We've been seeing each other for nigh on 8 months now - both were quite damaged from previous relationships and were on a recovery when we met on Valentine's Day this year.

Discovered she is actually an amazing girl, a one in a kind - she's beautiful, smart, very funny, and outgoing and as expected is a big hit with a lot of girls and guys, yet, she is extremely loyal and stands by her moral principals, and generally wants to just help people. I find these qualities extraordinary in a person, especially in this day and age.

We both work very well, on some level, despite being slight opposites. There's an incredible level of passion between us, that's remained consistent for all these months, and only in the last month or two have we really started being honest with how we feel about eachother as it's been a exciting journey, as well as a scary one for both of us.

That said, it has been rocky now and again too. Fears, and insecurities tended to arise, mainly from my side but she wasn't without hers either. But importantly, we are there for each other and we talked our issues through and comforted each other... but, I am a mega pain in the arse.

Within the last month, we were practically living with each other side by side, and she began a new job at a bank that she was terribly nervous about, as it was a massive change from her usual coffee barista/management role she'd been plying through for the last 4-5 years.

I tend to drag on a bit, the point is - she has been seriously hurt by guys previous to me and as a result her guard was up, but somehow, over time and with a lot of patience and care she fell in love with me and me with her.

Recently though, we had been arguing a little bit because of my insecurity about a guy she's been working with. When she began the banking job, she was feeling the place out, getting to know everyone there and she has an innate ability to make friends very quickly. She'd always be open with me about new people she met, if they're cool or not, etc etc...

She mentioned one guy she'd been joking with, and basically flirting. A guy called Dave, who was temporarily working in her branch up until he moves away to another one, and at first I didn't think much of it and just assumed, "meh, another male friend", but I was slightly wary.

Up until one day, and I still feel fucking ashamed for this but, she was at work(it was a Sunday), and I was using her laptop for Ebay/Amazon etc, and I got another tab up to log in to my Facebook when I discovered she's saved and logged into Facebook already. I thought of this Dave guy, (it had been a couple of weeks since she first mentioned him, and brought him up a few times since) and I've never done it before, but I wanted to see just what was going on between them, so shamefully looked in her inbox - I broke her trust.

I noticed a message from him; something along the lines of "So, are you gonna give me your number then? 😜", but also noticed it was only a message request at this point, so obviously weren't Facebook friends.

I checked back an hour later, and she had accepted his request and replied, and there was a little banter there but nothing flirtatious, yet.

I did this a few more times before one day I saw something that snapped me, and I had to be honest with her. It was actually 2 weeks ago, so still relatively fresh. We were out together at a bar we go to every Thursday, with some friends and she was drunk to the point she'd forgotten her entry lock pattern to her phone. She asked me to help her, and we were both trying to figure it out when a message comes through from this guy - nothing extreme, but her reaction when it came through was a flinch. As though she didn't want me to see it, but it was too late.

I jokingly said, "Oh, you're boyfriend needs you", and she laughed, but my night was ruined by her reaction and what I had seen leading up this point. Paranoia and jealousy got the better of me, and although there was no concrete evidence to suggest she was interested in anything with the guy, there was definitely some flirting that I saw leading up to that point that had fucked with my head.

He was being the aggressor in most conversations, and she wasn't biting so much, but she was receptive more and more. Well, that night I was drunk as well and it just all blew up between me and her, and we didn't speak for over a week nearly.

I was in bits, and she seemed to be keeping her cool up until yesterday when I assumed it was all over, I returned something that belonged to her and we spoke, and I was honest with her about how I felt and that I was wrong. She broke down crying, asking me why I didn't trust her, telling me it took a lot for her to open up to me and that she gave her last drop of love to me, that she wanted my kid one day, and so on...

And I was feeling vulnerable after everything, and so we made up, kissed, shared the bed, laughed and talked for ages and she seemed sincere, whereas before that she was being a hard-ass about it all. Before I left we made some ultimatums, and agreed to take it slower but I also asked her honestly whether or not there was anything really between her and Dave - any potential, and that if there was, I'd like to know so I could step out of the way and move on. I meant that.

She assured me there wasn't, and that he's too young, but she was honest and said there could be potential but he has a lot of issues(that I wasn't aware of); depression, a child with autism, and problems with his ex) and she says more than anything he just needs a friend, and I took her at her word.

But I didn't leave there feeling amazing. I can't fight the thoughts I'm having, and as much as I love her and cherish her friendship, this one thing I feel has ruined it all ultimately. I take a lot of the blame for that but my instincts/paranoia has served me well before, not that it's ever made me happy, but still...

I know she talks to this guy regularly - every day on messenger. No matter the context, they are forming a close bond. Whereas, me and her don't talk over messenger so much anymore, we usually do all of our talking and flirting in person now as that's what we became accustomed to. The clincher is that we have to have some space, and I feel like I can't message her during that time, but I know those two will be, and the closer they get, I fear the further apart me and her will become. I just feel stuck, and don't know how to move forward with this, and really feel like I'm on eggshells a little bit. I'm fully aware that I'm acting like a bitch but it's a complicated situation, and I don't want to try remedy it by flirting with other people.

Should I just walk away? No contact? I'm scared for my heart ffs, and don't feel able to just ignore the possibility that another dude is warming my girlfriend up, while all of this bullshit goes on. Frankly, the trust is gone, but what if I'm wrong? My head is fucked right now.