UPDATE: I'm about to give up. I'm not sure I can keep this up for another 10+ years. (She started a website)

PowerWisdomCourage · 2013-07-11T14:35:18+00:00

That site is illegal. Should it ever effect your life, you are able to sue her for damages. Before that happens, I suggest you pursue some form of legal action and have it removed due to libel and defamation.

Always_Doubtful · 2013-07-11T14:30:39+00:00

Talk with your lawyer and get that website shut down, your ex needs to get sued for slander and defamation of character.

Don't give up my friend

Nipplestoker · 2013-07-11T14:29:34+00:00

Man, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Keep fighting the good fight though.

EclipseClemens · 2013-07-11T20:43:49+00:00

Bro, I was accused of child pornography production and distribution, and they took all my computers, phones, any electronic devices, TRASHED my apartment looking for hidden discs or drugs, then they took my daughter and tossed me in lockup. I know exactly how you feel. It was hell and lasted almost a whole year.

Don't give up. Your child is worth it. Right now my five year old is playing lego on the other side of my desk, and humming "it ain't gonna rain no more" by the guy who made "the cat came back." I am nearly destitute as a result of all that, too, but it's totally worth it. I thought of walking away, or ending it, a LOT. But you need to hold in there. PM me if you ever need to talk, man.

AeneaLamia · 2013-07-11T14:33:52+00:00

Can't you sue her for defamation of character? That would help pay your legal bills.

pocketknifeMT · 2013-07-11T15:05:50+00:00

I would copy the website and WHOIS information because once you bring it up, odds are her council will want it shut down in a hurry.

lol_wats_a_reddit · 2013-07-11T15:40:52+00:00

No matter what you do, act with maturity. Don't let others drag you down. It's tempting, but the best way to solve this is to remain calm.

Qix213 · 2013-07-11T16:24:19+00:00

I just don't understand what it would take for her to stop being vindictive, and to be a good mother?

Her only thoughts are about herself and how she can gain some kind of advantage. She is using her son as a weapon in this fight, it does not even occur to her to think about how it affects her son.

Maybe pointing this out to CPS or the latest judge (or whomever) would have an affect on their understanding of your situation. In a way you can leverage all that "mothers are better with kids" belief against her. If mothers are always so good with their children she must be one hell of a monster to be able to act like this.

.

I wish I could put it so succinctly but in your earlier thread /u/superuppercut put if perfectly:

I know you're tired but remember that you're the only thing keeping that kid safe from that belt.
I'm really proud of you.

It's slow, but you are making progress. I don't have kids, so I haven't yet had to prove it, but I can only hope I have the strength, determination and love to never give up. I know I'm not the only one here that thinks that. We are all proud of you.

claptilley · 2013-07-11T16:01:56+00:00

Never give up! How can we support you?

The_Phasers · 2013-07-11T18:06:46+00:00

What about her? It's got to be costing her a lot of time and money to give you hell like this. Does she have some kind of trust fund or something? IMHO, you need to take the offensive till she decides it's costing her too much.

I just don't understand what it would take for her to stop being vindictive, and to be a good mother?

She'll probably never be a good mother, that's something you'll just have to manage. You may be able to stop the vindictiveness by wearing her down. Other than that, be careful not to do anything to bruise her ego, even the sliest innuendo. Avoid letting her know about your private life as much as possible.

I hate to say this, if she pays child support to you, it could end up being a constant frustration and tension for her. You likely won't get the money anyhow, so you could try to appease her, offer no demands for payment as long as you have no accusations and court battles.

Most important, every waking moment with your kid is precious. You only have a limited time with him, so try to spend as much quality time with him as possible. That doesn't mean give them what they want, or spoil them, but it might mean saying no gently and lovingly to him 30 times in a row. It doesn't seem that he is going to get his needs met by mom, so that means it's on you. You have to stay in this battle for him. It may cost a fortune, but he needs you.

