Can Long Distance work?

SignalThanks6766 · 2022-07-15T06:03:23+00:00

Depends on many things.

You need to have the correct personality for it. You must be independent. It does not work for needy people. You must be trusting.
You need to be organised. Book visits as frequently as possible and well in advance to keep down costs. A job which allows some flexibility for you to take time off to travel is good.
You need to have an end date for when you’ll be together in mind. It can’t go on forever and having a date in mind makes it easier to deal with.

It’s possible but it’s tough. The way I see it, is if it’s harder to live without them completely than to live without them for most of the time, then you don’t really have a choice do you?

Source: I was in an LDR for a few years.

wtknight · 2022-07-15T12:31:10+00:00

Yeah, if you he guy is attracted enough to her compared to the other women around him and if the woman is attracted enough to him compared to the other guys around him then it can work. That’s basically what it comes down to.

cespinal · 2022-07-15T06:04:54+00:00

7 years LDR here: I came to visit her every weekend, no matter what. We live 300km apart. For a good part of the relationship I didn't have a car. Buses, trains, flights, hitchhiking, carpooling. I did it all.

We ended up living apart for months during the lockdowns.

After covid, I work from home several days a week so we spend more time together.

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-07-15T13:19:08+00:00

No that’s an imaginary friend

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-07-15T06:16:39+00:00

It CAN , wouldn't work for me though

Lysa_Bell · 2022-07-15T06:59:31+00:00

If you manage to not be able to see the love of your life for 275 days because a pandemic shuts down your countries, and still want to be together that is a sign that it's ment to be.

Entiox · 2022-07-15T12:39:19+00:00

My longest relationship to date lasted about 7 years and most of the first two were long distance. We had known each other for about a year before we started dating, which was about a month and a half before she left to finish getting her degree at a university about 430 miles (692km) away. So she would spend most of winter, spring and summer breaks with me and the rest of the year we would get together at least one weekend a month, usually two. I was the manager at the store I worked at so I wrote the schedules which made it easier to get time to spend together. The company I worked for gave me almost 4 weeks of paid leave every year (very unusual for an American retail company) so every winter after her break was over I'd go and spend a week with her and we'd take a trip together for at least two weeks every summer. Honestly it was a pretty great time, and when we would get together it made that time extra special.

kameroncayman · 2022-07-15T14:31:23+00:00

My partner and I lived about 2 hours apart when we first started dating, but we both made the effort to coordinate seeing each other a few times a week for almost 2 years before we got married and moved in together. When he was in school, which was about 1/2 way between our houses, we would meet up during the week and get dinner after class and spend most weekends together.

We’re still together, so it was successful.

We texted a lot and we always called each other on the phone or Facetimed on our way home from school or work. So if you’re not a big communicator, the “drifting apart” or lack of communication may be a big challenge for those people.

I edited: I thought the distance was closer, it was actually twice as far. Oops!

Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-07-15T14:58:03+00:00

As easily as a woman could meet someone else? Hell no.

lostlito · 2022-07-15T23:11:44+00:00

To give some hope, I was in a LDR for 1.5 years and we just closed the gap a couple months ago.

We're working on our third year together.

Of course all those challenges listed above are very much realistic challenges, but my biggest advice is COMMUNICATION.

And by no means are LDRs cheap. Someone has to pay for those tickets. Luckily, this was when quarantine was going on, so the tickets were extremely cheap.

cuckedalt · 2022-07-15T05:03:24+00:00

Magnito-was-right · 2022-07-15T05:34:47+00:00

I married my long distance relationship. We were from different countries, in Europe and the U.S. so nobody married the other for a green card.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-07-15T06:29:58+00:00

Sure it can

But not for me I think. I enjoy the small consistent things too much.

Like coming home and snuggling on the couch. Talking about our days. Waking up to find that he's prepared coffee for me already. I enjoy grabbing his favourite snacks at the supermarket on the way home.

The small things keep for me keep the relationship alive far more than anything else. I wouldn't be able to make it work personally. But some people will.

titanbam1 · 2022-07-15T06:31:31+00:00

InfiniteLoopCycle · 2022-07-15T06:48:13+00:00

Delifier · 2022-07-15T07:23:39+00:00

I don't see it work for me, personally. I have never been big on yapping on the phone for hours, relativly bigger on messages, but i cant see any of it keeping me warm in a relationship for months and months. Im able to go silent even among people, and especially dry talking without any goal or meaning beyond only talking is something i dont do.

