A friend posted this on Facebook. I found it disturbing, to say the least that she thinks like this. What's your opinion?

Reddit1984Censorship · 2022-08-04T23:26:32+00:00

''If you didn't want your wife to leave you, you should have been a better partner''
To me this is the most disturbing and dehumanizing part by far, the assumption that the women can do no wrong.

63daddy · 2022-08-04T21:55:48+00:00

Her arguments make no sense. A husband working more and earning more is an advantage for a wife, not a disadvantage. It allows her to live a higher lifestyle than she would in just her income alone. Most women desire a higher income earning man.

Hopefully she’ll follow her own advice and stay single. God have mercy in any men who marries her.

IceCorrect · 2022-08-04T23:35:06+00:00

Married men earn more money than single ones not beacuse of his wife, but beacuse he have money to have a wife.

HikuroMishiro · 2022-08-05T00:44:19+00:00

Not only a bunch of misandric nonsense, most of the science/studies say the opposite on those statistics. I'd post the same thing on your page but gender swapped (that we push boys into marriage, it's a great deal for women, etc.) and she how she responds. You might want to make it where only she can see it though; even if true, a reverse post on that would get a lot of negative comments from people. Ultimately even if she responds and you engage her, all the studies and evidence in the world are unlikely to convince people like her. You might just ask why she hates men and then just ignore whatever trolling responses you're likely to get back.

g1455ofwater · 2022-08-04T22:28:28+00:00

I find the claim that unmarried women live longer than married women highly suspicious. The first thing that popped up when I did a search says that married women live longer:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7452000/

Outrageous_Fondant12 · 2022-08-04T23:23:06+00:00

Yeah, this woman is clearly delusional and narcissistic to boot.

Heterosexual women sacrifice their quality of life? Oh really? How? This whole thing is highly suspect and just pushes their narrative on how to destroy the family unit even more.

mikesteane · 2022-08-05T07:45:21+00:00

"Women work longer and harder than men". If you believe that, you can believe in the teddy bear's picnic.

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2022-08-05T02:40:49+00:00

I'm assuming your whole post is quoted from her FB post?

sloppystayke · 2022-08-05T03:41:57+00:00

My gf been begging me for marriage for years and ultimately left me because I wouldn’t. Women seem to be the ones pressuring marriage more than anyone. Hard to believe they are actively requesting that they be “victimized.”

MarcosLuke · 2022-08-04T22:30:31+00:00

She's delusional.

Halobruhv · 2022-08-05T00:31:13+00:00

Source: "Out of my ass"

Anih1list · 2022-08-05T03:22:30+00:00

Saying divorce being bad for men isn’t proof that marriage is only beneficial for men is like saying constipation is bad but swallowing a tire whole isn’t.

Random-Person934 · 2022-08-05T04:42:44+00:00

I mean real problems relating to this issue is ussualy more common among older couples and for all we know op's story is connected to a women who is genuinely suffering from a filthy tradcon or is referencing some stuff that someone she is close to has experienced. Although I disagree with the "all men" sentiment it's wrong to just push aside this woman's concerns and call her delusional. That's like pushing aside a man suffering from a rape accusation before calling them delusional.

In the more traditional families especially in the west women do end up sacrificing a lot of their quality of life. They cannot go out and have fun as much because of kids, they run the risk of losing their career because of the pressure of said kids forcing them to rely on their husbands which is often not a good thing since it makes them vulnerable (it's better If you have your own cash stack in case the person you are relying on decides to nope) and I dare say some husbands are dicks especially the ones who are all traditional, conservative and religious.

And if the person op has talked about have valid experiences then they are somewhat justified to be a bit negative towards the group that screwed with them, men. It's not right but I suggest giving them more space because often the hate is coming from anger and resentment not the fact that we have balls and a dick. This is common among victims and even here it is prevelent with some men actively hating on feminists and other groups that have screwed them over.

I suggest hearing her out and helping her where possible, sometimes it's not a matter of problematic it's a matter of victimhood whether obvious or non obvious only the person op talks about can say. Many of you get angry at the more extreme feminists for being lenient towards rape accusations and making fun of men for seeking help yet you do the same towards the woman op talks about. I have seen this hypocrisy many times in this sub and I just want to point it out.

Remember it's not about "well they did it first" it's about the fact that wrong is wrong and deserves to be fixed as a mistake. Grow up and stop keeping shit tallies on each other.

