"Men aren't empowered by victimhood. The male version of victimhood is simply _failure_. Opening up doesn't do anything for a man. All it does is let everyone know you're defective, and can be culled from society."

Aeponix · 2016-07-28T15:50:59+00:00

I did open up about my mental health. So brave, right? speaking up, defying so much toxic masculinity you guys, I talked about my problems with many people, I talked until I was blue in the face!

My family sees me as barely human. No friends call anymore. Girlfriend turned into somebody else overnight, then faded away.

I don't keep quiet about my problems because of some stupid ideas about having to be strong and silent, I keep quiet about my problems because nobody will help me. But let's have another article how men's suffering is men's fault because they won't speeak up about it, please!

KombatWombat1 · 2016-07-28T17:13:32+00:00

And this is what those who argue "Men need to open up, express their pain" refuse to acknowledge. It takes more than men connecting with their feelings and opening up. You need a population willing to listen to those feelings and not dismiss them due to "Women have it worse" or "You're a white man. You'll get by." arguments. Sans such consideration, these Men won't see the point.

Lukeme9X · 2016-07-28T17:05:43+00:00

Took me 3 or 4 years before I managed to find someone who I trusted enough to talk to about my problems, but it first took a fair bit of alcohol for me to open up to them and overcome the fear of loosing the because of telling them about my problems. Thankfully they didn't cut me off for my drunken cries for help, and I luckily now have that person to talk to, but it's really fucked up that it takes all this crap for a guy to find someone to talk to about their problems.

My female friends have vast support networks for any problems that could come up for them... and I'm happy for them, it's great that they have that, no point for any hate towards thag... just it shouldn't be so socially abnormal for a similar thing to be in place for men.

Bergzz · 2016-07-28T21:34:01+00:00

Women, and society in general are programmed to value strength and resolution in men. Once a bloke comes out about his problems, he has undermined his strength and resolve, along with his masculinity.

Its paradoxical that some women genuinely want men to be more emotional and open, but fail to see that they will naturally be repulsed when they do.

Devilsgun · 2016-07-28T16:13:53+00:00

Personal anecdote:

Had a girlfriend back in the day that was an abusive, clingy bipolar narcissist. When I would try to break off with her she'd return and threaten to call the authorities on my family for hoarding (she also used this to leverage to get me to have unprotected sex with her, as she wanted a baby something fierce, and the actual dad wasn't really that important). Every single tactic that I used to end things was a no go, but the moment I got onto antidepressants she told me that I'd never get it up again, dropped me like a hot rock and found a new guy, who gladly put a baby into her a few months later.

I came that close to "winning" but then "completely blew it" by seeking help for depression.

luciansolaris · 2016-07-28T16:26:30+00:00

[deleted]

[Praise KEK!](16763)

Clockw0rk · 2016-07-28T20:34:49+00:00

You know, it's funny... (it's not at all funny).

When men have seen problems that others face, they fix them. We've developed vaccines, built roads, created lightning fast global communication networks. At no point did we make these things "men only". Men even help create things that we don't benefit from directly, like birth control and bras.

And yet somehow, somehow, after building support structures for themselves; special counseling centers, shelters, community groups... Women have the fucking nerve to stand back and say "Gosh, men should really work on doing this for themselves".

There's no help for men. No empathy, no sympathy; often times not even mercy.

Really makes me think that narcissism, or sexism, is a default trait of the average western woman.

You can try suicide as much as you like ladies, but the body count points to the real problem. And after trying to shame men by how they sit instead of addressing the obscene amount of suicides, it just goes to show the slightest woman's inconvenience is more important than the life of a man.

It's cruel. There's no other word for it.

dukedvl · 2016-07-28T23:44:20+00:00

Was in an on/off relationship through the middle years of college. Became always a fight, agonizing for the both of us. (Great relationship for 9 months, agonizing for an extra 3)

When I opened up about an outcast/alienated depression that began lurking, we finally broke up for good within a week. (her end). Past that, we havent spoken a word to each other in 5 years despite being amongst a loosely coupled group of friends. Sad, but it had to happen

The above/OP topic is sadly true. Opening up as a man in today's world will do this.

Your boys will tell you to shake it off. Any females will start distancing, and you'll purify your list of friends mighty quick.

All in all, it can be a renewing experience. It sets the stage for you to give a "Fuck you, you werent there when I went through the worst of it" mental-finger to juuuust about everyone you previously thought you could count on opening up to.

It's a renewing experience, you can start from the ground up after rebounding.

I cant say any of this without mentioning: guys, this is naturally a depressing topic. If youre going through the thick of shit and see it lasting longer than three weeks: get help. Life is TOO SHORT to be downtrodden and wasting it away in a morose decay.

Chances are, people just dont care. Theyre lazy mouthbreathers. You have JUST as much of a right to ignore them. Even moreso if they're negatively influencing you.

equiposeur · 2016-07-29T03:44:38+00:00

Feminists tell me they should express their feelings, but then respond with "men's tear" or "masculinity so fragile" . . . unless the feeling expressed in the one, single feminist-approved feeling a man can have, which is guilt for being so horrible.

stemgang · 2016-07-28T23:47:53+00:00

Did you guys see the sidebar of the "menslib" subreddit?