801735 · 2022-07-15T08:19:42+00:00

Work? Yes.

"Remotelationships"? Eeerrrrrr...

ohdiddly · 2022-07-15T12:58:31+00:00

It worked for me :)

But I still wouldn't recommend it to anyone lol

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-07-15T13:26:27+00:00

Not for me that's for sure.

goatismycopilot · 2022-07-15T14:25:50+00:00

Not for me. I did it for a while in an already established relationship but it had an end piont and I would not do it again.

CursedLemon · 2022-07-15T15:36:04+00:00

I mean some do work, so they can work lol

The problem with posing this question on this particular sub is that many people here have a transactional view of relationships instead of, you know, being legitimately into their partner. A LDR would never work in that sense.

Failfellow · 2022-07-15T15:43:41+00:00

That study has so many flaws it's ridiculous

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-07-15T16:51:18+00:00

Very successful...I was in a LDR for many years, and very happy. We got together about half of the month (me teleworking those days, or him accepting work assignments in my city) although we kept separate apartments, in different countries; back then (pre Covid and pre Ucranian war) it wasn't too expensive to travel at all. Our jobs allowed us to travel frequently to see each other and for leisure. Each time we got together the sex was amazing, like a honeymoon. None of us wanted children or marriage, and had interests and hobbies to keep us busy. To be honest, things started going downhill when we started considering moving together.

DiscoVersailles · 2022-07-15T06:53:14+00:00

I’m engaged to my fiancé who I met via Tiktok in October of 2020, and we were long distance until May of 2022, with a handful of in person visits inbetween then.

I consider us successful because we

Took things slow at first, we video chatted and talked and got to know eachother for months before meeting in person
Because all we had was our communication, we’ve had to learn to communicate well. We talk through our disagreements and make sure to repair things and not see eachother as enemies.
After we met in person, we got serious very fast and created a concrete life plan. We met face to face in March 2021, I introduced him to my family. I met his family in July of 2021
But above all else, we are just compatable. He’s my dream guy, and his traits and strengths complement and balance my own.

When we were apart, I’m not going to pretend like I never had those fears or insecurities, or that the lack of physical touch didn’t effect me. But I knew it wasn’t permanent, and he always made me feel just as loved and appreciated whether we were 2000 miles apart watching movies over discord, or sitting right next to eachother.

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januaryphilosopher · 2022-07-15T08:10:07+00:00

I think it can be successful only when it's known to be temporary. I never wanted an LDR, but was forced to have one for four months due to covid. We weren't terribly far apart (we were with our families in England and Ireland) so somme of these reasons won't apply, but out of those challenges the main ones for me were a lack of physical touch and loneliness. Nonsexual touch especially is very important to me in a relationship, I touch my partner in some way most of the time were together. And it's just really difficult to feel like you see enough of someone when they're not physically around and sharing their life with you. It was just a very difficult time, but at least we knew there would be a time when we could see each other at the end. We're still together.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-07-15T15:56:02+00:00

My husband and I met at 19/21, eloped at 23/25, had the big fancy wedding my family wanted at 24/26. We were on and off long distance for much if not most of that time, which I will admit I was pretty insecure about. I mean long distance dating sure, but who the hell is long distance engaged or married? People said it wouldn’t work and we even seriously asked ourselves a few times if we were being stupid.

But yet here were are now and everything turned out fine. Like anything else, your success depends on all sorts of factors. We were so young that I think the long distance actually allowed us to both grow together as well as develop ourselves as individuals. I think that a lack of personal growth is usually the reason marriages between people under 25 fail, so we may have inadvertently avoided that dynamic.

bluestjuice · 2022-07-16T14:30:50+00:00

I’ve had several LDRs. The farthest one was 2,300 miles and lasted about seven months. We only were able to meet in person twice during that time.

My fiancé and I were technically LD when we began, but a 90-minute drive instead of hours-long flights meant we saw each other roughly once a week. We didn’t have a firm date for the long-distance part to end but ended up moving in together after 2.5 years.

My newest partner is LD (500 miles) and we’ve only been together a couple of months. It’s early days yet so we’ll see how visiting shakes out, but hopefully every month or so. If things go well and progress most likely they’ll move out to my end of the world in another year or two.

Title	Can Long Distance work?
Author	Aurora--Teagarden
Upvotes	12
Comments	65
Date	July 15, 2022 4:47 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vzfzov/can_long_distance_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-long-distance-work.1123743 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123743

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