Women's Attitudes Towards Gay Men

TrilIias · 2023-05-15T10:50:53+00:00

I'm also gay and definitely relate. I typically come across as straight, so I know how people treat straight men and how that changes once they find out I'm actually gay, and it's completely different. Women tend to be very cold at first, then when they find out some become instantly more friendly, and I do mean instantly. Not all women, of course, but often enough that I do feel lucky to not be straight.

McFeely_Smackup · 2023-05-15T15:26:58+00:00

Dan Savage, gay columnist and podcaster, has talked several times about how badly women behave in gay bars. The guy is a full blown feminist, and even he talks about how bad it is.

He said women get drunk and just start sexually assaulting men like they think they're entitled to do it. stuff that would get a man arrested and/or beaten up if they tried it, but women just don't even think there's anything wrong with them doing it

It's apparently a well recognized problem: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/08/researchers-say-bachelorette-parties-destroying-lgbtq-safe-spaces/

Due-Lie-8710 · 2023-05-15T09:58:23+00:00

Being gay is seen as an excuse to take poor behaviour from women because , you wouldn't be turned on meaning you can't take it inappropriately

sudev29 · 2023-05-15T15:40:32+00:00

Bisexual men are basically treated as gay with the same shitty stigmas gay men go through.

DSwipe · 2023-05-15T13:08:45+00:00

I’m gay too and I also noticed whenever I shared this information to a woman, she would immediately become nicer to me after being initially apprehensive. Women seem to adopt “one of us” mentality around gay guys, which is probably also the reason why they don’t expect you to defend yourself more than they would.

Nowadays I rarely share to women I’m gay because honestly, I can’t deal with this sudden shift in attitude. If you don’t accept me as your friend and feel like I’m a threat, then so be it, I won’t bother changing your perception.

Peacekeeper2654 · 2023-05-15T15:09:36+00:00

those women around you are virtue signalling social media hugging fake feminists

Zestyclose-Repair-86 · 2023-05-15T09:46:09+00:00

It is because, as a gay man, you would be subject to homophobia.

Women, especially white women, are privileged.

Those women you mention are trying to co-op homophobia against you, as a gay man, and equate the discrimination you may face, as discrimination they (i.e. those women) face.

Background_Duck2932 · 2023-05-15T17:25:23+00:00

This is something I've heard from some feminists themselves, but it's because being a heterosexual male implies that you have a propensity to disrespect the existence of females. It's because a male/female couple is seen as a relationship where the female is losing everything.

One example of how far this belief goes is that some legitimately believe that hetero sex is always dehumanizing of women. They really believe that the act in itself just strips all control and rights from women, even if the woman is the one doing all the movement. I know it sounds ridiculous and made up, but I've literally been told this before and it's simply because the man goes inside the woman.

Other than that, there's just a belief that heterosexual cisgender white males are at the pinnacle of the privileged classes. Break that down and that means heterosexual males are inherently privileged. Privileged people are always considered the worst because they aren't compassionate and are unable to see what's wrong with the status quo. Part of the status quo is that hetero men are hunting women like wolves and are uncomfortable with simply hanging around them. Part of the status quo for some feminists is that hetero men simply have deep resentment for women and think of themselves as some alpha predator or something.

So putting all of that together, they just think that hetero males are not a good group of people. Some think that less than others, but a lot of people just tack negative traits to that group.

smoishymoishes · 2023-05-15T15:22:56+00:00

I hate the double standard here. Because you like dudes, suddenly you're a delicate flower? That's bullshit.

God and the sexualness of so many women towards men is absolutely abhorrent. So many preach about how the whole world objectifies them but then turn around sending unsolicited pics, act like lesbian strippers at the club, and bachelorette parties are covered, deep fried, and smothered in pink penises.

It's quite disturbing and the excuse is "girls just wanna have fun." Can you imagine if men acted that way? Had bachelor parties with vulva necklaces, hats, and cakes? Or sexually assaulted lesbians because "it's ok since they're gay?"

Just because a gay guy remains flaccid around you doesn't mean you get to climb all over him.