ABBucsfan · 2022-08-04T21:41:28+00:00

Literally everything listed there are issues I was affected with in my own marriage as a guy (except that libido thing.. very strange. Is this trying to say they get bored with one partner?). Earning power maybe not lowered, but certainly spends what I would have normally saved. And yeah child support hurts... Still trying to figure out if that hurts more or the stupid thing she blew money in when married.. although still trying to force me to spend all my money... Like expensive summer camps every week etc

Edit: and yeah.. custody unfortunately has little to do with if you are an involved dad or not. I was very involved in their lives when I wasn't working my butt off. But guess what. A lot of moms for whatever reason try to play dirty or do what they can to delay things (my ex included) which makes it an uphill battle. While I'm sure the reverse HAS happened, it's pretty rare from what I've seen. Possibly because they're less likely to be taken seriously.. heck I didn't even bother bringing up some of her abuse. When a psychologist talked to my kid I only answered the pointed questions and she didn't even include any of it in report. After over a year or meetings with lawyers/mediators I've basically learned the one who acts the most unreasonable/childish or most willing to blow both sides money and watch the world burn has the edge. Congrats on that I guess

Angryasfk · 2022-08-05T05:48:49+00:00

The article she supposedly linked to, to claim “fathers’ earn more” apparently without them working harder or better (yeah, a company is just going to pay a man extra because he had a kid - totally believable, NOT), seems to be some feminist/gender studies rag, as they were talking about “strategies” to stop men earning more as fathers. I’m not sure you take that stuff as “objective” somehow.

Most new mothers take time off when they first have a kid, and a great many drop out of work for a few years anyway, or switch to part time or “job sharing” (funny how that was always claimed to be a “feminist thing” - perhaps they want the woman paid for full time work for doing a 2 or 3 day week. Ain’t going to happen love.).

Not sure what she wants, or is she just rehashing old rad fem garbage from the early ‘70’s because she hasn’t learned new tricks?

coffeeinvenice · 2022-08-05T06:40:59+00:00

The writer is making an error of conclusion. Yes, marriage is an institution that requires a tremendous personal sacrifice, in many ways. It can be a health sacrifice, a financial sacrifice, a lifestyle sacrifice, among others. Which is why marriage is not something that should be entered into lightly. Marriage is like surgery: regardless of the amount of preparation beforehand, things can go wrong, and it should be done only if there is a very good reason for it, and if there has been preparation beforehand. For example, it is common and a good idea that, after the proposal and acceptance have been made, both partners have an engagement period to prepare for the wedding as well as for the marriage.

We all laugh and/or cringe at the concept of a shotgun marriage, because of it's inherent contrasts: it is on the one hand a serious commitment, made for last-minute or not-well-thought-out reasons. A trope sometimes seen in comedy movies, such as Green Card, is a marriage that takes place for bad reasons and/or well before both partners are prepared for it. The comedy - and sometimes the drama - lies in the tension of two people working through the early stages of a high-risk marriage.

In the past, any one single marriage took place in a community with multiple social bonds, as for example in a traditional farming village. But in modern life, you may have the support network of your immediate family, but that's all. In modern life, the couple is pretty much on their own. If the marriage has problems, the couple may have access to counselling, but because divorce has been normalized, there are just as many subconscious incentives to divorce as there are to trying to make the marriage work.

The misconception that your friend has is in assuming that marriage is a substantial risk and sacrifice only for the female partner. It's just as much of a risk for the male. There are many factors beyond the gender and behavior of the other partner that can create risk factors for failure of the marriage. In Canada, for example, one study showed that catastrophic car accidents are a leading cause of divorce. When an accident happens that injures one partner, it can place a substantial financial or caring burden on the other partner, leading to divorce.

The gender of the partner doesn't matter. Marriage is, and always has been, a substantial personal sacrifice and risk, and the institution should not be entered into unless both partners are prepared, and have good reason to, enter into it.

In fairness, girls and young women are often socialized to believe that marriage leads to the solution of all their problems, and that their go...their only goal in life, is to find a happy marriage. There is much less emphasis on that in the socialization of boys and young men. But the solution is to de-romanticize marriage and for parents to teach girls to be a lot more practical and realistic about the institution of marriage, not simply blame everything that can go wrong in a marriage on men. That is an abrogation of personal responsibility, and teaches women to ignore their own personal responsibility for the outcome of their lives.

AgincourtSalute · 2022-08-05T08:51:53+00:00

Married men earn more money than single men.

Is this because, once a man is married, he has to work harder, longer hours to support a family?

Or is this because women marry the ones who earn more, and the lower earners remain single because the women don’t see them as a marriage prospect?

2022-08-05T10:01:31+00:00

If she wants to discourage women from marriage, isn't it to the benefit of men?

