Husband just turned redpill, what do I do?

brztek · 2022-03-05T04:33:52+00:00

You are basically rewarding him for his bad behaviour

limache · 2022-03-05T05:51:09+00:00

Aren’t you basically reinforcing and proving him right ?

You’re confirming everything he learned and he’s doubling down

Until he sees that you hate it and want to divorce him, he’ll continue

Ithrewallofitaway · 2022-03-05T03:59:03+00:00

Yeah, as a redpiller, I would tell him to take his alpha male pack and jump in a lake. Redpillers will comment how women will get comfortable and start to let themselves go. While I agree that looking presentable is food for the soul, but it can get overboard, and it seems that it has with him. Either he is bluffing or he really feels this way. Either way, don't put up with this bad behavior.

SnooRevelations6826 · 2022-03-05T01:20:32+00:00

There are thousands and thousands of spouses with the same story. Buckle up and read this:

https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/

And: https://freedomofmind.com/how-to-rescue-a-loved-one-from-a-cult-the-strategic-interactive-approach/

If you guys are extra brave, I highly recommend watching The Vow on HBO together. You will see everything Red Pill is and understand there is a high likelihood that Red Pill might just be a front group for NXIVM or other similar cults.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-03-05T06:05:12+00:00

Id tell him to go and do better, just dont come back.

karabnp · 2022-03-05T05:53:22+00:00

Truthfully?? I’d lean into it. I’d say: “Then GO. Go and “do better” than me. BE MY GUEST.” Until that talk materializes into action, it’s just talk. Also, as another commenter mentioned, you are rewarding his bad behavior.

Meiguishui · 2022-03-05T10:20:20+00:00

I’m so sorry, that is just awful. Is he the father of your child? If not I would recommend a clean break. I hope he can deprogram and come back to reality but unfortunately he has so much reinforcement in his echo chamber that it could be a while if ever. First things first is to stop playing along. I hope to god it’s not his child because these guys can be nightmares in custody battles. Wishing you the best.

cunningcaring · 2022-03-05T11:24:53+00:00

Time to draw the line in the sand. Behavior changes or he's out. Refuse to accept being treated this way.

EntertainmentNeat592 · 2022-03-05T01:53:02+00:00

You are not gonna like it but there is nothing you can do. The men who get into red pill always had pre-existing issues (insecure, narcissistic, borderline, bipolar etc.) and red pill just gives them the validation they always wanted. The only person who can get your husband out of RP is your husband himself.

I bet you are are much more hotter than he is and that’s why he is trying to bring you down. Your husband is insecure that he is getting old so he is resorting to red pill wishful thinking to cope.

If you still want to work it out then do the opposite of what you have done so far. Don’t try to cater to his need, if he say red pill BS then call him out, separate yourself from him. It will show him that he needs you and he need to respect you if he wants the benefits of being with you. If you cater to his need while disrespect you he will never change.

LadyKitana · 2022-03-06T13:42:58+00:00

This is abusive and toxic AF… you and your child need to remove yourself from this situation asap! Calling you low value is degrading and very disrespectful.

It would appear that he saying he can do better to intimidate and Manipulate you into doing what he wants. If you truly want to work it out go to counselling however I would still find another place to Live while you decide what to do. I would personally leave for good but I don’t know your situation.

You don’t ever have to listen or tolerate to abusive behaviour from anyone. If he truly feels he can “ do better “ let him try. If he is gone redpill he may accuse you of being hypergamy if you leave and it could feed into more of these ideas he has about women but don’t believe him. You and your child deserve to be in a healthy environment.

laguaguadecarne · 2022-03-08T06:14:55+00:00

You can happily tell him to fuck off.

You being 28 with a kid already means jack and shit. A woman can be 18 or can be 88 and still make a man fall in love and get him to marry her. TRP is all lies and projection. If men are willing to do it with animals or inanimate objects... you think they are THAT concerned over THE WALL? Of course, they are not.

My mother remarried (to my step-dad) at my age (34) while having two teens (myself, 16, and my younger brother, 14) and a tween (my youngest brother, 11) and being pregnant with her 4th (my half-sister, who's now 17).

lilycamilly · 2022-03-05T14:21:23+00:00

Divorce.

