Just saw the girl I liked on GW...how do I proceed?

ferveo · 2012-05-11T13:22:17+00:00

Stop projecting your issues on this girl.

Sex happens. We are sexual creatures by nature and women, in particular, can have a stronger drive than us men. For those ladies who embrace this, I say bravo. The world needs more freedom and less oppression. They say that the best things in life are free and sex is near the top of that list.

Move past your insecurities and start living.

squarehouse · 2012-05-11T14:31:47+00:00

I'm sexually moderate guy(I'm not religious, not extremely liberal), who is also a virgin that has been saving it for someone special, we went on a date after I manned up and asked her out(thanks to seddit)...

Really? Saving it for someone special? How many offers have you turned down because you are saving it? If anything you should be relieved: You've just found out that this girl isn't "someone special"!

Be honest with yourself. For guys, "saving it for someone special" is usually a rationalization and a defense mechanism. It's a consolation for rejection and timidity.

VMikeL · 2012-05-11T11:28:39+00:00

Every guy who recognises her from GW is going to be communicating with her in the most repulsive manner possible about the fact that they saw her on GW. Hot tip, don't be like everyone else.

Kiwi_Dylan · 2012-05-11T11:55:57+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ, you sound like a piece of soggy toilet paper.

Go for a different girl. Sleep around. It's FUN.

You are putting sex up on a pedestal because you haven't experienced it. Sex can be transcendentally special, but usually only with someone you truly love. Your first time will be a mess. Sleep around. Get used to it.

brianguy16 · 2012-05-11T11:51:32+00:00

The over-thinking in that 4'th and 5'th paragraph melted my brain, I can't even...what is...how do I...

starscott · 2012-05-11T16:30:14+00:00

You're expectations for sex are TOO DAMN HIGH!

vinniedamac · 2012-05-11T11:43:07+00:00

Been there. You'll be over it in a month or two. Go talk to her, ask her out, do whatever. Simple fact is that people do things. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we don't. In the long run it doesn't matter. My wife gave my BROTHER a blow job when she was 16, while we were dating. Yes, I dumped her, but after a while you realize people make dumb decisions depending on what was happening at the time. Hell, I took tons of drugs, smoked, hooked up with random chicks and didn't always use protection. Stupid I know, but I was a kid. People are impulsive, but that doesn't define them. I now have a loving wife, who is a great mother to my two children. As a former drug addict, I didn't let that define me, and now own three businesses. Many people depend on me for their paycheck, yet if they saw me when I was younger they wouldn't have hired me for minimum wage. Simple truth you learn going through life is that single actions don't define people truthfully, it's the way that they act most of the time is who they are. If you really like this girl because she's nice, pretty, kind, friendly, etc then she is. Don't let this one thing define who she is in your mind.

dr_bum · 2012-05-11T10:50:34+00:00

Whatever you do, do not tell her that you saw her photo on GW.

Just play it cool with her, and engage in normal conversation. The fact that you saw her on GW should only make you more confident in dealing with her. If you want, think about what you saw and let it show through in a smile from time to time while you're with her - she'll pick up on it and be intrigued by what you're grinning about...

EDIT: See this video about how that smile can work to your advantage.

alapeche · 2012-05-11T16:28:20+00:00

Sorry guys but... WHAT THE FUCK IS GW ??

GoldenWarrior · 2012-05-11T16:52:03+00:00

This was one of the saddest things I've read on seddit. Fuck thinking of numbers, your goal should be to have fun. So what if you're her 1st or her 1000th, man up and try. And if you fail, learn and move on.

Parasthesia · 2012-05-11T11:42:29+00:00

(greater than?) Fifty percent of the world is men, man. Guess what's worse than being "another notch" (not that the notch metaphor is accurate necessarily): not being "a notch" and involved at all, just being part of the sea of fish. The whole point of seddit, I feel, is to become more than just another person and more solidly define yourself in someone's eyes.

Lemongrass_VII · 2012-05-11T10:51:37+00:00

If a girl has pictures of herself naked online I really couldn't care less. She's entitled to her private life. If it's something that effects our relationship when we've been together for a while - that's another thing. Right now you don't have a relationship with her. If you want to keep it that way, continue doing nothing. If you want to get to know her, start working on it. It's more your problem than it is her and I would advise you to pursue her and be observant of your feelings. You'll learn a lot of new things and come out stronger on the other side

2012-05-11T16:24:03+00:00

Masturbate furiously

alapeche · 2012-05-11T16:46:57+00:00

I think I agree with what's been said by other people. I've sort of been in your situation in the sense that I was a virgin until I was 23, this was terrible as all of my friends talked about sex so casually. I was also trying to hide it from everyone and I'm a terrible actor. Worst was when the famous ''Never have I ever'' game was played I really dreaded this moment when doing pre-drinks with my friends. Anyways I was thinking about that all the time, I really felt like shit about it. Also people did not expect this to be the case for me as I'm out-going and kisses lots of girls.

