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[–]ddrj 57 points58 points59 points 4 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
I 100% agree. Have you noticed all the "new" ways of the current dating options for men? There's online dating, social circle game, Instagram game and some other shit.
With online dating, you're fighting for 20% of women against 80% of other guys. There's a huge disparity in the amount of men outnumbering women by a massive scale, not to mention the algorithm. Make no mistake guys... these are apps made for profit and to get you to spend your money in hopes you'll get some/more/better matches.
Social circle is wayyyy too much work for such little results. The amount of money you have to spend, the time spent managing expectations, events and drama between people... It's just not worth it.
And don't get me started with Instagram game where coaches are now preaching to use IG ads to promote their page. I don't even want to broach that subject.
But yet so many guys these days gravitate towards these failing or low return methods. Why? Because most guys take the easy way.
It's easy to download an app. It's easy to spend some cash.
It's not easy to take a risk and escalate . It's not easy to have to approach.
It's way more difficult to risk your ego, put it on the line and risk a rejection that hits you right in the heart. The learning curve initially for cold approach is also more difficult. Way more moving parts, way more practice, way more having to learn about women, trying to understand and having to empathize, learning how to build a genuine connection and FEEL.
Or how about having to overcome your deepest fears of rejection, humiliation, spotlight effect or a multitude of other shit? That's what it really stems down to. Most of us gravitate towards magic pill solutions because our root cause is fear.
It's so ridiculous that we have soldiers jumping from planes into battle who are afraid to approach at a bar. Or established doctors in charge of a ton of people who give to society that for the life of them can't talk to someone they find attractive.
I'm a cold approach advocate. I love cold approach because it's hard and yet so rewarding at the same time. I can approach anywhere at anytime.
Every time I overcome approach anxiety, I feel like a GOD because I challenged myself and won. Every time I approach, I am shocked because of how easy it was compared to all the negative bullshit predictions I created in my head prior. Every time I pull, I feel alive because the moving parts aligned but I still had to be creative. Every time I'm on a date building rapport with a beautiful woman, I feel a deep sense of connection that I just cannot get with friends or family. And best of all, every time I do cold approach, I am free to choose and they are free to accept or reject. But at least I have control of who I choose.
I love cold approach. It's been here before me and it will still be here after me. I couldn't escape it so I learned the rules and now I play the game to the best of my abilities.
[–]ftdrain 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
A poetic defence to cold approach. Quality of girls being considerably higher is a major point for me. I do more than fine on OLD, but I only got the 8+ experience by approaching (albeit with the aid of alcohol)
[–]finallypickup[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why don't you work on the alcohol bit bro?
[–]bigmanpav 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with OP. Work on the alcohol issue. I find I have the opposite. I am less coordinated and decisive under the influence. Drinking is fun with the boys but not when sarging
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]amb56 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude…. I really don’t mean to be rude by saying this, but your emphasis of the effects of failed approaches sound like projection. I, too, have felt massively insecure and defeated after being rejected, but that was during times in my life where trying to get girls was all I put my energy toward. Can’t put all our eggs in one basket.
When you have a well balanced life, rejection doesn’t hurt as bad. Sure we were rejected, but that rejection shouldn’t mean losing our sole source of well being and satisfaction. Depending on success with women to be happy aint the way to go.
To be happy healthy people we need to diversify our interests somehow. Hobbies, interests, community. In having a big, interesting life, getting rejected isn’t the end. It helps give perspective that not everyone will like you, and that’s okay, because there are still countless women out there that would consider us an absolute catch.
This is not to discount reading and practicing dating and relationship principles. It’s important to learn and be self aware, but if I revolve my whole life around pickup stuff, what else do I have?
Personal growth and development looks different for everyone, but we absolutely must prioritize it over trying to attract other people.
[–]NastyMonkeyKing 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you're preparing for failure. And you'll manifest and find whatever you think about. Idk rejections get easier and easier for me. I still haven't pulled since I ended an LTR but I'm getting better and better and it gets easier and easier to do it without thinking. Then i assess later when I'm alone and tweak my process a bit for next time. You have to learn how to not internalize the rejection. That's another skill you build, handling the rejection and not seeing it as rejection like that.
Issues 1 and 2 are not issues. Issue 3, do something about it. Idk that one limits you a lot but you can change that. Or work towards changing it
[–]5_7pickup -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wouldnt cross off IG game aka social media game so quickly. Social media game and OLD are scalable. Cold approach aint.
If you can create amazing content via social media, you can use that to attract women. Look up coachpatrickred and justinmarc. They do it pretty well imo. Pretty much try to copy dan bilzerian.
[–]finallypickup[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hell yeah insta game is great as a supplement to cold approaching
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's a cowardly mindset. Meaning you don't think you deserve a compliment. What kinda girl wants to be with a guy who doesn't think he worthy of a compliment
[–]macroxela 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would argue that if that's your experience with social circles, then either you are doing something wrong or you are in the wrong social circle. The majority of people hook up and meet their significant others through social circles.
