Brilliant and poignant scene from the Golden Girls on Doctors who dismiss women's suffering

berryberrykicks · 2021-03-18T04:40:54+00:00

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UnderwaterWriter · 2021-03-18T04:21:37+00:00

This really hit me very hard. I suffer from endometriosis. It took me years to get a diagnosis. I have been dismissed and diminished by so many practitioners that I thought perhaps I was making it all up in my head. I’m scheduled for an extensive surgery end of this month. When I told my pick-me mother that I was having a somewhat intensive surgery she said “Why are you even having that done?” Like it was elective! My surgeon looked at the internal photos that were taken from my last surgery and reassured me so gently “You absolutely, without a doubt, are suffering from this disease. I’m going to do everything imaginable to remove it”. I held it together in the exam room, but I cried tears of such relief at home. It destroys a person to feel so unwell inside, and practitioners eyes are glazed over, and they suggest ibuprofen.

Mcccy · 2021-03-18T07:41:39+00:00

Last year I had horrible pains at my back and stomach for many days, it was a strong pain that was coming and going and I really felt like I was dying at times.

Family doctor says it's probably cause I ate something bad and treats me like I'm stupid for making such a big fuss about it. Few days later I went to a pharmacy for painkillers and after explaining my symptoms to the pharmacy lady, she just stares at me and says " That's not stomachache or back pain, you have kidney stones". I visited another doctor right after that cause all the symptoms matched and I Indeed had freaking kidney stones.

ChemicalCobbler · 2021-03-18T03:56:57+00:00

Yep I got accused of having eating disorders for years and sent to various nutritionists until I was finally diagnosed recently with SIBO.

BoxingChoirgal · 2021-03-18T05:45:04+00:00

OH yes.

I was a youthful energetic 40something year old.

Could easily run a 10k, and was a popular fitness coach at a local studio. Also I was a generally well-read, alert and aware person. Happily raising 2 kids and working part-time. Educated, professional. Involved in the community, vibrant. Loved hiking and gardening.

Suddenly my period stopped, at the same time I lost 90% of my energy. I had debilitating joint pain and weirdass neuropathy symptoms. (Like, my hands would feel like they were burning or freezing wet , even though I had done nothing to make that happen).

My brain lost its higher functioning (could no longer concentrate well enough to read, even my children's bedtime stories). I felt like I no longer knew myself. It was really scary.

I went to my Internist after my kids and Ex-Husband noticed the change in me. (yeah. Should have gone Sooner!)

I was told that I was experiencing early-onset menopause. That didn't compute.

I had a toddler at home but suddenly I was a crone??

Was told that the sudden bizarre brain fog and unprecedented fatigue was all part of the process of The Change. I was recommended a book on aging and Accepting the change in life.

It didn't feel right.

I understood that at some point from my 40's through my 50's things would change. But, this was so sudden and the symptoms so acute...

At an annual checkup with my OB Gyn (A talented woman -- consummate doctor and intuitive healer -- who had known me since my early 20's) I explained my need to learn about the change of life, since apparently I was suddenly menopausal.

She looked at me like I was crazy.

She told me that I was the last candidate for early menopause that she could think of (since she had just delivered my 2nd child a few years prior).

She listened to me, shared her insights, and ran a bunch of labwork. the next DAY she called me saying "No Surprise, You have a RAGING case of Lyme disease and co-infections (Erlichiosis ,etc)"

She blitzed me with antibiotic therapies that felt like hell but brought back my period and, after a few weeks, a more normal life.

Thank GOD for a female doc who knew and Believed me.

Mere weeks later my daughters were relieved to have me back.

My Ex-Husband continued to doubt that Lyme disease "was really a thing."

A few years later when his 2nd wife had it, He acknowledged it as Real.

Sekina7 · 2021-03-18T08:16:08+00:00

Going . Through. This . And I’ve had obvious racial prejudice thrown is as well . It’s tiring ...

2021-03-18T09:53:08+00:00

I know too many stories of amazing women diminished by doctors who imply that their female patients are crazy or seeking attention.

I hope all of the women on here know that a doctor mistreated or dismissing you does not mean you do not have a health issue or that your concerns are not valid.

In situations like this, it is easy to feel like you are alone and that you are the only person being treated this way by a doctor, therefore it must be a fault of yours. There are countless women who have experienced the same thing, only to find out much later that they did have a health issue. If you still have concerns after seeing your doctor, keep going back. Seek a second opinion.

Personally, I got a female doctor a few years ago and it has been life changing. I highly recommend looking for a female doctor.

Pumpkinouchette · 2021-03-18T09:03:59+00:00

Oh my god, so catartic. I was a sick teenager girl and everybody (including my own father) called me lazy and a liar. Even when I got a diagnotic (and not a small one), even when I had a treatment that made my life so hard and even when people knew that treatment was hard to live, they still called me lazy and a liar because I was a young girl, and young girl are not suppose to be sick and tired with the health issues of a 70 woman.
Every time I tried to explain why I had a hard time following in class, teachers told me "Everyobody is tired ! I won't give you a special treatment" when all I asked was not to be yelled at because I didn't participate enough.
I'm still angry, I always will be angry because all I needed was a bit of compation, not be yelled at. They were so mad at me to look tired, to act tired, more than other guys that were actually just lazy.
I wish I had the courage to go to tell them all she said, and it feel so good to hear it, even on TV.

