I will be honest: Dumb girls are a huge turn off for me. How can I approach AND figure out if she's smart?

kurtgodelisdead · 2012-09-21T11:16:02+00:00

This is one of the big reasons (aside from AA) I don't approach, because I don't want to get trapped in some dumb conversation about sports or...

[–]Stythe 26 points27 points28 points 13 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

[+]kurtgodelisdead[S] -37 points-36 points-35 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Stythe 24 points25 points26 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Dude, I'm gonna tell you something. You sound arrogant as fuck. What you say gives me the impression you want to find a stoosh broad more than an intellectual woman. Someone who's snotty and arrogant than someone who's truly intelligent.

You sit in the high castle gazing down upon people you deem less intelligent than yourself, saying you don't want to talk to someone to get to know them, that you just want to be able to know right off the bat. Well you can't. certainly you can gauge if someone's an idiot fairly quickly (you'll still have to start a conversation though), but intelligence can't be measured the same way. Do you want someone who's book smart? Who did well in school? Someone who knows how to deal with people well? Someone who can expand your mind? or just someone who knows how to cook? Intelligence isn't black or white. Different people know different things. I think what you're trying to do is ignorant.

I'm not trying to insult you though. Just be honest with you.

[+]kurtgodelisdead[S] -19 points-18 points-17 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You sit in the high castle gazing down upon people you deem less intelligent than yourself,

Eh.. I don't think I'm more intelligent than everyone else.. I don't recall ever saying that.

saying you don't want to talk to someone to get to know them, that you just want to be able to know right off the bat.

There are millions of people in my city alone.. WTF.. Should I talk to every single one of them? I don't have that kind of time.

Well you can't. certainly you can gauge if someone's an idiot fairly quickly (you'll still have to start a conversation though), but intelligence can't be measured the same way.

Well, using your logic, if you can't measure intelligence quickly, how can you tell if they're an idiot either?

Do you want someone who's book smart? Who did well in school? Someone who knows how to deal with people well? Someone who can expand your mind? or just someone who knows how to cook? Intelligence isn't black or white.

Dude, I responded to that in the edit to my post. Re-read it.

Different people know different things. I think what you're trying to do is ignorant.

And accepting everyone is what I'm supposed to do? Yea, good luck with that.. Let me know how that goes.

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[–]itsmevichet 9 points10 points11 points 13 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

What makes you think I don't walk away from people?

The fact that you're asking the question you posted.

It's really more the issue that I don't have a lot of time these days. Hanging around bars, hoping to meet someone smart does not seem like a good way to spend my time.

There's always a reason to do something, or to not do something, my friend. At the end of the day, all that matters is whether you did or didn't. So, are the reasons in charge of your life, or are you? Think about it.

Preferably, I want to minimize that time as much as possible.

If you want to play the game, you have to pay the price. If it's not the right time, then don't focus on it.

Finally, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a PhD candidate in particle physics or something? Maybe 10 percent of women are the level of stupidity that you mentioned. Are they all throwing themselves at you?

[+]kurtgodelisdead[S] -14 points-13 points-12 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

There's always a reason, my friend. Are the reasons in charge of your life, or are you? Think about it.

Oh, don't worry. I'm aware of the trade-offs. I'd rather die a lonely man than end of up marrying some whore I met at a bar.

If you want to play the game, you have to pay the price. If it's not the right time, then don't focus on it.

I'm afraid it will never be 'the right time'. A friend of mine, who I will say probably fits the description of alpha male in many ways, has this life story:

Good traits:

He goes out to clubs regularly
He's often in charge of or is DJing some musical event
Has no trouble finding women any time he wants to

Bad traits:

He can't hold a job
He lives off the government or whatever girl he's with
He's got two kids that his parents take care of

He once discussed with me two different bars in the Philly area, to compare & contrast them.

1) The Barbary - A typical bar, occasionally has a kareoke night. "It's just a meat market. You go there and most people want to talk about sports or the news."

2) Voyeur - A gay bar with a fair amount of heterosexual men & women as well. "That place is awesome. Every time I go there, I meet someone interesting, have conversations about philosophy, physics, art, etc. The after parties are great".