Harsh-Pain-No-Gain · 2023-05-16T11:15:54+00:00

Stay away from feminist snakes at all cost. They are the enemy. It's better to be treated like shit than being nicely seduced by the enemy.

They are so dumb and brainwashed by their abominable agenda to Hate, Villainize and Fear Straight men. The whole modern society is indoctrinated to be hostile towards innocent straight men.

Braioch · 2023-05-15T20:51:49+00:00

I've noticed it ever since I came out back in high school. The immediate switch is so jarring and it has always put me off. Not one woman who has ever done that switch to me has ever been anything more than a casual friend. (Much to some of their frustration, so desperate for a gay friend are they) I just cannot find it in me to trust someone who feels that disingenuous as a close friend.

And that's not even addressing the inappropriate touching, the incredibly invasive questions about sex lives, and the disturbing way they act in gay clubs or other gay spaces.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-05-15T16:12:19+00:00

From my experiences in the community women don't think gay men are real men. I have heard it said out loud more than once. And they treat gay men horribly. Especially white women.

TheSkyIsData · 2023-05-16T00:07:52+00:00

Many women, mostly feminists, find it empowering or as if it somehow makes them more righteous to defend things they perceive as being weaker than they are. Since a lot of women today feel strong and independent, and they see gay men as being timid and fragile, that's why you see they don't think you can stand up for yourself.

Furthermore the idea of a man who would gladly be with you AND another man is an extremely alluring thought, much like how lesbian porn is popular among men. The stigma that gay men are "sweet, sensitive, caring" significantly adds to this thought. Consider women are never taught that it's wrong to sexually harass people, that's why it happens to gay men so frequently.

I get sexually harassed by other women all the time. I'm a woman myself, not a gay man, probably not quite the same but it is a pretty common occurrence. I had a friend of a friend literally come into the bathroom and tried to get in the shower with me as if it was "no big deal" Just one of the most insane offenses I've experienced.

SouthernSeeker · 2023-05-15T18:10:33+00:00

Why? Because they've been raised to see all men as potential threats and themselves as completely powerless in the face of the omnipresent threat men represent (the single biggest lie of Feminism is that it's about "empowering" women; it's about keeping them weak and terrified, so they always feel afraid, but rather than the approach of the most strident tradcons to make women dependent on their husbands, it instead makes them dependent on Feminism). As a gay man, you're seen as a non-threat, or at least a non-threat to them, and being empathetic towards the men you'd (according to their theory) victimize requires a more adult approach to morality than their perpetually-infantilized minds can muster.

Women are not inherently mentally inferior to men; there are probably different things the sexes do better or worse than one another, but they're just as capable of moral reasoning as we are. But they're told not to bother; The Movement has already taken care of that, and they're actions don't really matter, so long as they just do what they're told. It is, ironically, misogynistic as hell, and is so prevalent that even women (and men, too, come to think of it) who don't embrace it root and stem are influenced by it.

This is why they see no problem with sexually assaulting you, either- you're not a threat to them, so they can "explore" you without fear of you returning the favor, and their own actions don't matter because, well, they're just women!

2023-05-15T15:26:33+00:00

I hope you realize how offensive that is. They dont see you as a man. That's literally what is being said to you when they mention you're not part of the patriarchy. Get mad my "male" friend. Stand up and tell them it's ludicrous for them to think your sexuality somehow aligns with their cause.

Cocrawfo · 2023-05-15T17:53:18+00:00

even on a reality show tv show like survivor or big brother the gay cast member becomes more likely to be adopted to a women’s alliance or as a clear extension of said alliance (and vice versa as male players expect them to be a number for female players) and they wind up as a swing

it even goes a step further with preseason coverage gay male players are expected to work with women once the game starts by media

2023-05-15T18:57:14+00:00

If I may ask, I imagine that gay men have a range of behaviors and personalities just like straight men. Do you find that feminist women more often assume you’re weaker and more effeminate because you’re gay?

