Earlier there was a thread on here about gym harassment, and I've seen this same kind of thread on other sites. Complaints are valid, and it's good to vent.

But there was a small pickme part of myself that wondered, why am I not ever harassed? in fact, the more I thought about it, why am I not ever approached, or spoken to at all out in public? I mean, I get it: part of it is 50+ years of living in a female body, 25 being married. I've worked hard my entire life to be left and let alone by male randos out in public. I've cultivated RBF (resting Medusa face?) and give off an aura of "don't even think of messing with me". Part of it also is being older, and being overweight, although losing 170 lbs has helped. Less than 100 to go! Another part is dressing super basic, in order to avoid unwanted attention.

And although I obviously don't want to be harassed, it made me go a further step and wonder, is there any good, acceptable, rational, kind approach from a stranger out in public that wouldn't instantly set us as women on edge? I don't know. I'm so far out of the dating game by decades, it's unreal.

The only kind of attention that I can think of is chatting with a man in a group setting (which I may get to do this weekend at an out of town event! Society for Creative Anachronism, haven't been to an event since college, 1989. Had a generation-long case of the "mundanes".)

First of all let me say, when I'm in a group setting, I chat and talk with all kinds of people easily, especially since I usually find ways to help. This time, first place I'm heading is the kitchen, which is what I always did at an event. I always get spoken to/greeted, and asked functional/practical questions -- which way is the bathroom, pass me that please, etc. But I've honestly forgotten how to indicate openness to being approached. I mean, it's been a quarter century.

I'm interested to know how you FDS queens feel about being chatted up by a new guy out in the wild. What appeals? What's an instant turn off? Way more of the latter than the former, I'm sure. My personal ideal would be many small conversations over time, or just someone with whom I just fall into chat and it broadens and deepens. That's a real joy, but rare, super rare. Thanks for all input.