Raising Shitty Sons

ChgItToRayGunYouFuck · 2021-09-08T14:35:06+00:00

Not to mention the weaponized incompetence that their dads have, too... They just mimic their lazy, quiet-the-game's-on, pathetic, I-ain't-doing-women's-work dads.

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2021-09-08T16:45:47+00:00

To some women it seems having a child with a penis is the highest honor. Said penis child has to accomplish nothing more than the circumstance of his birth.

gingerwabisabi · 2021-09-08T18:03:51+00:00

I used to think this way too but looking back... my fundie autistic mother actually tried very hard to raise loving, hard working, "Christian feminist" boys. There were so many other influences on them though. Two are absolute shithole libfem porn addicts, 1 is a fundie who might actually not watch porn but lives a very limited and low energy life, and 1 is just becoming an adult but I have good hopes for him - he's gay though. Meanwhile mil is pickme supreme and raised 2 boys, 1 a weak alcoholic edgelord narcissist and 1 my husband who is loving, nurturing, works hard, started therapy of his own accord in his teens, learned a bunch of life skills on his own... it's actually a little scary how much of a crap shoot it is.

shelballama · 2021-09-08T17:16:02+00:00

Was this the one where OP was asking if she should reward him with praise as he asked, after cleaning up after him for over two years, because (something very akin to, in her partner's words) "I knew you'd clean up/ pick it up for me"

Because the first comment to that was that a rewards system helps reinforce and it's not his fault he was raised that way.

Ok so he lived like a young, inept slob for years before OP? So now she owes him praise after picking up for him for 2 years? It's not enough that he has spent TWO YEARS offloading work onto his partner, even though he knows it's his own shit and she will lose her time and energy picking up after him to save HIM that?

Absolutely not. OP's mistake was letting this carry on for that ridiculous amount of time. The comments in favor of CoMmUniCAtiNg and supporting him even when he admitted he left messes since she knew she'd clean, were so so upsetting

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-09-08T20:39:40+00:00

My parents raised a son who asked his wife, who was at home with their newborn, "what do you DO ALL DAY?!"

Narcissists beget narcissists

My poor SIL is still with him, and he just treats her like crap. She's got 2 babies and her mother to think about. She's been out of the workforce for over 10 years. Leaving him is so daunting, but I truly hope she does.

Catz10000 · 2021-09-08T14:31:23+00:00

I have two preteen sons and I show them posts like that and talk to them about how wherever they live, they are part of the team that keeps the household going and should do their fair share. It's lazy parenting otherwise. No excuses. I have had my share of trauma and parentification, and parenting is hands on and HARD. I left their dad partly because I was tired of doing all of the emotional labor and mental load for a man 2 decades my senior. Figured might as well raise my sons to not be like most men. I am not a bloody project manager, and even if everyone is willing to take directions and do what I ask, I am so much happier now. I have no idea how much milk is in the fridge because other people notice and buy it if needed. I am living life on my terms. What good is a husband if he isn't a true and equal partner?

entpgirl415 · 2021-09-08T20:42:46+00:00

My moms friend has two sons and one of them is super disrespectful to her. He’s 13 years old. She’s doing everything for her whole family, i.e cooking cleaning, and he says things to her like “ew this again for dinner tonight?!” and other insults about her food. On top of that apparently she was telling him he should respect women and this little POS had the audacity to laugh in her face and asks her why he should respect women! Let’s just say I would make sure that level of disrespect will never come from my son to me if I ever have one.

wet-plants · 2021-09-09T08:20:20+00:00

At a family get together recently, I started cleaning up dinner/dishes. My brother asked how he could help (which annoyed me, he is 29, he cant look around and see that there are dishes he could bring to the sink, or a table to wipe, etc etc? I had my elbows deep in dishwater but I have to tell him what he can do? It wasn’t even my place. It was my parents.

Anyway before I could answer, my dad tells my brother he doesn’t need to do anything, just find a good playlist. So he sits there on his phone while I wash dishes, my dad dries them, and then they both go outside and play catch while I put the dried dishes away and cleaned up the kitchen again so my mom wouldn’t be left with it.

Then they even had some smart comment about me finally joining them for a game of catch when I eventually emerged.

