Does ambition scare men away?

mildly_sexy · 2017-01-10T02:41:08+00:00

Of course not. A successful, ambitious woman is very attractive.

Now some unattractive qualities could ruin it, like holding it over your SOs head, competitiveness, talking down to your SO because you don't "need him", eventually losing respect for your SO if his success doesn't keep up with yours over time...

xelaandra23 · 2017-01-10T05:21:33+00:00

I don't think ambition is unattractive to men. The opposite, actually.

I know lots of women say their ambition repels men, but to be totally honest I usually assume they're pulling at straws bc they want to find some excuse for why men don't like them.

Thisisforporn99999 · 2017-01-10T03:37:11+00:00

You're thinking about it the wrong way. Men don't have much of a conscious consensus on female ambition because it is not a factor in their attraction to you positive or negative.

The reason ambition for women can be an issue is because it makes YOU attracted to less men because women want a man who is at a higher caliber in the things they care about otherwise they will lose whatever initial attraction was there over time. It has nothing to do with what the men think of you.

If ambition is important to you than you need to limit yourself to men who are at least slightly more ambitious than you. If that pool of men is too small then you need to lower your ambition but only you can know that.

bowie747 · 2017-01-10T06:05:05+00:00

No man wants to be with an aggressive, abrasive, power-hungry woman with no time for him or the kids. But those traits don't necessarily occur with ambition.

No man is going to desire you less if you're following your dreams. We're happy for you, we want you to feel fulfilled and accomplished in your life.

bonerdude420 · 2017-01-10T06:29:16+00:00

Ambition is attractive. However there are women who associate 'ambition' with being domineering, aggressive, abrasive, condescending and confrontational. If any of that helps your career, that's fine, I know my own career is often gladiatorial. But leave it at work, don't treat your partner like an employee or business rival.

To me, your mention of political activism is a way bigger red flag than any career ambition. It doesn't matter if your politics are the same as mine or not, anybody who sees themselves as an activist tends to see politics in everything, which can be a real downer to be around day to day.

MsSadieDunham · 2017-01-10T02:50:49+00:00

It depends on the guy. If you get a guy who wants a sahw then your career will be a problem. But if you meet a guy who is ambivalent, that's better. It will vary from guy to guy but it doesn't necessarily bring you down in RMV.

Kara_El · 2017-01-10T03:48:24+00:00

My fiance loved that I had a masters degree at 25 and worked two jobs to support myself while working toward my goals, when we met. Sure, some guys mocked my career choice (librarian) and others had no desire to understand why it was so competitive, but the one mattered saw it as a definite plus that I was ambitious.

The only advice I'd give on this subject is clarity. I couldn't leave my library system when we met. The pay is the best in the region and I worked hard to be there. I was clear about that and he understood that a future with me would be in this area (a thriving metropolis) or within 45 minutes of it. I shared my goals and made sure they left room for his. Be reasonable, but honest about the sacrifices you're willing to make.

NittanyLioness84 · 2017-01-10T01:22:11+00:00

One of my coworkers said life is like a pie.

If you spend more time on something, slice(s) of something else will get smaller.

I hope the men on this sub can provide more insight.

Thisisforporn99999 · 2017-01-10T03:47:14+00:00

I would like to add, though, that the more aware men are of this dynamic the more they will feel "intimidated" by you if you they sense you surpass them. This isn't because "male ego so fragile" or whatever the narrative is today, it's because deep down they know you'll lose interest in them and break their heart if they get involved.

But you shouldn't be worried about intimidating them or scaring them away because if they are intimidated that means you probably do surpass them in ambition so they wouldn't be an eligible captain anyway.

The only reason to worry is if you're so ambitious you surpass most of the quality captains in ambition.

the-capitan · 2017-01-10T05:38:30+00:00

successful women are attractive to successful men. however, you've got to realize a few things...

hypergamy has women only ever dating up (or at worse, equally in status). the more successful you are, the smaller your pool gets. men can date down, but women look at it as social suicide to date down. with colleges becoming overrun by women, there's this well documented yet weird scenario where all these white collar, college educated women are refusing to date blue collar men, even when those blue collar men are making more than those white collar women because tradeskills are far more in demand than oversaturated liberal arts career paths.
once you leave the grad school / law school / med school / ivy league university space, dating becomes drastically harder for successful women. so not only does your dating pool get smaller, accessing it becomes much harder after you're out of school.
some successful women get really settled on either not wanting kids or not being a SAHM, not even during pre-preschool years. this drastically reduces your own RMV for most guys.
political activism means you're usually taking extreme positions, which drastically lowers your SMV and RMV. your political biases will prevent you from perceiving these as extreme which can make you even more obnoxious (go watch your friends debate politics on facebook). HRC and trump had the lowest approval ratings of candidates in history, so publicly supporting either side is negative SMV/RMV, and attacking one is usually seen as support for the other. this isn't to say you can't take positions... just that talking about those positions and actively advancing them under your own name lowers your SMV/RMV.