Now, in this scenario, I picture a lot of guys looking to "get laid" as to match my friend's level of incompetence in life. They want to be alpha but can't do what it takes to take care of others, let alone themselves. They know where the good spots are at, but the good spots don't have the kind of people I'm pursuing.

Given those conditions, which should I choose? Should I hang out at a gay club just to meet interesting people? I guess.. But I can meet way more interesting people (that happen to be females! what an idea!) via the internet than 1000 nights of a club like Voyeur.

You're looking for shortcuts, and you won't find any.

I'm looking for what everyone else is looking for: Some basic advice beyond my level of knowledge.

[–]Homeles 6 points7 points8 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh, don't worry. I'm aware of the trade-offs. I'd rather die a lonely man than end of up marrying some whore I met at a bar.

Just because you met them at a bar doesn't mean that they're of lower quality. I really hope you don't believe this. If I had girl parts (pardon my awkward analogy), you'd probably describe me as the kind of person you're after — I'm book smart, have a wide vocabulary, blah blah blah. But since I go to bars, apparently I'd be disqualified. That's a bit unfair.

Also, "some whore?" Listen, you're not going to get anywhere if you have these kinds of perceptions. There are two kinds of people in this world: those that are comfortable with their bodies, and those that aren't. Forgive the false dichotomy, but it illustrates an important point. Society calls the former "sluts, whores, and players," and generally tends to look down on these kind of people.

The fact of the matter is that there is nothing wrong with fucking everything you see — it's your justification and attitude towards it that counts. If I'm one of those (generally) gay men that purposefully spread HIV to others — yeah, there's a fucking problem with that! But if I have sex with another woman while in an open/polyamorous relationship... what's the big deal?

I, unlike a lot of the assholes in this thread, understand what information you're after. You're looking for easy ways to find out if someone is an "intellectual" by society's standards. It's unfortunate that you've been mocked like this. Some of the things you are saying are a bit silly though.

[+]kurtgodelisdead[S] -7 points-6 points-5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Just because you met them at a bar doesn't mean that they're of lower quality.

Yeah, you saw the rest of the comment, and the selection I have in Philly. You know that I didn't make that assumption. You're just nitpicking.

But since I go to bars, apparently I'd be disqualified.

Well, I would ask "What's a smart girl like you hanging out at a cheap bar like this?", and doing so with a smile on my face would make it clear I'm not being completely serious, since obviously I'd be there as well.

Listen, you're not going to get anywhere if you have these kinds of perceptions.

Where am I trying to get to?

Also, "some whore?" Listen, you're not going to get anywhere if you have these kinds of perceptions. There are two kinds of people in this world: those that are comfortable with their bodies, and those that aren't. Forgive the false dichotomy, but it illustrates an important point. Society calls the former "sluts, whores, and players," and generally tends to look down on these kind of people.

See my previous question on this forum about muscle mass. I'm working on improving my self-image.

The fact of the matter is that there is nothing wrong with fucking everything you see

No, there isn't. I just thought that this forum was a bit above that for a moment. Looks like I was wrong today. I'll try again another time and probably get a completely different response.

It's unfortunate that you've been mocked like this. Some of the things you are saying are a bit silly though.

I have no problem saying silly things in front of a bunch of bros. Because I have the confidence to appear as an idiot instead of conforming to the circlejerk.

[–]itsmevichet 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I love the Barbary, by the way.

Anyway, read what you just said:

I'd rather die a lonely man than end of up marrying some whore I met at a bar.

You have all these reasons and justifications for not doing what you want to do. You want to meet girls. But you have all these things you made up about it, like how bars are full of whores, or how dumb girls are a big turn off.

But I can meet way more interesting people (that happen to be females! what an idea!) via the internet than 1000 nights of a club like Voyeur.

Really? How's that been working out for you? Why are you asking the question in your original post if this is the case?

There are all these factors you're pointing at that literally mean nothing because you're not making the time to go out and meet people. All you have is theory. Shaky, unproven, untested theory. The knowledge I'm trying to give you is go spend those 1000 nights meeting people and see what you learn, instead of dismissing the idea because you think you won't get what you want right away.

So, be honest to yourself. I think you want to meet people, but the only person who knows that for sure is you. If you want to meet people, then go out and meet people.

