Finalized today

Low_Distribution5188 · 2024-08-31T01:43:19+00:00

How can you go 5..10..15...20 years without sex with your wife..crazy

Low_Distribution5188 · 2024-08-31T01:42:28+00:00

Sexless marriages is the norm now..

Scary_Board_8766 · 2024-08-31T00:22:56+00:00

Hopefully, I'll come around, but right now, I don't want to be around anyone, but I don't want to be alone either. I hate this feeling.

RedFridged · 2024-08-30T23:57:44+00:00

It it was meant to be…then this was meant to be. Start living life. Make yourself uncomfortable. Go to the coast…vacation…keep busy my friend. You WILL feel better soon.

Classic_Dill · 2024-08-30T16:15:40+00:00

I don’t know how you consider yourself a fairly year, when you’re at 50%! You do realize that your in somewhat of the majority right? Remember that divorce rates in truth hon around 50% and if you take the couples who stay together and are miserable together until the day they pass away, you’re honestly probably looking at 70% marriage failure. I do believe a marriage can stay together forever, but it’s an extremely rare case! So don’t get down, feel worse about all the years you threw away on that person, that’s what bugs me the most, I threw 26 years of my life away on somebody that I never should’ve even been in the same room with let alone be married and have three kids with. Plus remember you probably made the decision to get married like a lot of us dead, in our 20s! And now our kids are in their 20s and they can’t even decide what they want to eat for dinner! And we made a lifelong decision? That’s why many marriages fail, the next time you get in with a woman? You’re gonna be going at it with a lot of experience, may I recommend reading Cory Wayne’s book 3% man and possibly going to Psychiatrist just to learn to compartmentalize your trauma, you will never be the same person you were before the divorce and that could be a good thing. Also keep in mind, that you keep her in your life, you will not heal, if you have children? She can text you only about scheduling or use a coparenting app, outside of that? You don’t call her she doesn’t call you. She doesn’t come to yourplace of work and she stays out of sight, you have to go cold turkey.

jaceq777 · 2024-08-30T10:42:14+00:00

Focus on yourself now. Build new solid foundations, keep track of your health, stay away from the booze and certainly don't rush into a new relationship. That's my plan for when things will be over with my process.

GreenCod8806 · 2024-08-30T10:13:02+00:00

Half the population is divorced. Of the married about half are unhappy or staying for the kids or some other reason.

A failure is staying in a shit marriage. A lot of people don’t have the balls to end them.

You have a fresh start. You are on the other side. Make your paradise.

Jeep-Stingrey · 2024-08-30T09:57:03+00:00

Hey sorry to hear and I’m going through the same thing, I did something a little different and I’m telling you I have more peace than her.

I wrote an email and basically took all the blame for the marriage failing, what I realized is I can’t blame anyone for something they chose to do or act a certain way. I can only control my actions and that’s what I apologized for. I encouraged her in the email and didn’t say one negative thing, instead of saying you were a good mom and wife, I said you ARE. Everything I wrote was a positive for her and said are, are, are. Now my wife was depressed during this so I wanted to encourage her and I didn’t want her to feel any guilt because I know guilt can ruin your soul.

So really what the email did was set me free and allowed me to live in peace, I forgave myself and I did acknowledged where I failed because that’s what I can and could have controlled. Because I took the blame it was me forgiving her and that allowed me to love her unconditionally and live in peace, ultimately we want to live in peace and it was through Jesus Christ and praying and reading the Bible above all else. We know if we don’t forgive others we won’t be forgiven ourselves.

You will get through this and it will get better and we know that where there are valleys there will also be mountains tops. These trials in life grow us and I thank God for going through this because it taught me so much and when storms come they do not knock me down.

Reflog1791 · 2024-08-30T03:10:43+00:00

It took a year or two to feel ok with it. It took 5 years to feel great about it.

The nightmare is over, the unknowns are now known, move forward and improve your life.

