Why should I approach?

Bachelor4ever · 2025-06-08T13:48:38+00:00

For me, its not just about getting women. Its a challenge for myself: overcome approach anxiety and just learning to have seductive conversations.

I think its somewhat important to be less focused on the outcome and just enjoy the process

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-06-08T14:00:24+00:00

Clearly u have self worth problems.

And yes. The way u care yourself can change women opinion about you.

I remember once I got jacked. I would just always wear tank tops. Literally everywhere. I thought I looked good and wanted to show off.

And obviously I went to clubs. My friend told me “Seriously u wear this?” Or some other guy in club said, “Who comes in club with tank top?”

Some people would give me strange looks. But I didn’t care. My confidence was through the roof, it didn’t bothered me at all. I was just happy to have a physique I always wanted.

I got approached by woman first time. I made out first time. One older woman sad find me later. Even random guys approached me asking about gym stuff and giving compliments. It’s like I had a cheat code.

I always thought that this new gained attention was due to my physique. And I don’t deny its contribution.

But what people were attracted was the confidence I had at that time.

Btw I am 5”7.

chips_and_hummus · 2025-06-08T14:56:04+00:00

Yes, body language genuinely changes perception

No, that doesn’t mean you can easily get the most attractive woman in the club

Doesn’t mean you can’t pull attractive women

Defiant_Spread8459 · 2025-06-08T13:51:32+00:00

BP final boss. Let's try to talk from your perspective. You say you are a short guy blah blah. Okay none of us can change how you look or your low self esteem, but aren't you tired of living like that ? Don't you think it would be better if you gave it a try ? After all you are saying that you still don't get girls so why not give it a try there's nothing to lose.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-06-08T15:15:10+00:00

- I am 176cm (5.8) I appraoch because while i get rejected many times, i also get succeses here and then for trying enough. I don't take rejections personally.

If they were genuinely attracted to me, wouldn’t they give me signals like eye contact or come closer to me?

Because women signals are on the one hand very stuble, almost impercetible. They might give you one quick glance in one second, and then look away immediately. You try to interpret her glance, and if you are in "avodiing risk" mode, then you look for reasons as to why she didn't really indicate interest even if she glanced at you. you start interpreting her glance as too serious, too aggresive, too intimidating, almost with disdain. or you tell yourself that it was an accidental glance, and then try to look for a second glance. And assuming she might give another one, that second one is completely deadpan. She looks at you for another brief second, but her expression is not clear enough.

When you want to avoid rejections, embarrassments,... You won't simply accept any subtle signal, you wan't guarantees. You want absolute certainty that if you take the risk you won't be rejected. And if you don't have those guarantees, then you won't bother because your priority is saving yourself from potential pain, rather than seeking connection. Connection is secondary to you, what's important is avoiding pain. It's your brain telling your that the risk of pain isn't worth the potential pleasure.

And then in order to cope with that you tell yourself, well women were not giving me signals. They were, but your brain chose to interpret the uncertainty of their actions as not interested.

Men are simply nto good at catching singals. They are not. because in their mind a signal has to be obvious. But iin a woman's mind a singal is always ambiguous. Unless the guy clearly is super syper hot, top model from a magazine. But let's be real here, most guys you see are not top models from a magazine.

And most importantly, insecure guys always think they are less attractive than they actually are. That is not to say they are secretly handosme and no one told them, i mean that they are not as repulsive as they think they are to women. They are rejecting themselves, because they feel they only have a right to feel good about their loos and themselves if a woman validates them and that's on them and their upbringing.

- What would they get out of being with me when they could easily be with someone better-looking who boosts their ego?

Women get ego boosts all the time, and while it feels "good", they dont date guys who simply boost their ego. Because what people value most above all else is genuine authentic connection. Someone who sees them for who they are, who values them for who they are, who understand them, who they can relate to, wo they can click with and talk about everything and have fun together.

