Where men thinking logically vsbwomen thinking emotionally can cause huge issues in a relationship.

jjlew922 · 2023-01-12T01:38:10+00:00

It’s not necessarily an emotional vs logical thing. Most women struggle to state their needs as they’ve been primed to not do so since a young age. Do you have kids or family she constantly needs to take care of? Does she have time to think this thru and had the help in a healthy upbringing to know her needs and wants matter? Have you thought about perhaps she doesn’t speak up because it will lead to your disappointment or criticism when she does so she’s essentially given up? A lot of times when women try to voice and they’re met with a try to fix or deflection, women just stop. Take a step back and think about it. She would be probably really benefit from individual therapy right now so she can work out her own issues attached to not knowing why she can’t voice what she needs. If you love her, do it. It’s not a good thing when a woman can’t identify her own needs and wants. The outcome may not turn out well for you if you’re narcissistic but will very well if you support her in being curious to why she feels this way. It’s a huge red flag right now and you’re part of it, Im sorry to say, hope you see that.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2023-01-12T01:53:51+00:00

Something tells me this mindset does not at all aid your ability to communicate with your wife.

If you are anything like my dad (which I suspect you are) you see your worldview as objectively "correct" while everyone else around you is irrational or crazy. And you are way worse at hiding that than you think.

Thotlesswhisper · 2023-01-12T01:17:25+00:00

In what context is she telling you she doesn’t feel heard? Like what are the issues/complaints?

toasterchild · 2023-01-12T01:13:52+00:00

I would have a really hard time answering that question worded that way because if i don't feel heard the last thing i want is for you to try to guess what to say to make me feel better. That's literally the opposite of being heard so how would that be an answer? If you're just repeating what i would love you to say then that's just faking everything and totally pointless. Just the premis of this question makes me feel for your wife.

blebbyroo · 2023-01-12T01:10:07+00:00

Your supposed to not have to say “ok honey I hear that by me not being able to assist in making your life any easier because I can’t anticipate the things In our routine that are done daily by you are starting to make you feel stressed out and exhausted and feeling like you have to do everything yourself”

Your supposed to understand that if she says she’s stressed or tired in stead of asking “what can I do?” You are meant to DO. She’s told you she’s tired, what can you figure out that you can do to lessen that for her? Could it be doing the dishes without being asked? Feeding your child in the morning and getting them dressed without relying on her? Could you have dinner ready for her? What can you do? Why do you need to be told?

IWillKeepYourSecret · 2023-01-12T02:38:32+00:00

Imagine this:

You're sick. You've been feeling unwell for weeks and show no signs of getting better. Finally, you go to the doctor.

At the appointment, your doctor asks you what's wrong. You look at him and say, "doc, I have this problem... I've been feeling terrible for over a month now. I don't feel good at all."

The doctor looks at you a little puzzled and asks again: "What is the issue?"

"The issue is that I feel sick. I don't feel good and I need you to fix it. I want to feel healthy again. I feel bad."

The back and forth goes on for a good while until the doctor finally sighs in defeat.

"Unless you find out what's wrong, I cannot help you."

In this analogy, you are you, your body is your partner, and the doctor is the path to the solution.

If your body feeling sick equals your wife feeling unheard, then why couldn't the doctor just fix the issue? What part are we missing here?

A doctor needs to know WHY you feel sick. He needs to know your symptoms. Is it your stomach? Your wrist? Your left foot? He doesn't know, and so he can't help you.

Truth is, even you haven't stopped to look at your symptoms. You just know that you have them, but you never cared to find out which ones.

Why?

Because you don't listen to your body. And you're now trying to fight a gunshot wound with antibiotics and getting annoyed by the fact your body isn't magically healing.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-01-12T01:35:52+00:00

This logical/emotional thing is becoming so tired

MistyMaisel · 2023-01-12T03:19:55+00:00

I mean, first, realize in that moment you cannot make her feel heard and accept that.

The next thing is to realize typically the reason she won't feel heard is because there's a constellation of issues going on, and it is really obvious, at least to her, that she cannot hash it all out in such a way as for her hurt feelings to dissipate. That will take time for her to put all the monsters back in her closet that this one thing brought out.

Next, by treating emotions as these silly, difficult, frustrating, and annoying things in her that needs to be got over, you're actually making it impossible for her to let go of. Because they aren't usually. The woman is just pretending they're silly to assuage the man she knows won't sincerely help her anyways.

