I feel forever stuck

regertsrus · 2024-12-17T04:38:24+00:00

It feel like your asking "what's the meaning to life"? You have to give it meaning.....

Coffeguy649 · 2024-12-17T02:32:52+00:00

Man, you spoke my life word for word. All the way down to the Wellbutrin.. I feel your struggle and feel your pain, every day feels like going through the motions, and dating I put at a halt after 1.5 of random dates and hookups. Sex, and nothing more. My longest fling was 6 months. The only things that get me through is knowing my kids rely on me. Now my ex similar to you, had a serious relationship with in 4-5 months and are still with together, do I know the guy? Nope, don’t care to if I’m being honest. I don’t want to be with my ex but the fact she was able to jump back into a “normal relationship” so quick never sat right with, plus she makes everything a living hell. I’m terrible dad, POS, even though I have them 50/50.

Stay strong, we got this. Things have to fall in place and we will get that feeling of gratitude towards life eventually.

Puzzleheaded-Yam1718 · 2024-12-16T22:14:49+00:00

Gratitude

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2024-12-16T05:13:56+00:00

Ur a failure in your own eyes only bro. God doestnt see u like that. Pray and u will get through this, not only that, u will get it all back and much more. My divorce felt (to me) like the end of all joy and happiness, and then I get a woman 7 times the person my ex was. Sounds cheesy but it's true. Every day I am thankful for this new life. And don't settle for girls that u know aren't your style. Wait, and watch what crazy cool things will happen. Peace

Motor-Net434 · 2024-12-16T04:29:53+00:00

Therapy

probebeta · 2024-12-16T04:00:32+00:00

It does suck but you just gotta keep pressing forward. I've set some pretty high goals for myself, I do have a vision of how that future could look like but it's stressful and painful. 50% of the time with my kid doing the dad duties, playing Legos, trying to work on the side biz after he sleeps, then feed him, dropoff to school and rush back for meetings on my day job. It's a freaking nightmare but I do believe that this rapid too will end and I'll reap the benefits of work I'm doing

hazalo9 · 2024-12-16T00:57:53+00:00

I feel the same way and have been thinking about this recently. Have been separated for 2 years and divorcing one. It's the dopamine of enjoying family life. I miss the nice home, food smell and kids welcoming me home after work, sharing and hearing about our days with the ex. I was proud of working for the family, now it's not the same. I don't know what the future holds but hopefully i can find it again. For now I'm working to achieve financial stability and see what happens. Good luck bro!!!

CorporalCabbage · 2024-12-16T00:51:37+00:00

Ok, I’m going to try. I don’t know you, so this is all guesses.

I get the impression that you are a checklist kind of guy. You are trying really hard to make sure that you are “doing” all the things you’re supposed to, but to me it comes across that you are not connected to yourself, like you’re not digging into your feelings and asking why they are there and what they could mean for you.

For example, do you ever stop and allow yourself to FEEL the emotions you have? Like, sit in them and name how they feel? Or are you concerned with the just redirecting them so they change into something else?

I do lots of journaling and it helps. When I have an intense feeling, I notice it and breathe to try and slow it down. I talk to myself about where I feel it; is it in my heart or my stomach or my shoulders? Vocalizing this helps bring the feeling from your limbic system into your prefrontal cortex, so you can begin to use a bit of reason to dig deeper. Find out what these feelings are really about. What are they attached to and what do they mean for you? For me, that’s when I can start to explore different ways of viewing them that are more constructive and useful, that take into account all the good things I’ve done and continue to do. By writing down this entire process, it slows down my thinking enough that I can see the structure of my thoughts. It helps me know myself better, so I can be more compassionate with myself.

Maybe this is too basic, but do you actively practice gratitude? It sounds like you have a lot of good things in your life, but you still feel hollow. Like you are looking for something outside yourself to make you happy and give you permission to feel satisfied. You are the only person who can make you truly happy and fulfilled, and it involves being a friend to yourself. Are you a friend to yourself? Do you actively support your thinking like a buddy?

You’ve been in therapy for a while, so you have probably tried all this. Putting these self care and self awareness practices into, well, practice is new to me. Sometimes I’m able to turn my day around and better my thinking, and it’s an amazing feeling. I still have TONS of bad day and hours (still new into the divorce process), but I’m really itching to be helpful to someone. Tons of people have been helpful to me at work and in my real life, and it’s very humbling.

