My wife and I are currently separated, I've told her I want a divorce if this is the way she is going to keep treating me, and she responded that "she isn't ready to make any decisions about divorce right now, but wants to be legally separated for the time being". She is pregnant, due in a little under two weeks. I've told her she is basically choosing to be a single mom, and that I won't fight her over that choice.

So, today her lawyer sent me a parenting plan "offer". It goes like this:

  • I get to meet the kid for three hours six days after they are born including breastfeeding time.

  • I get three more hours every three months after that.

  • Visitation is at our house, where I'm generally not allowed to be, or if I want it to be somewhere else I have to hire a supervisor and they have to drive the kid.

  • And the kicker, three 10 minute virtual visits per week.

It's all fucked, but it's the last one that really gets me. I've expressed that I want to be a father, and that I think paternal bonding is important for infants, and shown the science that backs this up, and this is her "offer"

Enough time to basically show me the child and get hooks in to me, with absolutely zero value as far as bonding goes. And the virtual visits, 10 minutes three times a week? That's got to be some kind of special formula for causing me pain, not to mention that it has zero benefit to the kid.

I'm just done. I'm out, this is her decision to be a single mother and to not have me be there in any way shape or form, and I'm not going to fight that. She doesn't get to dictate the terms of my involvement and use my child to hurt me. I'm walking away for myself and my own health and for the kid's, I won't let her turn them in to a weapon before they even know their name.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything, just needed to share this somewhere, and maybe ask "how can someone be so hateful and cruel?".