You think someone kissing her ass all day and puts her on a pedestal, is gonna really fulifll a woman emotionally? Women are humans dude! They seek connection just like men. Why would you want to be with a girl who all the time is worshipping you, praising you, boosting your ego 24/7 but that's it? She treats you like you are god and her superior, but deep down you have nothing to talk with her, you have nothing in commun, you don't really enjoy being with her because you and her don't like the same things, she is just sitting in your phone and boying down at your presence? That's not a partner... it almost feels like boot licking and manipulative as if she wants something from you.

You seriously think that's what women want? Not being able to share her problems witha guy, or talk about anything because all she wants is constant praise of how superior and hot she is? Is that what your mother wanted from your father? Come on man. If that¡s all they wanted why even get in a relationship, just post photos on instagram and get all the validation from dudes in the world, none of which she dates because they are boot lickers she doesn't

- Why even bother?

The problem here is that you want to avoid rejection. I don't avoid rejection. You think rejection is the worst thing ever. I don't think it is. I don't get complimetns from women or clear signals from them to approach. I approach because i don't give a fuck about getting rejected and i want to try anyway because my mood doesn't get ruined by getting 10 rejections or 20 in a row. I can easily brush it off, because i interpret rejections as lack of connection, not as lack of worth.

You however probably can't handle even one rejection and immiedately hate yourself and that's a problem of your psyche due to how you were raised by your parents. You lack resilience and self-worth, so that's why you ask "why should i bother trying", because clearly if you try and fail you go into depression. Not everyone who gets rejected gets deprresed believe it or not. That's some therapy stuff you need to overcome.

So i try because i got nothing to lose. You don't try because you feel you've got to lose what's little left of your fragile self-esteem. And that's due to you using women as tools of self-affirmation, where you interpret a woman liking you as proof that you are worth something, and a woman not liking you, something you interpret as proof that you are worth nothing, or not good enough. And that's not treating women as humans or your equals, that's treating them as judges of your worth. A role they did not ask you to give them. Because dating isn't a place to measure someones worth. It's a place to seek connection.

KoleSekor · 2025-06-08T15:16:13+00:00

Has a 5'7 guy ever hooked up with a hot girl? Of course. So it's by no means impossible. I think it's more common than you think. So the question is, how'd he do it?

Well, women love a guy with big balls, so he probably approached her confidently - especially in his nonverbal communication and tone of voice. Women also love a guy with a backbone, so he probably passed her negativity bias and any of her tests confidently. Women love a guy with a sense of humor, he probably made her laugh. Women love guys who they have to work a little bit for, so he probably challenged her. And women love guys who know what they're doing logistically, so he probably knew how to close and seal the deal.

Substantial-Bad-4508 · 2025-06-08T14:11:00+00:00

Check your testosterone level. When I see what I like, I go for it and let my instincts take over. There is NOTHING to lose but much to GAIN.

If your testosterone level is normal, then evaluate your level of self-esteem and go on from that point.

My evaluation is that you have low self-esteem. You think too much and mentioned your height (irrelevant).

You can use your short stature to your advantage. People may wonder why you have alot of self assurance despite being short.

You have a brain, so use it instead of falling for these stereotypes (excuses) because insecurities and fear is what is holding you back.

ArmorAbsMrKrabs · 2025-06-08T14:24:14+00:00

Approaching isn't a panacea. There's a lot of guys who will spout shit like "bro, just approach her, your confidence will get you laid!"

The truth is, approaching is not a source of value per se. It's a value delivery mechanism for your looks, vibe, and energy.

If you struggle with social skills and/or you're not that good looking, it is going to be an uphill battle. Especially in clubs/bars where it tends to be more blackpilled, as there is an emphasis on casual sex.

I'm tall and slightly better than average looking. When I started I struggled immensely with vibe and social skills. It took me over 1000 day time approaches to get laid.

Now to answer your question, you should approach because it will build your social skills and confidence as a man. And you might get laid along the way.

