Nearing Divorce

ViscidPlague78 · 2023-09-18T19:57:04+00:00

As someone who is probably going to be starting the process in short order, I figured out why men love their dogs, and it's because as a man, the only thing in this world that will love you unconditionally is the fucking dog. They're the best. Get the dog.

l3tsR0LL · 2023-09-18T17:55:03+00:00

Going through the same.

I also considered suicide because I have spent all of my time and emotions into her and the kids. So what is the point? But luckily I had a therapist tell me that there is a path to happiness for me. And there is one for you too.

We just need to work through the stages of grief and get there on our own time. But we will get there brother!

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-09-18T18:22:27+00:00

All of us feel your pain. You had a vision for your life and you invested in that for 20 years. Now the rug has been pulled from under your feet and you feel lost and hopeless. Allow the feelings to have their place, go through the grieving process. Grieve the life you imagined. If you allow yourself to go through it, you will come out the other side with a new life that is much better than the one you left behind. Right now, you will say you don't want that new life, you want your old life back. That's ok. Don't fight how you feel. But don't make your tough situation worse, don't commit suicide, don't drink or do drugs. Start working out for the mental health benefits and to regain your confidence. Start seeing a therapist. This too shall pass.

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-18T21:20:55+00:00

Your not old. You can still kick ass. Go to the gym or work out at home. 2 months you will say holy shit.

Don’t accept that you are old

Reflog1791 · 2023-09-18T23:27:33+00:00

Try golf please. It is my raison d’etre. You will find friends, something to occupy your mind, something to look forward to, exercise, and good vibes.

The only trick for beginners is to hit the ball first then the ground. “Hit the little ball before the big ball.” The big ball is earth. It changed my life and got me out of depression.

Clubs can be found at thrift store for cheap. Driving range is cheaper than local bar. Set your Saturday mornings aside to play the real course.

Don’t knock it before you try it. Took me like three different hobbies before I found the one.

Gattsama · 2023-09-19T00:47:12+00:00

Right now, everything looks horrible because your entire identity has been defined as an external: husband, father, provider, employee, etc. And all of that is being destroyed. You think (mistakenly) that is who you are, what your life is, and all that there is. You say there's. Othing to look forward to because all you've know is being destroyed.

But this is NOT true. You do have to grieve for what is about to be lost. But you still have a ton of life left to live. But now, you have to choose to live it for yourself. And for a lot of guys, that's a huge unknown.

A man needs to be physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. You are going to hear this a lot, because it's true, you need to start working out. Doesn't matter what: gym, walking, BJJ, weights, swimming, etc. You need to move. This isn't just for physical fitness but also exercise is a natural antidepressant and you want to set up a new routine and control.

Lean on friends and family, and consider therapy. Millions of men of come before you. And they have come out on the other side stronger. You can too. Learn from and trust the advise on this group.

Divorce will suck. But it's not the end of your life. It's the end of a chapter of your life. The next chapter is yours to build. There's guys that are living their best lives post divorce and others that are still mired in depression. That's due to the choices that they make. Look to the ones that are successful, follow their example and experiences.

Find a men's group, divorced dads group, etc. Ideally in person in your area, if not then online.

What you're going to find is that your story is very very common. And then you'll see guys at every stage of healing.

Please be safe out there...

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-19T01:15:57+00:00

If you're having suicidal thoughts, you need to talk to someone.

Scary_Board_8766 · 2023-09-19T08:58:35+00:00

Thank you all for responding. I hope to be happy again some day.

Scary_Board_8766 · 2023-09-21T17:20:54+00:00

I've accepted most of the pain from ending the relationship but I am terrified about how I'm going to come out of this and what my options will be for living arrangements. I have mental health issues and need routine. I want to buy another house without a roommate because I have only a couple of single friends and I try to avoid them as it is I sure as hell don't want to live with them. Then there's my parents and i already tried that and it was awful for my mental health i'd rather live in my car. This sucks going from a two time home owner to how the fuck am I supposed to afford a place to live

No_War3532 · 2023-09-18T22:02:50+00:00

I’m glad you found a reason to not commit suicide. Find more. You can do this, it’s hard, but you got this.

Puzzleheaded-Cook857 · 2023-09-18T22:17:12+00:00

Don't harm yourself..u get on the horse again..gym, get a new dog, and when your ready date again..there is someone for everyone.

Puzzleheaded-Cook857 · 2023-09-18T22:17:59+00:00

How old are u if I could ask?

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-09-19T15:39:58+00:00

Buy yourself a couple acres, build a cabin, go live in solitude … it will heal you.

ProcedureAltruistic3 · 2023-09-19T15:50:25+00:00

I have thought about ending it a lot lately but I know I can't do that to my kids. I just don't see an outcome where my life us worth living except for them. I'm physically falling apart. I'm broke. Most days I'm so down I can't even keep the house clean. I give myself pep talks all day about changing things around and when it comes time to do it I have zero motivation. And she's introducing my kids to her man soon according to her. I can't get the thought of another man playing with my kids out of my head. I've git to maybe get medicated but I won't have health insurance until next month so I'm just existing day to day. You're not alone my friend.

computergeek89 · 2023-09-19T16:26:27+00:00

It helps to not look back on everything through the lens of nostalgia. It makes everything seem a lot more rosy and it lies about how good things were. Don't demonize the past but look at it with honest criticism. I was only focusing on how I remembered feeling and it was a kick in the nuts every time I did.

When I started taking an honest evaluation of my 34 year marriage I realized this woman wanted out even during our engagement period. But because I was "in love" I talked her out when I should have taken that as a huge red flag and ran. Now, to my defense I was only 19 at the time and now realize I was probably more infatuated than in love at the time. It did however grow into real love over the years.

Anyway, all that to say is don't focus on how you think you felt. This has helped me and hopefully it will help you too. Hang in there man it will get better over time.

Oh and get another dog! A dog will love you unconditionally.

LonelyDadbod4U · 2023-09-20T13:30:04+00:00

Get a dog now. Don’t wait. Do it today!!

You need companionship for your well being and something to occupy yourself.

The background depression will cloud your thinking. Suggest going to a few local classes. Try new things. Even if it’s just a pub quiz or art class.

If In the Uk - Andy mens club for chatting to blokes.

I was in exact same position Nothing to look forward too.

Today it’s different.

Title	Nearing Divorce
Author	Scary_Board_8766
Upvotes	12
Comments	24
Date	September 18, 2023 5:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16m1ykj/nearing_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/nearing-divorce.1232265 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232265

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