And don't try to tell me that there's a trade-off between getting women and holding down a job and living a full life. That's bullshit.

Your friend is that special exception of very good with people in a social setting but also crappy at life. Don't use that as a paradigm.

[–]kurtgodelisdead[S] -4 points-3 points-2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

There are all these factors you're pointing at that literally mean nothing because you're not making the time to go out and meet people. All you have is theory. Shaky, unproven, untested theory. The knowledge I'm trying to give you is go spend those 1000 nights meeting people and see what you learn, instead of dismissing the idea because you think you won't get what you want right away.

See, I really don't like wasting my time. I can think of several occasions where I've wasted time hanging out with this friend I mentioned. I still hang out with him on occasion, but I really make an effort to make those occasions very specific, lest I end up another wasted night.

Seriously.. I have more fun farting around on the internet than hanging out with this guy. That's how bad it is for me. Meeting new, random people is not nearly as fun as surfing the net. I have no strong desire for the sensual experience of people being physically around me. I have a much stronger desire to lock minds with another intelligent person, even just over the 'net.

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[–]frogma 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

I'm point out the stupidity that one can "just tell" if someone is smart from a few minutes of interacting with them.

Then why the fuck, on God's green earth, are you asking people to tell you how to gauge that sort of thing quickly? You're saying yourself that it's not easy to make that judgment in a short amount of time. THERE'S YOUR ANSWER. It's not easy (well, IMO, it can be pretty easy, and it involves doing some of the things other people have already mentioned). There's no magical phrase you can utter to make shit happen (regardless of what aspect of interaction you're talking about).

I dunno though, man. Certain things, when brought together, tend to make a pretty good case. What school did she go to? What's her major? Extracurriculars? What job does she want/have? Does she talk like a stereotypical Californian, like, yaknowwww, like this (if you're in California, don't hold it against her)? Do her hobbies involve some sort of "smart" shit (whatever that may mean to you)? If she's freely answering these things and giving "acceptable" answers (according to your preferences), bada bing bada boom. If she's shy and can only give short, lazy responses, don't bother with it.

Don't just be asking her a bunch of these questions though. Space them out throughout the conversation (hint: it'll take longer than 3 minutes). When she says "I'm just here with some friends," you say "Oh yeah? You guys live around here?" Then she'll answer it without thinking you're an interviewer for her next job with the CIA. And hopefully that answer will not only tell you the area where she lives, but probably also where she goes to school, and/or where she works. Boom -- you got 2 of the questions answered without directly asking about them.

When she tells you her school (assuming you're both college-aged), then you might want to make a joke/comment about that school -- usually I just say "Oh my god I hate that school" (just to get some banter going), and then I'll say "So are you majoring in agriculture?" (or whatever the school tends to be known for) -- or I'll look at her and just guess what she's majoring in. You'll be astonished how often you're right. You can make some pretty accurate inferences even in like 20 seconds of conversation.

Then you find out about her job (or the job she wants), and you make some other quips about that. If she's a nurse who looks like she's had a bad day, you might make a lighthearted joke about how hard the job must be. Just try to get her smiling.

Right now you might be thinking "How is this related to her intelligence?" It's related because the answers she gives you might show that she's fairly intelligent. Simply the way she speaks, how "quick"/witty she is, and how well she responds to your own shit will probably give you a pretty good idea of her "general intelligence" (whatever that means to you).

Does it also mean you'll have to talk to a thousand girls before finding maybe 5-10 who are at the "level" of intelligence you're looking for? Fuck yeah it does. That's how life works. If it was as easy as you want it to be, we'd all be finding our soulmates within the next 24 hours or so and we'd all live happily ever after.

[–]kurtgodelisdead[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Then why the fuck, on God's green earth, are you asking people to tell you how to gauge that sort of thing quickly? You're saying yourself that it's not easy to make that judgment in a short amount of time. THERE'S YOUR ANSWER. It's not easy (well, IMO, it can be pretty easy, and it involves doing some of the things other people have already mentioned). There's no magical phrase you can utter to make shit happen (regardless of what aspect of interaction you're talking about).

