Pregnancy positivity - where to find it?

georgiemaebbw · 2022-04-10T00:00:32+00:00

It hurts, but honestly, you forget all about it after the baby is born. That not just a line, it's true. It may last a few hours, a few days. But soon it will be a distant memory.

"it will hurt, but my body was designed for this."

"ive been told I'll forget all about the pain once I'm holding my precious love"

And don't let them scare you into thinking you'll lose your vaginal elasticity. I've canal birthed 2 children, 1 of them was almost 2' tall, and I still have a tight vajayjay.

Do NOT be afraid to get help with breast feeding!! It does not come naturally. Get a lactation consultant if things do not go as planned.

abacabbmk · 2022-04-10T01:01:36+00:00

these are the same people who complain about everything else in their lives, and will continue to do so until they die.

Significant_Ad_3198 · 2022-04-10T01:31:26+00:00

I have three daughters. The youngest is 19. I loved feeling the babies move. That was my favorite part. Feeling the reality of how amazing our bodies are. When the babies got bigger and stretched out- I’d measure their foot size- I’d guess what body part was pressing against my belly. The babies got hiccups- it was neat. Neat knowing that I was growing a life inside. Then after all the pushing and dramatic pain- after 40 weeks of having that life inside- the nurses put the baby on top of your belly once out- while they cut the chord. That was the weirdest head trip. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it- feeling it move inside and suddenly she’s on top of me and I can feel her in her own flesh- not from within mine.

anothergoodbook · 2022-04-10T00:17:44+00:00

For positive birth stories: Ina May Gaskin’s books

The Business of Being Born (the first one can be a little dark so avoid if you don’t want to hear horror stories), but the second one they made has lots of great birth stories that are positive.

As for books that celebrate motherhood I really love the book Theology of Home II. It’s a Catholic book (which I’m not), but I love it.

Politely change the topic when people want to inundate you with horror stories and who has the worse one. I think telling the story of what happened is cathartic and sort of a rite of passage. But it’s not helpful to someone that hasn’t gone through it yet. You can say, “oh I’m sorry that happened. So how was your mom yesterday/oh this weather is awful/have you tried this new restaurant (fill in the blank)”.

You may not be planning an unmedicated birth, but getting into Facebook groups of moms that are (and are sort of “crunchy”) can be incredibly uplifting versus hearing the worst. However be aware that some go really far out there and demean those who have a medicated birth (or heaven forbid a c-section).

I absolutely loved being pregnant all 4 times - morning sickness and all. We would have loved more, but postpartum tends to be hard for me. I even loved labor - I’m a weirdo. The whole experience was just so incredible. I’d be happy to share my positive birth stories if interested :)

angelicasinensis · 2022-04-10T01:58:58+00:00

My last birth was honestly enjoyable and joyful, I loved being pregnant. I think if you get enough nutrition, rest and care it’s one of the most joyous and amazing times in a woman’s life. I had all three of my kids with the most amazing Christian midwife who is still my friend to this day, she has supported me through hard times and even did a birth for free for me when I needed it. Enjoy and congrats! We have three and I’m not sure if we want another at this time but I still look back on my pregnancies and births as the most joyous times in my life.

emmalai85 · 2022-04-10T13:50:07+00:00

I've had 6 living children, and just found out i'm hopefully pregnant with #7. (I had a loss in jan.)

If you need a friend to talk too - I'm very happy to talk to you about it.

I'm a certified doula and lactation specialist, and I've personally had every variation of birth you could imagine, induction, c-section, vbacs, homebirth with a midwife, unassisted birth, unassisted birth in the hospital where no one came back in time, ones where my doctor induced me AS a vbac and my daughter got to help the doctor bring her little brother in this world.

Etc etc.

I've also had nicu babies, one for a weekend, one for 6 months (he was born at 24 weeks.) been pregnant with twins twice. (also only had 1 make it home each time.)

So i've also dealt with loss, including one in the nicu (twins, one survived, one didnt.)

So, I've kinda been through it all. I am very supportive, very positive, but also very realistic and pragmatic, and I prefer science over "feelings" when it comes ot making decisions, but I understand other people need to make decisions differently, and I can support that with out judgement.

I don't care how you feed your baby, I don't care if you cosleep or not. You do it your way, that's totally fine with me.

So, if you want someone who was passionate enough about it to get certified to actually support moms in their attempts in pregnancy, birth and nursing/feeding - I'm here if you need me. and I'm happy too.

