CMV : You being unattractive is literally only your fault

Freethinker312 · 2023-09-15T08:50:35+00:00

You:

So seeking blame ... in dating is pointless.

Also you:

You being unattractive is literally only your fault

You literally contradict yourself by not wanting anyone to be blamed, while blaming persons who are considered unattractive.

placeholder-123 · 2023-09-15T08:47:21+00:00

Being unattractive is no one's fault, you didn't choose your genes it's just random. It would have been more accurate to say that life is unfair, but then again it's a truism at this point.

Aussielefty · 2023-09-15T09:12:46+00:00

Most of attraction is genetics based.

Proudvow · 2023-09-15T09:35:21+00:00

Nonsensical statement. Nobody has control over their genetics.

It's someone's fault if they're fat, or unfashionable, or never around people. But if they're avoiding obvious mistakes and still not attractive that is completely out of their hands.

Over_North8884 · 2023-09-15T08:58:13+00:00

Its not a societal issue, or a cultural issue

Correct, it's primarily a genetic issue and secondarily a birth issue. It's almost entirely about how one does in the genetic and birth lotteries. It's almost entirely NOT one's own fault. You assume much more about personal sphere of influence than matches reality.

2023-09-15T09:35:05+00:00

Yeah, having a 3 inch pecker, a 5’2 stature, a recessed chin, and bug eyes are your fault. Did I miss something? Was there a cure discovered for these?

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-09-15T09:44:48+00:00

Wrong. What is deemed attractive is definitely cultural. So no. Its not your fault.

thewhiteknight17 · 2023-09-15T13:09:24+00:00

If it was up to me then I wouldn’t even be born, but no one is offering you that choice.

cel-shaded · 2023-09-15T09:36:27+00:00

A short man will always be less attractive than a tall man through no fault of his own.
A man with an ugly face will always be less attractive than a man with a nice one through no fault of his own.
A bald man will almost always be less attractive than a man with a good hairline through no fault of his own.
A neurodiverse man will always be less attractive than a normal man.

While such men lament their unattractiveness, not blaming themselves doesn't mean that they blame others; it's simply a bad roll in the genetic lottery. Nobody's to blame.

Yes, there are things you can do to make yourself more attractive. No, none of those will overpower your genetic "failings". Nobody is asking for fairness in dating, we are only asking for the gaslighting to stop.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-15T14:41:57+00:00

It's not anyone's fault. There's no blame to be had in one person being attracted to another or not, nobody chooses it, it's just nature.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-09-15T18:08:43+00:00

Being unattractive is nobody's fault. If you're ugly, that's not a failing on your part, it's an unfortunate reality. And not everyone can make themselves attractive, some people would need surgery to look good and that's not an option for a lot of people. I do agree that it isn't the fault of the people who don't find you attractive either but it's also not your fault that you're struggling just because you're rather unfortunate-looking.

That being said, if someone isn't doing anything to try and even slightly improve their situation, and still whines about it and blames others for not being attracted to them, I still wouldn't say it's their fault necessarily but I would say that they aren't taking responsibility for their own life. Life is unfair, some people have to work way harder than others to get maybe a tiny amount of the success those people had but we're all responsible for our actions and inactions. If you're fat and complaining about how unattractive people find you because of that, and you're doing nothing to even try to lose weight, I don't think you're all that interested in improving your life, you just want the success of slim, hot people with none of the effort that you'd need to put into looking like that. If you're super asocial and hate leaving the house, and you're complaining that you don't have friends but absolutely refuse to put any effort into going out of your comfort zone and meeting people, you just want the success of extroverted people with none of the effort. It's not your fault that you're like this and that certain things are more difficult for you but it's your responsibility to try and improve your situation because nobody is going to do that for you.

Puzzleheaded_Pin4857 · 2023-09-15T09:20:03+00:00

Being fat is unattractive. And it is your fault.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-09-15T09:16:52+00:00

So why do people behave like somebody else not being attracted to you is somehow their fault?

