Are you the divorcer, or the divorcee?

Is0prene · 2023-09-07T15:06:40+00:00

Mine was kind of tricky. She checked out and wanted to leave me but was trying to take advantage of me before she pulled the trigger like secretly recording me and stuff. Once I found this out I divorced her to protect myself. So I guess I would say she divorced me even though I technically started it.

Theedon · 2023-09-07T17:16:11+00:00

My EX asked for a separation, and I couldn't deal with it. Got a laywer that talked me out of filing. She later moved out after I lost my job and then filed when I had pneumonia and was on state aid. I thought I was going to die, but I made it. Now I own my own house, have my old old job back and have a side hussle, making me an extra $20k per year before taxes.

Mesothelioma1021 · 2023-09-07T11:38:00+00:00

You may get a higher percentage of men filing on this sub. My STBXW is the one that filed even though we agreed to the divorce mutually. My ex cheated and there was no coming back for either of us.

research002019 · 2023-09-07T15:14:24+00:00

None of the above. She chose to leave the marriage, I filed.

Theedon · 2023-09-07T17:08:25+00:00

My EX asked for a separation, and I couldn't deal with it. Got a laywer that talked me out of filing. She later moved out after I lost my job and then filed when I had pneumonia and was on state aid.

ontoanewjourney · 2023-09-07T17:46:19+00:00

I filed, I couldn't take the neglect and usury not even for the sake of being with my 3 sons regularly. The final straw came when we were on a cruise and docked in Puerto Rico for an excursion. I had a terrible case of gout that morning and couldn't walk so obviously I couldn't do the excursion. Instead of staying with me, she took the tickets (which I bought mind you) took the kids and went on without me. I can't tell you the feelings of abandonment and loneliness I felt that day in the cabin for hours by myself. I said to myself right then and there no more, once we returned home I started the process.

Acrobatic_Access_905 · 2023-09-07T17:58:31+00:00

She filed for divorce because of her infidelity.

Classic_Dill · 2023-09-07T18:40:12+00:00

This is a really great post, this is exactly the style of research that we should be doing so we can learn. I’m the one that asked for the separation, and then basically explained to her that it was a divorce, that I was never going to get back with her, and that this was nothing more than a possible soft takeoff for the kids, it was a mistake I should’ve just got the divorce immediately I was separated for a year and we didn’t talk the entire year, except by text maybe two or three times. so in that way I filed for divorce because I wasn’t coming back and I told her as much. Infidelity has no reverse gear for me, you cheat on me? You can hit the bricks and I don’t want to hear excuses, that’s basically how it worked out. She was absolutely shocked! That I actually walked on her, it was a great feeling, but divorce is ugly and it takes time to get back to who you are as a person. Great post OP.

AxeMuley · 2023-09-07T18:40:35+00:00

I am filing, but she showed me with her actions and behavior, that she had checked out initially.

3x15 · 2023-09-07T19:22:46+00:00

I get credit for both. She'd been threatening for years. I finally called her out on it, told her to get a steady job because I would soon file. Within 6 weeks, she got something lined up and she ended up filing on her first day of work. So even though she's the one that ultimately pulled the trigger (after years of her saying the kids will never forgive me), she does it, but I still get the blame and the kids blame me. Lost the battle, but will win the war.

Pinnerforever · 2023-09-07T19:31:22+00:00

But I am going to have to file because she is pathetic and never follows through on anything besides cheating.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-09-07T20:01:12+00:00

I can't vote.

There is no option of I left because of her physical and emotional abuse so she filed to keep everything meanwhile im still fucked up.

yosemitesam00 · 2023-09-08T01:21:37+00:00

There should be an option of something like, I filled because she went nuts and I had to. I didn't want this but that's were things lead to.

jjfishers · 2023-09-08T04:05:08+00:00

Me ex was the cheater. I made her file since she destroyed the marriage.

Acceptable_Photo6956 · 2023-09-08T11:18:16+00:00

She started it by saying she didn't care if our marriage burned to the ground and needed some time by herself to think.. she didn't need that much time because two days later she was banging the starving artist up the street. Then she said I should be the one to file the divorce because she didn't want to hurt me more than she already had. So I guess when you nutshell it I filed it because of infidelity....

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-09-11T03:19:06+00:00

I think the spirit of the question is more about who quit on the marriage/wanted the divorce

My wife quit the marriage. Apparently years ago

I got the paperwork started but I’m expecting her to be the plaintiff meaning officially she’s the one pushing this

Creative-Drop1816 · 2023-09-11T18:14:25+00:00

I filed, not what I signed up for. She did not work hard enough . Wanted to coast and ride my coat tails all the way to retirement and spend everything I made until I got there. Making half of what I used to feels like a 100% raise.

Title	Are you the divorcer, or the divorcee?
Author	Competitive_Drama601
Upvotes	3
Comments	33
Date	September 7, 2023 9:52 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16cbous/are_you_the_divorcer_or_the_divorcee/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/are-you-the-divorcer-or-the-divorcee.1231194 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231194

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