Like clockwork. I’m 47. The early days, I had a lot to atone for. I was angry, telling, loud, mean, distant and not a great husband. But for the past ten years I have taken to heart every single critique or complaint she had and tried to be the best husband I could be. She really never re-engaged at all. Every discussion was a reason to deflect any responsibility, not to heal, not to actually solve our problems.

She has found an increasing number of activities to be absent. Tennis. Drinking with the ladies after tennis ( a lot) quanon conspiracy chat rooms. Even when she is here, she’s not here and certainly not engaging with me. Things were on a slow improvement until the summer when my wife, drunk at the tennis club, texted my 15 year old daughter to not tell me, but to ride her bike at midnight about 2 miles on busy roads to come drive her home. I flipped. Two weeks later she did it again. Then three weeks after that she got so drunk at octoberfest in town my 10 year old son called me on her phone and said she was too drunk to walk home and I had to come get them. Suffice it to say...things got icy quick.

I hesitate to call her an alcoholic. Her drinking is sporadic and almost all outside the home. But her boundaries and decision making are really bad when she drinks. She did not apologize, nor admit it was wrong. On the contary she thought it was good for the kids to see “mom with a social life”. While my kids love her and she can be a very attentive mom, it’s a running issue in the house how often she is gone.

Last week I saw a text on her phone asking a friend for an apartment. I confronted her and said, it’s counseling or over I need off this merry go round. She said no counseling. So...

In March of this year I was informed I was getting laid off end of year. I work in finance and jobs are NOT what they used to be. I know my next job will be of significantly less pay. I live in NY and have four kids 16, 14, 13 and 10.

I’ve saved and lives below my means diligently my whole life to be free. I was ready to buy a small business , ratchet down the corporate grind and enjoy life. Now I have to go back to a job I hate for less pay to support a woman who took a lot more than she gave over the last 10 years.

To say I’m depressed is an understatement. I have no idea how I will recover from this. I have no idea how to garner enough financial resources to support two households and I know the law in NY is going to stick it right up my ass. I tried to do everything right. I don’t really drink, I’m home every night, I do the bulk of the cooking and cleaning. My wife, an RN, refuses to get the vaccine so she is now voluntarily unemployed. I’m literally so fucked, after years of sacrifice and doing my very best, right on the cusp of my dreams to have them taken away.

I’m not sure if I should get a job, not get a job, go to mediation...this sucks beyond words. I did my best, she put zero effort into our marriage for most of it.