As an addition, feelings don't just go away because you've been heard. That's silly to think. Bad days happen, and loving a person is often about letting them have a bad day and still loving them without having to get in the mix.

Finally, wrong or right, I think often women kind of want men to just magically summon the right words to say to make her feel heard. It really doesn't typically help us feel better to give you the words to say, because then the words are from our hearts, not yours. You're just saying it to try to make us feel better. It isn't genuine. And that just makes us feel less seen and understood.

ManWazo · 2023-01-12T04:19:55+00:00

What do I need to say or do, to make you feel heard",

Dont say nothing, you have to listen it's the logical step to take but even if logically listening is the thing to do your emotions tell you to "say or do" something. You're not as rational as you think you are.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-01-12T04:22:05+00:00

The real issue with women typically thinking emotionally vs logically is it can often leave men feeling lost, and unable to satisfy her needs.

Humans, not women exclusively, are illogical creatures. Women are just as capable of logic as men are and there is a wide spectrum of how often they utilize it among the genders.

Even now a lot of the times when she has an issue or a complaint I struggle to make her feel heard. I can even ask her (after lots of frustration) "What do I need to say or do, to make you feel heard", and she'll think about it and respond "I don't know, I don't think anything will make me feel heard right now". What the the fuck are men supposed to do with this?

Sounds like a dynamic issue particular to you two. Her feelings are her feelings, being unable to articulate the resolution to them doesn't mean her feelings still aren't legitimate, but I can't imagine going on this way with someone where there is such an impasse for long, glad you two were able to resolve it some how.

Some people are just wired differently. Most people do everything they can to get out of a bad mood when it's supposedly healthier just to sit with it awhile/acknowledge the feeling and let it ride instead of just resisting it.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2023-01-12T03:53:11+00:00

Tl;dr- if that's your experience, then you need to pick better partnera.

Your premise entirely depends on the person and there is far more variation within a group than between groups. Additionally, my experience has been that this entirely depends on how people were socialized up until age 25ish.

I only date women with very high emotional regulation and I've found them far more capable than the average man or woman to think logically or emotionally, as the situation requires. Maybe those are related, I honestly don't know. What I do know is that the second she raises her voice, we're done - no exceptions. What I have found is that most of the women I date long term, and therefore those that don't loose control, are much more likely to have played sports in HS or college, served either in the military or as a first responder at some point, or have advanced degrees in law or medicine or STEM. Ther stereotypical princess-type is an automatic no for me. So within the group of women I've had long term relationships with, they were perfectly capable of thinking logically and emotionally as the situation demanded. What that leads me to beleive is that this is most how people are raised.

I personally select for this bi-modal thinking, integrity, emotional regulation, and related characteristics FAR more than looks. As long as she physically fit and I don't otherwise find her ugly, I'm nowhere near as concerned about looks. So as I said earlier, if you're dating anyone who can't effectively switch between logical and emotional thinking and has poor communication skills, then pick better partners.

2023-01-12T06:09:11+00:00

Your wife might not be "logical," but women are no more or less logical than men or no more or less emotional than men. Men get just as sad, angry, and anxious, etc. as women, and make decisions based on those emotions just as often. Plenty of men do what your wife does, and what she's exhibiting is a lack of self awareness, poor communication skills, and emotional control—skills anyone can develop and skills anyone can lack. You're exhibiting poor cognitive empathy. Both of ya'll have stuff to work on.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-01-12T10:03:08+00:00

But that's perfectly logical. There isn't a solution to every problem. It's illogical to think that every problem must have a solution. I'd suggest that you're thinking emotionally based on your feelings of wanting to be able to solve the problem. In your own words, you feel lost and unable to satisfy your wife's needs, so you assume there must be a solution to get rid of this feeling you find unpleasant.

CimZim · 2023-01-12T13:11:49+00:00

u/MammothPapaya0 Not for nothing, but this sounds like a problem your wife has. She's an individual, and doesn't represent women as a whole just like you don't represent men as a whole.

Are there men who are similar to you? Yes...but there's plenty who are more like your wife.

Are there women who are similar to your wife? Yes...but there's plenty of us who are more you.