Fewer women will push men towards marriage, fewer divorces. I don't believe her claims, but promoting her views may actually be good for men.

Yoramus · 2022-08-05T10:57:59+00:00

You know it doesn’t get super bad until the last paragraph. Everybody should try to educate their children to find happiness and not to settle. Of course making it about men vs women is idiotic. Bad marriages can happen to both sexes…

But the audacity to claim the fearmongering is scientifically proven…. That’s also twisting reality

gratis_eekhoorn · 2022-08-05T14:31:31+00:00

I'm happy they are thinking that way, the more women think that way = less marriages and this is better for men.

2022-08-05T03:05:38+00:00

This is the type of woman that men should not marry, or have any romantic relations with.

SnooLemons5609 · 2022-08-05T04:42:57+00:00

Does your friend have a bob cut, round glasses and a nose ring?

Jeez what a paragraph. They just hate the traditional family and want to abolish it.

Sad world.

I know Tate is an ass, but here he is right in my opinion.

https://youtu.be/nlDY0D7CscM

TalonOfPower · 2022-08-05T00:33:31+00:00

The reason the child support shit is so bad is because the husband would make his amount of money regardless of if he’s married or not. Once divorced, he has that amount permanently lowered. On top of that “child support” normally means “Let the mom go gamble and fuck other guys”

AndyBrown65 · 2022-08-05T04:24:53+00:00

Thanks of posting.

This is actually a really great example of toxic femininity and the original poster is showing her bias of female chauvinism.

She bangs on about heterosexual marriage and no doubt she would claim that lesbian marriages are "so much better"

She bangs on about how divorce is worse for men, well perhaps she realises than 80% of divorces are initiated by women.

Sadly, people like this are swimming in their own bile and jealousy of others. Marriages are partnerships and essentially you have two people where the sum of the two is greater than the individuals.

So....sounds like we have another unhappy middle aged, middle class women leaching off her husband having a whinge because no-one has told her how pretty she looks for a while ....

ImplodedPotatoSalad · 2022-08-05T13:50:50+00:00

Your friend, op, is a typical female. What to expect other than...that?

oisipf · 2022-08-05T01:46:23+00:00

A bullshit post. It’s having kids that produces all of the negative outcomes, not the marriage.

FemPhony · 2022-08-04T22:13:47+00:00

Well, you can structure a relationship as healthy, or toxic, as you want.

I wouldn't advise any woman to go with a 50s style patriarchal marriage, unless they have a serious fetish for being a submissive house slave.

In modern healthy relationships, burdens are shared equally.

MixtureSufficient956 · 2022-08-05T05:15:22+00:00

I guess marriage is a raw deal for all of us. Good stay the fuck back with that marriage shit then. I’m sure these single Moms still in the hookup culture are sure happy they don’t have a husband they can look up to.

lonelyfish788 · 2022-08-05T05:40:04+00:00

ChadWolf98 · 2022-08-05T09:51:36+00:00

I am all for not settling or sufferinhg in silence in marriage, also making non marriage material people not to marry, other than that several assumptions are incorrect.

Like if a woman is single she also have to cook, do the laundry for herself. Now if she is married she has to do it for 2 people but the effort doesnt have to be doubled. Cooking for 2 is not double the work of cooking for 1.

House inequality is nit abuse. Do not dilute what abuse means. Women making mire household chores are often a choice of being a housewife, or having an easier/part time/ job. Changing this default into man being the household parent if rhe woman earns better isnt illegal

Acrobatic_Sport_7664 · 2022-08-05T10:53:42+00:00

Perhaps she'll live a long, lonely and unfulfilled life. An old age absent the support of a partner but full of regret for her selfishness, ignorance and gullibility. Help her in that, cut her loose.

eurocracy67 · 2022-08-05T12:52:58+00:00

Laughable and based upon zero percent real evidence, only unsubstantiated claims.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2022-08-05T14:39:24+00:00

Sounds like she has wanted a divorce for a long time but didn't want to have to get a job.

McFeely_Smackup · 2022-08-05T17:07:17+00:00

It's official, marriage is a terrible idea for everyone.

Echo_XB3 · 2022-08-05T21:03:21+00:00

"Marriage is a great deal for heterosexual men"

https://imgur.com/gallery/graX1Ek

hostility_kitty · 2022-08-06T13:56:04+00:00

I think the problem moreso lies in their poor choices of men when it comes to marriage. Even if there were statistics to back her claims, the question is why the women chose to marry these men who make them unhappy. Most of the women I know complain about their good-for-nothing partner, but still decide to have children with him or marry.

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