Simply put, he figured out your ‘game’ — which qualities/actions a woman like you would consider acceptable.

Yes, they might be higher than those of an average woman, unequipped with FDS knowledge.

Nonetheless, he watched you silently, carefully probing your unspoken boundaries/standards. He may be experienced enough to know what women of your caliber would expect — so he does just that.

(Now, be weary of men who reserve to love-bombing in the first 3-6 months of dating. Their gestures may be grandiose, yet surface-level — ensure that you listen and validate your intuition when something feels off)

He pays for dates. Opens doors. Buys gifts that are no less than $X – $Y. Asks about your day. Sometimes gets you your favorite caramel macchiato. Carefully hides his red flags.

The rest, however? Lacks depth. Lacks a touch of something that would suit your personality, interests, tastes. He does just enough of what he knows you would want, but not more.

Something that is small enough to be thoughtful, but not big enough to be of inconvenience/sacrifice to him.

For instance:

Context: You have been X for almost a year now. You have been to each other’s places. He does not show any red flags. So far, his treatment is good and satisfactory. You keep vetting. Let’s say the following happens:

• Bare minimum: He orders you a door-dash delivery of your favorite, seasonal coffee drink when you tell him that you are sick, bed-ridden, and feverish. He calls you later that night to check-in. In the morning, he texts again to ask how you are feeling.

• Bare minimum + more: He orders you a door-dash delivery of your favorite, seasonal coffee drink to the door when you tell him that you are sick, bed-ridden, and feverish. He takes an hour and a half off of work to come as soon as he can. Once you open the door, he comes in with groceries to make you your favorite, hearty soup that will last you a couple of days. He ensures to clean the kitchen, help tidy up your room — so that you feel better. Once he ensures that you are well and have everything you need, he proceeds to leave. He calls you later that night to check-in. He assures you that, if you need him again, no matter the time, he will be at your place to take care of you. In the morning, he stops by before work to see how you are feeling.

In the first example, a man simply does more than nothing. Yet, being thoughtful and attentive is bare minimum — he did just that, no more. It is almost as if he is going through the motions of earning you.

In the second example, a man makes a sacrifice (taking time off work, spending time to care for you). He goes above and beyond to be there for you.

If the vibe that you are getting from him is similar to the first example, do not rush into dropping all the other suitors. Re-consider. Your version of bare minimum is still bare minimum. Would that be enough for long?

Share your stories, ladies. How did your HVM consistently show you that they are all in to be great partners for you?