Why You Have No Friends

airmcnair06 · 2013-04-17T22:11:43+00:00

This is just making me feel worse about myself. I try to arrange meet ups and outings all the time, I always invite and include people, and I treat them with a genuine interest (basically applying everything from Dale Carnegie's books). Most of the time it doesn't work out because people cancel. But even if it does work out and we have a great night out or something, the interest is never reciprocated. I know how to make friends and I'm frankly very good at it, but nobody wants me as a friend. Always initiating and never getting anything in return for it is hard...

I'm glad the advice does help a lot of redditors though.

TheCuriousDude · 2013-04-17T18:46:27+00:00

AFCs expect people to invite them to shit (i.e., expect girls to ask them out).

Confident dudes take initiative.

fr33tim3 · 2013-04-17T19:11:36+00:00

Seven months of Reddit Gold! Have you ever seen more than that?

ctskifreak · 2013-04-17T21:53:23+00:00

I have a great group of friends, but his point still stands especially for me - I never initiate. Always waiting for that person to come along. Holy crap, what an eye opener.

Wiskie · 2013-04-17T23:01:12+00:00

I can do it with people I know, but I'm not very good at just plain asking people to hang out until I myself feel comfortable around them and I'm sure they feel comfortable around me.

In fact, I think my biggest problem is that I'm a "sitter" and not a "roamer/seeker" (in the sense that I'm naturally inclined to be reserved and distrusting until I'm familiar with something/someone) and it takes me a loooooooooooong time (like, months in the case of my latest roommate and I'm still not all the way there yet) to feel comfortable around people and "be myself."

There are only a handful of friends and family members whom I really feel comfortable around, and whose rejection I do not fear.

Seventh_Planet · 2013-04-18T00:22:31+00:00

I read it as

Why You Have No Friends (reddit.com)

But seriously, a good read and sound advice.

SSOLM · 2013-04-17T21:42:33+00:00

That dude opened my eyes..Moments like this make me glad i discover reddit..

Nathan561 · 2013-04-18T00:15:49+00:00

What if you do invite people but they never actually go through with it? I make plans with people and they never do anything...so i stopped

Canlon · 2013-04-17T23:18:18+00:00

yep, i can identify with this.

a slightly lighter approach can be to ask what people are doing, for the weekend for example, and just ask if it's okay to tag along. people wont be calling you up ever weekend to see if you want to tag along, you have to show some interest too.

I haven't really tried to arrange anything with the few friends i have, maybe i should.

hotpajamas · 2013-04-18T07:49:38+00:00

TLDR; offer value. don't leech it.

2013-04-17T17:46:00+00:00

So fucking true.

benmarvin · 2013-04-17T20:48:33+00:00

Very good insight. One of those things seems obvious once you hear it, but most people with that problem have no clue. I know I'm guilty of it on more than a few occasions.

MassacrMan · 2013-04-17T22:47:24+00:00

Holy crap, I'm an asshole.

t3h_kommand-0 · 2013-04-17T23:41:36+00:00

but what if you dont want any friends

Dan-Man · 2013-04-18T03:46:00+00:00

This drives me crazy every day, I get no texts from anyone and I feel like I'm out of the loop. I just try to remain positive everyday of my life and I often exchange to my friends about going out but they don't want to. I slowly get depressed and then go in a deep depression where I believe that I shouldn't exist. It's just hard for anyone to gain friends when I have a social anxiety and countless times over analysing anything. I've tried to make it to bars but then I get harassed and harassed again. I feel lonely and it never ends. (I was bullied in middle school - high school)

2013-04-18T05:17:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

hobo_mark · 2013-04-18T05:28:15+00:00

Now, I do not have any either, and I get invited to stuff which I always turn down (hell, I'm asked out by girls without even trying and I never follow up) BECAUSE NONE OF THESE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH AND I PREFER TO DO STUFF I ENJOY FOR MYSELF. I do not regret any of this because I do not sit down waiting for random people to invite me go waste time with them. My point is, as always, make your own happiness.

Elodrian · 2013-04-18T11:54:28+00:00

I read this and realized that it kind of applies to me so I was thinking I should apply this lesson and arrange an activity with a half dozen people when i the realized that, out of all my colleagues and extended social circle, there aren't six people in my geographic locale that I want to spend an evening with.

I haven't made any new friends since university (5 years ago) but that's only a problem if it inconveniences me somehow. I don't feel lonely and I like doing things I enjoy doing without having to wrangle a bunch of other people whose company I am indifferent to. I occasionally get invited to events and I tend to experience them as ordeals which I then escape from at first socially acceptable opportunity.

Where do you find compatible people to go on adventures with after university? Everyone around me just like hockey and tv and outdoorsy things.

CountViolencia · 2013-04-18T13:23:11+00:00

Wow thats like the best advice i have read ever.

philosarapter · 2013-04-18T16:56:19+00:00

Eh. I constantly do things and invite people out... its just that no one ever says yes.

monkeycheez · 2013-04-21T03:04:11+00:00

Hmm how do i see the actual op's post?

Title	Why You Have No Friends
Author	EwbPUA
Upvotes	353
Comments	66
Date	April 17, 2013 5:15 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cjlil/why_you_have_no_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-you-have-no-friends.1350795 https://theredarchive.com/post/1350795

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