They are explicitly pro-feminist, and ban all discussion of legal parental surrender.

Their top posts are about support for women's issues and various gender-bending boosterism.

Lemonade1947 · 2016-07-28T16:39:20+00:00

I have multiple problems. This is so painfully true.. Talking about my issues doesn't help. Not a bit.

FruitierGnome · 2016-07-28T23:18:56+00:00

Thats true. I have a couple of friends i can say anything too but if i tell anyone who isnt one of those two friends or my mother, those people act differently around me.

Never tell women your problems. They act like they care but they dont even if they try too. They just see you as a weak man.

equiposeur · 2016-07-29T03:42:18+00:00

I don't keep quiet about my problems because of some stupid ideas about having to be strong and silent, I keep quiet about my problems because nobody will help me. But let's have another article how men's suffering is men's fault because they won't speeak up about it, please!

Oh my God, fuck yes!

CandersonNYC · 2016-07-28T20:11:50+00:00

There's a vast difference between embracing models that praise the idea of getting men to talk about being "victims" and ones that recognize all people to acknowledge that we can experience trauma and abuse no matter our gender, and all people who experience trauma and abuse are greatly served by responses that are empowering and supportive.

Ultramegasaurus · 2016-07-28T16:55:37+00:00

Wow, I thought MensLib was just a feminist shithole. Looks like they make some good points though.

yummyluckycharms · 2016-07-29T05:30:33+00:00

Men should only open up to other men - society at large - especially the matriarchy doesnt care nor wants to.

Women are trained to look for weakness - and to either cull males or exploit them when it becomes visible as otherwise it would have been bad for survival of her offspring. When a woman say they want men to open and be emotional - its a pure shit test that they want to see if you pass.

In essence

men can empathize because they know what you are going through
women capitalize because they know what you are no longer capable of doing

matrix2002 · 2016-07-29T03:58:41+00:00

Damn, this is so true.

I got the message loud and clear when I was younger.

The irony is now that I am a little older, I have just as many problems, if not more serious ones, but I don't need to talk to anyone about them.

The only thing I need is every now and then to say: "Man, this is hard sometimes. I am trying, but it's hard" and have someone say, "Yeah, it's tough. I hear ya."

That's it. Learning to deal with my problems on my own and learning how to not let my problems and frustrations lead to poor decisions, is the best thing to happen to me.

When you know you can handle your own failures internally, then, generally, you don't worry about your problems as much.

Shanguerrilla · 2016-07-29T07:38:17+00:00

[deleted]

This comment was edited by /u/spez #ImWithHer What is this?

2016-07-28T23:35:18+00:00

Women have a massive support network even for made up problems or potential problems whereas men do not. This is not something that can be fixed, there simply isn't much compassion available for men. What MRA's (or just men in general) need to realize is that feminism did not create the modern western woman, it just enabled them to act in their nature without shame.

headless_bourgeoisie · 2016-07-29T01:08:36+00:00

TRUTH

2016-07-29T09:55:32+00:00

To be honest I think it should be that way, but for women too. I won't GAF about your problems and you don't have to GAF about mine. I can really see why someguys would start hating women over shit like this. Men are willing to risk their lives to stop someone attack a woman but at the same time they buy into the whole "victim" complex even though they are the most privileged gender imaginable.

2016-07-29T04:43:16+00:00

Open up by all means, but with other men only in a non-judgmental way.

Check on Meet-Up for men's groups, one of the best things for my mental health and happiness I have ever done!

andybev01 · 2016-07-29T12:52:51+00:00

This is the best example of of how men are supposed to act in the western world.

https://youtu.be/kA3WxjplKzo

eixan · 2016-07-29T16:19:02+00:00

Iit's such a shame /r/menslibs. The quality of the discussion there is amazing. Much better then here. I have to go to /r/FeMRADebates to get the same level of discussion even though the sub has censorship problems or /r/PurplePillDebate . It's just so unfortunate that they are unwilling to place any of the blame on crybull movement or on women in general.

eixan · 2016-07-29T16:25:11+00:00

The reason why that is is because of Neotony. Neotony makes us care for women's problems more. That combined with the fact that men have vastly higher sex drives have vastly higher sex drives with only 24% of the visitors of pornhub being female You might note that as the article points out the majority of women visiting the site are lesbians which many people would agrue discredits the study. However it makes sense that the majority of women who would otherwise be interested in viewing porn would watch the stuff that's already catered to strait men.

So just women's bodies and appearance makes alone makes them far more valuable to soeciety

It's why men who treat women the same as they treat other men, without benevolent sexism/female privilege, are seen as overwhelmingly sexist by both men and women

Saintmyname · 2016-07-28T22:47:26+00:00

Men hide their feelings because it's none if your fucking business.

ThePigmanAgain · 2016-07-28T23:40:56+00:00

A gross exaggeration, but not entirely untrue.

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