I flared this as Change My View because men and women have a bunch of insanely contradictory ideas of what men truly value in women in order to inspire a desire to commit to her. This is my personal view on what would make a woman "commitment material" for me - a woman I want to devote myself to and whom I would feel not just compelled to be with but also derive a sense of happiness in committing fully and exclusively to her.

I think that what makes a woman commitment-material is dependent on how valuable she is to a man, not just sexually but also emotionally and intimately. What I mean by this is to what degree does a man derive joy and happiness from her presence. And to what degree does he feel loss in her absence.

When talking about commitment over the long haul a man's relationship to a woman has to feel on par with that of his family, individuals that he is intimately familiar with and whom he has a natural deep sense of trust and bond with. The closest comparison I can make for what would make a woman into commitment material is to literally familiarize her, the operating word there is family. For example: a sister, mother, aunt, or cousin. In a way we are all already committed to these women when you think about it. So how does a non-family member essentially become your family? In this case, how does a woman you're dating get on that same level of commitment that you have towards your mother or sister - to a point where you feel you can just trust her and depend on her and you can freely talk to her where it is not a ritual mating dance anymore where each of you is still guarded and apprehensive in fear of rejection.

And therein lies the 10 million dollar question: How does a woman evolve in a mans heart into becoming a member of his family? How does she become someone that he wants to commit to?

If I was some greasy PUA I can stretch this into a book or charge to reveal "secrets" of men's hearts but I am not some smooth-bellied PUA and I will tell all of you here and now that I have no clue of what the hell I'm talking about, I am only musing and thinking out loud here and if anything I say resonates with someone else well then good! If not? Oh well... Again, this is why I flared this as CMV because I could be dead wrong about all of this so I don't want unsuspecting women especially to think I'm dishing out some kind of golden advice, cause I"m not!

So in my experience I have noticed women become special to me when they start to become familiar to me, as in, she is someone I see a lot, someone I am comfortable with and don't take for granted because the thought of her moving away or losing contact with her truly bums me out. The litmus test for me here is now how much would I miss her and how willing would I be to go after her - to poses her. I know how immature that sounds but bear with me. Possessiveness is NOT a bad thing when the possession is a person and NOT an object.

Women freak out over this because they think it means dehumanization; but how in hell would I be dehumanizing my own mother (for example) when I act possessive of her? That's because possession is NOT synonymous to dehumanization or objectification. And that is the end of that discussion and I will not entertain any argumentation the derails the definition I have established here.

So what is possession? It's the state or act of having something, ownership. And the way ownership works here is in the context that she is my own. She is a part or me. NOT my property, but an extension of my world and unlike mere property - which is inanimate and totally obedient to my will - a woman is sentient and free willed, and has a world of her own. That means that my desire to commit to her is in fact my desire to have her take possession of me just as I want to take possession of her. It does NOT work unless both parties are doing the same thing. Men who take possession of a woman who does not reciprocate is what leads to a while mess of complicated problems from simping to abusing.

I find myself strongly willing to commit only to those women whom I feel I am in possession of AND whom I can feel that she is also wanting to take hold of me and is welcoming me into her world rather than throwing up walls to keep me out. Otherwise I would be goofy as hell trying to take hold of a fortress and I'd be the equivalent of Don Quixote trying to storm Fork Knox on a donkey. I can tell when my devotion to a woman is real when I am willing to get off my horse and meet her on her terms at the foot of her gates - why? Because I am more interested in seeing and enjoying the real her and not get slapped around by her defenses. And that involves her trust, I desire her trust because it is my access to the real her. If I fuck this up I may never see her again if she decides to retreat behind whatever walls she throws up to defend herself from my foolishness. Which also brings up my next point.

When I truly want to commit to a girl I am extra gentle and kind to her for the reasons I just described above. My willingness to be kind and gentle to her even if I am a total beast in all other facets of life is also a measure of my willingness to commit to her. How willing am I to be patient, gentle, understanding, and accommodating to her to have her in my life as well as my assertive drive to actually go and get her. I may be gentle, but I will also be hungry for her. That means I will assert my claim to poses her in all types of ways from giving her my attention, learning about her, and empathizing with her in order to best convince her to give me her attention in return and try to inspire her affection for me just as she inspired mine.

This is the stuff that I believe actual commitment is made out of. Now, try and change my view. I get the feeling most women will get it, and as for men, I can only guess how far off the mark they are going to shoot.