Worldoutnow · 2023-05-17T07:08:02+00:00

This is true,most of the bigots are actually women especially many women who likes to be called woke.Some of my of my friends(I am a girl) told me that they want to marry a gay men so he will not cheat on them like WTF?? They sexualize(watch gay media/p*rn/touch gay men) & want to make a gay men their friend just for fun/to show off not because they actually see something in him to make him their friend .They become more close than they would with the opposite sex(gay men),which I find weird for straight women as you are attracted to men so why be closer to a man more than you normally be??

Aimless-Nomad · 2023-05-15T17:09:35+00:00

Women these days increasingly seem to have a holier than thou attitude. Just tell them to fuck off next time they parrot their bullshit to you.

PrimeWolf88 · 2023-05-15T19:21:44+00:00

I got treated as an accessory at first and lost a few female friends when they realised I wouldn't act like a stereotype of a gay best friend for them.

MattyK414 · 2023-05-15T20:18:52+00:00

Women are absolutely OBSESSED with gay people.

...But are quick to accuse men of being "gay" when men don't appease them.

It's all so bizarre.

cnips20 · 2023-05-15T17:49:20+00:00

I’ve observed trends of weird relationships where gay men are seen as characters or pet-like by women. Especially among the left, like they aren’t able to take care of themselves. The man being flamboyant and extremely emotional was typically involved as well.

Thatxygirl · 2023-05-15T12:52:12+00:00

Sexual Harassment is never ok, and it’s terrible these woman did this to you. If they continue to do so after you ask them to stop, they are not your friends and not worth your time. As for the fight, a more generous interpretation of the circumstances could be that your female friends were seeking further support to get these Nazis to back off, rather than let their friend go at it alone.

AspirationsOfFreedom · 2023-05-15T14:17:19+00:00

To ask op a question:

What are your thoughts on shows such as rue pauls dragrace, queer eyes and programs like it? To me it seems to be extremely popular amongst women, like some wierd oversexualised objectification of homosexuality and genderquestioning penis havers.

ArcturasMooCow · 2023-05-15T23:15:00+00:00

Yes. You're gay and women treat you like you've been neutered. You're not less of man because you're gay, some people are just not very good at being human.

gainsNgans · 2023-05-15T16:41:03+00:00

Not fun being infantilized like this. I appreciate the intent for connection based on what they think their abstraction of a gay man would want, but I go pretty stony when someone starts treating me like an inert pet.

JPElJefe22 · 2023-05-15T17:23:25+00:00

I've always said that it seems like women treat gay men like their cute little pets.

GreeceZeus · 2023-05-15T16:16:27+00:00

I guess women continue having the bias that "gay" means "effeminate". Though it definitely doesn't help when some gay men continue with the "guuuuuuuurl" attitude.

TheKnifeOfLight · 2023-05-15T10:57:24+00:00

Honestly this is half the reason why I haven’t come out as gender fluid and pan to people beyond the closest of my friends. At least where I am I’m decently big and somewhat strong, and I don’t want to be seen as somebody who can’t protect themselves. From the outside, nobody would guess that I am, and we need to break these prevalent stereotypes that gay, or non confirming biological men are suddenly supposed to be treated differently. If you want to, it’s fine with me, but don’t treat me differently for who I am

NoSpinach4025 · 2023-05-15T17:55:22+00:00

Ofc, you are perceived as "one of the gurls", so they´ll open up to you and have empathy for you.

gainsNgans · 2023-05-15T18:06:55+00:00

I appreciate the intent for connection based on what they think their abstraction of a gay man would want, but I go pretty stony when someone starts treating me like an inert pet. Not into being infantilized.

Taiza67 · 2023-05-15T22:18:24+00:00

I’ve also noticed that women trend to treat masculine lesbians poorly as well. I think as long as they are feminine gays they are totally cool, but if they’re something different than what they are then it’s a problem.

On the flip side I love hanging out with masculine lesbians. I have fun with feminine gays too but I will admit it is not as natural.

queenAlexislexis · 2023-05-16T07:56:45+00:00

Thanks.

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2023-05-16T11:53:05+00:00

They just have the oppressed group mentality even if it's wrong (black, gay, women...)