DifficultyMindless53 · 2022-04-10T00:11:43+00:00

My advice would be to become the positive voice. I was pregnant last year, had the same experience as you with negativity, and I had to be the one who shifted the perspective. If someone gave me a horror story I'd simply say "Sorry that happened to you, my pregnancy is going great." And if they were just being generally negative by bringing up health issues and such, I'd just hit 'em with a smile and a "I don't care." After enough times of this happening, people just stopped talking about it. If you're really intent on having a positive perspective from someone else, you can always check out Mrs. Midwest's pregnancy related videos, which are very sweet and full of happy advice.

renfyinthedark · 2022-04-10T07:59:14+00:00

People are always going to make snarky comments when you are doing something they aren't, in all areas of life. It's not their life so politely tell them they can do what they want with their body, but this is your choice for yourself.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-04-10T14:08:47+00:00

"I'm sorry that happened to you. I know it won't be easy, but I'm doing my best to prepare for birth."

And for repeat offenders: "I understand it was really hard for you. But this is making me anxious, so please find someone else to talk about it."

And for really tone deaf/gleefully negative people: "It's not like I can opt out of childbirth. Why are you telling me this? Do you enjoy making me anxious?"

Some people just enjoy thinking about other people's misery. Some had negative experiences, and subconsciously think no one else deserves a positive childbirth if they didn't get one. Some do it in good faith.

The problem is - if a woman had a positive or neutral experience, she's usually not going to talk much about it. It went well / it went as planned / it didn't go as planned but it was fine either way. No need to say much more, except to close relations.

But if a woman had a traumatic experience, she'll need to talk about it, and a pregnant belly gives her an opening. But it she needs to talk about this intimate experience to random strangers years or decades later... that is her problem, not yours. There is always the chance to acknowledge a traumatic experience, honor it, and go on. Her trauma is not your baggage to carry.

I'm a midwife and deeply believe in positive childbirth. I swear some of these horror stories don't even make sense from a medical viewpoint. No lady, you most certainly were not in labor for 4 days, unless you gave birth in the 1800s without medical care. A C section in labor usually doesn't mean medical staff ignored you and your baby until you almost died - it means they were vigilant and picked up signs of distress when they came up. No, the nurses weren't being cruel for leaving your child with you during the night, while helping you take care of her. Most healthy babies are born sort of bluish, some don't cry immediately and up to 30% have the cord around their neck - I've been at dozens of births were the baby was absolutely fine and the parents walked away convinced the baby had nearly died because of this. Etc. etc.

Negative experiences are going to happen, are valid, and are not always in the mother's control (or the staff's control). But being prepared makes a world of difference. I've seen traumatic "smooth" deliveries and positive emergency sections - it's all about feeling cared for, heard, somewhat in control... and willing to let go of that control when it's needed. I don't want to blame anyone for their negative experience, but at the same time, some people have absolutely unreasonable expectations, and have trouble adjusting to anything not in line with those unrealstic expectations.

roygbiv103188 · 2022-04-10T23:44:06+00:00

Pregnancy is just the beginning of a crazy, long-lasting vortex of unsolicited opinions and negativity that is associated with parenting. I wish I could tell you that it comes to a halt once the baby is born but I’m not gonna lie to you, it doesn’t. And it often gets worse.

The good news is, you literally do not have to take any-ANY-of it to heart nor do you have to follow unsolicited advice or even acknowledge it! Knowing this has made me a much happier, calmer, more positive person since becoming a mom and I wish I’d learned it sooner. My favorite response to negativity or any weird/unnecessary comments is “Wow, so interesting. Thanks for that!” and to keep moving without skipping a beat.

As far as positivity goes, I would say knowledge is power. Its impossible to know what your actual birth/breastfeeding experience/baby will be like before you encounter any of it-but learning about all of it and what to expect will absolutely put your mind at ease. Also be aware there are hundreds/thousands of different ways to tackle all aspects of pregnancy, birth, child rearing etc so you may find conflicting views if you look into it all TOO much (idk if this helps, I know I found this all too often and it frustrated and confused me a bit)

Best of luck to you. I know it can be intimidating at times, but its wonderful to hear you have such a great attitude about it all. Having kids has been the single best/most important decision I’ve made to date and my kids have enriched my life more than I can express. Its gonna be great, don’t worry. :)

rosesonthefloor · 2022-04-10T06:18:25+00:00

I haven’t been pregnant yet, and I know this isn’t exactly what you’re looking for, but there’s a docu-series on Netflix called Babies that delves into different aspects of their development, etc. and I found it super positive and frankly amazing! The first episode focuses on the love parents have for their kids and has some really awesome positive stories. The whole series is really well done IMO.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-04-11T01:00:00+00:00

For general negative comments:

"Hey, I WANT this baby. You are my friend. Try to be happy for me."