This is how they are raised. Though again, he is 29 and shouldve been capable of helping despite dad telling him not to. His girlfriend is an incredible cook, like gourmet from scratch most nights. She says that means my brother is in charge of dishes/clean up. But I can only imagine the half assed job he does or how much mental load delegating she has to do for him. Ughh

iheartnoodlez · 2021-09-08T19:54:46+00:00

I have a theory about moms who raise (intentionally or not) LVM: I think they spoiled them in an attempt to gain the love and affection their LV husbands never gave them. They essentially raise the boy to be the husband they believe they deserve, which is someone who at least "loves" them for all the mommy-ing they do for them, as opposed to the current thankless partner. This also keeps the boys dependent on mommy to cook/clean/laundry so she will always have a role even if husband up and leaves (or cheats) someday.

Tl;dr: LVM are what happens when Pickmes have sons and never level up. Absolutely vicious cycle, but not devoid of female input.

CNhuman · 2021-09-08T15:03:40+00:00

Women are not the only ones raising their sons, though.

Even if there isn't a father figure involved, the male socialization of our culture still enforces the abysmal standards men have set for their own behavior and benefit. Boys see how much easier their shitty peers have it, and weaponized incompetence is contagious. Why WOULDN'T a boy pretend he didn't know how to do something if he's seen that there are no consequences for it?

Please don't blame women for the things that men choose to do unless you KNOW they are at fault. I know that when we see this situation playing out we see ourselves as the girlfriends and wives taken advantage of, but if mothers could socialize their sons out of being shitty participants in male culture the bar wouldn't be so deep in hell.

greenteaorange · 2021-09-08T16:11:29+00:00

I heard from my friend that men in Chengdu, China are raised to do house work (esp. cooking). As far as I can see from internet, it seems to be true. Anyone familiar with Chengdu?

shljock · 2021-09-08T21:35:31+00:00

Imho trying to reconstruct scrote's childhood and primarily questioning the mother is not it. If the mother is a mature functional self aware feminist she probably wouldn't be raising their kid at scrote standards. Should the mothers of todays adult scrotes be held accountable? Honestly if I was raising my kid 30 yrs ago with just my lived experience and no resources like we have today (therapy, internet, social movements etc) I would probably be perpetuating a lot of dysfunction myself. Just like my parents had, but it absolves me of 0% of responsibility for my grown ass adult self today.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-09-09T00:59:52+00:00

My son can cook better than I can, clean, he's hygienic, has good fashion sense and is a well rounded person. He also gives me great gifts without me even having to give him ideas. He's left wing politically too. The parts of him that aren't great are thanks to his NV dad who my son hero worshipped. My son has a tendency to call some of my requests nagging. I'm always telling him over and over not to be sexist and repeating radfem ideals over and over to burn it into his brain. It's a work in progress at this stage.

Feminineprincess · 2021-09-09T14:08:59+00:00

I can only speak from a minority’s standpoint in this convo. I feel like this mostly happens in families with low income, I heard a lot of black mothers raise their daughters to be levelheaded and responsible but allow their sons to slack around because they say “When she gets older, she might not find a man to support her, or she might get stuck in an abusive marriage and won’t be able to leave due to dependency on abusive husband” so they raise their to be ‘independent’. And on top of that, they hate when their daughters go out and have sex because she might end up to be a single parent, so I guess their strictness comes into play to prevent pregnancy out of wedlock.

BoneCode · 2021-09-08T21:26:31+00:00

I watched my mom struggle to raise my brother right. He was expected to do chores, treat women with respect, keep his temper under control, etc.

When he turned 16-17 he just flat out ignored it and reversed it. He routinely criticized her for making him do things that his friends weren’t expected to do. He laughed at my dad’s sexist jokes and was bitchy to my step mom.

When he turned 18, my dad immediately stopped paying child support and my brother got belligerent toward my mom when said she had to downsize to a place where he wouldn’t have his own bedroom. He wasn’t even living there, but felt he was entitled to a place to flop, free of charge.

In the end, nothing she did mattered. His father and his male friends mattered.

He’s 45 now and has burned through some really lovely women. He does a good job of making it seem like he has potential. He uses a lot of what he learned growing up with my mom to say the right things, but once they’re locked down, he reverts to being useless. Eventually they leave him, tired of waiting for that potential to mean something.

Title	Raising Shitty Sons
Author	Squeakendorf
Upvotes	279
Comments	24
Date	September 8, 2021 2:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pkbepc/raising_shitty_sons/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/raising-shitty-sons.1069781 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069781

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