...

Venture forth and try.

Try pick up lines. Try "Hi I'm [name]".

Try being mysterious. Try being direct.

Try pretending you have all the answers. Try telling the woman she makes you shy and nervous.

Try loud and high energy, try being soft spoken and low energy.

Try a drunk night in a bar. Try a sober night in a bar.

Try coffee shops, book stores.

Try making jokes at others expense, try making jokes at her expense. Try making jokes at your own expense

Try touching early, try touching late.

Try asking for a threesome. Try asking for marriage.

And when you're rejected (which will happen) remember to focus on the positive, release the negative and most importantly - laugh.

Ensifror · 2020-12-20T14:39:34+00:00

Subconsciously you believe those women are worth more than you are because society treats you and them that way. Because you believe those women are worth more than you are, you don't feel like you're worthy of talking to them.

Its not easy to deprogram those decades of learned experience.

Experience and effort teaches you that's not true. Which is why experience makes it easier. Lack of skill comes from the same lack of experience.

Ur_X · 2020-12-20T13:19:23+00:00

“Need experience to work, work to get experience”

darbyisadoll · 2020-12-20T15:34:48+00:00

Talk to a woman like you would talk to a friend at first. Or like someone you’ve met and would like to be friends with. Ask them about their interests. Once you know each other you can ease in flirting.

Ask before you touch. “I’ll see you later! Is it alright if I give you a hug?”

“Hey, would you like to go out sometime?” “Great! When are you available?” “Friday? What about 7? I can pick you up or would you prefer to meet me there?” Exchange numbers at some point if you haven’t already.

Dates can be just about anything. What were her interests earlier? Fun dates can also be really cheap too. Things like art crawls, nature hikes/walks, museums. Movies aren’t great early relationship dates because you don’t get to talk. You can go play pool or darts at pub or bar, but don’t get drunk on dates. The old reliable is to just share a meal and talk.

Best way to get comfortable with someone is by spending time and talking to them. Try to spend less time focuses on what they think of you and what you think of them. Are you enjoying this person’s company? Do you want to keep getting to know them? What’s their sense of humor? Is that a good fit with yours? Do you have shared interests?

Icy_Elevator_7886 · 2020-12-20T15:33:47+00:00

Read coach Corey Wayne's book or listen to his audio book, it will help open your eyes to so much! It's called 3 percent man. He had a YouTube channel which is epic! It has changed the way I date!

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-20T14:43:17+00:00

Because it takes experience to ignore or get rid of the feelings that accompany approaching someone for almost no reason other than you think they're attractive and want something from them.

Totally normal to feel that way otherwise.

Cliffbreaker-d · 2020-12-20T14:56:23+00:00

For the same reason you get nervous with a new hobby: you imagine the worst case scenario because you never experienced the best case scenario.

Just change your mindset, not just for women but with everything new you want to try. Don't think about failing, even if it might happen subconsciously. Think actively about what nice things can happen. Imagine how your life gets better if you rock it first try.

alamurda510 · 2020-12-20T15:31:40+00:00

Because she's accustomed as a hot girl to getting attention and not needing to lift a finger to get laid. You, on the other hand, are a man that has to prove himself.

Her reality will trump anyone who hasn't matured. Once you can find your own purpose, passion and meaning it won't phase you at all.

Not saying you won't get nervous, it's normal, you just won't be shitting your pants at the thought of making eye contact with a hot girl.

KungFuKG91 · 2020-12-20T18:43:23+00:00

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Healter-Skelter · 2020-12-20T18:53:04+00:00

I always try to keep in mind that sex isn’t some sort of theatrical “act.” We use words like “perform” but ultimately what sex comes down to is two people following their instincts and fulfilling each other’s pleasurable desires.

This means you have to live in the moment. If someone wants to have sex with you, it usually means that they like you being you. They want you to be vulnerable and real for them. Vulnerable doesn’t mean weak or anything like that; it just means that you are doing what feels right to you in the moment (and hopefully that includes going out of your way to give them a good time too).

When I get sex-anxiety it’s usually because I am not truly 100% comfortable with that person, yet. Part of romance is being attentive to your partner’s particular emotional needs and mental status. Some people take more time than others to get comfortable, I’m one of them, that’s why I prefer relationships over one-night-stands, and will only engage in a one-night-Stand if there’s some real chemistry happening.

I’ve had sex with people where I kinda regretted it after and it was because I wasn’t ready to be my true vulnerable self with them, yet. As a mostly straight guy, I had to learn to say “no.” A couple of times I explained that I wasn’t quite ready, or for other reasons decided I didn’t really want this sex. It’s a very empowering decision and a good partner will understand. ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND or SAY NO.