For horror stories:

"So, I'm actually pregnant right now...perhaps we could skip the 'Worst Case Scenario'?"

Also: Congrats and good luck!

katsumii · 2022-04-10T12:19:48+00:00

Congratulations!!

I am very early in pregnancy — haven't even yet had my first ob/gyn appointment — but so far it feels all positive at home and mostly positive online. Since you're on reddit, have you checked out /r/BabyBumps? They also have specific subreddits depending on the month of your due date. So far, I have found nothing but support in mine. I hope you will, too!

I'm sorry about all the negativity you've had so far! I'm sure it will be a beautiful birth. 🥰

raven_lou_chicken · 2022-04-15T02:38:29+00:00

Personally I'd rather I had heard horror stories. Nobody would talk to me about things that could go wrong not even my nurse practitioner. I ended up having horrible complications leading to a premature birth and trauma that i won't get into here since that's not what you're looking for. I think it's good to be prepared for either a great experience or a horrible one. Either way it gives us a precious gift. And I think that's something you could remind yourself when you're hearing overwhelmingly negative things.

Rook_Cross · 2022-04-10T03:42:01+00:00

Join an expectant parents group, or a mommy group. I think it highly likely that you'll end up seeing less of these childless friends anyways once your kid is born, just too different lives. And that's ok, you'll find positive people with better values who match yours more. I think you've outgrown them. They may change, especially once some of their clocks start ticking. But if you tell them to stop the negativity and they don't, just find new friends, which as I said, is likely to happen anyway. Congratulations on the baby.

Aurailae · 2022-04-10T06:45:38+00:00

Try this

https://youtu.be/YhnEbLg7AuY

Owaysnew · 2022-04-10T16:09:04+00:00

That moment you first hold the baby in your arms? It’s magic. Nothing like that in the world.

laughingmommy · 2022-04-10T17:54:59+00:00

Here are a few things that may help: Look up hypnobirthing. There are great books on the subject and the audio for guided imagery is very helpful. Join prenatal yoga. If available to you, get a midwife! If you can't get a midwife, then hire a doula.

lemon_lips · 2022-04-10T19:38:16+00:00

Orgasmic Birth instagram

Ordinary-Object7260 · 2022-04-12T06:09:29+00:00

I hate to be the one to deliver this news but your friend group is probably going to change a lot after you have your baby. I’m not trying to be negative…it’s just kind of how it is for most women. And I say this to you because if you realize this now, it might take the sting out of it when/if it happens, and also you can stop expecting these friends to be supportive of you right now - because the reality is they’re probably not capable of doing that and the farther along you are/after you have your child, the more your worlds will diverge and the less they’ll be able to relate to you and empathize with you. It’s not even that they’re trying to be mean. They’re just simply not capable.

As for pushing back, I’d just say you are trying to protect your mindset and you appreciate other peoples birthing experiences but you do not want to hear scary stories right now. It’s that simple. Any decent person will shush right then and there, and if they are offended then they are selfish and have boundaries issues. After all, if your friends don’t even want kids, then why does their desire to tell you horror stories trump your desire to have a peaceful pregnancy?

Sadly I never figured out how to eliminate the negativity especially online. I could have done a better job of voicing my needs but other than that…idk. But if you go to the pregnancy forums and search for positive stories, they are there. For what it is worth I’ve had 2 children and I found birth to be easy, and even a little fun. My contractions felt like mild period cramps, and then I got epidurals and spent the rest of my labor sleeping and watching Netflix. Healing was challenging at times but overall the entire experience was not only positive, but also a huge confidence boost as I got to see what my body is capable of doing!

You tend to hear way more negativity because that’s the people who speak up more. It’s kind of like how if you go to a relationship advice subreddit you’re going to hear all about how awful marriage is and stuff like that. And people who experience traumatic or complicated births have a (healthy and understandable) need to talk about it that people who had easy births usually do not so if you go hunting for birth stories you’re going to see 5 negative ones for ever positive one a lot of the time.

Title	Pregnancy positivity - where to find it?
Author	Ok_Obligation_6110
Upvotes	35
Comments	43
Date	April 9, 2022 11:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/u05h8j/pregnancy_positivity_where_to_find_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/pregnancy-positivity-where-to-find-it.1110570 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110570

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