Silverandgold2 · 2017-01-11T09:38:25+00:00

Not to me. If you are with a religious man who wants a stay at home wife, it will likely have an impact. But most men are not like that anymore. Most men i know ONLY want a women who has ambition. All my friends girlfriends have jobs, many of them in a professional field. My girlfriend is trying to become a surgeon. Good, i say.

pinkdrawings · 2017-01-11T18:05:23+00:00

Some do, some don't. Some want a housewife - some want a working woman. It just depends on the guy.

Macheako · 2017-01-12T18:00:19+00:00

Dude here. Does ambition in a woman scare me? On the face of that question I'd have to say "Absolutely the fuck not", but if we actually take a deeper look into this idea (like we should do with ALL ideas, dear world :P) then there definitely are some caveats here.

Basically, all you gotta understand is this. And it works both ways regardless of whether or not you're a man or woman, but so long as your ambition doesn't, or wouldn't, go against your duties and roles of being in a Family, then shoot, go for it girl!!!!

Let's get something straight, Men do not fear ambition in a woman lol. What we "fear" is that your ambition will eventually take you away from the family. Why do we fear that? Because we're f--king guys and we already see how commitment and dedication to work can greatly reduce ones social life. As the chick, all that social goodness is your bread N butter, and that's a big part of what we can't do, hence why we need ya ;)

So it's not ambition that we don't care for. It's the mother of our children choosing to chase some "dream" that doesn't have a whole lotta room for a family in the picture. And this totally goes for men too for all the same reasons. As a guy, it can be incredibly damaging to a family when our job over takes our life to such a degree that we're never around; so it's not like we don't have to keep our own ambitions in check too ladies :P

It's all give and take. You can absolutely be ambitious and driven and do some pretty freaking awesome things as a girlfriend, fiance, wife, mother, etc, not to mention you don't have to worry about finances if you pick the right guy!!! Do you KNOW how awesome that is for chasing one's ambition????? lol Seriously. But yea, like I said, you just gotta be able to balance that with the relationship.

So to sum up, don't be afraid of your ambitions. Just understand that any good and strong relationship absolutely will require you to give up SOME of that ambition, or, if you're smart, like me ;), you take that ambition and you direct it in a way that allows you to maintain your relationships. Like, instead of being Amelia Airhart, you can be a mom that starts a Build N Fly Remote Airplane class for your kid and his friends (If you have a boy, there's no question he'd love this lol). Or instead of being the next Hillary Clinton, you can take your kid to public forums and volunteer together doing public work around your community. The options here are endless, you just gotta be willing to take the road less traveled.

mrgrtjones · 2017-01-10T02:23:07+00:00

Anecdote:

My SO has been very clear from the beginning. He wants kids. He doesn't want a "career girl". He wants at least one parent at home full time with the kids, ideally both. I want kids. I am negotiable on the career. Ideally I want us both at home with kids if we can swing it.

Since we aren't in the financial place for kids yet (and also want a little more time together first) that means the next couple years I get to work while he pays off his remaining debt. So from his perspective if I wanted a standard career I'd be a next.

That being said, I'm super ambitious. For me it doesn't have to be in the realm of a career. But I definitely want more from life and I'm willing to work hard and strive for the best life I can. (My best definitely isn't defined by material things, more like increasing experiences, self-value, skills, etc).

The big thing is that we make a good TEAM. I'd be very interested in other men's perspectives on if career/ambition is generally a negative or positive. My inclination is that it depends on the man and the combination of both party's goals.

Banincoming · 2017-01-10T03:11:46+00:00

If you are looking for a "captain", most would prefer you made them your career. If you are looking for a beta househusband, they'd love for you to eat all the stress while they hang at home. If you are looking for an average guy, their responses would be all over.

loneliness-inc · 2017-01-10T04:07:34+00:00

I am writing to ask if being ambitious about my passions will cost or gain me RMV points.

It really depends.

If your ambition within your career supersedes everything else to the point that your man is left home doing all the cooking, cleaning and child rearing while you work on your PHD..... Yea, that can lower your RMV in the eyes of many men.

If your number one priority is your husband, your children, your household etc and you're also driven in whatever career, then quite frankly - you're superwoman!

If you're somewhere in the middle, it really depends. Every man will draw the line somewhere else in the middle.

Being a go-getter will work against you if it comes along with being a know it all, being bossy or arrogant. It won't necessarily detract from your value but it also may not add that much.

CleburnCO · 2017-01-10T04:43:02+00:00

Yes and no. Generally speaking...it depends on large part on the man you seek to be with. What does your career or activism bring to the relationship in real terms? Does it add stress or remove stress? Is it in competition for your time/energy? What does "winning" look like for you vs your future husband and what would constitute failure?

