Why do I always fail/get friendzoned?

TBearYCF · 2026-08-20T01:00:39+00:00

Men get friendzoned because they mirror the woman. It’s a good personality trait that can sometimes work against you. Great for making friends and connections, but bad for forming the contrast between men and women that actually attracts women.

You engage with a woman and then start mirroring her sensitivity and softness. Then you come off to her as a sensitive guy… Friend. When instead, she wants a “manly man.”

You need to be more rigid in reflecting what you’re after.

Tiway22 · 2026-08-20T01:00:52+00:00

What’s your bench press at?

bianceziwo · 2026-08-20T11:54:24+00:00

escalate faster. light kino at the start is a must.

I've been told I never sweet talk or flirt.

you have your answer right there. also make more eye contact. talk slower. never look away first.

is this social circle game or just a date with a random girl? if its a date, take her to at least 3 places (within walking distance is okay). it will build rapport quick and she'll feel more comfortable.

Tw421 · 2026-08-20T01:58:59+00:00

Are you physically escalating

Luckyluke23 · 2026-08-20T03:59:18+00:00

cos you dont have enough sexual intent.

The friend zone exists if you have sat in the pocket to long and not made your move. I'm with my Sub now because I didn't wait; I didn't hesitate. it was happening.

you got to get the ball ( sexual intent) out before the Defence ( the friendzone) gets you.

Kgb725 · 2026-08-20T17:39:40+00:00

Are you flirting and letting them know you're interested

Matter_Still · 2026-08-20T05:56:37+00:00

One of the most consequential errors of “pickup/seduction” is a contempt of the despised friend-zone.

I suppose I’ll have to beat this drum again.

Fact: women often offer friendship because they, at the moment, don’t see you differently. You don’t check off all the boxes.

Fact: This is an edited abstract of research published in a journal on social psychology: “The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance: Prevalent, Preferred, and Overlooked by Science”.

The paper begins:

“There is more than one pathway to romance, but relationship science does not reflect this reality.”

(The researchers go on to show the evidence for this by citing the results of seven studies which included 1,897 subjects:

“These studies affirm that friends-first initiation is a prevalent and preferred method of romantic relationship initiation that has been overlooked by relationship science.”

“Prevalent and preferred”—but ignored and loathed by PUA gurus. Why? My guess is because they mistakenly believe that there is only one kind of intimacy—“passion based”—that leads to sex. There are, in fact, at least two, the other being “friendship-based”, which they preach is not worth pursuing because they believe it leads to a sexual cul-de-sac while the passion-based intimacy is the Holy Grail of male sexual fulfillment.

The evidence is overwhelming that this is a fiction. As the researchers note, “two people can become friends, develop a deep friendship-based intimacy, and then begin to experience sexual desire at some future point in time.”

This has been the case in my life six times. I was initially attracted to a girl/woman, it started off with promise, then the “let’s be friends” offer was made. I took it with the same enthusiasm a director might accept an “honorable mention” award at the Cannes Film Festival when he thought a Palm de Or award was a lock.

Fortunately, a wise prof had me read Cyrano de Bergerec. Cyrano loved Roxanne but accepted and carried out the role of friend with a degree of chivalry and stoicism Marcus Aurelius couldn’t match.

I got the point.

Some of us not only miss every shot we don’t take but 99% of the ones we do.

I cannot express my astonishment when the day came when each of these girls saw me in a different light. I would learn that this is the way romantic love is incubated for two out of three couples.

Clearly, this path is not for everyone. The authors admit, “it may be difficult to conceive of the possibility that heterosexual men and women might maintain a platonic friendship for months or even years before romantic feelings blossom.” Keep in mind, however, that this doesn’t necessitate going “monk mode”. I dated and had intermittent relationships. My experience merely illustrates that as even Ovid noted, the path to the bedroom often begins with friendship.

Adults realize that certain things in life require “deferred gratification”: finishing medical school, getting a law degree, or progressing from being a student pilot to a fighter pilot.

Some of us don’t have the looks, the height, the six-figure incomes, or the supreme confidence but we do have time, patience, and an understanding that “let’s be friends” can become something amazing.

tattooedpanhead · 2026-08-20T08:35:56+00:00

You're probably being too nice. Stop simping and start being inferent. And don't let them friend zone you. Once that happens disappear. Don't talk to them anymore. You can't have female friends.

Be nice and respectful but not a friend. Don't do things with the idea that they might like you for it, they won't.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2026-08-20T19:20:24+00:00

There's really only 3 things it could be. You either don't meet the minimum attractiveness threshold of these women, you're not escalating when the opportunity presents itself, or you're visibly weird/unconfident.

