When to choose to divorce?

captainchippsixx · 2023-11-20T20:15:25+00:00

You are an idiot. You definitely use everything to your advantage. If she is a narc she is gonna to fuck you over hard. Get your head out on a swivel. Get a lawyer.

You’re going to end up funding her lifestyle and legal trouble.

You need to live yourself and protect the kids. You’re doing neither. You are going down the wrong path.

Vivid_Consequence482 · 2023-11-20T20:46:39+00:00

Someone said to me "You'll know it's time when the pain of divorce starts to feel less than the pain of staying together."

Protect yourself, protect your kids. Get a good lawyer and file. And given her legal trouble, file for full custody.

playerknowmore · 2023-11-20T22:25:15+00:00

To some women, separation is a green light of their ho-phaze. Ask yourself this: Does she just want a divorce, or is it another way of disrespecting you.

If she is heavy on the Micro-disrespect, your marriage is doomed. She wants to be a strong, independent woman, but she's humbled by the fact that she needs what you provide. She thinks you are a nice guy who will never leave her. You have given her too much certainty.

All that being said, what is really going on is that she thinks she can do better. A separation is a way for her to see if she can do better without losing you. If I were you, I'd start setting strong boundaries and stop tolerating disrespect.

The internet has created a society where women fight to get married in their mid to late twenties. By the time they hit thirty-five, they are fooled into thinking they settled. Like there's dating apps to link up post wall single mothers with rich doctors and hedge fund managers.

CaliDude75 · 2023-11-20T20:18:36+00:00

48M. No kids in my case, but just the prospect there was little to no chance of improvement. There was always a lot of brinksmanship, and some token efforts at improvement, but always a reversion to old habits. I was the petitioner.

Recently met up with her. Seems like she’s changed, in terms of learning to “adult” (at 45!) and I’m happy for her, but in kind of an arms-length way. If (purely hypothetical) we were to reconcile and get back together, I just think we’d fall into old habits again, and start bickering and sniping all over again.

pk2at · 2023-11-20T21:21:59+00:00

File ASAP and ask for full custody, CS whatever assets you want. Get her when she is in legal trouble, else you will get it later in life. Right now you should worry not about how much you will hurt her (you can't do much to a woman legally), but how the system will hurt you if she files

rhett342 · 2023-11-20T20:59:54+00:00

If I find out my wife was facing legal issues that could affect custody of pur kids because she's hanging out with people like that I'd definitely be considering divorce too.

techrmd3 · 2023-11-20T22:40:18+00:00

Dump that garden implement

look 2 years being so so unwappy means she has had ample opportunity to bond with new men. (read that again)

Your soon to be ex only brought up unhappy/separation BECAUSE she has mentally exited the marriage and is most likely carrying on like a single woman with her new "unsavory group of new friends"

REMEMBER you are STILL MARRIED to this trainwreck! If she gets preggers by "unsavory group of new friends" that kid (depending on state law) may be on YOU to support via child support.

Think carefully if you want to support another dude's kid because the wifey got knocked up by rando from "unsavory group of new friends".

FILE NOW, and use her legal trouble against her to make sure your kids are not raised by "unsavory group of new friends". Get me?

H0micyd3 · 2023-11-21T08:02:57+00:00

You’re still in the early stages of your recovery and that’s why your judgement is cloudy, but listen to all the other commenters here. Their advice is solid. Also, it sounds like you miss the idea of your ex but you need to realize this, she belongs to the streets. You’re going through this immense pain because life is trying to teach you never to fall for this sh*t again.

Classic_Dill · 2023-11-20T23:57:40+00:00

Me: about 4 years go.

Me: how do i know when its time for a divorce?

Mom: When the pain of a divorce, is still better then the pain of being married.

I filed the very next day.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-11-21T03:32:04+00:00

Yesterday. Divorcing a narcissist is not easy. You need to be steadfast, cautious, strategic, cold and prepared for anything. There are a lot of sources on this. But do not delay. Remembering that in the end, no matter what she says - it's all about her and the image she projects to third parties. Once she internalizes that you're serious, once the love bombing has failed, once the stay with me I need you washes over you - the victim narrative will play out fast and strong. Don't break, don't stop. Keep moving forward, get the kids, remove her from your life to the greatest extent possible. In the end she will abandon the kids for her own needs if she realizes she will have to contend with you on an equal or other basis where you have the advantage.

I don't want to hurt her.

Don't worry, you can't.

P.S. you don't love her, you're just codependent

judasholio · 2023-11-21T16:13:52+00:00

Protect everything and your children ASAP. Do not be surprised at all if she has another man lined up.

Once the D-word is dropped, the rules of engagement change, and she is no longer your wife.

team_starfox · 2023-11-21T17:21:34+00:00

I'd you two are ending, you have to look out for yourself now and your kids. You aren't doing it to hurt her but she like most women, will try to emotionally blackmail you here on out to get more and more at your expense. You're an individual with worth, act like it

Fight for primary custody, not to be sexist or say all kids from single mothers turn out bad, BUT statistically, kids turn out just as good from a home with both parents as a home with just dad.

Title	When to choose to divorce?
Author	Creepy_Outcome_717
Upvotes	13
Comments	29
Date	November 20, 2023 8:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17zxft7/when_to_choose_to_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-to-choose-to-divorce.1238957 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238957

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