Men say this because they want badly to paint women’s physical preferences as a moral failing while pretending their own physical preferences are natural and just.

Somehow a group of men got the idea that women don’t care about sex and ought to settle for men they don’t find attractive because apparently the state of being unattractive means they are moral and trustworthy and women’s sexuality is unimportant.

jingle_ofadogscollar · 2023-09-15T10:22:29+00:00

I agree in the sense that unless you're very fit, and you dress and style yourself with a ton of effort, you don't really have a 'right' to complain about your dating woes

Being fit, not average, but fit/athletic and a solid sense of style is 90% of being attractive

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Cethlinnstooth · 2023-09-15T09:01:16+00:00

A lot of the time it is the unattractive person's fault in whole or in part.

But fault isn't the key concept. Fault or not... you're the one responsible. You are the one who must choose how to mount a response to your situation.

BillyPilgrim75 · 2023-09-15T09:04:20+00:00

If you're saying it's your responsibility that's essentially accurate

itsTacoOclocko · 2023-09-15T12:13:00+00:00

beg pardon? to what demographic is this addressed? the only people i've seen making this argument are either: fat acceptance (or FA-leaning body-positivity) advocates, incels, or on occasion women who are arguing against truly unrealistic and unhealthy standards (in which case... it's not an unfair argument-- if someone seriously thinks that any woman above a BMI of 16 is fat and unattractive that is very much an issue with them).

itsTacoOclocko · 2023-09-15T12:15:57+00:00

i'd also argue that 'be more attractive' is far from the only solution.

the vast majority of people are only attractive to a small percentage of the population. that's not an issue with everyone being unattractive, it's an issue with the fact that different people have different preferences... which isn't an issue at all, really.

if literally no one has ever found you at all attractive then it would be worth examining self-care habits to determine if there's room for improvement, yes. if a given person or group of people isn't finding you attractive, very probably that's simply... normal and indicative of the fact that you're not everyone's type.

CombinationMore4630 · 2023-09-15T14:18:53+00:00

It's also your parents fault. Genetics, but also the standards on how you were raised.

Like learning to dress yourself properly isn't a traite you're born with. Showering daily (sometimes twice a day) isn't something you're born with. Having a sharp haircut and sculpting facial hair are all learned traits. Having proper socialisation skills is something learned.

If your parents don't teach you these things you'll be a sitting duck out there.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-09-15T15:47:50+00:00

Its not a societal issue, or a cultural issue, or a problem brought on by the advent of the internet and apps.

I agree mostly but not with the above so much. On subs like "rate me" they claim beauty is entirely quantifiable and has nothing subjective about it. But then you have women who proclaim loudly that "Women are not a monolith", right? Often meaning, women are attracted to different things, which would imply that beauty is, at least in part, subjective. And if it is subjective, couldn't it be influenced by societal propaganda, advertising, popular media trends, fashion, etc? Which would place it squarely in the realm of being a cultural/societal issue.

Look at body positivity. It's an effort to redefine what is beautiful. Women don't criticize that though because it's subject is women (nobody is putting fat men on the cover of Sports Illustrated).

Long_Consequence3461 · 2023-09-15T16:11:55+00:00

The "market" aspect of the "dating market" is that there are both supply and demand forces. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." If someone changes what they view as attractive so that they see you as attractive, then you have become more attractive even though nothing about you has changed.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-09-17T23:53:56+00:00

Being unattractive usually isn’t anyone’s fault, including the person themself. It’s truly just the genetic luck of the draw.

Title	CMV : You being unattractive is literally only your fault
Author	Cjaylyle
Upvotes	0
Comments	36
Date	September 15, 2023 8:32 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16j7mzp/cmv_you_being_unattractive_is_literally_only_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-you-being-unattractive-is-literally-only-your.1231895 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231895

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