The more time passes, the older you get, the more you dread this situation, and you want it to be special, with someone that is not going to make fun of your inexperience behind your back and shit like that.

My first time was actually the opposite of what I wanted, and it was the best way ever: A girl brought me to the bathroom at a bar, sat me down on the toilet and started fucking me. I was shit-faced and therefore not stressed at all. Then we went to hers and carried on. We were both drunk so I don'T think she expected much of me (didn't manage to come actually :D). So in the end I never had to let her know and that's perfect that way.

It felt so good that day to no longer be in that cursed group of people. I hadn't particularly enjoyed it actually but I found out, as the others are saying, that it's not a big deal at all, and it's exactly how you expect it to be (imo), and you don't need to be a genius.

After that I hooked up with a bunch of girls, definitely didn't manage to sleep with every girl around but the 23 years curse was over.

My advice is go get drunk, and fuck whoever wants to fuck you, even if she isn't very attractive. If you don't manage go to the prostitutes I don't see anything wrong with that. You will feel better and the next one (meaningful one hopefully) will be around the corner.

Ok that's my ''2 cents'' actually sorry I've written such a long piece.

Summary: My experience of having the same issue as yours and what I believe you should do about it.

gravey727 · 2012-05-11T17:37:11+00:00

JUST BUST A MOVE!

chocobaby · 2012-05-11T17:57:45+00:00

Lose that cherry boy.....it's not what you think it is....then go look for "nice" girls in "nice girl" places...not GW. When you get over yourself....you'll find that sexuality is one of the pleasures of being alive and human and one facet of female sexuality is showing off. That's all it means...they're showing off their bodies. That...is...all...it...means.

TofuTofu · 2012-05-11T15:35:03+00:00

You are overthinking the shit out of this, bro.

I fucked a fucking PORNSTAR. Think about that.

Did I give a shit that I don't have a 10 inch cock and 6 pack abs? OF COURSE NOT.

And yet she still drunk dials me 3000 miles away. You know why? Because I manned up and treated her like an adult and - most importantly - didn't judge her!

Fuck those other guys (btw less than 20 guys is pretty inexperienced, all things considered). YOU'RE the man now, dawg. Man up or stay a virgin forever.

(Sorry for the tough love, but it must be said)

Murmaider · 2012-05-11T18:47:57+00:00

What would i think? Perhaps it is a sign of insecurity on her part. She is looking for validation from strangers on the web. This is an are you can use to your advantage in eliciting values. But! before that, it sounds like you have really bad inner game issues you need to work out. I suggest you read up on on all the top links in seddit and kill that AFC inside of you.

2012-05-11T21:45:45+00:00

Dude. I wish you the best, I really do--and I post this from the bottom of my fucking heart. Reading this made me suddenly realize how I used to feel. I don't beat too often, but my psyche's just pulled a complete 180 in the last couple years since I was in the same place. Probably the acid. I'd forgotten what it was like to think that way, and I'm trying to imagine what I'd say if I ran into myself in that state a couple years ago.

I mean the best for you, honestly--I really hope you find someone to swallow your shaft, but your post is throwing up a couple red flags. You're going to want to change your psyche before you find someone to plug because, honestly, the best time to get over your issues regarding sex is before you have it. No joke; if you're feeling insecure, the sex will only make that worse. It's probably the chemicals involved--oxytocin, serotonin decrease during a state of attachment--but at one point I found I'd picked up a habit of thinking about the girl I'd last had sex with almost incessantly simply because she was the person besides myself who had most recently touched my dong. It's the type of thought pattern you find yourself entertaining for no reason whatsoever, and with the full intent to stop--but every time your attention drifts, it creeps back into your mind. I realized that it wasn't having sex that was going to change my mindset, it was thorough introspection and self-realization. The lonely thought patterns I had kicking around in my skull didn't simply go away when I got laid; I just began to project them onto my sexual partners. Try to fix your mind up a bit before you throw someone else into the mix, for their sake and yours. It's much easier that way.