Beamformer · 2024-08-30T01:21:29+00:00

Being in a bad marriage is a failure, regardless of what any outsiders think. My biggest regret today is not leaving my abusive ex sooner.

Cowboy8040 · 2024-08-29T23:54:55+00:00

You will prevail and be a better man in the future. Take the time to prepare yourself for the next opportunity in your life. I live by a creed that I learned at 14 years old. “I will prepare. I will work. I will be committed. I will be accountable.” Keep the faith and stay the course, brother.

frogmicky · 2024-08-29T22:13:31+00:00

Congratulations although you may feel like a failure this is the perfect time to start something new. Start a new hobby or a new workout routine. Maybe you can call that friend you haven't seen in months, How about going on that trip that you've been planning. Now is a great time to think about you and no one else if no one depends on you.

Fletch86 · 2024-08-29T22:07:33+00:00

Mine has been finalized for one week today. We were separated for almost two years. Believe me when I say that I spent most of that time feeling like you do now. You are not a failure. You took your vows seriously, they did not. They failed, not you. I’m working on changing my perspective. There are no failures, just learning opportunities. I’m taking what I learned about myself and how I grew through the whole relationship. Acknowledging and taking accountability for my shortcomings. Making note of things that I will never tolerate again. All in the hope that my next relationship is healthier.

You’re not a failure and you’re not alone. We’ve got you.

BanjoKfan64 · 2024-08-29T22:01:55+00:00

You are NOT a failure...If anything you're the opposite because you realized the relationship was not good and you both were willing to let go so you each can find happiness.

It is ok to Divorce...My Wife and I are Divorcing and where as half of my extended family are all Divorced...My Wife comes from a big NO Divorce family...Her Dad is 1 of 5 and her Mom is 1 of 10.

None of her Grandparents or they siblings were Divorced and none of her Aunts or Uncles are Divorced, same with her parents...We are the first couple to be getting Divorced out of pretty much like 20 couples on her side..

I def felt like a failure from that because it made me feel like I was the problem...But then I realized looking at my Wife from an outside perspective....She is a fucking Nut Job, Narcissist and Control freak..And a lot of the marriages are unhappy (Some are great and happy) and I def made mistakes in the marriage too and was not my best self and def was wrong at times...But it takes 2 to make a relationship work..Unless there was cheating or hitting. It is never 1 persons fault.

You did not fail, you will get through this.

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-08-29T21:23:26+00:00

You are not a failure. That is your brain trying to shame you and make you into a helpless victim. 50% of the population is divorced. Wear it like a badge of honor. You got through it alive! You've got so much living to do now! Go discover the world of abundance waiting for you.

Dumpster_Fyr · 2024-08-29T20:45:06+00:00

I'm so sorry. Have compassion for yourself. You're not a failure. You're a good person. Are you grieving your routine, or your person? There's a difference. Have compassion for your person. There's a reason that the divorce rate for the second marriage is much higher than the first. I'm not sure what that reason is for certain, but in my opinion, it's because those people wanted a person to fix them or validate them instead of doing the work to validate themselves.

Do the work, find the healing, know what you want and work toward that. The process is hard, and it hurts, but it's better to feel it and move on in a healthier state. As opposed to sitting in it and running away from processing the feelings. The only people who suffer there are you and your next partner whom is going to love you for the genuine authentic person that you are. Be well friend and good luck.

Betteroffalone1111 · 2024-08-29T20:35:24+00:00

U gotta remember it’s just not you there’s millions of us that are or were in the same shoes as you, you’re not a failure life happens, move on and never look back

TXJohn83 · 2024-08-29T20:18:17+00:00

Be happy, and move on... It is done time for the next chapter.

Title	Finalized today
Author	Scary_Board_8766
Upvotes	29
Comments	23
Date	August 29, 2024 8:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f4c79t/finalized_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finalized-today.1528788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528788

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