I will try to summarize everything quickly. I’ve been married almost 13 years. My wife has mental illness, and as such, we never had kids. I feel like since her mental illness started getting BAD roughly 8 years ago she hasn’t been there for me at all emotionally. This year I had thoughts about divorce and so I met with a lawyer. I quickly realized what a huge financial hit it would be for me. I was hoping things would somehow get better, and miraculously they did.

My wife tried something different for her condition, and it helped. She suddenly felt capable of chasing a dream she has had for many years of becoming a flight attendant. To my surprise, she excelled in training, became a flight attendant, and has loved it so far. But has only been doing it about a month now. When she was still applying for this job and also in training, she made it sound like she would be able to come home some evenings since our city is her base. NOPE. She has been spending 4-5 days a week away from home. I am going through a difficult life transition, and it truly feels like this is just one more example of her not being there for me emotionally. I’m stuck working and caring for the home while she is off chasing her dream. I started to mention my concerns about the job, but then there was a bombshell…

I found out only 2 weeks into being a flight attendant some guy was flirting with her when she was a passenger coming home from assignment. They were seated next to eachother on the first leg of the trip and got to talking. Then on the second leg of the trip they were seated one row apart so they exchanged cell phone numbers so they could text eachother during the flight. He mentioned how he was traveling for business and had a hotel in the city we live in. When they got to their final destination, he asked what she had going on that day (they arrived in the morning and I was at work till the afternoon, so an opportunity to go back to his hotel was there). My wife states she made up an excuse to sound like she already had plans. BUT she allowed this guy to give her a kiss goodbye, even though my wife swears she didn’t kiss him back. And states she blocked his number so she couldn’t get further texts from him. But she finally admitted flirting back with this man caused the whole situation to begin with.

I was obviously extremely upset. After all I have done for my wife over the years, not to mention financially supporting us while she chases her dream, it felt like an enormous slap in the face. I couldn’t get over that this happened only 2 weeks into the job… My wife of course tried to minimize the entire encounter, and swears up and down she is sorry and it won’t happen again.

The event allowed us to have some extremely honest conversations about our relationship and why we may be seeking affection from others. She offered to quit the job, but I don’t want to be the kind of controlling husband that would ask such a thing. I have seen how much pride she has taken in this job, and the boost it has given her self confidence. Plus she sincerely enjoys the job whereas before she wasn’t capable of holding down solid employment.

But none of that helps me cope with the loneliness of having my wife gone 4-5 days a week. The thoughts of still feeling like I am not emotionally supported. The nagging thoughts that she could cheat to a greater degree in the future behind my back. But what stops me from getting a divorce is I still love her and feel like I don’t have the courage to break apart everything we have built our lives around for so many years. Can I get some hopefully kind advice on what others would do in my situation, coming from an outside perspective?