Lady_Beatnik · 2022-03-05T15:31:09+00:00

Your relationship has turned abusive. Don't focus on saving him, focus on protecting yourself, please call a hotline before this gets worse.

40yoADHDnoob · 2022-03-05T13:42:13+00:00

What is he doing to live up to his so called "value". Is he grooming himself nicely? Pulling his weight in the home, providing any emotional support? Anything?

porkchop_47 · 2022-03-05T08:32:29+00:00

Since it sounds like you want rehabilitation over punishment (although would be justified since red pill is built on malicious narcissism and gaslighting) , you would need to remind them of their humanity. Currently his world view of humanity is women abuse and take advantage of men, thus they’re forced to protect themselves by retaliation (they wouldn’t say abuse because in their minds women are at fault and create the harmful system against men). He needs to be reminded that life isn’t just grim exploitation. Something simple as watching an emotional movie might help. Like Schindler’s list.

CaliforniaBruja · 2022-03-05T18:10:02+00:00

Take him to couples therapy and tel the therapist he’s becoming a RedPiller and you no longer like him

Herukhuti · 2022-03-06T21:49:57+00:00

If this story is true, he is already walking out the door. Nothing you can do will change his feeling that he chose poorly. That is only something he can do for himself. If you do not have any children together, then you both can make a clean break. Yes, you have a child, but as you can see, he does not consider your child by a different man his child. For the benefit of your child and yourself, it is best to divorce him. Right now, his resentment may turn into mistreatment of the child. You definitely do not want that to happen.

GloomyHousing2657 · 2022-03-14T04:25:53+00:00

Leave him. Healthy men don’t do that crap to their women. I’ve shown my husband red pill stuff and he thinks it’s a hot pile of dog shit to be honest.

AbbreviationsNo7536 · 2022-03-05T19:23:35+00:00

I disagree with people who say that you've been rewarding him for bad behavior. He isn't a dog or a toddler that's just learning how to behave around other people. He is an adult man who is responsible for his own behavior and from what you've written, it sounds like he is mentally and emotionally abusing you. Abuse is never the fault or the person who is being abused, nor is it your right or responsibility to "train" him. You need to fight for your own mental health and the only way to do that, I believe, is to leave him. I don't know how old your child is, but it can't be good for him/her to be hearing and internalizing the message that single women are inherently low value and whatever other bullshit he's been spewing.

Hotlx · 2022-03-05T10:02:48+00:00

If you have to say you are high value then you’re probably not. This sounds like an insecure man and looking for reassurance that he has value he found redpill and thinks he knows everything, I’ve read lot of content of redpill but I’ve noticed so many people get angered and build hatred towards woman instead of accepting it’s just nature. Anyways what have you told him when he says you could be replaced or are low value?

2022-03-05T13:14:51+00:00

Kick him out!

It's not worth the self doubt and gaslighting.
My ex fiance turned red pill basically because he had absolutely no control over his life and, tbh, he wasn't trying to get any either. Just expected to be handed millions of dollars. When that didn't happen RP came into play.

He really wrecked my confidence in every way! ESPECIALLY sexually. In hindsight now I know he was negging me about sex to get more sex (average was 4 times a week before RP.) dropped to maybe once because he was constantly criticizing me for absolutely no reason. So it backfired

We eventually broke up because one tires of hearing "I'm gonna sleep with other people because we're not having enough sex", "I'm a HVM and I have options", "women flirt with me all the time and you don't even want to have sex. They want me" whenever I turned down sex that would 10/10 end with me being criticized.. told him to go do it! Go get some random ass!

Guess who actually had the options! Not the 30yo, jobless, homeless, operating from trauma adult! I'm absolutely thriving in life and I'm so freaking happy!!! But he does manage to email me every now and then apologizing for how he acted and actually admitted that the amount of sex we used to have was above average and he messed that up. Telling me he's grown and we should be friends or try again.... he's still RP everything he said ended with him getting what he wanted and me being asked out literally and figuratively. And I've moved on completely.

Its not worth it! Whatever drew him there has absolutely nothing to do with you and if it did, he could've been an adult and worked it out or left. Don't keep trying to turn yourself into someone he loves or actually likes. You cant have either without respect and he doesn't seem to have any for you.

