What would you do if you’re dating a girl and she starts to play like a psychoanalyst on you?

Yveskleinsky · 2021-11-25T16:34:23+00:00

Therapist here. What your partner is doing isn't in the ballpark of psychoanalysis, although, on the surface, it might seem like it. What's she's doing better falls under the category of emotional abuse as it's a mix of projecting and gaslighting--although, there's a solid chance she doesn't see her actions this way and doesn't intend for them to be hurtful. Regardless of what she thinks about what she's doing, it's a problem.

One of the most challenging parts of psychoanalysis is for the psychoanalyzer/therapist to remove their thoughts and emotions from what the client is saying in order to limit "counter-transference." (Counter-transference is when the therapist knowing or unknowingly "transfers" their own thoughts, emotions, or unprocessed issues onto the client. Counter-transference isn't necessarily a bad thing--but it is a thing, and it happens to all therapists. What's important is for therapists to be able to identify it, explore it, and make sure it's not negatively impacting the client.)

People who aren't therapists don't tend to know about or understand counter-transference, or even the basics of therapy. Not every issue with women stems back to a person's relationship with their mother, nor is every issue directly connected in obvious ways, and not everyone experiences or processes trauma in the same way (to name a few).

Without these understandings, it's easy for a person to think their understanding of the situation is what's really going on. This can be very damaging, or, at a minimum, annoying as hell.

If your gf has concerns or is seeing connections, a better way for her to approach the topic is for her to speak about what she's seeing from her perspective, such as, "I noticed that..."; "I feel ______ when you do ______" ; "I find it interesting that..." This way she's taking ownership of her thoughts and feelings and not projecting them onto you. A form of emotional abuse is when one person tells another what they are thinking or feeling. Doing so is dismissive, invalidating, and controlling--not to mention inaccurate and relationship-destroying.

In short, to answer your question, I would tell her to stop as you find her assessments of you uncomfortable and unwanted. If she continues, then you'll have to decide if her behavior is a deal-breaker for you.

bandsupjay · 2021-11-25T15:09:07+00:00

Kick her out, who the fuck are u dating bro? 🤣

jrobohn66 · 2021-11-25T14:39:55+00:00

I'd turn it around on her. "Yeah, and you're trying to hide your own insecurities and faults by focusing on mine...."

Canadian-Seductioner · 2021-11-25T12:17:05+00:00

Tell her you're not into it and if she doesn't drop it, then drop her and move on to someone else.

BagEmpty6931 · 2021-11-25T11:06:54+00:00

Had similar situation last year with girl I was seeing. She used to tell me I had a disappointing relationship with my exes and unsolved problems with them without me telling her anything.

Now I see it as some kind of test, and If you can ignore it and tell her to just not bother you with that (not react) - would be a nice solution.

bluedrygrass · 2021-11-25T17:21:58+00:00

Psychology girls are just zodiac girls on steroids. For them it's just a way to play mental games and categorize people without even really knowing them. A way to manipulate them.

So, next her unless you like toxic relationships

loofyd · 2021-11-25T12:42:03+00:00

Next her

She's probably crazy

Fluganaveggnum · 2021-11-25T11:04:53+00:00

I'm a huge phychology nerd so I would just do the same back to her.

But joking aside. I psychoanalyse everyone automatically. It's just function to help me know how to act around them but I try to keep it to myself. When I talking to another person about it, I appreciate it if they let me know if they find it uncomfortable. Then I can either dial it back or stop completely.

If you do and she doesn't stop then that's a sign she won't respect your boundaries.

OThinkingDungeons · 2021-11-25T16:12:52+00:00

You set your boundaries with clear consequence if she crosses them. I'm surprised she would do these sorts of things without understanding boundaries, morals, and consent. You don't enter into a relationship with the intent/hope to mould them into the person you want, that's manipulative.

"Look, I'm not here for you to manipulate. I'm not a project for you to fix and if you keep this up, I'm going to leave."

IsuckatGo · 2021-11-25T19:35:44+00:00

Red flag! Run!

Zealousideal_Joke441 · 2021-11-26T00:03:29+00:00

Probably kinda narcissistic. Try to not react. Act like you didn't even hear it and change the subject. If she meantions what you're doing, just act like what she said was like a child saying something nonsensical. Like "Uh....okay...yeah maybe." and force a smile. Narcissists hate when you don't acknowledge their advances or fail to take them seriously.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2021-11-25T17:36:28+00:00

Gaslighting

Master-Grapefruit-66 · 2021-11-25T20:43:46+00:00

I cant out this lightly. Run a fucking mile. That girl is what i call a drama hunter. She'll find something and latch to it and every time she feels like an argument She'll bring it up or everytime u fight back She'll gaslight you with it. Run run run run never fucking stop running

I_am_Jaguar · 2021-11-25T21:33:36+00:00

These days girls just wanna be your Mommy who themselves has Daddy issues. They don’t wanna fix their issues rather fix everyone they know.

d4rthque · 2021-11-26T04:14:26+00:00

And grab that bitch and her fucking ouija and cast her out of my life.

