My boyfriend is mad that I have let him spend his money on me when he invites me for diner or lunch.

2021-01-26T18:51:49+00:00

Drop him

Pillsburyfuckboy · 2021-01-26T18:19:00+00:00

This guy sounds like a douche from what you've said, maybe reconsider this relationship?

IcarusKiki · 2021-01-26T18:22:26+00:00

I don’t want to be overdramatic but it seems like he’s putting up covert contracts by doing nice things for you. Or using his favors as a bargaining chip to have an excuse to lash out at you and make you feel shitty. It doesn’t seem healthy, especially when he criticizes you to YOUR mom. If he can’t handle his own spending on you then what can he handle? I think you need to have a long talk with him about his behavior and d*mp him if he doesn’t improve in the long term

arabiandoll · 2021-01-26T19:44:28+00:00

Wow. I would never spend a minute with a man like that. He’s obviously not a provider, and sounds extremely stingy. I’m so sorry

VivaLaVict0ria · 2021-01-26T20:55:43+00:00

Sounds like some narcissistic tendencies love. My ex used to ruin every special occasion ; it’s no way to live.

Buckley92 · 2021-01-27T05:42:26+00:00

You've been with this guy for four years judging by your post history and not only does he not like you as much as his mom, not only does he complain about having to pay on dates, not only does he compare you to his ex from (hopefully) FOUR YEARS AGO, but he's still not proposed after four years?? I mean, we're not supposed to suggest leaving over stuff like this, but... you're already 25. Do you really want to spend anymore of your life dating THIS dude, and even if he proposed tomorrow, do you really want to be tied to him AND HIS FAMILY, FOR LIFE? Because at this point, I doubt he'll change much even if he drops the money thing. Seriously, ask yourself.

Rkz1263 · 2021-01-26T19:10:04+00:00

I know this has been a long relationship for you, but these seem like tons of red flags. May want to consider moving on

throwawayisathing · 2021-01-26T22:46:46+00:00

You made a post one and a half month ago, where you wrote that you were breaking up. If you considered that before, I think it’s time to leave now. This is not his only red flag, I can read that in your other posts. 4 years is a long time, and yes you will feel lonely at first, but it’s nothing compared to the regret you’ll feel if you don’t.

saint-jezebel · 2021-01-26T22:53:51+00:00

First, hes not a provider.

Next, do you make more than him. If you do, or he is not financially stable, thats not your issue. You should not be splitting anything with him to doing halvsies because once you give men like this a little, they will begin to ask for more. He also may secretly resent you because while you do contribute, the next issue is that you are needed by him to carry his weight, so shame on you either way (not me to you, but him to you).

You may really need to drop and block him. Im not big on blocking people but hes messy.

Throwawayyy97555 · 2021-01-30T11:07:17+00:00

AHHH! He spends money on you but then he's unhappy that you don't spend enough money on him...? That's very strange behavior.

He should feel happy that you're not one of those women who expect the man to pay for everything since you pay half mostly. I think that he sounds like the selfish one at the end of the day, not you!

Have you tried to ask him why he's acting like this?

MissTishWish_ · 2021-01-31T22:59:21+00:00

LEAVE! He probably has mommy issues of some kind and is most likely a narcissist. My ex was like this. Had a bunch of money to spend on himself but constantly made me feel like a burden for wanting anything! We got in a HUGE argument over him paying doordash to get me a slice CHEESECAKE from the cheesecake factory! He said the same thing, that he’s feeling used. When really he’s selfish & NOT provider which means unfit to be a husband for a feminine woman. LEAVE NOW!

HappilyMrs · 2021-01-26T21:33:06+00:00

4 years seems like a long time with this level of conflict, is this progressing, or stagnating?

He needs to be clear about what he wants, and not act like an ass afterwards

vintagegirlgame · 2021-01-26T19:10:05+00:00

Money can be a major cause of discontent if partners don’t have the same ideas about it. Is he an otherwise good partner? Is the rest of the relationship is good? There could be subtle ways you are disrespecting and controlling him and he is pushing back by picking fights about money. Look up Laura Doyle’s questions about how to tell if you are being a controlling wife/girlfriend.

If everything else in the relationship is peachy, then it’s more of just a money problem. I highly recommend you both read the book “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” by T. Harv Eker. He explains how we each have a “money blueprint” in our subconscious that’s based on all the thoughts we acquired/learned/didn’t learn about money. Because most cultures don’t teach about money, we pick up a lot of limiting beliefs and bad habits. When two people don’t have matching blueprints, they fight about money a lot. You can both reset your blueprints to be a more harmonious one but it takes discipline and a desire to learn/change. If both of you can get on the same page about money then these kind of fights won’t happen.

