Ex red pill woman here- I feel like I am not human

unlivedbread · 2022-07-04T19:04:17+00:00

made me really sad reading that, I don't think you deserve to feel like that but I can understand and relate to why you do.

I'd keep two things in mind.

The people who wrote that are themselves deeply troubled and confused about the world they live in. Their negativity taints everything they see
You might have some mental health issues underlying all this. For me, I already didn't believe that I was a valuable person. After the RP I became an anxious mess. It gave me negative self-image substance

VaporwaveVampire · 2022-07-04T21:26:54+00:00

Just stumbled upon this post. Reading this as a woman breaks my heart . I’ve had periods of self loathing and hatred too, and reading this brought me back to those times.

If women are incubators, then by that logic men are nothing but sperm shooters. And as banal as this sounds, be the best version of yourself. That way, when you attract people into your life, you will be confident that they are attracted to you and not just the superficial image you created for them.

I recommend reading the book Women Who Run With the Wolves by Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estes. She’s a storyteller and psychoanalyst. It changed my life to get in touch with my femininity from a whole and self actualized, spiritual perspective. So many idiots say they want a “feminine woman” but they really mean a infantilized, 2 dimensional shell of a woman. This warped my image of myself and of femininity, and I started only seeing myself from a sexist man’s perspective. I recommend rediscovering who you are and what it means to be a woman, on your terms.

sernamedeleted · 2022-07-04T18:44:07+00:00

Have you read the Detox Kit?

vcreativ · 2022-07-04T19:32:07+00:00

I have fantasies of men hitting and abusing me, because I think that's what I deserve.

That's a strong indication of childhood trauma.

Maybe you know this, but since we're talking: when someone gets traumatised the brain prioritises immediate survival over everything else. That means situations don't get stored as memories. All focus is on getting through the issue at hand.

But if painful memories aren't then processed in a safe environment later, the imprint stays in your brain as if it was happening right now. Maybe constant, maybe recurring. Maybe it just feels like there's a constant weight on your soul most of the time. If you don't process it, it stays.

It gets way worse in the case of recurring trauma, as sadly is often the case with childhood trauma. There aren't individual events, but rather an entire lifetime of mistreatment.

Pain work is basically a bit like this. At first there is pain, but because we've only known this way, we think of it as normal, until eventually it morphs into something so clearly unhealthy that we can't quite ignore it anymore. That's the subconscious trying to force you to look into it the best it knows how. That seems to be where you're at right now.

Then we can do one of two things. Attempt to ignore further, at the end of that journey you'll find that there's really no bottom of the barrel of how bad one can feel.

The alternative, attempt to explore the pain with intent to understand it. Pretty immediately then your subconscious will ease of because you're actually doing the thing you're supposed to be doing. Then we're working on remembering what even happened, or what might've happened. Simplistically put, we get angry and we mourn our loss.

The ultimate aim in trauma work is to allow the body to process traumatic events in a safe context and store them as memories. Once we've done that the associated neuroticism disappears, because it's no longer needed (it's a way your subconscious is signalling you that something is wrong, so once addressed there's no need to keep doing it).

So, no you're not crazy, I imagine something happened to you and it hasn't seen the attention it deserves quite yet.

So yeah, absolutely get therapy, there's no need to keep feeling like this.

And clearly stop watching this depressing content, it'll only make it worse by validating your current state of mind. Do note that as you further your self-exploration the need for it will disappear as well. Since your state of mind won't be compatible with it any longer.

The key is to change first, to see the change in the world.

Hope this helps.

Healthy_Television10 · 2022-07-04T19:35:24+00:00

Yeah. This is trauma.

Ahollowbullet-yet · 2022-07-04T23:42:07+00:00

I think you need to talk to more women. Female friends. I used to think I "wasn't like the other girls" (not saying you are, it's just two problems that might have the same solution) until I got a lot of girl friends and realized they are intelligent, kind, wonderful people. You'll start to humanize yourself.