Perhaps I should rephrase. You can certainly gauge some amount of intelligence, in certain things, quickly, if you know the right questions. The problem is knowing the right questions. That's what I came here for today.

I dunno though, man. Certain things, when brought together, tend to make a pretty good case. What school did she go to? What's her major?Extracurriculars? What job does she want/have? Does she talk like a stereotypical Californian, like, yaknowwww, like this (if you're in California, don't hold it against her)? Do her hobbies involve some sort of "smart" shit (whatever that may mean to you)? If she's freely answering these things and giving "acceptable" answers (according to your preferences), bada bing bada boom. If she's shy and can only give short, lazy responses, don't bother with it.

Sounds like a lot of job-interview style questions. I've met a lot of smart women who would give poor answers to much of what you've mentioned.

Don't just be asking her a bunch of these questions though. Space them out throughout the conversation (hint: it'll take longer than 3 minutes).

I only have so many minutes in my lifetime. I'd rather not waste them.

Does it also mean you'll have to talk to a thousand girls before finding maybe 5-10 who are at the "level" of intelligence you're looking for? Fuck yeah it does.

Well, you just made my day by being friggin' honest on this thread. Everyone else on this forum seems to have this misconception that if you approach 1000 women, you could (and should) bang every single one of them.

[–]frogma 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Everyone else on this forum seems to have this misconception that if you approach 1000 women, you could (and should) bang every single one of them.

Haha. I'm actually a proponent of that idea, when it comes to sex itself. I don't need to know everything about a girl before I fuck her. In some random situations, I don't even know a single thing about her (including her name).

Sounds like a lot of job-interview style questions. I've met a lot of smart women who would give poor answers to much of what you've mentioned.

I know what you're saying, but that's the point I was making. You don't fire off those questions in succession -- you find a way to insert them during this casual conversation you're having. Usually, I try not to ask questions at all (I still ask a bunch of questions, but I make an effort to avoid doing that). Instead of asking her what school she goes to, I'll just assume she goes to a nearby school, and I'll basically say something like "Haha, so you probably go to [school]." If she says no, that's fine, because she'll also tell me which school she goes to. If she says yes, I look like a fuckin psychic.

Then I do the same sort of thing for most of the other questions. I'll infer that she's a nurse (sometimes it's easy because she's wearing scrubs) or a teacher (sometimes it's hard, but she might mention kids at some point early on, which is almost a guarantee that she's a teacher). And then instead of even asking whether or not she's a teacher, I'll say something like "Where do you teach?" or "What do you teach?" I'm almost always right that she's a teacher, so not only is she surprised by how "intuitive" I am, but then she also tells me where/what she teaches. It's not the same as an interview question, just because the context is a lot different.

The main thing I do though is I tease constantly. I'm talking 90% of the things I say are meant to jokingly tease her in some way (sometimes just a really lighthearted comment that empathizes with her, sometimes a pretty "harsh" tease where I'm basically just making fun of her -- but it's usually for a pretty innocuous reason, so she doesn't take it personally).

And like I said, for that, her responses are gonna tell you a lot about her (at the very least, if she's giving pretty positive responses to everything, then you know she's witty and has some experience with flirting, which is always a plus). Indirectly, based on what she says, and how she says it, you'll also get a pretty good feel for how intelligent she is overall. And that's especially true if you delve into detail about some topic you're passionate about. If she's able to keep up with you and isn't bored by the discussion, there you go.

[–]kurtgodelisdead[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Haha. I'm actually a proponent of that idea, when it comes to sex itself. I don't need to know everything about a girl before I fuck her. In some random situations, I don't even know a single thing about her (including her name).

Have fun collecting STDs.

I know what you're saying, but that's the point I was making. You don't fire off those questions in succession -- you find a way to insert them during this casual conversation you're having. Usually, I try not to ask questions at all (I still ask a bunch of questions, but I make an effort to avoid doing that). Instead of asking her what school she goes to, I'll just assume she goes to a nearby school, and I'll basically say something like "Haha, so you probably go to [school]." If she says no, that's fine, because she'll also tell me which school she goes to. If she says yes, I look like a fuckin psychic.

The technique is called cold reading.