[–]joos11 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I needed the reminder tonight. Thanks man.
[–]spiderSlayerr 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
in my little research im realizing that tinder works for men/women who are both 10/10 or who are both 1-2/10. the rest will not fuck from that app.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
2/10 men/women are not deluded and give each other a chance coz 2/10 women were never used by Chad for fun and the men know they have to date their equals. i know about some 2/10 tinder couples in fact. the 2/10 women apprecaite any attention and dick they can get. im about an 8 and when im lazy i go for a 2\10 tinder woman. in d future instead of doing so i think ill pay a hooker 50 euro and fuck a 9/10 instead of tinder bullshit
[–]videogames_ 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You can do all forms to balance your time. Online dating and Instagram game is for when you’re on the toilet.
I'm not saying you can't get laid any other way, just that comparatively nothing comes close. Of course it's cool you have some microscopic chance to link up with a chick while you're taking a shit.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad someone finally said it, instead of the happy positive nonsense I keep seeing get posted
[–]3HoursSober 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm ugly as all hell, best to live my life out alone rather than try cold approaching
[–]finallypickup[S] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your mentality, not your looks, are your issue my friend.
Also bro, unless you have really nice clothes that fit you well and show good style, and are in fantastic shape after lifting consistently for more than a year, don't ever say anything about being ugly and using it as an excuse. Tell me, are those things I mentioned the case for you?
[–]Current-Weather-9561 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Not true. If you don’t have a social circle, you’re fucked. Cold approaching is a last resort
[–]bytheninedivines 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you really want to live your life relying on your social circle, or do you want to grab life by the balls and meet the women you actually want?
[–]Current-Weather-9561 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Social circle for sure. Much easier and higher success rate
[–]5_7pickup 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Social circle game is so trash. By the time you meet one single attractive girl via social circle game, I would have met 100 via night game.
It’s terrible ROI for the time you invest.
[–]finallypickup[S] 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly bro don't even think 100 to 1 is accurate. more like 200. Certainly if you're filtering for attractive girls in social circle
[–]5_7pickup 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exaxtly. Unless you social circle consist of a bunch of club promotors, rich playboys, or dan bilzerians, idk how you can beat cold approach.
[–]Current-Weather-9561 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Night game with your friends is the best way.
[–]5_7pickup 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not really, I do the best when Im solo. Almost all my results are from solo night game. Refer to my field reports
[–]finallypickup[S] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Social circle is a great supplement, but it still boxes and limits the amount of women that you meet by an insane amount. The key here is choice, which via social circle, you have little. Cold approach let's you talk to Victoria secret models, so long as you spot her in Starbucks... How big does your social circle have to be to be able to rely on it to bang and meet new women REGULARLY? I feel like the answer is way too big
[–]palguy22 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You make a great point, cold approach gives you the freedom that other options do not.
One thing I'd disagree with though is direct openers, you mentioned "hi you're cute" I personally think this is an awful and generic way to approach women that can come off as awkward if you don't pull it off well.
Going indirect is better 99% of the time
[–]finallypickup[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Except if you're saying something indirect to a woman you just met on the street or in a cafe you're already not being genuine. You don't really care about her shoes or the book she's reading, you think she's sexy, so tell her. There's a very small percentage of women, that you cold approach, that would've fucked you if you had started with something like "how bout them Knicks" vs just telling her you think she's attractive. The overwhelming majority of the time, it doesn't really matter, so don't complicate things by confusing the woman as to why you're talking to her. Look at this new social animal video at 5:40
https://youtu.be/n2AkjaE1bv0
Look how confused the chick is because the dude didn't want to just admit he thought she was cute.
[–]palguy22 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not necessarily, I cold approach to become a more sociable person and making conversation even about the most banal things can be considered genuine just for the sake of socialization. People literally talk about the weather just as an excuse to socialize.
I've tried direct approaches alot in the past and it generally leads to worst results while indirect has a much higher success rate. Plus you have to consider the fact that if you stick mainly to direct approaches you will definitely develop a reputation as a seedy guy on the prowl for women, this is not what daygame should look like, it ruins the reputation of the whole thing and scares off men from approaching and trying daygame.
Personally I'd get bored and start to feel sleazy and lame if all I did in my approaches is go up to women and call them cute or tell them I'm into them... You leave everything on the table and no room for conversational skills or subtle flirting. The type of women who appreciate this bold approach are a minority.
[–]jayjonas1996 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I’m still under the impression that cold approaching like this is creepy (fuck the mainstream media) and because of this I’m trying hard to crush it in gym and get muscular so I’ll be labelled a creep less Get jacked + dress well + have game and confidence = everything I need for cold approaches
[–]finallypickup[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's creepy if you're creepy dude. If you don't understand what no means, or you can't read obvious signs that a girl is uncomfortable or not interested in you, yeah you will be creepy. But the thing is, you can do everything right and STILL be creepy. To someone, at least. Are you going to let that stop you? I'm not. The experiences I've had since starting this shit have made me feel more alive than throughout my entire life. I don't care if occasionally a girl thinks I'm creepy, she's wrong, and she's not who I'm looking for anyways.
