Damn I miss her

ct3747 · 2022-04-13T14:05:34+00:00

It happened the same to me, but seeing that she is moving on, while I waste months and months depressed is not fair.

You may be in love of what it could have been, but women are different than men. They love different than us.

The best thing to do is to open your eyes and see the real person she is, and how is she treating you. You don't deserve to be treated as trash or as an stranger, women tend to stop caring for men in just a minute and they don't care how bad you feel. Is all about them.

dogsrule2019 · 2022-04-13T14:50:43+00:00

The curse and blessing is that most men will recall the good parts of the relationship, and most women will remember and focus on the shit times. You'll be so much better on the other side, brother. Hang in there...

dadmacintosh · 2022-04-13T14:23:17+00:00

Suggest a heavy dose of Coach Greg Adam’s YouTube content.

letak2018 · 2022-04-13T16:20:11+00:00

Mourn the death of who she was, find peace, move on.

skirted_dork · 2022-04-13T13:35:37+00:00

I get that feeling too from time to time. We still living together but I miss the person she used to be and not who she currently is.

Jonger1150 · 2022-04-13T18:29:24+00:00

I used to feel the same way. I enjoyed my time with "Date-Night Wife", not "Everyday wife". She was on my wave length when the normal stresses of the world weren't on her, but when it was -- just a nasty person. I'm with someone new and I have a loving version all the time with her... minus my kids half the time 😞.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2022-04-14T00:29:04+00:00

You are missing a woman that no longer exists. My ex was kind and loving at one point too. That's how we get fooled into marrying them. Then I saw how cruel and brutal she really was during divorce, trying to soak me for every penny I had, did not care if I was bankrupt and penniless. She treated me so horribly during the last year of marriage, insults and pure hatred. I started to make a list of all the crappy things she did and said to me in case down the road I ever wavered after divorce. It was two pages long, single line before I gave up. I suggest you do the same. Do I have good memories? Sure. Do I wish things could have been different. Yes. Do I miss her? Hell no. I still look at the list from time to time to continue to be grateful what I escaped.

CRobinsFly · 2022-04-13T14:59:28+00:00

What helped me was understanding that recovering from divorce is basically a grieving process. There are a couple of great podcasts on Spotify for understanding it.

I think it's important to point out that you should cut yourself some slack and dont blame yourself so much - it takes two to get married as it does to get divorced - she's culpable somewhat in the failure, definitely blame her too! What really helped me was realizing that the ex blames herself very little(if even at all?) for what happened - to her it was all my fault - my rudeness, cruelty and frustration, the truth is I stopped looking forward to even being around her. She is the one that didnt respect me and the effort I put into the family: I work 50 hours every week 2 hours away from where we live(half of the time I slept in my car, hotel, tent to save time commuting). Then on the weekend she would basically double book me for chores that she could have accomplished during the week by herself. When I consider those things I'm actually thankful it's over because my life seems so much easier now - accepted a job across the country for a huge promotion& relocation and ultimately there are tons of other women out there.

AppalachianMan79 · 2022-04-14T01:01:16+00:00

I'm separated and had to take care of the stbxw for the last few months. I paid rent and a few more bills it was about 90/10 contribution she didn't work and stated she had found herself spiritually. Either way she left Sunday and moved to her parents 4 hours away.

During this time I've connected with a lady friend and 2 weeks ago took a trip to LA with her and another couple. Her cousins birthday weekend. The last night we are there I'm in a parking lot on the sunset strip sobbing in the car alone about my current life situation. It was just emotions of sadness, happiness, loneliness and who knows what else.

The other 3 in the group wanted to go to that strip club on sunset including my lady friend. I told her that I couldn't go in with her because I respected her and myself a bit more than to go in with my current emotional state. She understood and the went in while I sat in the car and had my cry. They said the strip club sucked and the girls were all skinny.

I've had sex with my lady friend a few times and it's been kind of awkward and only good twice. On the trip it was awful and I sucked. With my wife it was never bad and my confidence was great. I'm glad I chose to have my moment alone and we had a good trip. I'm just saying we are all gonna have these moments and it's ok to tell someone or talk about your feelings. The ex"s will be gone but not forgotten. Make new memories fellas and good luck to you OP.

BlackFire68 · 2022-04-14T02:31:33+00:00

There are a specific set of attachment issues (and sometimes personality quirks) that make you react in a “what did I do to mess this up” sort of way. I don’t mean the healthy, introspective reflection needed for real growth, but the panicked “I’ve ruined my entire future, it was ALL my fault” sort of self-blame. I really urge you to get some therapy, it will do wonders for you. You owe it to yourself and any future partner.

WartimeDad · 2022-04-13T15:37:55+00:00

I didn’t have this problem at all. But, I do sympathize with you. Hope you can shake that funk off you soon. The whole world is waiting for you.

awesomeroy · 2022-04-13T16:40:02+00:00

Hey man, we all get that feeling sometimes. But you just gotta push through. Distract yourself; lose yourself in a hobby, reconnect with friends.

This too shall pass.

You got a divorce for a reason. Nothing has changed but the fact that you’re lonely. You got this man.

OraleEse13 · 2022-04-14T00:00:16+00:00

Last time I texted with my ex she sent me a selfie. I swear it seemed like she aged 10 years in 2 years. That's how I knew I was over her. I no longer saw her as this special being. She hit the wall late. But, she still hit it.

Gattsama · 2022-04-14T09:35:06+00:00

We all get it from time to time. I'm only separated but sometimes get thrse huge waves of guilt. I filed so I think about breaking my vows, worry about her, miss cuddles in bed. We never really had good periods, but we had some good times.

I also have 3 audio records and a TON of notes I took about our conversations where she tells me what a huge sack of shit I am, how everything that's wrong in the reis my fault, I'm not a man, she has nothing, I'm stupid, etc. And the feelings correct themselves.

Try to remember she didn't change. This is and was always her. She was just only choosing to share a small part of herself (real or false) to get you to commit.

Title	Damn I miss her
Author	fixingmedaybyday
Upvotes	11
Comments	26
Date	April 13, 2022 1:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/u2pw9y/damn_i_miss_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/damn-i-miss-her.1112832 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112832

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