Why "Be Yourself" is the worst advice.

murraygf35 · 2012-05-11T01:17:38+00:00

"Be the man you want to be."

raegx · 2012-05-11T06:00:42+00:00

For f's sake I hope you guys just read the tl;dr. "Be yourself" came out of a generation of people who worked to better themselves and knew when they couldn't do better. Now we live in an unrealistic environment where people think they are good enough as their lazy self's.

Become the best you can be
Be yourself

Don't skip #1.

2012-05-10T21:48:10+00:00

It's bad advice because it's hard to act on, but it generally comes from people who already know you. The already know the "real" you and like it. The trick is, how do convey the "real" you in a short amount of time, i.e. in an opener.

That said, I think that once you get past the first two minutes you really should be the "real" you.

knejk · 2012-05-11T05:57:14+00:00

I think many people misunderstand "be yourself" for "keep on doing whatever you are doing". I know that I did for many years. Nothing changed, of course.

The trick is that "be yourself" takes a lot of conscious effort to start with, to find out what is really you and what is just a facade to keep others happy.

Go talk to that girl because you're excited about it, not because you want to look cool in front of your friends. The thing to note here is that excitement is a positive emotion, while looking cool is something you are doing to prove yourself, i.e. a negative emotion.

Lead yourself with positive emotions. Oh, and you can lead others with positive emotions, too, but that might be for another subreddit. :)

dantaeos · 2012-05-11T07:17:31+00:00

When we say "be yourself" we simply me being congruent. If you pretend to be a douchebag or pretend to be a player, a girl can sense that incongruent vibe and be turned off. Instead, just being congruent with what you feel at the time. If you're nervous, tell her you're nervous. if you're confident, be confident. But don't act in a manner that isn't how you feel.

This also applies when you are vibing with a girl. You are conveying you're personality. A large part of this game is realizing that you are enough. You are enough to have a perfect 10. Even the chodliest chode is enough. So you need to have that inner acceptance in order to believe you are worthy.

At the same time, you need to understand that you need to take massive action and ultimately have a deep inner change. It's kind of a paradox.

DivineIntervention · 2012-05-10T19:08:47+00:00

That's what is meant by "be yourself." Someone who is just staying in his comfort zone and living the same life he's always lived, the one that got them no women or friends, isn't someone who is being himself. He is being what he thinks others want him to be, acting in ways that he thinks will make people like him, rather them having his own opinion and direction in life and doing it because he is confident in himself and what he stands for.

baaaark · 2012-05-10T21:20:46+00:00

I thought this, but it actually is the best advice, because a lot of what a woman wants is a guy who is genuine. Being content with yourself IS what makes you sexy to most women. That's not to say you can't get in shape or learn to speak with a deeper voice or anything. It just means you are still yourself and you know people will like you whether you do that or not.

joshhhhhh · 2012-05-11T09:32:32+00:00

I agree, but only in regards to short game. In the end your true self will probably come out sooner or later.

I have never been able to hide back that "real" me, especially if I end up liking the girl (but still playing the field).

epsilonminus · 2012-05-11T10:09:47+00:00

"Don't be yourself, be your best self" I'm my best self all the fucking time, I don't wake up and say "well I'm gonna be 50% self today."

Reinheardt · 2012-05-11T12:06:24+00:00

bullshit bro be youself is the best advice, were jsut so good at hiding ourselves because we think somewhere down there, we're wrong

readsyouruserhistory · 2012-05-11T01:08:51+00:00

I think you are misinterpreting what be yourself means. It doesn't mean you can't improve yourself or change yourself. It merely suggests that you not overly worry about yourself to the point where it interferes with your social interactions. I think it is actually great advice, my interactions greatly improved when I started relaxing and not overthinking my interactions. Sure I still learn how to better my interactions, but when I actually talk to people I want my interactions to seem natural, not forced.

WiretapStudios · 2012-05-10T20:08:22+00:00

Be yourself really IS bad advice as far as women go, unless yourself is already great at it. 'Be yourself' is an empty platitude that lets the giver feel like they gave some great advice and lets the receiver feel like 'yeah, THEY are missing out on ME,' then you both have a special moment, meanwhile, still go home alone and sad. I'm a big fan of 'fake it 'till you make it,' but you have to explain it. Also said really well by Ben Afflecks monologue in Boiler Room: 'Act as if'

ISUCKATKARMA · 2012-05-11T00:09:44+00:00

I'll be honest... when I first about the don't be yourself part, I was expecting some idiotic answer. I am in complete agreement with everything.

theubernoob · 2012-05-11T01:26:57+00:00

"Don't be yourself, be yourself"

Ok bro

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-05-11T14:14:31+00:00

I think that when women say "be yourself", what they really mean is "don't hold back." As in, let the quirky, wierd, funny, possibly contraversial version of you come out instead of holding back and being the boring inert wallflower that people sometimes become to avoid offending anyone.