The "I just gotta lose my virginity, I'm getting older and everyone else lost theirs before I did, I gotta find someone to be with and comfort me and make me happy" shit is going to make you insane. People don't let on about how much those feelings drag down their thought processes, but thinking like that is honestly downright dangerous. I missed out on a lot of cool shit I could've been doing throughout my first couple years at college because I was unnecessarily holding myself back and dragging myself down with self-pity. Analyze about your thought patterns for a second. Those thoughts are not you, they're just the symptoms of an untrained mind's reaction to our society's heavy pressure towards having sex and propensity for unmitigated virgin-shaming. Ignore it because you're above it. The people who give a shit about the age when you get laid are the people who use the fact that they're not virgins as a social crutch, or even worse, social leverage. Ignore the "normal age" bullshit. Sex isn't a rite of passage or a gateway to manhood, it's just a fun activity to engage in with someone you dig. I've never seen a person who's genuinely happy and comfortable with himself ever make a judgement regarding someone else's sex life (dickish behavior notwithstanding). Real men understand that if sex were such an exceptional achievement then there wouldn't be almost seven billion fucking people on the planet.

I hadn't kissed a girl until I was 19. I beat myself up about that for a while before realizing I was just suffocating in my own self-pity. Then, one day while my friends and I were tripping balls on some potent cubensis and my mind was entirely elsewhere, a girl who was with us just walked up and put her arm around me. I was completely taken by surprise--she was damn cute. We hadn't even talked before; then a week later I'm at her house drinking a 40 and she walks up and sits on my lap. Now, here's the kicker--we kissed a few times after that, but I didn't pull the trigger because my mind was still in a state of doubt. One day she seemed pissed and I felt like I'd done something wrong; things just weren't the same after that. It was only a few months later when the same pattern repeated itself with the first girl I'd laid that I realized what had happened. I had made HER feel insecure by holding back and doubting myself. She thought she wasn't good enough for me as a result of me entertaining that same thought pattern in myself. Part of this was because I saw losing my virginity as some sort of test, some sort of challenge--as if engaging in what nearly every single living thing on the planet is biologically wired to do was a real accomplishment. After we had fucked, I didn't make a real effort toward making her happy. I'd felt like I'd already succeeded, and didn't realize that the reason she was around me was because she really dug me. By putting sex on a pedestal I had distracted myself and become blinded to what human interaction was really about. I felt more like a piece of shit when I realized that, than I did back when I was worried about when someone was finally going to sit on my peg.

When you feel insecure, you project it onto others whether you realize it or not. To be totally honest here--and it might seem a bit harsh to say this to someone who's already feeling down, but it comes from a place of personal experience--you don't have the right to propagate your insecurities in the presence of others. I'm not telling you not to talk about this stuff, because that does really help, and I'm not putting any blame on you for feeling this way, but you need to understand that the problem lies directly in your self perception and you need to fix it. People who don't feel genuine self-worth inevitably use intimacy with others as an emotional crutch. You need to build value in yourself so you can share it with others, because that's what the whole fucking business is all about.

As far as the gonewild stuff goes, I think that's awesome. I personally find nothing more attractive than a girl who's comfortable with herself. Just be careful, because if she's posting pics on the web then she's probably in a stage in her life where she's down to have fun and not take things too seriously. If that's the case, make sure that's your mindset if you choose to get down with her. Otherwise you might find yourself way more into her than she's into you, and that's not a good place to be.

TL;DR--your thought patterns right now have NOTHING to do with the fact that you're a virgin; they're a symptom of something deeper. Find yourself, man! Sharing your passions with others is more rewarding than all but the best sex you can have, and it's also the most consistent path to it.

SIR_LIKES · 2012-05-11T18:28:36+00:00

stick to your principles. conforming will may you feel good but dont get me wrong, but a man with principles is an animal

crashdummie · 2012-05-11T18:54:19+00:00

Pics or ain't fappin'.

2012-05-11T19:00:47+00:00

Go out and get laid. You don't want that special girl to get away just because you were crap in bed.

2012-05-11T19:03:27+00:00

Go find a different girl. She's clearly not what you really want or need at the moment.

baaaark · 2012-05-11T19:12:02+00:00

As a Redditor, I feel a need to post this:

Pics or it didn't happen.

Lanza21 · 2012-05-11T19:17:49+00:00

"just saw the girl I liked"

Found your problem. Get over it.

Up-The-Butt_Jesus · 2012-05-11T20:02:46+00:00

Use lube to prevent chafing.

ARealSocialIdiot · 2012-05-11T15:08:05+00:00

The amount of slut shaming in this post and the comments makes me very sad.

almagest · 2012-05-11T18:31:59+00:00

How old are you?

sedthrowsse · 2012-05-11T20:26:33+00:00

I had a friend in a similar position. I explained it to him like this:

Yes, you will be just another number to her, if anything does happen... but you have been puting pussy on a pedestal for so long now, that you want, no you expect that you'll find someone who cares enough about you to take things slowly, and show you the ropes in a comforting and non-threatening way. Unfortunately chances are you will never find her. So get it over with. Do whatever you need to do, but go out and get some. Yes it will be meaningless (for them) and you'll need to do it a few times before the "special" wears off. You placed too much value on just the act, and not the person in that act. When you find someone really special, it will be like having sex for the first time all over again (except you'll know what youre doing), but the magic will still be there. Its this initial step you have to break through to see the world a little differently.