Agreable_Actuator84 · 2021-11-25T14:27:28+00:00

Have sex with her far more often and far more rough/aggressive and kinky. Her need to psychoanalyze is a defense against her repressed sexual desires. She is unconsciously asking for more and better sex from you.

daddysgotanew · 2021-11-25T16:44:15+00:00

Just laugh at them and remember that mentally they remain about 15 years old for their entire lives

Wingerlar · 2021-11-25T18:58:59+00:00

My ex used to do this as she was a nurse who worked in mental health. It drove me insane and I should have given her the boot for it. It is emotional abuse saying things like "you don't love me" and "you "never buy me anything." The you never buy me anything wound me up and I took her home crying as it was the day after my birthday and I'd been told literally an hour before my nan was going to die.

My advice would be to ditch her and find someone who doesn't treat you that way.

Superb-Bank9899 · 2021-11-25T19:47:56+00:00

In psychology classes they warn us to not try to do what professionals do. We have some knowledge so we think we know enough. Just ask her to stop. If that does not work try turning the tables on her and ask her about her Electra Complex with her dad to get her to realize how annoying it is.

elvissayshi · 2021-11-25T20:31:00+00:00

My wife does the same godamn thing. Wish I read this 20 years ago...Fuuuuck....

bigbootynopussy · 2021-11-25T21:19:21+00:00

Stop talking to her lol

Character-Current-57 · 2021-11-25T21:20:09+00:00

Get out of it. There the worst basket cases. They are in therapy. They are trying to place themselves in a superior place over you.

passingnotes26 · 2021-11-25T21:28:50+00:00

Therapist in training here, and this person sounds extremely toxic and emotionally manipulative. I’m so so sorry you had to encounter her. Please drop her immediately bc these types of people thrive on controlling or damaging others.

Narcan9 · 2021-11-25T21:35:18+00:00

I would tell her goodbye.

redeyerds · 2021-11-25T22:09:55+00:00

I would 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

Mob_Rules1994 · 2021-11-26T00:02:38+00:00

I'd ask her to canx the headshrink business once, maybe twice. The third time would be the deal breaker though.

2021-11-26T01:14:01+00:00

I would read her, act the exact way she wants me to, get one more good fuck, then ghost.

2021-11-26T01:52:41+00:00

U take her from behind

cormacru999 · 2021-11-26T01:58:55+00:00

Sounds like your behavior revealed some things about you & she may have been trying to help you, but women are not free therapists. Go to therapy, its not only helpful for you, but will help you have a more successful relationship.

bribor · 2021-11-26T02:27:33+00:00

sandwich223 · 2021-11-26T03:37:56+00:00

Bail. I had a ex like this and this is toxic af. Nobody is worth this kinda shit

recyclablebanthas · 2021-11-26T05:10:54+00:00

What I'm going to add is similar to what the therapist said, only framed a little differently and with some sources backing things up.

1

What would you do if you're dating a girl and she starts to play like a psychoanalyst on you

Firstly, there's this assumption that game can in some way change what people are doing. It really can't. Most of what you can really do is live your values and enforce your own boundaries in many cases.

2

Like she just starts revealing your hidden emotions and your trauma without you having said anything.....

If you haven't known her very long and she's taking it upon herself to give you these interpretations without you asking, that could be manipulative.

3

and making you think you’re doing things a for a certain reason and takes things out of context and accuses you of lying.

Ironically, it comes off as if she's got her own damage that she's dealing with and she might be projecting things onto you

There's nothing you can really do to stop her from doing this.

The only way it will stop is when she deals with her own stuff. You can't deal with her stuff for her and game cannot resolve it for her either.

4

Your only option here is to either accept her manipulation and risk being changed by it which is likely the longer you're exposed to her, or you cut your losses and get out while you can

EU-Howdie · 2021-11-26T21:24:44+00:00

I would say, okay, but after this Rohrsach test I want sex !!

Title	What would you do if you’re dating a girl and she starts to play like a psychoanalyst on you?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	94
Comments	59
Date	November 25, 2021 10:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/r1twlx/what_would_you_do_if_youre_dating_a_girl_and_she/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-would-you-do-if-youre-dating-a-girl-and-she.1271775 https://theredarchive.com/post/1271775

Comments