Hikaru_Now · 2020-12-21T01:53:52+00:00

Say whatever you want .Create feelings in her. Start subtle start on shoulder then tease and touch playfully.Make touch fun so she gets comfortable.Set up a date be a fuking man and lead her tell her where y’all going. On date get to know her feelings what she likes and tell her cool shit about you.Get out of your head and let it flow .Its not normal.Quite your mind breath let that shit go and just be.

Teechan · 2020-12-21T05:44:21+00:00

One thing to keep in mind - every person you deal with is a whole new person, completely different from the rest. You’re starting from ground zero as if you’re...inexperienced with them. This is true no matter how many dates you’ve had before. Chill and go with the flow.

fergo1993 · 2020-12-20T16:10:07+00:00

Your central nervous system likes predictability because it has a decreased chance of getting you killed. It doesn’t like surprises and unpredictability because that can get you killed. Staying inside those walls is your comfort zone. You have to walk your CNS through new experiences to prove to it that this new scary situation isn’t going to be potentially fatal. Although you don’t generally get less afraid in all situations, but you do get braver.

WanyCaleb · 2020-12-20T14:32:59+00:00

It's part of the process; each interaction with women should or make it such that you learn something new(or try it) I.e. experience. Live and learn, am I right? With time, you'll get better.

dandieg0 · 2020-12-20T19:20:49+00:00

Own it, tell them you’re inexperienced and let them take control. Learn from them.

Ravenclaw106 · 2020-12-20T15:25:45+00:00

Honestly as an inexperienced female (seriously I've never had a boyfriend) i know how you feel. But honestly just go for it. They're only going to say no and you won't be any worse off for it other than your ego taking a lil hit. But you'll probably be surprised that you find people being like okay sure

exuberancemethod · 2020-12-20T18:21:29+00:00

All these comments have accumulated into like a deep conversation about life, the self, and the philosophy there of

Fuckit_weball · 2020-12-20T16:16:59+00:00

It’s definitely helpful to have some women friends! - it can help you get in the headspace and used talking to women and they can also give you more personalized advise! Aside from that it’s always good to just shoot your shot and try! The worst thing to ever happen is that someone says no - and you need to weed through the no’s so you can eventually find your compatible yes! Covid times definitely doesn’t help the situation right now, but things will get a little easier in time! Remember to just be yourself and be patient with the process, when you find someone you’re compatible with, your worries and anxiety surrounding the subject will fade. Just like any new experience (like a new job or going to a new school) the experience and such seems scary when you first start out- but with time and practice these things become much more relaxed. Good luck to you!!

nemyrae · 2020-12-20T16:07:52+00:00

I do feel the same way about men

bizop792 · 2020-12-20T16:31:25+00:00

It because you have no previous experience to go on. I use to be really anxious about going to bars, but after having gone to enough of them and feeling anxious but pushing through anyway, eventually you know what to expect and you learn small things like how to pick a spot or how to order a drink. Now I really don’t have a second thought about it because of the exposure. The only way to get better is to take some action and use trial and error. Just realize you will feel awkward and out of place sometimes but eventually you will get the hang of being social and it will become something you won’t think about.

clajobe · 2020-12-20T18:09:01+00:00

Make good eye contact. Don’t let your eyes wander.

joebuck125 · 2020-12-20T18:21:29+00:00

The comments offering a variety of methods are bang-on the money. The bottom line/bigger picture is that there’s no one-size-fits-all method to connecting. To some extent you should project a bit here: how are you different from those around you? So by extension, so are your potential partners. Certain things can certainly break the ice but it’s important to remain conscientious and attentive to the particular “her” and not dismissively assume anything. And be yourself brother. Don’t strive for some idealized, perceived appeal. What’s meant for you will always be meant for you, the trick is figuring out what that actually is and embracing those qualities in your own self that best accentuate and demonstrate that to the world around you. Be the best version of your own self in order to attract the best possible companion. That’s my two cents anyway. Godspeed, amigo.

skinisblackmetallic · 2020-12-21T00:09:25+00:00

This perspective can be tempered by keeping a couple things in mind:

Women are just people.
You can just find someone you like who also likes you.

It's fine to get more advanced but for someone with those questions, it's kind of helpful to just get back to middle school hand holding level for a minute.

DomDaBomb98 · 2020-12-21T07:08:18+00:00

Literally my exact same thought process. It's to the point where I dont have the confidence to put myself out there or to try at all due to my lack of experience. I know I cant again experience if I dont try and go for it but knowing I have zero experience really makes me afraid to try, feeling like I will do something horribly awkward

ssss_ · 2020-12-21T08:28:07+00:00

I don't know why. But the thrill of nervousness is exciting for me. Embrace the adrenaline.