One other thing. Don't always assume your lawyer is on your side. The more you guys fight, the more they make money. You might have to override your lawyer, or if you win a battle against her - win humbly and be flexible enough not to exercise every power that you have, even if you have it. I don't know what your situation is here, so I can't say.

jsh1138 · 2013-07-11T18:15:13+00:00

honestly dude, you should put up a website of your own, and put a donation button on it

i'm 100% sure that people would kick in a few bucks for your legal fees

you should also contact some men's rights groups and see if they can help you financially. don't be too proud to seek help on this, it sounds like you need some

superfuzzy · 2013-07-11T21:52:44+00:00

I'm in another country and have no money, so I can't help you other than with my words. Stay strong! Picture that one day in the future when you finally win this thing, and you have your kid back with you! Think of the things you will do with your kid when all of this is over, what things you will teach them and things you will enjoy together. See the light at the end of the tunnel, and don't get run down by the current state of affairs, however dismal they may seem. As long as you keep at it, you can win. I sincerely hope you sort everything out in the end.

Hifen · 2013-07-12T01:01:27+00:00

Sue her for slander, she needs to provide evidence for each alleged claim, if she can't you should be eligible for damages.

The_Phasers · 2013-07-12T08:05:15+00:00

If you're looking to collect evidence on the website and you have Windows 7, or access to a computer with it, search for "psr.exe" in your run bar. This is a "problems step recorder" program that takes screenshots and records where you clicked when you navigate the computer's UI and saves it to a ZIP file. On a weekly basis, open PSR, go to the website, and navigate through every window. It's an easy way to collect screenshots of a website.

rightsbot · 2013-07-11T14:08:17+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

The_Phasers · 2013-07-11T19:59:34+00:00

Sue your wife for defamation of character. You have to be absolutely ruthless with people like her, ruin their life but do it through legal channels. Ruin her financially, and make sure that the suit gets some publicity so any potential employers know about the kind of crap your wife pulls.

aarghj · 2013-07-12T02:55:42+00:00

Get those lawyers out of their closets and sue that biach for slander and libel. Especially if you have court decisions in your favor. It's a slam dunk.

erowidtrance · 2013-07-11T14:31:46+00:00

I'd break all ties and leave the country. Learn a new language and start life over.

You only get one, after all.

yoinkgasp · 2013-07-11T17:47:16+00:00

Message me the address of the website. We will get it taken offline.

Quonsoe00 · 2013-07-11T15:45:58+00:00

Sue her for defamation of character.

cutcoguru · 2013-07-11T18:25:31+00:00

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it. One thing which comes to mind. I wonder what would happen if the judges mentioned were to learn of the website. I imagine she might have some explaining to do and would most likely face at the ery least, contempt of court charges.

EccentricNinja · 2013-07-11T19:33:13+00:00

One light at the end of the tunnel is you could probably sue for back pay on child support.

The_Phasers · 2013-07-11T19:38:53+00:00

Have you considered going to your employer and letting them know that your insane ex-wife is out to get you?

The_Phasers · 2013-07-11T21:42:53+00:00

You have an interesting story, perhaps you should find a reporter that works for a newspaper or TV channel and see if they can help you out. If you can get the public on your side, things can get better really quickly, and people can donate money for legal fees, etc.

rememberlans · 2013-09-06T14:44:18+00:00

Ok, I'm late to the game, but you worrying about your employer finding out about the website is a valid concern, unless you can possibly take ownership of the situation.

Now I'm not a lawyer, so you should consult your lawyer before you do anything I'm about to suggest, but I do have HR experience. This is what HR within a company is for, when I was having legal issues with a former employer, I confidentially kept HR in the loop. No company can justifiably fire you because you need to make court dates, and if HR is in the loop they can become a helpful resource. I could freely make court dates, anything from my former employer that made it back to the executives at my company became taken with a grain of salt, within your company HR can shield you from any fallout that might come down on you because of your situation, but only if they know. Plus, if they know you're all lawyered up, they'll think twice about firing you, because if your lawyer is worth a damn it could potentially be a huge problem for them if they do.

EDIT: Also, the IT guy in me wants to tell you that there are forensic services available that, for a fee, will grab a legally admissible copy of the website for you, so if she ever took it down, you could still prove the website existed, and show the court the website in its entirety. Why is it legally admissible? Well the company you pay has the infrastructure to both prove that the data was never in your custody, that it was never altered, and was stored with full compliance regarding forensic data criteria.

liquid_j · 2013-07-11T16:12:57+00:00

Have you considered showing one of the judges she rips into her website? If she's saying crap about them they might be motivated to get her to take it down.