TheOtakuBruh · 2022-03-06T13:25:37+00:00

Sounds like He’s a step father that realized he got a bad deal in marrying you post red pill, and now is trying to manipulate you into filing for divorce. He clearly don’t wanna be married to you any more.

Naus1987 · 2022-03-05T15:13:40+00:00

What attracts you to him? Did he have a good personality before?

One of the weird things about red pill is that when I see a lot of relationships with issues, so many of them got together out of looks or money, and never on personality.

I would try to figure out what personality traits he has that you like, and ask them to lean into them. If he’s a good man, then he’ll see the error of his ways.

If he isn’t a good man, then splitting up may be best.

No need to save a toxic marriage if it was built on looks or money.

Frick_Ducky · 2022-03-09T07:19:03+00:00

Hold frame

ghostCanape · 2022-03-05T05:24:03+00:00

Does your husband even lift? Because I really question his ability to interpret redpill material given that, like anyone else, his behavior reflects the foremost edge of his learning. And the behavior is very stupid.

I am assuming the child is pretty young? And, more importantly, what type of dude was your husband before he "got into the RP community?"

Assuming an explaination outside malice for the manner in which he has chosen to interact with you, getting your husband back to tolerable ought to be possible. For a start, he should quit, I am guessing, porn.

PremiumShake · 2022-03-06T12:40:28+00:00

Could it be that while you thought that the relationship was going decently that he’s been at least somewhat unhappy/dissatisfied and that’s why he sought that content out in the first place? Sounds like he’s a stepfather and maybe he’s realized that he’s not cut out for that. It takes both people to save a marriage so bending to his will isn’t going to work long term, you’ll just end up losing yourself. If he’s really telling you things like “I can do better” then I’d say that the marriage is at a real crossroads and you’ve got a tough decision.

Empty-Tell5792 · 2022-03-07T23:36:17+00:00

I will say to you, what my commander said to me. I told him my father was a prick. I wanted to protect my father from hurting her anymore. He said son, your mother, is his wife. That is your husbands wife. Let no man come between what spiritually has placed two together. You don't know what good parts of you might die at the end, and we all say it won't be that bad, until we're standing at the crucifixion watching our families get torn up at the cross.

OK. I'm gonna go against the comment section in here, because they might want to fup you. Instead of seeing RP this and RP that. Is your husband focusing on improving or not? Honey, don't fret what he saying. Is he in better shape? Is he taking care of bills? Could the both of you be financially well off 5+ years down the road?

Alright, here comes the sting. Go shower. Come to the rest room with a notepad, pen and humble heart. Dry off and look in the mirror. Write down everything. How do you like yourself? Are you weak in some areas? Have you been tending to self care? Are you reading self help books? Have you meditated by yourself and for yourself? As a woman, you will evolve as your own person, here's where men and women drop the ball. You both need to evolve, while the focus remains compatible to the mission. You and your husband have a weight to bear. Your house, children and privacy. The most expensive and invaluable things in this entire world and you tell your husband this.

You are in ugly times, and right now...people on internet, stupid women with bad advice, stupid men with bad advice will lead you astray. The world is on the fulcrum of failure and the one thing that matters is You, your husband and your children. It's your peace and in each pieces of you as long as all of you remain together, you can have peace, but the family must be on mission. Your family must find a common hatred, together, and in that, all of you can ban together for the common good and strength of the family.

F everybody else in this entire world, universe. Let him know you'd kill to protect the peace and ask him will he do the same. RP means his mind is ripping with reality. Confirm to him, you'd do anything, but he can't demand pieces of your spirit to satisfy his skepticism. He has to use judgment and patience and as tempting for both of you to get answers right now and an instant grat society. Bad times, are the best times for bonding. Be patient with each other.

Don't listen to any one even me, if at the end of the day, your family is at risk. The guys in here are stupid and immature and it sounds like you and your family is better than the answers you're gonna find here. Go somewhere alone and be with your family and all of you for months if it takes that long, discuss truths, ugly truths and hold each other during realizations, but DO NOT wreck your home, to find the 10% you lack, because what you will do is lose the 90% and end up with the 10% for the rest of your life and keeping it real.