2012-05-11T20:35:49+00:00

You sound like me last year. Dude just have sex so you stop thinking like this. I lost my virginity drunk with a random girl. At the time I was like "So this is what a vagina feels like" and I felt kind of weird the next day, like I joined the club. But then it all vanished, I realized sex aint all that special. Glad I got rid of the v card sooner then later.

trafficstar · 2012-05-11T20:58:42+00:00

Hey buddy, these guys are being far too harsh on you and it's really not fair. Sex is fun, sleeping around is fun, no doubt, but it doesn't mean that you can't have something fun and also meaningful.

I will say though, it seems like you are getting far too attracted to this chick for the wrong reasons. She may just want to have sex and enjoy, and that may not be what you are looking for. It's all valid.

Anyhow, not everyone has to stick their dick in every hole to be a man. The whole "first" isn't such a huge deal, and sex in general is a lot less dramatic than you think IMO. With that said, a loving, deep relationship with intimacy is probably what you are looking for and that shit doesn't come around very often.

gocougs11 · 2012-05-11T21:39:14+00:00

Man, this post made me realize that a girl I recently lost probably felt exactly like this about me... She was a little bit of a prude, I was very open with her about my fairly liberal sexual history. Reading that made me think of some things I had never considered from her point of view before. Damn.

Edit: To answer your question, try not to feel differently about her. If you two do wind up dating, tell her you don't want to sleep with her unless she legitimately cares about you.

GoldenWarrior · 2012-05-12T02:10:54+00:00

Also, dude it's a throwaway. I know people have been givin you shit, but if keeping the OP and the comments helps you or one other person stop dealing with some fear then it's worth keeping. I guess this is just for future reference at this point.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-05-11T16:09:32+00:00

I need someone to talk to.

Sadly, that's the only part of your post I can agree with. I mean this in the nicest way possible: You're right, you need an older brother or a more experience guy friend to smack you in the face and tell you to stop whining and go get laid.

Lemonfingers · 2012-05-11T19:27:41+00:00

You know what man, don't listen to most of these posts telling you to "man the fuck up and grow some balls" because every ones life is different and no one can really tell you how to live you're life. What you were asking for was for a friend to give you a hand and while I don't know you I would like to think i could give you some more sound advice that a friend would likely give you. I would think it being a bit weird if I knew the girl had pictures on the net showing every body her body and what not. That being said if you really like her for who she is then go for it. Nothing in life is certain that's for sure so the only way to find out is if you try. If she is that girl that makes you just another notch in the post then you will find out, maybe she will be a lot more then that and then some.

If you really just care about the sex tho then well to be honest it is different with every girl more in her personality then her actual body. I am not sure what you mean by saving sex like after you get married or just for someone special, but I do feel like you wont know till you do it it is great and it can also make you very attached to some one but I think its more your personality then the actual sex. So maybe she will be that someone special and maybe she wont but no one can till you till you find out for your self.

So good luck man and I hope things turn out the way you want them to and if not then you learn a good lesson from all of this, Keep your head up buddy. Don't feel like an idiot for not being like every one else many a people are in your exact situation just to afraid to say it. Always be your self and don't try to change for others because sooner or later the real you will come out and you will grow tired of the fake you. Some one out there will love the real you and that will be that someone special.

hope this really helps you bud :)

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-05-11T19:57:23+00:00

would you guys think differently of a girl who is posting her pictures all over the place?

Personally I'd immediately quit wanting to get with her. She would immediately get filed in the cabinet labeled 'bat shit fucking crazy' under the title 'self-esteem issues', and I'd move on to someone who doesn't require that type of attention. Nothing but trouble.

Mailman7 · 2012-05-11T11:37:52+00:00

because most girls my age have slept with 10+ guys

I don't think that is true at all. Frankly, like you, I would be uncomfortable sleeping with a girl I thought I particularly liked if she had banged almost 20 different guys.

I wish I could be as liberal and hippie as some of the guys here on seddit, but I am not, I don't find it appealing when a girl has slept with a lot of different guys. In my opinion it's cheap and skanky. I may just be perpetuating a double standard and sexual inequality, but girls should try and keep their number low. I don't believe any guy truly respects or would want a relationship with a girl that has sucked off the entire football team.

Title	Just saw the girl I liked on GW...how do I proceed?
Author	sedthrowsse
Upvotes	25
Comments	94
Date	May 11, 2012 10:41 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/thztb/just_saw_the_girl_i_liked_on_gwhow_do_i_proceed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/just-saw-the-girl-i-liked-on-gwhow-do-i-proceed.1295108 https://theredarchive.com/post/1295108

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