CsabaRex · 2020-12-20T17:23:53+00:00

Maybe because you don't know yet that being rejected is not such a big deal. 🤷🏻‍♂️

justaboywithquestion · 2020-12-20T18:35:37+00:00

You answered your own question in the same sentence. INEXPERIENCED!!!

Algok2001 · 2020-12-20T17:38:07+00:00

For me I think it's because the amount of dumb motherfuckers from men that we know deep down, one wrong move and she'll block and go on her merry way because her experience is different. While you may be innocent, she wouldn't see it as such and tbf if I were a woman I wouldn't too.

DJGammaRabbit · 2020-12-20T18:28:36+00:00

State of mind plays way more into your entire life than you’re aware of. Emotions too. Thoughts = emotions = response. Don’t respond to negative thought. Do respond to positive thought. Women are negative enough, act your vibration.

cupofcitrus · 2020-12-20T19:06:00+00:00

Inexperience excites me. Now I've gotta walk you through everything and you're all nervous and whoops maybe I'm the female version of those guys who go hunting for virgins.

UncleGrga · 2020-12-20T20:13:16+00:00

Everything involves sucking in order to get good, including human interaction.

Driving a car, kicking a ball (like the top post in this thread mentions)

You have to understand there is a learning curve and embrace it rather than being discouraged. Most new things in life that are exciting are gonna be scary, and you're gonna suck at first....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7RgtMGL7CA&list=PLSQEnpAFdR3x1GO8l4eBgQ16Kg3GavG-F&index=1

Hellspawn9821 · 2020-12-20T20:53:40+00:00

What's so scary about driving for the first time?

What's scary about your first job interview?

Why do we get scared of animals we aren't familiar with?

It's because you're inexperienced. Us Humans are creatures of fear. The only way we find it in ourselves to have courage, is to have experience. It's our baseline, you aren't in any way behind, you're normal. Just do trial and error and you'll learn something every time, even if it wasn't your intention to learn something; you will.

raimondi1337 · 2020-12-20T21:21:22+00:00

Fear of the unknown is a basic trait of sentient being.

next_deen · 2020-12-20T21:49:55+00:00

We re all inexperient. We all doubt ourselves. We ve all made a fool of ourselves in some circumstances. You should not feel like you are different in this matter nor worse than others. Hope this helps

indoorimp · 2020-12-20T23:26:34+00:00

Fear of being judged and mocked instead of encouraged and aided. We see it so much. We grow up with a penis but we need to know the ins and outs of a vagina. But they can just go to a sex shop and purchase the right size with knowledge of their own bodies until they want to give a guy an opportunity. It is thoughts like that which may cause some doubt and insecurity, especially when you don't have sex often or at all.

TravonM · 2020-12-21T00:08:46+00:00

You will more than likely feel nervous when you’re inexperienced no matter what it is (not just with women). That’s normal. When you do something you’re not familiar with it should make you nervous or scared, but if you look at it in a positive light it’s actually excitement that you’re feeling. Anyway, the more experience you get the less nerve-racking it will be. You get experience through consistent exposure to that stimuli.

Okayhi33 · 2020-12-21T03:10:50+00:00

An age reference would be helpful here... are you under 18?

Sexpillowprincess · 2020-12-21T03:54:58+00:00

Depending on the legality of your age and where you live, this is something a professional sex worker could help you with. Much like learning anything new, getting hands on training from someone with legitimate expertise will make you feel a lot more comfortable. Imagine the difference between working with a driving instructor vs listening to a friend recount a story of driving or seeing a scene of someone driving in a movie.

dalek55 · 2020-12-21T04:36:11+00:00

Same ive only asked one girl out and it was only linda i just asked for her snap and when i asked she smiled and i got scared idk and ran litteral ran ps i apologized but becouse of that she ended up get rid of me a month later

samlpe · 2020-12-21T04:57:43+00:00

Just read some books and practice. Practice will help a LOT

FalconVita · 2020-12-21T06:41:16+00:00

Fear is only state of the mind.

Jaja_Aureolin · 2020-12-21T06:45:39+00:00

It's an issue in the fight between truth and fantasy . You don't want what you think you want , respecting women means dominating them and that does not mean forcing them to behave masculine so that you can wear a metaphorical perversion (mini-skirt) , rather sexual love is as real as it get in human relationships . Meaning you'll never get the first sex to gain experience in the first place.

Monkey eyes are creepy by default , no two ways about that .

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2020-12-23T01:04:50+00:00

Because you don't know it's actually easier than you think. At least you don't know that yet

Title	Why does being inexperienced make you feel so nervous and hesitant with women?
Author	alamurda510
Upvotes	617
Comments	124
Date	December 20, 2020 1:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kgtm6m/why_does_being_inexperienced_make_you_feel_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-does-being-inexperienced-make-you-feel-so.1428428 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428428

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