So you're a women, you are oppressed because you just latly could vote (even her grandma voted though)

If you black you was enslaved and hated (even we all know he didn't witness anything of it)

If you are gay you you oppressed and get killed (even though that in another continent than yours)

Blauwpetje · 2023-05-15T19:55:24+00:00

In my home town of Groningen in the 1970s there was a gay bar called the Duke. I heard from straight men that they regularly went there to pick up women. Maybe women let gay men come closer, thinking it’s ‘safe’, and then give in when the kissing starts. Maybe they also think it interesting having ‘converted’ a gay man if even for one night; it boosts their vanity more than being picked up by a straight man. Maybe it’s even some kind of light fetish.

I also know a gay man who thinks the attention of what in Dutch are called ‘gay aunts’ outright oppressive, and, I think, emasculating. These women who love the company of gays because they are so ‘sweet’ and without any ‘danger’. It’s a very politically correct man, but he gets angry every time he talks about them.

D_Luffy_32 · 2023-05-15T21:22:23+00:00

They seem to fear hetero men but if you're getting heckled, rather than helping themselves, they go to most likely hetero men to come to your help. It says a lot about their mindset. That hetero men are only a tool to be used to fight their battles for them.

amakusa360 · 2023-05-15T22:29:53+00:00

How is it ok to send me unsolicited suggestive pictures and make me touch your private parts?

They can't comprehend any man who can't be controlled by attraction for any reason, so being forceful is how they repair their entitled ego from rejection.

aknabi · 2023-05-16T07:38:18+00:00

Here’s my harsh take on one angle… they can’t use sex as a weapon to simp you into their orthodoxy… so they defacto co-opt you as an “ally” to railroad you into the simp lane… but watch the homophobic vitriol spill out if you talk about men having rights.

Current_Finding_4066 · 2023-05-15T15:02:11+00:00

Women trying to help you out. That sounds like a dream to heterosexual men.

phoenician_anarchist · 2023-05-15T20:26:10+00:00

A more subtle form of woke projection; The idea that gay men are basically just women is something that's branded as being part of "patriarchal masculinity" and is given as "proof" that Feminism fights for men too, but this idea is primarily pushed by women, even if they deny it.

label me an ally

This is an explicit division between "us" and "them", not very inclusive if you ask me 🤣.

telling me that I am not a part of the 'patriarchy' and they understand my struggle.

But "the patriarchy" is a system set up by men, for men, at the expense of women. For them to consider you not to be part of "the patriarchy" (and to suffer from it), is an implicit admission that they no longer consider you to be "a man", but "a woman" instead. (or they're just a massive hypocrite 🤣🤣)

Second of all, I get sexually harassed by women, and they just brush it off because 'you're gay, it's fine'. How is it ok to send me unsolicited suggestive pictures and make me touch your private parts?

Doublethink on two counts; They might not consider you to be "a man", but you still are a man. If you were straight it would be "you're a man, it's fine", this has nothing to do with you being gay. And, somehow, I don't think "It's ok, you don't find him attractive" would be an acceptable response to a woman being harassed/assaulted by a man, but because you're a man being harassed/assaulted by a woman, suddenly it's ok.

And lastly, it sometimes feels like women tend to value me more than heterosexual men.

That's because you're part of the "sisterhood" now. One of the "good people".

They started heckling me, clearly trying to start a fight. One of my female friends started asking other men whether they carried any weapons with them or knew how to fight. It felt demeaning. I am quite capable of defending myself, but she wanted others to help me.

You see, "men" are violent, but since you are no longer "a man" to them, you cannot possible be able to enact violence, and that's why the assistance of a "real man" is required.

DemoniteBL · 2023-05-17T12:51:02+00:00

Man that's disgusting.

MackeralSky · 2023-05-18T00:50:21+00:00

I hear you. A lot of women I know tend to treat me as an adornment, or a pet. Most of my women friends are normal, but the cloying, condescending and pandering attitude if the rest is annoying as fuck.

That said, I have to say the lgbt etc. community bears at least some responsibility for the current belief that we need “battles” fought on our behalf. If we look at current college campuses and how certain groups demand coddling, I can say without a huge risk of exaggeration that society is being conditioned to treat us as such.

