Why You're Not Actually Flirting When You Think You Are

WorkThrow99 · 2013-05-21T15:14:48+00:00

Basically, stop doing accidental touching, and do overt touching.

Look, part of seduction is taking risks, it's putting yourself and risking "getting hurt".
The best thing is not to find way of making the other think you are putting yourself out there, while not really putting yourself out there.
The best thing to do is to put yourself out there, and learn to not "get hurt" if she says no. You just have to learn to not have an "ego" and not feel like it's the end of the world when you put yourself out there, and she isn't interested. There are plenty of girls out there, a specific one doesn't matter until you build something with her. You aren't going for kids or a mortgage, you are flirting and saying "I'd fuck you".

In a year you won't even remember those who said no, but only if you don't invest yourself so much at the start and learn to just let yourself go, and do it enough.

RockyMaraschino · 2013-05-21T17:35:26+00:00

Society has taught women that they are supposed to be courted. They’re not supposed to take the romantic lead. If they do, they’re deemed as sluts or easy. They’re afraid of being negatively judged.

This part jumped out to me the most. When you're friendly flirting, to use the lingo of the article, you may be in that arena, but most girls aren't going to take your hand and lead you to the center ring.

Part of being comfortable with your inner game is making your intentions clear: if you want to have sex, at some point you're going to have to say/show that. Explicitly. And it's going to suck if you get shut down, but at least you won't be stuck in this nether region where your metaphorical dick is sort of half out of your pants and you're hoping she'll notice it and whip it out.

Ledatru · 2013-05-21T17:12:05+00:00

Um this article is basically saying "escalate, dumbass"

No shit high-fiving a girl isnt gonna get her to take her clothes off. You have to take it further bros. do shit that guys dont do to each other

NickTDS · 2013-05-21T23:36:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

NickTDS · 2013-05-21T16:18:21+00:00

TIL: Friends kiss

ejpusa · 2013-05-21T20:19:40+00:00

Hey girl . . . Sorry, did not mean to slide my hand across your erect nipple like that. :-(

rambopr · 2013-05-21T18:10:03+00:00

this is great, i can almost use this at the end of a night like a check list for things that i need to improve on

Jamuraan1 · 2013-05-21T19:23:58+00:00

I tend to do the exact opposite; I end up flirting when I'm not trying to.

kdelamont · 2013-05-21T18:30:22+00:00

Funny that this would appear at the top of the page just after I pretty much blew a day2 for this exact reason.

Great article.

Coglioni · 2013-05-21T23:58:40+00:00

This was truly enlightening for me. I think that I have alot of the right mindsets, I'm confident and all that, and I have flirted to a certain extent but obviously not good enough. I feel like I'm gonna have so much more success after reading this, being alot more direct and show my intentions more clearly. Thanks OP and Nick for bringing this to me, this and Mark Manson's posts are the most important and greatest articles I've read since I started thinking about girls.

SpaceToaster · 2013-05-21T21:02:05+00:00

My advice to getting more sexual in your interactions: get your T levels higher.

This means:

sleeping plenty (8 hrs)
less alcohol, better yet none at all
lift heavy things (REALLY push yourself to the limit. work your legs too, don't be a pussy)
eat a clean, high protein diet with lots of healthy fats, including healthy saturated fats and cholesterol (yes, eat steak, lots of it)

Once your testosterone is up to where it should be, just let your physiology take care of the rest, and your sexual vibe should start coming through loud and clear in your interactions. I'd say the only thing to "learn" then is to not hold back so much.

**** Warning: changing your lifestyle in this way may result in an over abundance of women.

2013-05-22T04:27:19+00:00

This submission has been linked to in 1 subreddit (at the time of comment generation):

/r/OkCupid: Why You're Not Actually Flirting When You Think You Are (x-post from r/seduction)

This comment was posted by a bot, see /r/Meta_Bot for more info.

Slightly_Infuriated · 2013-05-21T18:07:05+00:00

Then comes the next morning when you're saving ... the implication.

yuyo874 · 2013-05-21T19:38:48+00:00

Great post!!!

Sup_Bre · 2013-05-22T02:20:05+00:00

Sir, you are awesome.

jimmyayo · 2013-05-22T04:00:33+00:00

Nick, I've been reading your articles religiously. This one I think was the biggest missing ingredient in my game. I'm so excited to put this into practice starting fucking TODAY. Can't thank you enough!

jp_lolo · 2013-05-22T04:51:23+00:00

thats a pretty good article. i can think of many personal examples where this reigns true

Cameronious · 2013-05-22T11:24:32+00:00

The most common hurdle I ever stumble upon.

Thank you very much for this piece.

HastePCC · 2013-05-22T14:12:10+00:00

Thank you for this, OP and Nick. This will help every single one of us in our journey to being awesome.

0newinged · 2013-05-22T17:02:01+00:00

And suddenly i see that i'm not flirting with women at bars when i thought i was but i was sexually flirting with female classmates when i thought i was just having fun

NOTIAStatePride · 2013-05-21T19:42:11+00:00

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT NIGGA

ScarletBlue · 2013-05-22T11:10:24+00:00

anyone else see the potential for a short video about all the ways this can go wrong? It popped out at me with the manly chest voice, I imagined some scrawny timid guy suddenly busting out with a manly chest voice lol.

On a serious note, I am a true believer in "be yourself". If they're not attracted to you the way you are then you'll probably wind up getting hurt eventually anyway, unless you're only in it for sex. And kudos to the author for putting in there that honesty is the best policy. At least for me, since I can pretty much tell what someone's intentions are and I hate being lied to. I've called people out on what they want from me and had them lie and say it wasn't only to find out I was right in the first place. That's a dead stop sign for me right there.

I_Do_Not_Downvote · 2013-05-22T02:10:43+00:00

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pantsysass · 2013-05-22T05:49:38+00:00

Stop being an asshole and trying to touch me. Use your manners.

NickTDS · 2013-05-21T15:46:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Why You're Not Actually Flirting When You Think You Are
Author	NickTDS
Upvotes	732
Comments	93
Date	May 21, 2013 2:44 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1erkwe/why_youre_not_actually_flirting_when_you_think/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-youre-not-actually-flirting-when-you-think-you.1309238 https://theredarchive.com/post/1309238

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