No one gives a crap, even death about your family but you and your family so keep them, love them and protect them. Love is scary, but so is being without it.

Kismkasm1 · 2022-03-23T14:24:02+00:00

Guy. Idiot. Fool. Leave.

Estelwaterbottles · 2022-04-01T06:57:38+00:00

Wow you are giving your all to someone who gives no shits about you or your CHILD! dump his ass (seperate from him) and if he changes for you and shows truly that he is sincere then up to you whether you still even want him. you and your child dont deserve to put up with that immature shit. and is your child a gitl or boy? because either way hell be a bad influence. teaching the girl she is nothing but a dishwasher and the boy how to treat women like theyre dishwashers. i could never.

sis... i wish you knew how much better you could do... theres men out there who will try to change jusst for you :)

17seventy6ed · 2022-04-10T03:41:31+00:00

Just embrace your bypergany and monkey branch to another man.

Eria_tar_ka · 2022-04-12T02:47:48+00:00

He completely misunderstood and warped what redpill is. I can tell you it has nothing to do with woman bashing or putting a loved one down like that.

Aware-Helicopter-448 · 2022-04-14T00:57:28+00:00

Please get a divorce

spykehex · 2022-04-15T03:36:19+00:00

The redpill primal idiology is to be the best of oneself as oneself were yesterday, thats for singles, but with couples need to take a common objective and reach it together as a team, his perspective is diferent from before, pointing the objective to the right direction as couple would be the best for both.

Sinethial · 2022-04-25T03:17:24+00:00

I am confused about his apprehension? Redpill teaches to avoid SINGLE mothers but you're his wife? Is he insecure about himself? About you thinking he is not high value? Does he want to leave the marriage and are you wondering if rp is related to this?

It sounds to me he may have discovered rp because he is unhappy or he is wondering about leaving and rp content appeared in his Google searches. You need to talk to him and address this?

This smv stuff is irrelevant in a marriage. You're both not in the dating market. If he wants to use it to improve to be a better husband then be it. Insecurities are a big beta male behavior I would remind him. He needs to mentally be on board with his marriage or leave? You need an answer as well from him

DhnBrutalista · 2022-06-14T01:35:45+00:00

Stab him

nameisahmad · 2022-06-23T22:24:00+00:00

Redpill for life

SnooRevelations6826 · 2023-12-28T22:55:06+00:00

Girl, hang on to that man and ignore the H*LL out of him. Make it seem like everything is his idea and do whatever you want at this point. Do you work? Set aside your finances and become a woman who learns about financial feminism. Money is the only language these type of men understand. Your only other option is to divorce him. I would never recommend that. Separation would be an option once the last child is legal adult age. Basically live a life separate from him emotionally.

Help him see how you getting employment and/or more education and skills will benefit your marriage’s bottom line and proceed to develop a separate-while-married life. These guys have drank the red pill koolaid and there’s no turning back unless God does it. If you believe in the power of prayer I would definitely take a spiritual and scriptural approach to it and pray for him to find Christ should God grace him to do so.

Miwoman75 · 2024-10-31T03:30:54+00:00

This is happening to me as well. I am plotting my divorce as the situation is out of control. I am called a feminist daily.

ekaitzbortitzetxea · 2025-04-03T05:03:33+00:00

The child is not his child ?

CocoahMocha88 · 2025-08-20T18:36:02+00:00

Story of my life. Quite frankly I’m tired and have no real motivation to fix him nor prove myself anymore. I’m over it. I have my own ish to worry about. If a group of bitter, single men can ruin a 20 year marriage, then so be it. Then to be married to me, a black woman, yet on board with all of the negative, distasteful thoughts that the red pill community shares about us, despite lying next to me every night. Hell no! He can miss me. I’m over it. 😒

Husband just turned redpill, what do I do?

Comments

1000000000% THIS!!!!!!!!

Title	Husband just turned redpill, what do I do?
Author	Own-Valuable-3345
Upvotes	74
Comments	103
Date	March 5, 2022 1:07 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/t6xv0c/husband_just_turned_redpill_what_do_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/husband-just-turned-redpill-what-do-i-do.1104100 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104100