I wanted to get divorce without good reason (discovered marriage isn’t for me) however I know it will make my wife really sad she loves me so I decided to stay, married 2 years, child on the way, did I do the right thing?

bes753 · 2022-10-28T13:03:00+00:00

I would say that "marriage isn't for me" would have been a perfectly good reason to divorce. Marriage is a 2 party thing. Unless both people are committed to it, it is tough to really make marriage work. That is now even more complicated because you all have a child.

Ultimately though, we can't tell you if you did the right thing without some info. Do you still feel like you would be happier unmarried? How is the day to day with your wife? How are you enjoying fatherhood? We need to know something about where you are coming from now.

I will say that if you still feel the same way you did 2 years ago, I highly doubt you did the right thing.

ETA: OP chimed in on another comment, and it sounds like he still doesn't have his heart in this. With that in mind, having a kid was a terrible decision. Continuing to live this lie would be another one.

sicrm · 2022-10-28T12:58:33+00:00

bringing a kid into this while you’re unsure wasn’t wise but at least keep it to the one for now.

at the end of the day you have to live a life you’re happy with. putting other people’s needs and wants above your own usually leads to that person getting taken advantage of or being miserable to be around.

derelictherds · 2022-10-28T14:33:42+00:00

I don't understand the purpose of posts like this. Why are you having children with this person when you do not see a future with them?

Agreeable_Safety3255 · 2022-10-28T15:14:16+00:00

No you didn't, but you can't change the past only the future. Go ahead and apply for separation and get the divorce, don't leave your home since you have a kid and be prepared for your loving wife to be your enemy.

dannydarko101 · 2022-10-29T06:34:26+00:00

If you went on and had a child with your wife while wanting to divorce and not telling her you did a very dick thing that’d make you a grade a usda certified asshole

PghSubie · 2022-10-28T12:59:20+00:00

You didn't say why you are thinking that marriage isn't for you But, there's a good chance that once you hold your child in your arms, and hear them coo or giggle at you, you might feel very good about where you are

robinhoodblows2021 · 2022-10-28T13:31:58+00:00

I'd say living a lie and then bringing a kid into it makes you sound pretty terrible bro... obviously I don't know your whole story so trying not to judge too harshly, but damn man what were you thinking? I hope you're able to be honest and sort things out enough to be great co-parents for your kid.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-10-28T16:06:06+00:00

That is a good reason to get divorced.

Fun fact, kids cause additional stress / strain on marriage. If marriage isn't for you, just wait until you're dealing with the stress of kids.

RedPillLense · 2022-10-29T01:21:48+00:00

No, you didn't. It isn't fair to her and now you're bringing a child into the mix. Now your child will deal with the separation and be robbed of a good life with both parents present. Respectfully, I'm disappointed in you. You should've left.

relationshiptossoutt · 2022-10-28T14:46:33+00:00

Need way more details about this “marriage isn’t for me” thing.

I was married for 12 years, and I also tell people “marriage isn’t for me”. So in theory I agree with that sentiment, but I think I need more details on what YOU mean by that.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-28T15:36:16+00:00

What are your custody goals with your child? Divorcing before you've established status quo could be good or bad for you depending where you live. It's something you definitely need to discuss with a family law attorney, so you understand what you're about to do to yourself.

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-10-28T16:43:59+00:00

I love children and have my own. But, having a child rarely saves a marriage. It just adds more stress especially in the early years. Why did you want to divorce?

BaldieGoose · 2022-10-29T13:08:41+00:00

You sound like my betraying ass wife. Didn't want marriage yet pressured me into it, had two kids, finally now decided out of the blue to tell me.

divorcedbp · 2022-10-28T16:07:38+00:00

“Marriage isn’t for me”, apparently neither is your word of honor. Consider that you made a vow to another person, and that changing your mind isn’t as consequence-free as you think it’d be. You chose this, and if you chose to walk away, that’s fine, but don’t think that you can do it without consequences. Your word means something, and if you go back on it, who is to trust you ever again?

Vegetable-Wealth-798 · 2022-10-31T07:44:23+00:00

Thanks for all opinions Probably I didn’t give alot of details Im 37 wife 34 And reason why I continued was after alot of thinking (before the pregnancy) but then I knew that there is no good legitimate reason for divorce except me finding out marriage does not fit my lifestyle and there was no way of knowing that before getting married I discovered it in the real life experience so If I did get a divorce a. Its for my best interest but not my wifes b. I know she will have alot to recover even before bringing a kid and maybe maybe that she wouldn’t ever get a chance to get married again and have kids and stay single all life as she is “older” than usual and I know this will kill her and alter her life indefinitely, so although alittle bitter I decided to sacrifice my happiness for hers

pk2at · 2022-10-28T15:09:37+00:00

At a minimum apply for legal separation right away and get the government out of your marriage, it has nothing to do with how happy or sad your wife feels

2Hours2Late · 2022-10-28T19:38:03+00:00

Nope

FUMoney · 2022-10-30T21:08:26+00:00

The “wrong thing” was bringing a child into this world when you were questioning whether you wanted to remain with the mother. Do not have kids unless you are 100% on board with having children, having them with your spouse, and are committed to 18 years of focused hard work to raise them.

Now, your options are limited. You have a responsibility to your future child, and a duty to responsibly parent the child with the mother, even if you get divorced. I cannot understand why you would do this if you knew marriage was not for you.

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