Roro-Squandering · 2023-05-16T09:18:48+00:00

It's wild to me how often women can justify behavior that qualifies as sexual harassment because it isn't motivated by sexual attraction. That is how some women feel it's warranted to get handsy with gay men and other women - 'it isn't a sex thing', as if that really makes it okay.

AndyBrown65 · 2023-05-15T23:36:31+00:00

A lot to unpack, but essentially in the mind of a woman, men are only after one thing. In the warped mind of a feminist men are there to harass and subjugate women into poverty and oppression. Women see gay men as fellow women, or at best sexually inert younger brothers. They say they respect gay men, but they don't. Marketing is always the opposite of the truth.

Women hate straight men unless they are providers or serve a need (like those male friends to fight those goons in the bar). What need to gay men serve? (except to give them fashion advice and dating advice). You get a more compassionate ear because women thing you don't want to sleep with them.

It is disturbing that they sexually molest you, yet find it acceptable. In my younger (slimmer) years as a male entertainer Hen's nights were bad, you could guarantee you would get molested by some overweight middle aged aunty.

Paradegreecelsus · 2024-03-22T19:39:21+00:00

Straight women are some of the most verbally outspoken perpetuators of toxic masculinity and I'll die mad about it

BoreDominated · 2023-05-16T00:43:51+00:00

Why do you presume that a heterosexual man is immediately a problem? I think it is not an exaggeration to say that most heterosexual men are not a threat, but in my experience, women tend to be wary of them. It does not feel right.

It's not "right" per se, but it's understandable. Most straight men are not a threat, but they're significantly more likely to be than gay men. This is likely why women tend to be more open and warm towards gay men, but this is probably also dependent on the man, some men just give off certain vibes and others don't. You'll also find major differences in the way women treat attractive men vs. unattractive men too.

Second of all, I get sexually harassed by women, and they just brush it off because 'you're gay, it's fine'. How is it ok to send me unsolicited suggestive pictures and make me touch your private parts?

It's of course not okay, but I think women find some gay men a challenge, especially if they find them attractive, and believe they might be able to "turn them straight." The unattainable is always more compelling, that's why so many women are attracted to married men or priests.

And lastly, it sometimes feels like women tend to value me more than heterosexual men. I was getting drunk at a bar with my friends and there were some neo-nazis who knew of my involvement in the LGBT organisations at my uni. They started heckling me, clearly trying to start a fight. One of my female friends started asking other men whether they carried any weapons with them or knew how to fight. It felt demeaning. I am quite capable of defending myself, but she wanted others to help me. This is perhaps the most poignant example, but there are a million other smaller ones, like whenever there is any risk of physical injury involved, I would not be asked to do anything. Why?

I don't think it has anything to do with valuing you more, it's to do with the perception of gay men as less masculine than straight men. They probably assumed the other men were more capable of defending themselves and others because they think gays are inherently more effeminate, and thus looked to them to protect you. Homophobic of course, but it is what it is.

Frequent-Muffins · 2023-05-16T07:05:15+00:00

I do think it’s odd the way women assume gay men are any different and treat them differently. I do find gay men do tend to act differently though, often also being more compassionate and empathetic and investing more in female friendships etc. I think it’s an odd 2 way streak. But in regards to females being wary- it is quite frankly illogical for a women not to be wary of all men. That does not by any stretch of the imagination mean majority of men are threats, but it’s the same as the way that we are wary of all sharks even though shark attacks are so rare. Women constantly get blamed for the abuse and rape they experience, being told they should’ve been more careful, but when they ARE more careful, they’re seen as being irrational. It’s a lose lose situation, but ultimately, rather save your own life than someone’s ego.

donaldcargill · 2023-05-24T19:14:11+00:00

I did not know this. It's very enlightening Thank you for sharing.

Title	Women's Attitudes Towards Gay Men
Author	Definitely_a_name
Upvotes	407
Comments	94
Date	May 15, 2023 9:38 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13i3dqf/womens_attitudes_towards_gay_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/womens-attitudes-towards-gay-men.1219328 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219328

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