I love, LOVE my therapist. I’d be adrift in a sea of chaos without her. I’ve been seeing her for the past year and a half, while the divorce has only been initiated about 2 months ago.

techrmd3 · 2024-12-15T23:46:48+00:00

well comparing yourself to your ex and her apparent "stable" relationship post divorce is not really fair to you.

Here's the statistics - 83% of us divorced people will remarry within 3 years of divorce, upon re-marring 75% of THOSE re-marriages END in divorce average life of re-marry time? 7 years

With these stats firmly in place you have to realize that it's likely that your ex jumped to the first pole she could get serious with and had she didn't think about the long term implications or she would have held off getting serious after a recent divorce.

So in actual fact the EX is likely with a MAN who feels about HER like you feel with your "she's good enough for right now" woman... see how this works?

NEVER EVER think that the "show" or the "drama" of new relationship or marital bliss is anything more than a carefully crafted facade. This woman that the other man is "serious" with for 2 years... is the same woman you knew dated and married.

Was she great during dating?... sure she was! Later after marrying her was she LESS THAN great? sure she was!

This new 2 year guy still has to explore territory where you already know all the destinations... if he knew what YOU KNOW... he probably would not date her.

HolyWhip · 2024-12-15T23:02:23+00:00

Do you feel like you still miss what you had with your ex wife, when things were good?

I'm seeing a girl now too who I like a lot. But I have some concerns, which I feel like aren't on her, but me. She's just not my ex wife, shes better in a lot of ways... I'm just so used to my ex wife, the dynamic, the ease that we lived together, that this feels really strange... That and I think she wanted to move things faster (she stays over for days at a time) and we haven't been dating that long yet. So I feel like it's too fast too soon... And I kind of wish she had more going on in her own life (with me being less of the focus). I'm just not ready to go this fast yet maybe.

smart_capybara · 2024-12-15T22:42:06+00:00

You are describing the future me. I have no doubts this is where I am headed.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-12-15T21:08:33+00:00

I understand the feeling. You have to start working on yourself. There’s going to be days you feel stuck, ask yourself is that how you want to feel all the time? Of course not then get to work. Work on yourself.

If you’re going to do the same thing as you been you will get the same results. Wellbutrin won’t fix your problems, you have to.

You’re not a failure. It’s a set back, be that guy again. Be the guy who future you would thank you rather then waste the days dreading away.

YesterdayFormal4359 · 2024-12-15T20:22:24+00:00

Same boat, stuck in a state I wouldn’t live on otherwise because my daughter (4.5). STBXW’s entire family lives here (she currently moved back in with her parents). Mine are many states away. I also have opportunities with my career to live abroad which I must pass on as well.

ideastoconsider · 2024-12-15T19:39:54+00:00

If it makes you feel better, I went into a new relationship after the divorce. I was her white knight and soulmate. Sex was of course amazing. Over the course of the subsequent year she continued to devalue me to the point I was a shell of myself. Then she began cheating on me with a coworker, lied all to hell about it, filed a protection order to force me out of my rental to try and keep it a secret, then brought that same man over to stay with her since. Still have to pay the rent and utilities.

Take your time being single. US women are in a crazy state of entitlement and selfishness right now. You could be much worse off 😂

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2024-12-15T19:39:13+00:00

It’s hard. It’s not going to be easy. But there has to be some small change you can make, career or social, to start to change things.

You aren’t a failure. You are doing 100 things right. Unfortunately it’s going to take 102 or 103 to make that change. Hang in there.

capnjackstation · 2024-12-15T19:23:47+00:00

Hang in there you’re not alone in feeling that way. I actually relocated here for my ex’s career. She upgraded her job and then decided to upgrade to a coworker. Her family and friends are all here, mine are hundreds of miles away. I have the kids 50/50. The only reason I’m here is because we divorced in this state and I want to be a part of my kids life. I wouldn’t live here otherwise, too small and the jobs here suck. I definitely feel like I’m in limbo and she gets to live her best life with the AP.

Luckily the judge handed her her ass in court and I was awarded the majority of marital assets. It’s very tough to not say eff it and go live my best life but I can’t bring myself to do it while my kids are still young.

Title	I feel forever stuck
Author	LuvDonkeeButts
Upvotes	35
Comments	40
Date	December 15, 2024 7:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hezp2d/i_feel_forever_stuck/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-feel-forever-stuck.1538587 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538587

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