HelloNeo · 2017-01-10T05:36:31+00:00

Most men want the best for their partners. Men who are scared of a woman with ambition or career goals lack immaturity and I would go as far as saying are insecure. With that said, I'd say most men simply value other qualities over ambition or whatever career a woman has.

The only time I can see it would be a problem for a guy is if your career was a priority over him (and family). Either way, ambition in a woman isn't that big of deal to us. It's neither an attractive or unattractive quality. Again at the end of the day, it's whatever makes you happy but not at the cost of your partner or the relationship.

youreallmeatanyway · 2017-01-10T11:03:02+00:00

Imma dude. I was recently on a date with a woman who was stunningly attractive, dressed femininely, and had a little "edge" to her attitude that I found appealing as well.

Later in the date I asked her what she's passionate about and she said "my work" and went on for about 20 minutes about her job (which was sort of interesting, but not very much so). And when I gently pressed her for her passions outside of work she affirmed that she's too career driven to really have any.

This turned out to be a deal breaker for me, personally, since I am right now looking for a woman who wants to have a family someday. And someone who was looking for the same ought to be able to include "spending time with my family" in her list of interests.

Do successful men want to date successful women, or would they rather have a housewife type?

Depends. My previous gf was a successful woman (and that relationship ended for the same reason I alluded to above) and I found her amazingly attractive. Conversely, I wouldn't be satisfied with a "housewife" type if she didnt also have the ability to keep up in a conversation about politics/movies/books/etc.

My advice (as if you had reason to want it)? Decide which life goal you want more and pursue that. You can be a careergirl with a family or you can be a housewife with a career, but one will always come first. Choose well.

JennyCurran · 2017-01-11T02:58:42+00:00

This is how I see it. You can be career driven and ambition, and you can attract men. I feel life is truly about balance. My goal is to give 100% at whatever I'm doing currently. I work with mostly men. Less than 10% of my colleagues are females. At work I give 110% for the 10-12 hours I'm there every day. When I come home, I give my family the same 110%. That includes cooking dinner, doing homework, grocery shopping, folding laundry whatever. However I also manage to squeeze "me" time in there. The same as everything else in life I give myself 110% and that to me is what really pays dividends in the end. My "me" is the gym 5 days a week and the volunteer work I do that usually takes about 10 hours out of my week. To me everything is quality over quantity. I may only see my kid 4-5 hours a day during the week, but I make sure I'm doing quality mom stuff and not buried into my phone. I'm very strict about leaving work at work. I don't care if work calls while I'm eating dinner they will have to wait and everyone I work with knows that. I will call them back when I'm done with dinner. I say you can be career driven just don't make the only thing about you and you will be able to find a man equally successful if not more.

Successful men have hobbies, some kind of social life. They don't just eat breath and sleep work and live a dull boring life (some do but I wouldn't say that's the majority). Look at all the successful men who have had affairs. They found time for stuff outside of work. Successful women (just the personal friends I have) are usually that extreme. They eat breath sleep work and wonder why Prince Charming isn't at their door. They are boring that's why.

Velebit · 2017-01-14T17:44:35+00:00

I love ambitious women but the problem with ambition is that it often goes along with un-feminine traits or even just un-attractive traits.

Those traits are being stingy, not having enough time, being too stressed, being materialistic and driven by things and being overtly analytical. From what I have seen and what research shows most high iq and high earning males settle for women with mid-low iq while most high iq and high earning women don't reproduce.

However the exceptions are genius chaste types which tend to have 1-3 sexual partners throughout their entire lives and usually work in science/academics.

The biggest problem for a male with an achiever women is that they feel useless and unworthy of them so you have to find a zeta male or a male that rejects societal gender expectations, look at husbands of many famous women and what they do. Another example is an icon of the movement, Stefan Molyneaux, he is a homemaker while his wife has some power job while he is raising their child. I personally would not mind being a stay at home dad as I am very family oriented and my grandfather was a retired veteran so my male role model is a stay-at-home person.

However if you crave an equally ambitious achiever like you, well though luck. I know a couple of those guys, very successful, have their businesses, already managers in twenties, those guys are the most sexist and status-aware people out there. One of my friends literally said that he felt disgusted seeing that he woke up after sleeping with a woman that is only 10cm shorter than him. He also does not like to have battle of wills with women and ambitious women tend to be very competitive and willfull so ramming heads with an equally aggressive man is not going to work.

oriorioooo · 2021-11-01T03:00:00+00:00

I think it does but thats just me

maybe the guys that im attracted to 🤷🏻‍♀️

Title	Does ambition scare men away?
Author	artsyluna
Upvotes	3
Comments	61
Date	January 10, 2017 1:04 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5n1thc/does_ambition_scare_men_away/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/does-ambition-scare-men-away.86822 https://theredarchive.com/post/86822

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