Just realized something - both RP and Fem are anti sharing

SophiaPhilae · 2022-09-29T22:20:56+00:00

imo in the case of feminists, when it's not a badly phrased thing about mental load and lack of reciprocation, it's a mix of heteropessimism and actually subscribing to parts of toxic masculinity as a model without realizing it (because it's been erected as a model of how you can be efficient at work and in life in general).

Environmental-Row979 · 2022-09-29T23:35:57+00:00

Real Live Feminist Here:
We are not anti-sharing.

I don't have any comments about the emotional tampon thing (beyond the fact that "friendzoning" is not a real thing) but I do want to comment on the latter.

"Women Aren't Your Therapists" is akin to "women are not rehabilitation centers for damaged/broken men," which I think articulates the issue more clearly (though I'm not exactly comfortable with the use of "damaged" or "broken" in this context). Many, many girls and young women are sort of indoctrinated with the idea that if we are good enough, sweet enough, loving enough we can "fix" a man. Often, it's done really indirectly through something as innocuous as a movie like Beauty and the Beast or even less obviously through the trope of the incompetent or emotionally-stunted sitcom husband; sometimes it's done really deliberately when young women are told "the right woman can change a man." Ultimately, this kind of thinking actually robs men of their agency and denies their own capacity for tenderness, self-reflection, and self-directed growth. These tropes, this kind of thinking is disrespectful to men and sets women up to be emotional punching bags a lot of the time.

I think this also dovetails with how often men feel discouraged from having more emotionally intimate friendships with each other. I can't tell you how many heterosexual men I've known whose wives or partners who are women are the only emotionally intimate relationships they really have. I can't imagine how isolating that would be.

The issue is not with sharing -- the issue is with the expectation that a friend (or even a partner) can or should do more than be of moral support. When it comes to the issue of Fixing Your Shit, all of that labor belongs to you and the most appropriate person to guide you through that is a mental health professional or even a life coach if that's more your bag. My relationship with my therapist is extremely one-sided -- she knows SO much about me and I know next-to-nothing about her; that's because we are not friends, and not being friends means I'm able to be more honest, as I don't have to consider her feelings (beyond making sure I'm respectful of our professional relationship by showing up on time, doing my "homework," being honest, etc.). When we turn our friends and our partners into de facto therapists, we often forget to take their feelings into account -- and that's not good for any kind of relationship.

That was pretty rambly -- I hope it makes some sort of sense.

starspider · 2022-09-29T22:21:11+00:00

There is a massive difference between being a good, loving, and supportive friend and being someone's therapist.

Women aren't your therapist because you need to actually go to therapy. That's it. It's not hat we don't want to hear your problems--women are socialized to do just that, listen and be supportive.

But we aren't all trained therapists and you actually fucking need therapy.

2020mademejoinreddit · 2022-09-30T09:32:51+00:00

I think sharing is fine, dumping isn't. For BOTH. Men and women.

'Emotional tampon' is basically used when someone just goes to the individual to whine about something, then disappears for months, until they need to dump their negativity onto them. Both men and women do this. That isn't healthy for either.

Sharing is different and I think should only be done if you're into the relationship that is based on strong trust and reliability (not co-dependency) on each other.

Anything less, and you're better off with a therapist.

Of course, if the problems are great, then therapy is the way to go. But small problems, sure. You don't need therapy for them. Just like you don't need a nuke to kill a mosquito.

Meat_Vegetable · 2022-09-30T01:26:00+00:00

Just remember, there are shitty people regardless of gender, and there are good people regardless of gender. The black and white break down is how a child thinks.

Nightchanger · 2022-09-30T14:29:14+00:00

Read carefully, OP. The author's intention is not to tell men to bottle up their feelings, but to stress the importance of emotional reciprocity. It's to tell men that they can't expect to be heard without listening. In the author's experience, men have a problem with this more than women.

The problem I have with it is when my friends (and in my case, they have all been male) have this expectation that I can handle their emotional trauma and baggage without caring to reciprocate emotional support.

This meaning is actually evident from the title. In a client-therapist relationship the client isn't expected to reciprocate; it is one-sided. I would say this article is more anti-codependency than anything else.

xvszero · 2022-09-30T19:34:31+00:00

Tho I do agree that you should put boundaries.

So you agree with the feminists.

Melificarum · 2022-09-29T21:53:10+00:00

Yeah, I personally really hate that phrase, "women are not therapists." People on twoxchromosomes are always going on about that like it's such a burden to have empathy for someone, especially since men often can't get that from their friends. Like, the point of a relationship or a friendship is to be there for each other during hard times.

Title	Just realized something - both RP and Fem are anti sharing
Author	Nightchanger
Upvotes	12
Comments	95
Date	September 29, 2022 9:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xrj8oe/just_realized_something_both_rp_and_fem_are_anti/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/just-realized-something-both-rp-and-fem-are-anti.1208649 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208649

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