Really, that's what being alpha is all about. We talk a lot here at Seddit about not giving a fuck what anybody thinks. In action, that translates into taking risks in social situations that might end up making people judge you negatively. That's what you should do, because without risk there is no reward, and the greatest risk of all is not taking one.

When people tell you to "be yourself", that's what they mean. Everyone has unique characteristics that set them apart form the crowd. "Be yourself" means don't hesitate to let those characteristics show. They just haven't spent as much time thinking about it as your average Seddit poster, so they don't know how to articulate it that well.

TrippAdvice1 · 2012-05-17T04:31:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MrPockets11 · 2012-05-11T03:40:41+00:00

I'm being my best self... people hate him :(

AegisSC · 2012-05-11T03:43:07+00:00

Hey, all that junk you mentioned requires work and me actually getting a personality. Fuck that, seddit is for chums.

Hypnotonic · 2012-05-11T05:59:33+00:00

It isn't being yourself. It is being your "best" self where you give value.

2012-05-11T07:59:58+00:00

This shit has to stop. Be yourself, just be your best self. Its been said over and over in the comments.

Krieger9 · 2012-05-11T12:16:10+00:00

This is not a seduction thing. This is life in every aspect.

If you're not improving yourself then you shouldn't want anything to do with you either.

funkmasterfelix · 2012-05-11T14:12:06+00:00

Brah, I think you miss the point of the quip. "Be yourself" means be confident and uninhibited in expressing your needs, wants, distastes, comfort boundaries, feelings, and standards throughout your language, intonation, body language, facial expressions, and metacommunicative structures. Its really an unoperationalized statement of something like "have inner game". It's not bad advice at all. In fact its central to the entire process. But because it doesn't spell out the procedure it can be easier said than done for people who have a lot of hangups about how they're perceived

Fatal85 · 2012-05-11T15:07:21+00:00

I have a friend that just bombs with chicks. He tends to dress on the weird side. For example, if I hit him up and say that I'm going out he would show up wearing a kilt and joker face paint. I try telling him to dress better but he always says "I want a girl who likes me for who I am". I tell him I'm not asking him to change his personality. Just dress in clothing that's less shocking to women we don't know. I remember one Halloween he showed up to a party dressed as Dr. House and everyone was telling him "I know that's a costume but man you should start dressing like that when we go out." He even had a cane and pain pills from when he went to the dentist.

2012-05-10T23:55:16+00:00

Excellent! Saved.

floor-pi · 2012-05-11T12:24:34+00:00

I realised what 'be yourself' really meant during my last breakup. It's very easy to present a false image to people, but this eventually fades away when you're in a long term relationship: it's not possible to sustain it forever.

What sucks more is when you realise that it was an accidental false self image that got you to the point you're at. For example, you pretend to yourself that you're more extroverted than you actually are. Whatever about people figuring out that your external image isn't quite true, there's something core-shattering when you realise that you've been subconsciously lying to yourself.

I think that 'be yourself' is great advice, just...not in the context of seduction.

bowbow · 2012-05-11T21:26:40+00:00

TL;DR Captain dumbass gives obvious tips for getting laid once in a while

policeandthieves · 2012-05-11T06:20:50+00:00

Be the person you want to attract.

glassuser · 2012-05-11T18:20:26+00:00

Be your best self.

I was ready to downvote you unless this was in there. I approve of this post.

Necronomiconomics · 2012-05-11T18:49:02+00:00

"Be yourself" = "Don't try to be someone you aren't"

notlurkinganymoar · 2012-05-11T21:07:41+00:00

It's worth highlighting the Be your best self line imho. That's the most important take away from the entire post. The rest is explaining the differences between the two. Good post, tho.

eablokker · 2012-05-11T06:22:11+00:00

Be yourself – dont run away from your feelings of inadequacy by pretending to be someone else. Own your inadequacy. But whenever you try out new things you expand your sense of who you are. So keep on expanding yourself and finding out who you really are, not the TLDR version of you that you think you are.

Don't throw yourself out and replace yourself with someone else. Keep your self, and expand it beyond who you think you are into who you truly are becoming.

Title	Why "Be Yourself" is the worst advice.
Author	TrippAdvice1
Upvotes	162
Comments	60
Date	May 10, 2012 6:58 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tgw28/why_be_yourself_is_the_worst_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-be-yourself-is-the-worst-advice.1332468 https://theredarchive.com/post/1332468

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