Read Models by Manson if you're interested in that topic.
[–]jayjonas1996 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re right and yes that book is on my list, thanks
Like dude, I've done plenty of approaches where it's clear the chick is not comfortable and I simply ask "is it cool if I walk with you for a minute?" Guess what, sometimes they say no. No sweat, I turn around and wish them a good day.
One time, something like that happened where the girl initially rejected me, she was a cashier. She later looked me up on Facebook from my name on my credit card and we went on a date lol. Me simply being cool with the rejection and going about my day made her turned on and curious enough to go through all that effort, finding me on Facebook, and feeling secure enough to meet me.
It's fucking scary to be a woman bro, you need to understand that deeply and be able to empathize with them, especially if you do this stuff when it's dark. As a dude you generally are not worried about stuff like rape right? But women are. Can you imagine how fucking terrifying that is? walking down the street and then someone fucking kidnapping and physically violating you? So yeah, that is a way bigger risk for women. Men are stronger by nature. You need to be very, very aware of that kind of stuff, in my opinion, and if you think you might be making someone feel uncomfortable and that they want you to leave, there are elegant ways of asking, as simple as "is it ok if I walk with ya?"
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
fax. elder player here.
[–]HighFunctioningADD 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I couldnt disagree more. Theres more ways to meet woman than to cold approach.
Half of my success has come from meeting woman through social circles not cold approaching.
I'd say it's a 50 50 between social circles and cold approaching from my experience. But even the cold approaching I do isn't really "cold approaching". Its more just "approaching"... as in speaking to woman in bars and clubs that I happen to bump into
[–]finallypickup[S] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't know you, someone has to be an outlier. But that's exactly what consistent results from social circle is. An anomaly. Most guys don't have such an insane network to constantly be getting laid from their social circle.
Approaching at bars/clubs IS cold approach. Cold simply means that the person you are talking to is a complete stranger with no mutual friends presumably.
[–]HighFunctioningADD 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay then maybe I cold approach more than I think and get cold approached more than I realised.
I always imagine cold approach as day game because approaching in clubs/ bars etc is just second nature
[–]RossManPirate 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I am 21, and i workout, have hobbies, but i somehow never approached ever, I think first i will have to find a good job and internship, then i will go in dating, anyways , girls will leave me, if i am not earning enough, so i will wait for sometime. I am open to criticism, so if you think i am wrong, feel free to tell.
[–]finallypickup[S] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's about priorities and what you want in your life my man. I was a virgin at 21. If money and career is more important for you than sex and love to the extent that you don't want to work on both, that's your call. For me they are equally important. There's no use for all my money if I'm alone, no women, no friends.
[–]RossManPirate 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
the thing is , I don't have the feel , how can one think of dating and love when one is worried about finding internship, its simply the I can't date if my other life is not sorted
That is totally fair bro, I'm not knocking you at all. I have career stuff sorted at the moment so I'm free to think about other areas
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]finallypickup[S] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol fortune 500 even... Couldn't just say building a successful business. I mean anyway, that's cool, not really going to help you with women. Don't feel like explaining but I have experience with that specific thing. It's a small boost, once the girl already decided she might fuck you or will fuck you.
[–]finallypickup[S] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And anyways, I mean romantically fucked. If that's not important to you than you're good. But if you're in r/seduction, that's not you.
[–]Legal_defender8900 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
okayy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So every guy that's single in this position is building a fortune 500 company? 🤣
[–]VNF420 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Or you can build yourself a social circle and do warm approach. You will have much more success with that since in cold approach you only have a max 5% chance of success
[–]finallypickup[S] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the equivalent of buying a farm to grow lettuce instead of just, you know, buying some fucking lettuce.
[+]N7FAN4EVER -8 points-7 points-6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Troll
[–]finallypickup[S] 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm a troll because I'm telling lads to cold approach on a seduction forum. Right.
[+]P7o7s7t7a7l -8 points-7 points-6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"Fucked in the head."
To clarify.
[–]finallypickup[S] 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Please leave our community
[–]elkashino 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or u have something meaningful to add or don't.
[–]tlthang 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hi, you are cute but I am not gay
This is so true. Yet the thought of action is scarier in this place than inaction.
[–]Ryu_Saki 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I dont really like cold approaching sure it is a really great way to get fucked on but that's pretty much it atleast for me. I would only use this method to fuck but not to get into a relationship with someone because it feels fake. I would rather do that from social circle since i already have a rougue idea what she likes, its just a gamble with cold approaching and for me that's a waste of time.
But if it works for others then good for them.
It's equally random with social circle. People are people.
That's fair, this post is aimed at the majority of the countries in the world where it is not a death sentence to speak to a stranger, like the US and most of Europe.
[–]Tannerite2 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The options aren't just cold approach or online. Plenty of people have success with social game.
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