This weird myth of men = logical, women = emotional does everyone a huge disservice. It creates misandry of "men are so out of touch with their feelings" or "men are cold and unfeeling" vs the misogyny of "women are unable to think things through logically" or "women are controlled solely by their current emotional state". Not only that, but it divides logic and emotion into 2 entirely separate states, as if it's a switch being flipped back and forth in the brain, which is absurd. Unless you want to talk about people with specific mental disorders, both women and men are simultaneously emotional and logical all the time. Individual behaviors and values will control how the logic and emotions are shown on an outward basis, but they're both occurring at once in the brain.

eholt21 · 2023-01-12T01:19:37+00:00

She doesn’t tell you because the truth will hurt. She wants, she needs…. Chad Thundercock

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lle-ell · 2023-01-12T15:56:34+00:00

It sounds to me like your wife needs therapy, and I don't mean that as an insult.

It's really difficult to try to work things out with someone who doesn't know what they need, so props to you for doing it. It's not a gendered issue though, I've been in your shoes in relationships with men.

Managment tips in the meanwhile: When I feel like nothing would work, what I actually need is for my partner to give me space. I would suggest stating kindly that it seems like she needs a bit of space, and if she wants that, you'll do your own thing for a certain period of time that you specify in advance. Some people like being reminded that you love them while you are giving them space, some don't. I'd try reminding her, then asking her later if she appreciated that or if it made her feel cornered

If she disagrees and says that's not what she wants, I'd try - let her vent, don't interrupt, just listen and nod - then validate her emotions "I understand why this makes you feel upset/angry/whatever" - if needed, rephrase what she said as a question, "so what I'm hearing is that me doing XYZ makes you feel ABC?" - if appropriate, apologize for your role in the situation "I'm really sorry what that I made you feel hurt/frustrated/etc, and I hope that you can forgive me" - if applicable, let her gently know that she got the facts wrong, e.g. "I understand why you might associate me constantly being on my phone with cheating, but I promise you that I am not. I love you." - ask her what tangible things you can do next time to have a different outcome. Find the pain points where your respective needs don't align and find compromises, workarounds etc.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-01-12T20:52:52+00:00

The real issue with women typically thinking emotionally vs logically is it can often leave men feeling lost, and unable to satisfy her needs.

This again....No, men aren't some logic lords who typically think logically, same way women aren't these nervous wrecks who only go with whatever they're feeling in the moment. Some of the absolute dumbest things I've seen were done by men who thought they were oh-so rational. The same types of people who say stuff like what you just said are the ones who justify every irrational thing they do with ''but I'm a man, I'm very logical'' and they just assume they're always in the right and that everyone else is being unreasonable.

The rest of your post is about how (allegedly) irrational your wife was. And you take your experience with this one woman and place her issues with communicating and put it onto women as a whole.

Another example to explain this is imagine someone wakes up on the wrong sure of the bed, and they're in a bad mood. BUT they're unable to explain why they're in a bad mood.

Or 99 positive things have happened over the course of a day, but then 1 single negative thing causes them to be on a bad mood for the rest of the day, and they can't do anything to get over it. It's like they want to stay in a bad mood.

Again, this sounds very much like a personal issue. I have no problem explaining why I'm in a bad mood and I just do stuff that lightens my mood or wait for the bad mood to pass. However, I am able to do that because I'm aware of my mental state and what causes me to feel bleh, and why I feel like that. I wasn't always able to do that, it's something that needs to be learned. Way too many people, both men and women, are really bad not just at managing their emotions but recognizing them. Let's take ''not feeling heard'' as an example:

Your wife may not want to say what is actually bothering her because she thinks it's too silly to bring up. It still bothers her, but she's uncomfortable with sharing her feelings for whatever reason.
Maybe she's tried telling you what she needs before and you blew her off, so she doesn't know if there's even a point in telling you again. I'm not saying this is the case, but we're only getting your perspective on how unreasonable your wife is, you might be blind to your own unreasonable behaviors. For all I know, you could be some asshole who uses the whole ''i'm so logical'' thing to be a dick to your partner.
Maybe there's some other reason why she's being irrational. Anxiety, depression, that shit fucks with your head even if you are usually a perfectly rational person.

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-01-12T21:55:14+00:00

Feel heard/unheard? Is this some new way people are talking?

Title	Where men thinking logically vsbwomen thinking emotionally can cause huge issues in a relationship.
Author	MammothPapaya0
Upvotes	0
Comments	91
Date	January 12, 2023 1:04 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/109lsjl/where_men_thinking_logically_vsbwomen_thinking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/where-men-thinking-logically-vsbwomen-thinking.1146026 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146026

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