But it's not easy. Learning to approach women is the hardest thing I've done in my entire life, no exaggeration. Most guys can't handle the heat in the long term, and that's why most men who try approaching quit.

Back2theCouture · 2025-06-08T15:53:16+00:00

I totally get what you’re saying. Your post implies that “attraction is not a choice” which has been preached even by some PUA gurus. So your take on it totally makes sense from that pov; why approach if they’re never attracted to me in the first place it’s gonna be useless.

This is why I disagree with the phrase. It is a choice, even tho it’s not a choice that is consciously made.

From my experience I once got physically attracted to a woman but once she started talking I was like “oh shit, she’s horrible” not to mention with her high pitch voice reminds me of The Nanny tv show.

Or the other way around there’s this colleague of mine whom i thought was just a mid. But when I picked her up to a gala with her full dress and makeup, my jaw dropped and I got a full boner after physically hugging and touching her. I realized all this time she’s just dressed very casually barely any cleavage shown; she changed herself from a mid to a solid 9.

VelvetSinclair · 2025-06-08T18:48:58+00:00

He said, "Hey, sister, it's really, really nice to meet ya"

I just met this 5-foot-7 guy who's just my type

Like the way he's speakin', his confidence is peakin'

Don't like his baggy jeans but I might like what's underneath them

If pop stars are singing about how much they love guys your height, your height is fine.

I'm 5'7. Does it make things harder? Sure. But a marathon and a sprint both have the same finish line.

Also, get fit as fuck. There's some research showing women are more interested in lean mass than height. Tall guys generally tend to have more lean mass, but if you bulk up then you're even.

FeelLikeVoldo · 2025-06-08T14:33:37+00:00

You have limit beliefs pal. If you talk to a woman she’d feel that you limit yourself and she’ll also limit you. I’m 5’8 and sometimes I out game taller guys. Women say this and that but it’s about what they do. It’s the confidence of taller guys that gets them through doors and that’s probably why you see them making out with girls or hitting on girls alot. A lot of shorter guys limit themselves.

sophist16 · 2025-06-08T16:04:04+00:00

Approaching is the last thing you need to be worried about right now my friend.

You have some serious work to do on yourself before you worry about approaching anyone.

Talk to your father. This is a conversation for him, not Reddit.

jackthehat6 · 2025-06-08T15:02:12+00:00

cold approach is literally tinder, except it's in person

So yes, you're kinda right. If you approach a random hot girl who hasn't given you an indicator of interest, then well...you cna guess what's gonna happen unless you are her physical type

edit: I'm not saying to not cold approach. I cold approach all the time because I know if I approach enough hot girls, i'll end up approaching one who thinks i'm good looking, and from there it's pretty damn easy

But yes, just know that true 'cold approach pickup' (not waiting for IOI's) is a super low odds game (unless you are super handsome and tall etc)

Either_Sundae6099 · 2025-06-08T15:23:04+00:00

Are people seriously suggesting that my body language in a club could somehow change a girl’s mindset and make her want to be with me?

Lets try an experiment, next time you have a job interview, or just go into a shop, create the most negative closed off awkward body language you can, and tell me how it goes.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-06-08T16:58:35+00:00

You approach because it's the most efficient and organic way to meet people. You are talking to real life people. Probably way over half the accounts on OLD are AI bots. Plus, you can more easily display your personality IRL. Being direct and in the flesh is a more confident and memorable first impression than hiding online. Don't worry about your height. You'll find someone.

ResentCourtship2099 · 2025-06-08T21:38:16+00:00

Because men having to be the ones to approach women is a role that men will always be stuck with whether they like it or not and I get more angry and people say you don't have to approach women but you get to and while I don't entirely disagree with that it does feel like have to in the sense that if a guy doesn't want to be alone and celibate.