But all of that is in the realm of “changing your man” that is not good to have expectations around. My fiancé and I read the book and did money workshops together and it was a great experience and we both have/make more now because of it. If your Bf is not interested in things like this don’t push it. Instead, bring him the problem to solve and let him step up to lead. Use Laura Doyle’s cheat phrase “Can I borrow your brain about something?” Present the problem in a simple way, and ask him what he thinks the best solution is. Trust him enough to give it a try (even if it’s not what you want to hear) and thank him for solving the problem. Showing that you value his leadership will ease the tension around money, even if it’s not a perfect solution.

Amon35 · 2021-01-27T01:01:33+00:00

From what I understand this behaviour started recently. If this was happening for 4 years this is on you. Made better choices next time. If its recent all I can say is something happened in the background.

Maybe its another chick. Maybe something you did made him change his behaviour. I would say he has money issues but the way he threw it at your face makes me thing otherwise. Almost like he is punishing you for something. Like you are getting in his way.

money-_-sun · 2021-01-27T13:53:37+00:00

*Run to the hills.

clitorophagy · 2021-01-28T04:20:15+00:00

He should be happy to provide meals for you. He sounds childish and selfish.

2021-01-27T06:16:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CarelessTrifle5242 · 2021-01-27T10:45:04+00:00

You really need to reconsider the relationship?

Jayledd · 2021-01-27T17:26:34+00:00

You're not his mother, you don't "let" him spend money on you and you're not responsible for HIS financial choices. Either set better boundaries, or better yet find a man instead of this boy.

If my boyfriend complained about something like this I'd be super suspicious. We give to eachother out of love and the desire to do something nice for the other person, not because I want x from the other person. If it's not given willingly and with no strings, or complaining about it after I don't want it and neither should you.

Relationships are reciprocal in good faith, with rapport. They aren't tit-for-tat transactional and keeping score. It's a recipe for resentment no matter on both sides. Transactional relationships are for escorts and sugar babies.

Nandemodekiru · 2021-01-27T20:56:32+00:00

Question: is this the same guy that you posted about 83 days ago who you were apparently breaking up with “for good”?

Sonic_Eclipse · 2021-01-28T21:54:00+00:00

As a fellow member of the boys, i suggest you break up with him and find someone who doesn't have the mindset of a fucking spork. What he is basically doing is gaslighting you; he's lying and manipulating you into believing things about yourself that in this case probably isn't true.

StandardGreekGod · 2021-01-29T05:09:54+00:00

You guys need time apart. Be that a break or break up

Dismayed_ · 2021-01-29T16:06:34+00:00

If he was a real man, he shouldn't need to look to you for financial advice: he would handle it himself. In my opinion, he is not a generous giver because he always expects something in return. Who gives a gift and then turns around and says that gift was expensive, make sure you do some special for me? You seem to do your fair share of giving and taking, and you're trying to let him take care of you when he sees fit. He does not seem like he knows his own finances well and is looking for a mommy to do it for him.

2021-02-03T08:00:33+00:00

He is using you... I am sorry. A man and a women don't give the same in a relationship, so he shouldn't act like this. What he spend his money on is his responsibility.

And paying 50 50, he uses way more than you - you are paying for him. He is acting like a princess...

MTB13579 · 2021-02-04T06:50:42+00:00

Most men take pride in being a provider and go out of there way to impress their girl. This does not sound like the boyfriend for you

CheeseMonger96 · 2021-02-06T17:56:00+00:00

My partner and I have lived together for 3-4 years now and are getting married soon. We keep money from being a problem by using splitwise to track spending and keep a tally. If your relationship is otherwise in decent shape maybe a new system for keeping track of money would work, but it has to be something that you're both happy with. Making accusations at each other is not going to make things better. He may be worried about his financial situation or want to save for the future for instance and his concerns may have nothing to do with his feelings for you.

Exquisite_skeleton · 2021-03-10T05:58:34+00:00

Title	My boyfriend is mad that I have let him spend his money on me when he invites me for diner or lunch.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	39
Date	January 26, 2021 6:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/l5jqta/my_boyfriend_is_mad_that_i_have_let_him_spend_his/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-boyfriend-is-mad-that-i-have-let-him-spend-his.1193324 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193324

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