The main thing I do though is I tease constantly. I'm talking 90% of the things I say are meant to jokingly tease her in some way (sometimes just a really lighthearted comment that empathizes with her, sometimes a pretty "harsh" tease where I'm basically just making fun of her -- but it's usually for a pretty innocuous reason, so she doesn't take it personally).

This is something I have to get better at, as I don't feel like I get enough source material from most women.

[–]frogma 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

The technique is called cold reading.

Yeah, basically. Cold-reading tends to get more advanced though -- whereas I'm just making pretty random guesses most of the time. I read an awesome book about cold-reading, from a guy who used to be a "psychic" (but then he came clean, and admitted that he was just cold-reading people and making it seem like he was psychic). I'll try to find it for you -- I just downloaded it as a torrent. It's incredibly interesting though -- he talks about his TV appearances, where he'd do some "psychic" stuff, and then he goes into detail about how he was actually just gauging the person based on their appearance/demeanor and making inferences.

as I don't feel like I get enough source material from most women.

Just like in cold-reading, the "source material" doesn't really matter. You're basing your responses on... whatever she tells you at the time. Assuming she's making some effort to communicate, you'll have plenty of "material" to either comment on, or joke about, or tease her about, or expand on, etc. If she doesn't make much of an effort, then just tease her about that. A lot of shyer girls will be willing to adapt to your personality. So when you think you're having a great time, and when you're willing to be open, and fun, and whatever, she'll likely follow in those footsteps and start opening up herself (unless she legitimately suffers from anxiety or something like that, in which case you'll want to tone it down -- back off and let her go at her own pace).

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You think?

This is the seduction subreddit. Guys come here to learn how to seduce a large amount of women. To achieve this, your taste has to be broad and your scope wide. If you start by ruling out all the girls that are intellectually lower than yourself, you'll probably only have sex with 2 or 3 girls your entire life.

If you want to bang smart girls, start out by banging lots of girls. Eventually a smart one will cross your path and you'll have the experience from dealing with all the others to improve your odds of nailing that one. This is the only way to properly achieve what you want.

If you start from a scarcity mentality (like the one you have now), you'll put the smart one on a pedestal as soon as you meet her and you'll fuck up your approach, fuck up the date if you get one, or fuck up the relationship if you manage not to fuck up the previous two things. What do you know the smart one is good for? What if she sucks in bed? What if she's crazy? What if she has a crazy ex-boyfriend? What if she has herpes? You don't know! Get them smart bitches off the fucking pedestal immediately, then go out and conquer poon.

[+]kurtgodelisdead[S] -6 points-5 points-4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

If you start by ruling out all the girls that are intellectually lower than yourself, you'll probably only have sex with 2 or 3 girls your entire life.

Yeah, and that sex will be fucking awesome, versus sex with lots of mediocre women.

If you want to bang smart girls, start out by banging lots of girls.

Somehow I think that's not the most efficient use of my resources.

This is the only way to properly achieve what you want.

How so?

If you start from a scarcity mentality (like the one you have now), you'll put the smart one on a pedestal as soon as you meet her and you'll fuck up your approach, fuck up the date if you get one, or fuck up the relationship if you manage not to fuck up the previous two things.

Nah, I know there are lots of smart girls out there. The problem is finding them. Hence the question I started this thread with.

What if she sucks in bed? What if she's crazy? What if she has a crazy ex-boyfriend? What if she has herpes? You don't know! Get them smart bitches off the fucking pedestal immediately, then go out and conquer poon.

Spoken like a true bro.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[+]kurtgodelisdead[S] -10 points-9 points-8 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Seriously, you're just rationalizing your AA using a sour grapes analogy: 'oh well, she was probably just another dumb girl anyway. That's it — I'm only going to approach girls when I'm certain I have a method for determining their intelligence quickly.'

You are partially correct. But what's the alternative?

1) Treat everyone equally? Sorry, I can't fathom a world where everyone is nice to everyone else.. Being picky is part of being a man.

2) Chase after ones I'm physically attracted to? That may work for getting laid. I'm not trying to get laid. I'm trying to find something deeper than that.

We all have a filters, man. I'm just asking the community to help me construct a better one than what I currently have.