PeterMcScooter · 2022-07-04T19:18:57+00:00

I’m so sorry you feel this way None of it is true it’s literally brainwashing and cult work based on stuff made my by individual’s who wanted justification for being rejected but couldn’t accept that they needed to start within themselves

Also some therapy and counselling will surely help

peasey360 · 2022-07-04T19:38:17+00:00

Seeing yourself as less than human is something I relate to. Loving one’s self is not easy and it’s something I’ve always struggled with, but it is necessary regardless of difficulty. It’s a journey many of us haven’t conquered yet.

As for these fantasies, what is the nature of them? Are they sexual? Work related? Family related? They may be rooted somewhere else and a seperate issue for you to face.

I’m sure you’re very intelligent, dumb guys are not smarter than you, but they do have a different social order than women. They experience life differently and thus everything from their mannerisms to their body language will be different.

Hope this helps, Have a great day!

_Excellent_Tree_ · 2022-07-05T02:41:31+00:00

I have the same mindset and I started internalising that I’m not worth anything after 30. 5.5 years to go.

In a way TRP has a kind of sad view on men as well as simply sperm donors where most men have zero value, so they need to put women down to feel better about themselves. No idea. Yet, I internalise that view.

I’m nothing but my looks and my womb. That’s all.

SSaturnis · 2022-07-04T22:48:22+00:00

Just remember that what you have internalized is a dogmatic idealogy. Its "truthness" in tone is rhetoric designed to manipulate you.

Also, the bright side here is that you now have a crystal clear understanding of how certain kinds of abusive men work, so you know what to look for and what to avoid.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-07-05T01:28:37+00:00

I think you're very young and maybe you're mixing up fantasy and reality. It's perfectly fine to have fantasies of submission, and they can be great for masturbation or role playing during sex. But in real life, a young, intelligent woman like you shouldn't feel inferior to any man. I would suggest, for now, that you move those ideas of submission into the private garden of your fantasies and use them to pleasure yourself. And maybe, when you're a bit older and have more experience from mainstream "vanilla" sex you can try experimenting in real life with things like BDSM with safe partners if you still feel that need.

From your user name, I might make the wild guess you might come from a country where women are very empowered after decades of feminism and female power. This role can seem overwhelming for a young woman, and the temptation to surrender to a more traditional role of submission might explain what's happening to you.

If indeed, as I suspect, you're German speaking, I saw recently a very nice app with audios of fantasies which might help you develop that fantasy world. I can look it up for you. There are also some classic books, like "The Story of O", or Anne Rice erotic novels which go in that direction and can provide a safe outlet for those feelings without letting them invade the rest of your life.

Red pill ideology is a poison for both men and women. Most men who agree with those ideas are very insecure deep down about many things: their self worth as men, the competition with other males, their sexual abilities, the capacity to find and keep a relationship. Try to debunk their ideas one by one when they appear in your mind. There are some tools from cognitive behavioral therapy that can help, like writing down one of their ideas in a piece of paper and then write down everything that pops into your head to debunk it as if you were a lawyer arguing the case. Also identifying their basic cognitive mistakes is a good tool, you'll see very quickly that there's a very limited series of primitive emotions behind most of what they say, namely, fear, jealousy, loneliness, competition, lust, anger.

Naus1987 · 2022-07-05T01:42:12+00:00

The way so many people internalize media without critical thinking is probably the most disheartening thing I've learned from Redpill.

Whatever happened to people's ability to analyze a message without having to internalize everything hook, line, and sinker?

----------

Therapy is good. Therapy is healthy. If your friends suggest therapy--it's not always a bad thing. If you need help, then you need help. It's better to own it, and get help than to hide behind pride and ego.

Long-Reach-9690 · 2022-07-05T01:45:25+00:00

Get with a man who makes your light brighter, not dim it. And you should do the same for him. The purpose bit of the red pill community is the only thing good about it. Find your purpose in life. It should fit your personality, make you money and help others.

Long-Reach-9690 · 2022-07-05T01:46:07+00:00

Get with a man who makes your light brighter, not dim it. And you should do the same for him. The purpose bit of the red pill community is the only thing good about it. Find your purpose in life. It should fit your personality, make you money and help others.

