Is this a mistake?

Striking-Trainer8148 · 2022-07-24T02:17:04+00:00

Huge mistake.

And take the womens’ words for it. If they say you’re not ready it means you’re not.

You need to take time to be comfortable with yourself before being comfortable with someone else.

Start working on you WITHOUT involving other people. It doesn’t feel great at first but you’ll grow into the new you.

You may want to read into codependency traits and check up on what you can do to pull yourself out of this cycle.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-07-24T02:43:16+00:00

You need to cultivate an abundance mindset. Your ex isn't one-in-a-million, she's one-of-a-million. And going back to her after one failed date? You've got work to do.

tyyyy110 · 2022-07-24T03:35:20+00:00

Dude this is gonna be some tough luv here but its gotta be said...

WTH are you Doing? No, no, no, no!! It's a big mistake. Take time to heal man. Go work on yourself, read, gym, pick up a hobby, get out the house and go out some where, but absolutely hell naw you don't go crawling back to an ex you just ex'd! Don't go backwards, you giving her even more power. I understand you're lonely but don't be desperate. Push through this lonely phase op! Be strong man.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2022-07-24T04:01:45+00:00

Massive mistake.

You’ll never get beyond it if you’re hanging out. I have seen it put that healing time takes about half the length of your relationship.

The best thing you can do is learn how to be alone, and self improve. There is a lot to do and you need something as a spacer between you and your ex.

MeatcleaverCK1 · 2022-07-24T08:49:29+00:00

Dude, you basically went back to your ex and entered the friend zone on your own will.

She can now extract ressources from you (time, energy, commitment) while you dont get ressources.

Because lets face it: Her telling you about her struggles in life etc does NOT give you what you want.

A man in a friendzone listens to her shit, does shit for her but gets no sex.

A woman in a friend zone gives sex to the man and doesnt get to dump her emotional baggage on him.

Why do you do that?

AStirlingMacDonald · 2022-07-24T04:12:17+00:00

I think you know it is. Out of all the women in all the world, there is exactly one with whom you know, absolutely for certain, you cannot have a successful relationship. Trying for it again would be absolute masochism.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-07-24T05:05:01+00:00

Dude you need to stay away from relationships for a while to heal up and find a direction, you sound lost right now. Also stay away from dating apps, you're not going to find a quality woman on them, quite the opposite most likely. Going back to your ex for support screams of insecurity and desperation, time to move on. Always move forward, never back and certainly never back to an ex.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-07-24T14:25:30+00:00

"We do hug and stuff.
I have to say it been 2 good days, she shares her issues I listen, no getting involved to help, I sometimes offer my thoughts."

Here is your problem. Stop it. Then maybe you'd see some success. But I doubt you will.

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-07-24T05:12:52+00:00

Wanting to resume a normal pattern of dating takes time, especially after overcoming a contentious divorce. And usually what we want never aligns with what we need. If you've been officially single for less than six months to a year, the likelihood of you being "ready" to date is suspect.

Gattsama · 2022-07-24T08:20:38+00:00

You are not ready. Work on being: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit and financially fit. Aldo you can not meet women on tinder or IG, only 304s, if that's what your looking for try AsianMatchMate or a similar gook up site. If you want friendship, companionship and a 'normal' person unless you are in the top 10% of men dating apps won't work.

Women on dating apps are flooded with tons of guys. Below average women are still getting dozens of messages. You need to meet people I'm the real world. Join a few meet up groups, take a cooking class, find a walking / jogging group, etc. The best is a dancing class, requires close (near intamate contact) but in a safe environment. Don't do these things to pick up women, do them to meet new people and just see what happens. Remember to actually have fun. Women seeing a relaxed guy, having fun and not trying to chase every skirt will start to put out feelers.

Good luck out there

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-07-24T11:59:11+00:00

Address the source of your neediness.

wisstinks4 · 2022-07-24T15:02:34+00:00

It feels like you’re needy? I would also ask you if you’re looking for an emotional connection or a physical connection to a woman? Do you agree with your dating person who said you’re not over your ex? Sounds like there’s still a few things that need to get worked out internally before you’re ready to MoveOn comfortably with your life.

Hayekr · 2022-07-24T17:10:08+00:00

I eventually went on 1 date and it went well, secured a 2nd date. Then the next morning she decided not to go future with anything and said she thinks I have not healed from my ex. The she blocked me on everything.

Either this woman is Bipolar, or you spent an inordinate amount of time talking about your ex/previous relationship during the date.

Just some friendly advice -- anyone (man or woman) complaining about their ex on a first date is throwing up a huge red flag. Women especially want to know you are interested in them and not simply looking for a rebound. I never, ever talk about my ex's when dating a new girl -- even when prompted. Just a simple "It didn't work out and we've both moved on. There's no acrimony." Lie if you need to and say "she doesn't even live in this state anymore". It's reassuring to them and shows you have emotionally matured and moved on.

I'm not defending what this woman did in terms of blocking you (she sounds like someone who goes through different men every week, so you dodged a bullet most likely), but there's probably behavior on your end that gave her a specific vibe that you should address.

And as others have said, don't go back to your ex. It's a massive mistake you will regret that you are doing out of loneliness.

Jonger1150 · 2022-07-24T19:02:23+00:00

Some women have ZERO tolerance for any talk about your ex.

You're supposed to go 5, 10, 20 years with one person next to you and then suddenly go cold turkey.

They want a man that's usually older than they are, but they don't want the baggage that comes with it.

ncredman69 · 2022-07-24T02:16:34+00:00

Yep!! Ur longing for that feeling that you grew accustomed too. How long have u been by urself, meaning living on ur own. Did u actually stop looking for woman or did u still cold approach? Alot of these things make a difference when it comes to attracting a lady who wants to spend her time with u.

derelictherds · 2022-07-24T18:07:44+00:00

Big mistake. You're setting yourself up for disappointment and possibly to be used by your ex. Is solitude really that insufferable for you? You should be focused on figuring out why and fixing that before even considering dating IMO. If one of those Tinder dates had worked out, would you still be meeting up with your ex for cuddles?

You're not over your ex. Dating will go more smoothly once you get past that.

Title	Is this a mistake?
Author	Wassp868
Upvotes	1
Comments	32
Date	July 24, 2022 1:55 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w6k6qq/is_this_a_mistake/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-this-a-mistake.1125067 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125067

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