Yeah men will always be stuck with that role whether they like it or not even if it means having awkward interactions or cringe interactions that results in getting perceived as weird or creepy or making women uncomfortable and the guy was just completely unaware of it and was just clueless as to what he was doing was wrong

topher_atx · 2025-06-09T00:35:59+00:00

Don't fall into the trap of thinking only tall men can have success with women. Tall guys do have it easy because women do kind of like height, but tall men are rare and there just aren't enough of them to go around. My advice would be to ignore tall guys, and don't compare yourself to them (I say this as a man who is 5'8").

With that being said, attracting women isn't easy. For the most part, women prefer meeting men through warm introductions from mutual friends and acquaintances, so cold approach is always going to be more difficult. Women are also often worried about guys just trying to use them for casual sex, so many women will just reject everyone who approaches. Women also have lower sex drives than men so they're somewhat less thirsty for us compared to how thirsty we are for them. And last, attractive women get a lot of attention from men, so they get a little overloaded with incoming interest sometimes.

But the good news... people typically end up pairing up 1 to 1 in the end. So despite how easy it seems women have it, realistically the supply and demand for long term relationships is even. Where the tremendous imbalance lies is the demand and supply for casual sex.

If you focus on making sure you are in peak physical condition, 10 to 15% body fat, put a little muscle on your frame, and you make an honest effort to try and meet women, I guarantee you'll have success. However, you can't be a coward! I went out last night and ran into a friend of mine on the way to my favorite bar. Once we were inside I made my way to the back patio and started dancing with some ladies on one of the tables (this is something that goes on regularly at this bar, dancing on tables). Despite my encouragement, my friend would not get up on the table and dance with us. He behaved cowardly, and the women could sense his cowardice. He went home with no phone numbers, and no prospects for future dates. So the lesson is, you gotta get out there and have some courage AND make sure you look good so women will be interested. If you look good but are a coward, you won't have any success. And if you look like shit but have courage you also will have no success. You have to look good, and have courage, and then women will be interested.

Dorsiflexionkey · 2025-06-09T01:27:44+00:00

Honest feedback?

Where are you seeing this advice that says "just be confident and approach." that's like 1-2 comments per 100 comments on reddit. The main advice is that you need to maxx gym, career, personality, hobbies, goals, looks. All that other shit comes later, including women. And that's the only advice you need.

You're telling me about tall guys, attractive girls and minor approved advice. It tells me you have a confirmation bias. Also, that just approach thing is real.. after you've made the first steps of maxxing out. Think of that approach thing as a reward to all your hard work, not something you just wake up and do cos ur bored and lonely.

>would they give me signals

Fuck yes they would. this happens exponentially more when u put in the work tho.

>body language

kind of. straightening your posture doesn't automatically make girls fuck you. but having a good posture and body language is indicative of... you having put in the work

>advising others to have confidence

Because you're mixing up confidence with arrogance. That's the root of all your confusion.

Think of it this way: Confidence = Competence. You can fake it till you make it if you want, idk how far that gets you I've never tried it. Or you could put the work in and know you deserve it, and when times get hard you won't fold.

good luck big guy.

BigEmptyHeart · 2025-06-09T15:00:35+00:00

I am 5'6 and I have hooked up with girls in nightclubs...

once for example I was in a club with my friends, I turned around to grab a bottle that I smuggled into the club and as I was drinking it, this really hot girl was just standing in front of me and looking at me chugging the rum. I offered her some, she said she drinks beer so I grabbed us a couple of beers and I danced with her. 10 mins later we hooked up in the middle of the club.. oh and... she is 3 years older than me and she is a personal trainer in a gym. she is beautiful.. It's not all about the height.. or even looks, it's the confidence and manners

shakespearediznuts · 2025-06-08T15:30:01+00:00

Always go for signs of interest. Don't chase like a desperate headless chicken while you got out. It's pathetic and those who advice you to do that are sending you to a cliff.

In terms of confidence, don't do it for the others, do it for yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin, that's the key to live an easier life.

Title	Why should I approach?
Author	mix3456
Upvotes	5
Comments	23
Date	June 8, 2025 1:44 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1l6ci1g/why_should_i_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-should-i-approach.1554243 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554243

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