I'm sorry for the shit sandwich life has served you sir. Your son is a lucky boy to have a papa who will go through hell for him.

2013-07-11T16:18:02+00:00

This is crazy. Keep strong, OP. Keep that website up as long as possible to show the judge, and then get it shut down and sue her back. You shouldn't go broke over trying to keep your kids! Sue her back and maybe even sue for the costs of all these lawyers and trials, and not much more. Maybe the judge will see that you aren't asking for a ridiculous amount, but simply, you wish to be in a financially stable position after what your ex-wife has done.

birdguy · 2013-07-11T16:22:47+00:00

Keep up the good fight.

2013-07-12T04:00:15+00:00

Keep in mind this is all on the Internet as well. One asshole makes the wrong comment here or she just frames it right and she has the argument that you did the same thing to her on the Internet.

You need to be getting advice from a lawyer and not speaking to anyone else.

I get the supports helps, but it's also a risk.

JesterXL7 · 2013-07-12T04:19:53+00:00

Dude this sucks so bad, I really hope you get a good lawyer and a good judge who will see straight through all the bull shit and finish this once and for all for you. Good luck man, and keep up the fight.

2013-07-12T07:19:03+00:00

You hang in there. Do not give up.

2013-07-12T13:25:34+00:00

Holy hell. All I can say is good luck.

Bitdude · 2013-07-12T13:52:39+00:00

How did you end up marrying this woman? Were other no early red flags indicating her current behavior? I would spend time reviewing your early relationship and seeing how you ended up with this sociopath. Part of the blame is yours unfortunately although I sympathize.

TartofDarkness · 2013-09-06T15:24:51+00:00

I can't imagine what it's like to go through something like this. I think I'd just have to secretly head hunt for another job and pick up and move somewhere across the world.

2013-09-06T15:57:18+00:00

I saw a post of yours elsewhere and came and read through both posts about this psychotic ex bitch of yours. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be having someone try to ruin you/your son's life and our own justice system failing to remedy it. I wish I could give you some super awesome legal advice, but I would have left the country by now with my boy by my side, to be honest. Just came here to say that you are a shining example of an awesome dad and your son is very lucky to have you on his side. Keep fighting!

Light-of-Aiur · 2013-09-06T21:20:44+00:00

Ah... That definitely sounds like borderline personality disorder.

I had a close friend in college with this disorder, and while she didn't do anything near as damaging to me, I sympathise and understand the kind of emotional damage she's causing you.

Stick in there. See if you can work with your lawyer on gaining full custody of your son and a restraining order against her and her boyfriend/fiance/husband/whatever. Once you get that, see if you can move your family to another state. It'd make it a lot harder for her to instigate another frivolous CPS investigation.

The website is low, and doesn't sound too typical of BPD, but some people with this disorder do attack those they've devalued.

If you can't manage sole custody, you may be able to get her psychologically evaluated against her will, and then include that in the custody suit. It would depend on your state, I think, though...

Sisebi · 2013-09-07T16:59:38+00:00

I'm a bit late to this party, but I'd like to say something.

I'm a woman - and I am exceptionally proud of you, and what you are doing for your son. This woman is an embarrassment to mothers and decent women everywhere.

Give your son a huge hug from us strangers here on Reddit. And know that we're with you, every step of the way.

allie_h_123 · 2013-07-11T14:34:15+00:00

Would talking to your employer about the situation help? That way in case someone you work with does google your name, they won't be caught off guard and then you look guilty?

chelli1977 · 2013-12-08T09:52:20+00:00

Not only is it illegal but can be used against her. May not have her name on the site but you can trace the site owner & prove what she's doing. It's also defamation of character and a few other things I can think of. I went through my own ordeal from hell...damn near lost my mind. smh Definitely here if you need to chat and may have suggestions on several levels. I've been where you are and the most important thing for you to remember, though it's difficult is...you are not alone.

Title	UPDATE: I'm about to give up. I'm not sure I can keep this up for another 10+ years. (She started a website)
Author	The_Phasers
Upvotes	220
Comments	167
Date	July 11, 2013 2:07 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1i2wg5/update_im_about_to_give_up_im_not_sure_i_can_keep/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/update-im-about-to-give-up-im-not-sure-i-can-keep.1168981 https://theredarchive.com/post/1168981

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