Not doing ok anymore

SimonTheo · 2026-07-18T16:56:37+00:00

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Definitely rely on your support network. Friends, family, hell even strangers helped me get through my separation and divorce. And definitely get a good therapist.

The other thing is to really work on yourself in the meantime. Work out, eat right, get healthy, and do some self help books/videos/workshops. I grew a lot in the months after it all went down. Hang in there bro I promise things will get better.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-07-16T23:18:33+00:00

Well, let me tell you how I've met plenty of women that have had their husbands die or kill themselves (after finding about her cheating) and none of those women were particulary shaken. In fact, they continued to date the AP. The only one's permanently scarred were the kids.

I've met a woman who lost a baby and a husband in an accident and not month after that was partying in a bar I frequent very skimpily dressed.

You will probably care about your ex until you sleep around enough to fall for the next woman as you are stuck in the "my person" mindset, and in shock from the betrayal trauma.

Fan_of_Sanity · 2026-07-16T22:36:06+00:00

Plenty of guys here can give you inspiration, but based on this post and a glance at your other ones it’s clear you need more than we can offer; you need professional help.

Get your ass to a qualified therapist ASAP and start working on yourself.

Partners can be amazing and can enrich our lives, but every one of us is a fully-formed human who can thrive independently if we need to.

koskesh122 · 2026-07-16T22:23:41+00:00

Well bud, join the club. 1. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate. 2. 90% of all divorces initiated by the women. • Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you. 3. 90% of custody awarded to mothers. 4. False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts. • You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.

What to do now?

Settle your case ASAP. • The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
Find a hobby.
Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
Hit the gym daily.
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and anyone who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for their kid if you leave.
Travel once a year.
Read books like No More Mr. nice guy
Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube. • Learn to forgive your ex. This will set you emotionally and mentally free so you can begin enjoying life once again.

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-07-16T22:23:16+00:00

Bro, first im very sorry, second, don’t give her any more of your mental processing bandwidth, she simply is just not worth any of it, you are having major adversity, adversity can build character and help you to become a greater man than you ever were, you can do this bro, fuck her, she can have her karma, best way to get back at her is by rebuilding yourself into the undeniable.

mistake-number2 · 2026-07-16T22:03:08+00:00

Ive been there. I had a little angel in my dog. She actually stopped me while i had the gun positioned right. That night i cried harder than i ever had. After that, i caught myself gettin drunk a good bit, until i came to my senses. If i stayed on that road, i would have never acomplished anything else.

I say this to let you know that it does get easier. Its a bumpy as road. There will be good days and bad days. Just have to make it second by second on the bad ones. Keep fighting.

PlatypusExisting5317 · 2026-07-16T21:53:36+00:00

I’ve been through the exact same situation. I had suicidal thoughts, but I didn’t end my life. Let me be honest with you: after a couple of years, you will laugh at why you even thought that way. You will laugh because it’s just not worth it. Time really does heal. As men, we've all been through this—feeling lonely, sad, and losing family. We just have to take it; there’s no escape.

I’ve talked to a suicide hotline before, and there really is help out there. Go find something you love to do. Games, hiking, fishing… anything you genuinely enjoy. Just go have fun with it. Once you get through this difficult time, you won’t think about suicide anymore.

Kris_P_Saus · 2026-07-16T21:31:40+00:00

Yeah I thought I hit bottom when this all began. Turns out life was waiting to throw me a shovel to go farther. I made the very difficult decision to go to inpatient this Monday and asked that several of my family members and friends agreed to call on Monday to keep me accountable to that decision.

I’ve been saying that since separation, this isn’t about us or her, it’s about me. I’m the fucking prize, everything else is extra. My identity/purpose has been so wrapped around her, now that she’s gone, what and who am I. This is the opportunity for you to get that too.

Stay strong. Get off the sauce. Go outside. Have someone on speed dial and go get help.

Much love

Dick_Serious · 2026-07-16T21:17:59+00:00

when you're going through hell, keep going. I lived by that for 2 years. its simple, but not easy.

you have to trust that this will pass, because it will. keep going.

Rileslay · 2026-07-16T20:56:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

itsme1278 · 2026-07-16T20:50:17+00:00

Hey pal,

I know it hurts but the pain will slowly subside. It will take some time, but it will. You may think it will hurt her but she won't really care. I know this because this is the same thing my brother told me before he committed suicide 5 1/2 years ago. His ex did the exact same thing then tried to torture him by bringing him around and taking his son away from him.

Brother, you can get through this. You have to stop with the drinking immediately. That was his vice as well. You really should find a local men's group that you can reach out to. There are many churches that have men's only groups that meet, even if you aren't a Christian it would be good for you, there are other men that have been through the same thing that can help you or talk with you.

A few things:

if you are in the house you shared with her you need to find another place to live.
Stop drinking and stop staying alone. Talk with a friend that can keep you calm.
Go to the gym. This will help you to release what you are feeling. Talk with a trainer to get some help.
Hang around people that make you feel good.
Progess is progress, you will feel great one moment and a rush like a wave will come over you another. Control your emotions and if you need to take a walk do it. Spend time in nature it has healing properties.
Lean into your friends and tell them how you feel. They love you and want you around.
Find another man that you can share this with face to face. Someone you wholeheartedly trust and let him walk with you through this.

You can do this. I believe in you. I started following you. Reach out if you need to.

No-Resolution5794 · 2026-07-16T20:40:33+00:00

The only way out is through. I recognize these exact same thoughts from 6 months ago. You just have to feel these emotions and sit with them, don't try to numb or buffer them. I lift 3 times a week with my 17 year old, go for long forest walks in the afternoon and stay in contact with friends and family. Seeing a therapist once a week for a while also helped me quite a bit. It's ok to have mostly shitty days. I'm now finally beginning to have Ok days in-between, although it's taken a while.

We were married for 23 years, together for 26. Mine rebounded 4 months into the separation, it lasted for less than 2 months and from what I can tell she's as resolutely miserable today as she was in the last couple of years of the marriage. Also with distance I'm beginning to see she wasn't very good for me, it's like my brain is missing the emtional abuse from her, not her as a person.

It's like I was so used to walking around her on eggshells for last few years of the marriage that I'm hooked on the toxic dynamic itself.

Title	Not doing ok anymore
Author	Rileslay
Upvotes	11
Comments	33
Date	July 16, 2026 8:24 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1uye8sv/not_doing_ok_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/not-doing-ok-anymore.1585201 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585201

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