Most common is the first one. 2nd most common is the third one.

cachimba69 · 2026-08-20T21:12:57+00:00

Be the rockstar , not her fan

Barr3tt50c · 2026-08-20T02:18:19+00:00

Are you playfully teasing them and bantering or is just purely platonic conversation?

confused_8357 · 2026-08-20T02:26:23+00:00

Bro telling this from experience..if by flirting u mean to tease and playfully bully her..do tha but really no need to sweet talk her..works very rarely for very needy women

Orange_Codex · 2026-08-20T00:52:52+00:00

Unpopular take here, but 'the friendzone' doesn't exist. There is no biological law against fucking friends or entering a relationship with a friend. Phrases like "I see you as a brother" are polite-speak for "you're alright but I don't find you sexually attractive," which might be physical (some of us just look like feet) but also might be because you don't take care of yourself, aren't open or comfortable with your intentions, or lack an internal locus of control. Ultimately, taking care of yourself, becoming congruous, and developing an internal locus of control is all you can really do.

UnkemptGoose339 · 2026-08-20T16:31:24+00:00

Everyone fails/gets friend zoned, even more experienced dudes, it happens all the time. Rejection is just being part of being a man. Keep going and find a girl that is attracted to you and work from there. If you don't know the signs of when a girl is attracted to you, I can help you with that.

Ladline69 · 2026-08-20T04:43:22+00:00

Honestly you probably ugly and need to work on yourself more - also it sucks but bitches love guys with money so if you not looking for anything real - I suggest make the money first and the bitches will come, but be smart or they will take everything from you... Control your impulses, be a man

travioli90 · 2026-08-20T01:53:19+00:00

Too accessible and not enough backbone.

ghostcatzero · 2026-08-20T08:23:31+00:00

Too nice

Ragerist · 2026-08-20T09:12:39+00:00

When I was younger I kept getting friendzoned.

Turned out that I was boring and showed no-to-little personality, because I put woman on a pedestal. Was too careful and too generous with compliments.

When I stopped giving a shit and treated woman like actual people and not like some otherworld mythical creature. Then I was able to avoid the dreaded friendzone.

Make them laugh, be a bit cheeky, tease, challenge them sometimes, be clear about your boundaries and show actual personality.

I get it (now). There no turnoff like an insecure groveling servant like person. I want an equal not a servant.

Least_Taro6388 · 2026-08-20T10:31:59+00:00

Something to truly understand is for most men who end up here they just dont have the skills or confidence to talk to women in the intent they want. Both are actually solved through practice which is why seduction is as much a numbers game. Some people see its as crass numbers but its actually just building up the skill set words and tells to do what works.

The fallacy is that if you show your hand you will be labeled a creep. The reality is in private you need to compliement girls and women and slowly escalate your intent until you are in the literal bedroom.

Thats not the only thing but its up there. When the woman compliments back you know you are good. If she doesnt its time to move on, however keep in mind a majority of women want men that actually keep purusing. Its counter to what women say in public and on the internet, but most women want men to puruse them and keep purusing them, until they get an outright no, or tells they are saying no.

Yes its is conflicting with the idea that women complain about men constantly badgering them...but if the opposite was true women would go out and talk to men, but they dont. They like the idea of being purused and if they are purusing you and you are interested you dont need to worry.

Lastly, just talking to a woman is not purusing. You need to show intent. without intent its friendzoning. IF you show intent during after being a friend women can find that offputting because they saw you as friend, and the expectations have shifted. Its more jarring to them rather than a romantic build up.

Turbulent_Sky_5914 · 2026-08-20T11:58:25+00:00

U r too nice

SuperPoop · 2026-08-20T12:09:06+00:00

Hard to say without watching you interact. My guess would be, you’re inauthentic, you’re too pleasing, or you’re not taking her on enough of an emotional roller coaster.

KumaFGC · 2026-08-20T03:33:02+00:00

You ugly

norwegiandoggo · 2026-08-20T07:34:57+00:00

What are you actually doing? Let's get a breakdown. Because without context I can only give you terrible generic advice.

Jason__Hardon · 2026-08-20T04:41:40+00:00

Read Dating for Dummies and hit the gym

midnightl0ve · 2026-08-20T20:29:07+00:00

as a woman… pls dont take any advice from the men here. what the actual fuck.

Title	Why do I always fail/get friendzoned?
Author	Secure-Ear-6185
Upvotes	94
Comments	75
Date	August 20, 2026 12:43 AM UTC (1 day ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1vt4i3b/why_do_i_always_failget_friendzoned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-i-always-failget-friendzoned.1633385 https://theredarchive.com/post/1633385

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