QueensJuju · 2021-03-18T13:18:43+00:00

I became partially paralyzed in kindergarten. Doctors told my abusive mother I was "probably faking", which caused her to lash out more.

Turns out I had a rare disorder and had to be hospitalized so I didn't die.

This is not an exceptional situation. I've had two chronic conditions in my life that lasted 3-10 years. I saw multiple doctors and was told repeatedly the problem was "in my head". Firstly, it's never been true, after much struggle and wasted time and misery, eventually the tide changes and someone finds the answer. Secondly, even if a chronic condition was related to trauma or mental illness ("all in your head" is not a formal diagnosis), it still needs to be treated and not dismissed. Fuck doctors.

ricesnot · 2021-03-18T12:04:58+00:00

I have always been more heard by my female doctors than male ones. The only female doctor I ever had listened and she gave me tests when we found lumps in my arms, she wanted to be sure I was okay. When I had an ulcer she had me do x-rays just incase it could be something else in my stomach causing issues, she cared.

I never felt so heard than when she was my doctor, my other doctors just talk over me and generally spend 3 minutes in a room with me to tell me what they think is wrong and they'll give me some pills and hopefully that'll make it better.

I later found out this year I luckily did not have ovarian cancer, but I do have a 7cm fibroid causing all the cramping pain, not normal period pains like my doctor told me they were, I've had periods since I got one when I was 12, I know what a period cramp is, this tool tried to tell me this huge fibroid was a normal period cramp. 😒

I wish I had good insurance for a good doctor I have to go to a clinic so I never know who I'm going to get, miss my old female doctor so much though, she was so kind to me. Even when she saw my cutting scars she just talked to me about how I was feeling, told me she understood and if I ever felt like harming myself please call her and she can get me in touch with a good friend of hers who works as a therapist. She cared, I miss having her as my advocate.

I_am_so_lost_again · 2021-03-18T13:32:08+00:00

I'm still struggling to figure out what is wrong with me, and remind myself daily that it's not in my head, no matter what the doctors tell me.

Blood work comes back with in "normal ranges" but certain tests are always on the high or low side of "normal" which makes me wonder while it's normal for most people, maybe it's not normal for me and my body since every body is different. Maybe having low and high of normal counts is actually the same as having out of "normal" for me. But I can't get a doctor to listen, so instead I've given up. I deal with the chronic pain, tingling of my face/arm, the fatigue, the depression. It's just easier anymore then being told to my face that there is "nothing wrong" with me. 10 doctors and I'm "too young" for the issues I'm having. Funny now my symptoms, the pain, has been there since I was 22 (now 35) and just gets worse.

I just would like to know I'm not crazy, that they beleive me. I have issues with working these days because my hands, back, legs hurt so bad that all I want to do is go sleep to ignore it. I fight through it though because I don't want to lose my life to whatever is happening. I hike long miles, volunteer, I live my life in pain, and I just deal with it, even though there are days where I look in the mirror and just can't, but do it.

Bleh. Guess this hit a nerve today.

2021-03-18T13:49:04+00:00

"I can't do this in a restaurant." Turns. "But I will."

2021-03-18T13:57:31+00:00

Amen. I love this episode. For years I’ve dealt with health issues that I still don’t understand the causes of- I’ve been to doctors and they all say nothing is wrong with me, they never take me seriously. My own family doesn’t even take me seriously, they tell me “quit looking on webmd”- well, I look on the internet bc I get answers from nowhere else.

Bezzazz · 2021-03-19T10:48:32+00:00

God, I wish I could tell of my former GP.

She, a woman in her 30s, just treated me like I was making shit up. I got an upper respiratory infection right when COVID hit in my city. It took days to find a test, and I tested negative. But I felt like I couldn't breathe, among other things, and I ended up being ill for four months.

I went to see her after the first month of it had passed. I had tried to exercise and got a rash and fatigue after. She did bloodwork, but when nothing showed anything, she basically threw her hands up and began demanding to know if I was depressed. Because I had depression a few years ago after an insanely stressful set of circumstances, and had been prescribed SSRIs, she just assumed that my joint pain, muscle pain, brain fog, fatigue, and fucking rash was "in my head".

For 4 months, I suffered. I still had to work, because no one believed I was sick, and if I did talk about it, they just fucking ignored me or acted like I was exaggerating. For 4 months, all I could do was sit in a chair at the lab 90% of the time, come home, pass out for 2-3 hours, wake up, shower for 5 minutes, try to eat, and go back to bed.

Before and after this I could do vinyasa yoga 2-3 times a week and I went on 10 mile hikes in the goddamn mountains a few times a month. But no. CLEARLY I was making it up!

I'm still infuriated by it. God forbid I ever get sick again.

Title	Brilliant and poignant scene from the Golden Girls on Doctors who dismiss women's suffering
Author	airhostess_inthe60s
Upvotes	377
Comments	50
Date	March 18, 2021 3:43 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m7ib5d/brilliant_and_poignant_scene_from_the_golden/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/brilliant-and-poignant-scene-from-the-golden-girls.1190925 https://theredarchive.com/post/1190925

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