Worth_Supermarket348 · 2022-07-05T04:48:24+00:00

if you ever need someone to talk to you can add me on discord , i hate what this stupid red pilled ideology does to people

irritabletom · 2022-07-05T16:29:13+00:00

Maybe try some reading in the other direction, check out some women authors and learn about their perspectives and thoughts. Persepolis and Women Who Run With Wolves are two that come to mind off the bat but there are countless options out there. I hope you can learn to see yourself as an individual, complete entity in your own right again and I'm sorry you struggle with these negative thoughts.

Key-Key3865 · 2022-07-05T18:45:11+00:00

Thank you OP for posting this. I feel like I have had a similar experience of growing up reading and believing so many toxic things people posted online. I think it’s really hard to feel confident in this situation, when you are young and have consistently absorbed this kind of information.

I think it’s really brave and amazing that you posted this and are working towards healing.

It will take time, and I think that spending time with good friends who respect you will help you to feel like the whole human being that you are.

itneverbeganwithyou · 2022-07-04T19:35:38+00:00

Cut relationships with men for a while.

apriliasmom · 2022-07-04T23:43:54+00:00

I highly recommend you take a look at the posts and comments on r/fourthwavewomen . Radical feminism is a magnificent cure for internalized misogyny.

You are NOT less human than men. You have value and a lot to offer the world that has nothing to do with your body, sexuality, appearance, or submissiveness. I'm so sorry you've been subjected to these ideologies. They're so gross...and ignorant... and immortal.

Sending gentle hugs.

MrDamojak · 2022-07-04T19:49:15+00:00

Das crazy

WhereasSpiritual · 2022-07-05T03:36:36+00:00

You wear a smell you hate?

Ouch.

nutzername_vergeben · 2022-07-04T21:06:01+00:00

Do you have friends?

thrwwayguy · 2022-07-05T02:34:23+00:00

Not sure if this is a troll but if not.

You're not an object you are a person. There's nothing wrong with dressing to be attractive just don't overly sexualize yourself. A lot of guys myself included like smart women, present that side of yourself.

You also may want to talk to a healthcare professional regarding low self esteem. Women aren't inherently below or above men that's determined from person to person.

I'm probably in the minority here but i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be submissive or play a feminine role in a relationship. Even same sex relationships have the feminine masculine dynamic.

Just come from the mindset of respecting yourself and believing in the guy you are with. Not a place of self hate. You'll end up with some real shitbags with that mindset.

blackpuddingcake · 2022-07-07T13:25:11+00:00

I'm a 20-year-old girl, and you sound amazingly like me. The confessions you have made here are surprisingly consistent with me. Honestly, I thought I was the only girl, and I've always hidden it. I am not good at English either. We can talk together if you want.

Justsomealt24 · 2022-07-11T05:07:56+00:00

I feel like this too, i am attracted to men being abusive to me in bed or me being a switch, and I’m scared to tell any man about my bi-curiosity that’s redpill because they’ll talk to me about how they wanna fuck other women.. and I’m the jealous type, like crazily jealous. I have weird fetishes like that and issues that can damage me. I do also wear some clothes I don’t wanna wear. Ffs! Are you me?! Omg we are so similar but I still want a family and children :/ but I don’t want a redpill man!

EnvironmentalPop291 · 2022-10-01T16:12:27+00:00

I know that this is an old post, but I agree- they might claim that women are happier in traditional societies or relationships, but they usually don’t treat those submissive or dependent women well. Many of them are cheated on, abused, and abandoned, or negged, and then they are viewed as “damaged goods”.

Title	Ex red pill woman here- I feel like I am not human
Author	nutzername_vergeben
Upvotes	47
Comments	72
Date	July 4, 2022 6:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/vrdxr0/ex_red_pill_woman_here_i_feel_like_i_am_not_human/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/ex-red-pill-woman-here-i-feel-like-i-am-not-human.1121440 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121440

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