Married male friends have become NPCs.

Reflog1791 · 2023-10-12T00:46:42+00:00

Seems most of us were NPC’s until we had to go through divorce.

techrmd3 · 2023-10-11T22:44:47+00:00

Wives do not want a new Bachelor to tell stories of freedom and loose women to their men.

They don't want you to talk about Fight Club.

It's VERY VERY hurtful. But it's the way it is.

Rare is the situation where the man says heck with that I'm supporting my friend.

Going through this I will be better a better friend to anyone needing support going forward.

Xan-Diesel · 2023-10-11T22:48:31+00:00

Lots (most?) of us were like this. I've been on this subreddit for several years now and the countless stories mostly sounding the same can't be a coincidence. Many of us seem to be raised and conditioned to mold ourselves into utilities. We want to provide and be needed and wanted for our utility. We associate all of the oil changes, house repairs, dirty plumbing jobs, yard work and long hours at work to be reflective of our worth and indicator of the love we have for our families.

Doing these things and maintaining the house while doing the chores all have a cost. This all requires time and energy as well as discipline. As a result we have less time and energy available for "non-critical" activities like our hobbies or spending time with people outside of the family. Over the years the breakdown does its work in the form of our friendships disintegrating and our self-worth being completely wrapped up in a life (and with a woman) that likely isn't appreciated or wanted by anybody but us. Combine this with the fact that the vast majority of us talk about how unloved, unwanted and unappreciated we felt before it all ended and we end up becoming husks of our former selves.

It's a difficult thing to realize and accept. Trying to help our still married friends and explain these things are often taken as insults. Think about how much of your identity was wrapped up in that family life. They'll feel attacked and they don't like that. Eventually most of them will probably end up divorced and will likely understand, then.

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2023-10-12T00:52:36+00:00

Married women see divorced/bachelor men as a bad influence to their husbands. They see it as a dangerous thing to their stability.

idiskfla · 2023-10-12T00:03:16+00:00

It happens. Depending on how old you are, they may come back to the fold once they’re at a dead end in their careers and or their kids move out of the house.

Admittedly, when I was married, I didn’t prioritize spending time with my single / divorced guy friends. It was usually talking about married life with other married guys or doing couples outings together for actual in-person get together.

Your priorities as a single or divorced guy are sometimes just really different than those of a married guy. Moreso if the wife is overprotective (doesn’t want hubby hanging out at a bar with single friend).

It’s really true: a divorced male in his 40s and up is the loneliest creature on the planet.

captainchippsixx · 2023-10-12T01:10:38+00:00

They should watch strong successful male. Being a blue pill husband always turns out bad in the end. Wives lose respect and love once they are giving the leadership reigns.

rsmiley77 · 2023-10-12T11:55:14+00:00

it is so important for guys to have guy nights. Women freak out about them because they feel we will never come back. it's actually good for them to be reminded of our worth though. The hardest part may be that us guys love our routines and random 'guy nights' are not part of that.

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2023-10-12T11:57:38+00:00

The part your complaining about seems to be confusing agency with responsibility and communication on a whole.

Not to say it can't swing to the level of absurdity cause I have seen people who have to check in for needing 15 extra minutes or to spend $5.

smiley032 · 2023-10-11T23:52:22+00:00

Part of having a wife and family. Raising a family and being home with your kids takes all of your attention and effort until the kids are older.

WartimeDad · 2023-10-12T00:47:46+00:00

Yeah I lost a whole lot of friends to this phenomena.

Ncfc48 · 2023-10-13T18:42:43+00:00

Hear this all the time from my mates and work mates so sad but we were all there at some stage well most of us we don't learn until we go through what most of us have

Ncfc48 · 2023-10-13T18:43:49+00:00

This is a great post guys and so true

Zapped2311 · 2023-10-12T12:18:56+00:00

I dunno, man. I'm of the mind to believe friends are going to remain friends, married or not. Not every married couple I know is miserable, and to me, part of being a friend, is respecting their marriage; if they're happy in it, great! If they can't stand it, great! I'll listen either way, I'm just saying: their marriage is *their thing, I respect it, and I already know we're not going to be doing every Friday night like we used to... priorities change!

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2023-10-13T01:38:20+00:00

Or maybe they are just using the wife as an excuse not to hang out with you.

😂 my husband does this sometimes when he doesn’t want to do something or go out with someone.

Ethereal-Mage · 2023-10-23T02:49:09+00:00

Married I preferred golf and separated I prefer golf. May sound selfish but that's where my time goes. I only have 2 buddies that golf but can't get out to play as often as me so we just don't catch up. I didn't want to hear about the family kid crap then and I don't now. I must be an odd man out for that. Now when I was in my 20s early 30s and bar hopping that was a different story but I'm trying to climb now.

Title	Married male friends have become NPCs.
Author	QuietVisitor
Upvotes	53
Comments	29
Date	October 11, 2023 10:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/175r4h2/married_male_friends_have_become_npcs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/married-male-friends-have-become-npcs.1234825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234825

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