Any advice for my first date in 2 weeks?

tuberosetears · 2021-11-24T16:26:49+00:00

Congrats! I know how excited and nervous you're feeling. Go with the flow (so you don't stress too much) but make YOURSELF the #1 priority.

If you are uncomfortable, say NO. There will be other guys.

He might pout or get pissy with you when you establish a physical boundary. You may get anxious and think about letting him cross that boundary because you don't want to make him mad, but I repeat: There will be other guys.

Again, my advice is to look out for #1: YOU.

flowerpower102938 · 2021-11-24T18:26:34+00:00

Say less, listen more. Ask good questions, let him tell on himself.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-11-24T16:22:15+00:00

Don't drink. It's just a DATE, if you're good company (you enjoy spending time with yourself) then you already know you're fun to be around and you can have a good time- see if he makes your party of 1 better.

Don't worry about initiating anything physical on the first date. And if he initiates and you don't feel comfortable, turning for a cheek kiss or a straight up handshake goodbye can sort it out.

Don't take anything seriously (except your safety) - this guy is likely not going to be your life partner. Most HV couples meet in their mid to late 30s. Yea, you may find a bf to waste a few school years with but it is doubtful this will be the man you marry/make a life with. I am of the opinion that it's fine to be in relationships that are fine for you for now during these transition stages in life, just make sure you don't ever 'make' them work. Cause they were only enjoyment and experience- not true collaborative partnership

23eggz · 2021-11-24T16:07:13+00:00

During your date, say you're going to the bathroom and take a minute to evaluate how you feel and your impressions of the date so far. Write down notes - especially any yellow/orange/red flags you have noticed.

When you're done the date return to your notes and add any additional observations.

I recommend the mid date notes because it allows to your cut yourself off from getting caught up in the excitement of the date and to focus on vetting. You will likely be tired after the date so this will be a chance to write down anything you have noticed before forget.

donttextme_k · 2021-11-24T16:13:33+00:00

Be confident in yourself!

When I had my first date, I was super nervous too and during that time my self esteem was really low. Looking back, I wish I knew about FDS and had the mentality of he should try to impress me, what am I so nervous for? Any guy should be lucky to have me. Being nervous didnt really help my case of getting to know them, I was more focus on being nervous than if he was the right person

PenelopePitstop21 · 2021-11-24T16:43:26+00:00

Dates are meant to be enjoyable. Go into the date expecting to enjoy yourself. This is the bare minimum, so if you are not enjoying yourself, leave.

Which leads us to a safety point: arrange with a friend to call you mid-date, in case it isn't going well and you don't feel you can just up and leave (you can claim the call is an emergency and you need to leave. Keep it vague).

-positivity- · 2021-11-24T18:57:42+00:00

If you’re nervous, it’s better to keep quiet than to talk too much. Go home early—after 2 hours maximum. Have a great time, sweetheart!

GlitteryMoss · 2021-11-24T15:24:22+00:00

I would read the FDS hanbook linked up above, just to make sure you can vet adequately.

I would try to remember this is JUST a date, and this person might be a LVM or not, so not to get overly excited. Look at more as you conducting an interview for a potential second date. He does need to impress you, the possibility of a second date is YOUR decision, not his. YOU are the prize here, keep that in mind.

Also, I hope that whatever is planned is a fun activity (eating dinner counts) so you can concentrate on that more and not worry so much about the date itself. If you drink alcohol, do set yourself a very low limit so you are basically sober all night. (I personally would recommend not drinking any alcohol for dates)

staywiththecrown · 2021-11-24T19:11:20+00:00

-Do not let him know where you live or other private information (last name, workplace, schedule).

-Find your own way there to and fro.

-Do not accept a ride from him. Don't get in cars with strange men.

-Do not go to his place or your place. Stay in public always.

-Let friends know where you're going, his name, and his picture.

-Have enough money to get out of any situation.

-HE PAYS for the date. If he makes a big scene or wants to sPlit, pay your half, and leave.

-If he is sexual at all ("joking", creepy touching), insulting, overly controlling, or if you have an uncomfortable/dreadful feeling about him, BLOCK AND DELETE.

-No physical stuff from him. Men think paying $15 entitles them to your body until the end of time. No way!

-Don't force yourself to be attracted to him. He won't appreciate it and won't return the same kindness.

-If you're not feeling it, block and delete. Don't "explain" why or apologize. Just leave silently.

I've learned from 11 years of useless dating that all of the above are red flags. It would have saved me sooooo much time and energy.

Competitive_Bar8657 · 2021-11-24T18:00:43+00:00

If you don't like him, if you don't enjoy your date, if, for some reason, you just want to be somewhere else, practice what you're going to do/say to get out. Don't sit there out of politeness and don't waste your time.

europoor24 · 2021-11-24T16:00:51+00:00

Don't drink alcohol, don't go back to his place, don't believe him if he says he wants a relationship(you have to pay attention to his actions), end the night perhaps with a kiss but not somewhere too secluded.

yangoseed · 2021-11-25T04:55:25+00:00

Hey girl, same boat as you (23, no bf, no kiss, etc) and I’ve been dating this guy for about a month. I would say just relax, remember this is an opportunity for him to show you his best side and don’t feel the need to carry the conversation or “dance” for him. If it’s meant to go well, it’ll go well! Good luck 😊

letsberealforamoment · 2021-11-25T17:14:57+00:00

Absolutely no discussion, hints, JoKEs, innuendo about anything sexually related. If he does any of that, he doesn't respect you and is looking for a shortcut to sex.

A first date is to explore common interests, see if you two can hold a conversation to the extent you would like to see each other again. It's NOT a time to discuss intimate things.

GlitteringPaige · 2021-11-25T10:40:30+00:00

Way to go with your focus on creating an overflowing life for you! Sometimes the word “date” can be whipped up into a big scary thing. When I was nervous, it helped to reframe the situation- there is a potential space in your life for a romantic partner; he would like to apply for the job and would like ONE opportunity to show you the benefit he would bring to you if you selected him for a trial. You see how there is nooooo room here for him to enact the Spanish Inquisition on your previous history? It’s not as dry as an interview or debate or exam like in school, but the onus is definitely on HIM to do the impressing.

Where’s that post on birds when you need it?! Did anyone save the one about male birds showing off the pretty dancing and feathers for the mating rituals, and the ladies having NONE of it it he wasn’t good or he was violent?

Title	Any advice for my first date in 2 weeks?
Author	Bluemonroe26
Upvotes	132
Comments	25
Date	November 24, 2021 3:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r17gx8/any_advice_for_my_first_date_in_2_weeks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/any-advice-for-my-first-date-in-2-weeks.1086771 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086771

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