You don't want to get 'trapped' in a conversation because you have no idea how to handle yourself in one.

I know how to have conversations with people who have genuinely interesting things to say. Unfortunately they have not been very common in my life, so I'm definitely lacking in that area.

Pushing past it? Yea, that would be nice, but I'd rather not practice talking to whatever random people geography has put in my way. That seems like settling for something less than what I'm capable of. I'd rather be talking to random people on the internet who have really thought about what I've said. I get the sense that you do to, or you wouldn't be on reddit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

The difference between the two of us is that I don't waste my time approaching strangers and hoping for deep conversation. I can operate on that surface level and have serviceable conversations with just about anyone regarding just about anything. If it isn't fun, I know how to make it fun. If I'm bored by small talk, I know how to explore and try to get the person to open up a little bit.

I think your mistake is that you're walking up to someone and then expecting that person to impress you. You have to be the person who makes it easy and fun for her to engage in the conversation, and there are definitely ways to leave a girl beaming even though she's failed every one of your compatibility criteria. No reason not to either, in most cases.

You talk about being trapped for too long in a conversation that doesn't interest you, but you're really playing the victim in that scenario. As if it somehow isn't possible to turn a conversation to more interesting things. I say that if you're going into that situation assuming you're the more interesting person, then you need to be the more interesting person. You can't wait for the other person to lead with interesting stuff, because that just isn't going to happen very often at all.

I know how to have conversations with people who have genuinely interesting things to say.

Not trying to be cruel, but you're probably wrong about this.

That seems like settling for something less than what I'm capable of.

You've got to get past the surface level and establish some rapport before most people will give you anything actually worth talking about. This is not 'something less'; it's very basic, and usually essential. Learn how to spend ten minutes talking to anyone about anything, and I guarantee you will also learn how to tell when someone has more going on than just the boring, lowest-common-denominator stuff.

[+]kurtgodelisdead[S] -6 points-5 points-4 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

The difference between the two of us is that I don't waste my time approaching strangers and hoping for deep conversation.

Well fuck! Where do you go for deep conversation?

I think your mistake is that you're walking up to someone and then expecting that person to impress you.

No, they don't have to impress me. They just have to not be a waste of space.

As if it somehow isn't possible to turn a conversation to more interesting things.

I've tried turning the conversation to more interesting things. And guess what? They just change it back to what they know..

Not trying to be cruel, but you're probably wrong about this.

No, I'm not wrong, I just have different definitions of what interesting is than you do.

I say that if you're going into that situation assuming you're the more interesting person, then you need to be the more interesting person.

"Hey, do you want to talk about transhumanism? Do you know about Agenda 21? Have you ever been abducted by aliens? Have you ever done DMT? Do you know any good theorems in combinatorics or graph theory?"

None of those questions seem like a logical thing to ask a stranger. Yet they are all my interests, and would probably scare most people away. No, I'm not going to "broaden my interests" to include other people's boring lives. If sticking to my guns means being alone, than I will die with dignity rather than settling for society's stupid excuse for a "life".

You've got to get past the surface level and establish some rapport before most people will give you anything actually worth talking about.

Yea, fuck that. This is one big reason I don't approach random strangers. If they're a friend of a friend, then at least there is some guarantee that there are mutual interests. Going up to strangers and asking what they're into is such a waste of time.

Learn how to spend ten minutes talking to anyone about anything, and I guarantee you will also learn how to tell when someone has more going on than just the boring, lowest-common-denominator stuff.

I'm somewhat willing to try this, but honestly, when I do talk to strangers, I rarely feel like it was worth my time.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I feel you trying to make a martyr of yourself for some misguided sense of intellectual elitism. Don't get me wrong — I feel the same way a lot of the time. But the point here isn't to make your interests match those of the general public, it's to acknowledge the reality that the other person in the conversation has interests too. If you want to play it like a checklist: 'do we have A in common? Do we have B in common?' then that's going to make for some pretty awkward conversations indeed.

Where do you go for deep conversation?

I always find it in places I don't expect. It's like walking up to a woman and intending to have sex with her. There's a right way to achieve that goal and a wrong way. If you walk up to every woman expecting sex, then you're not going to get very far unless you're Brad Pitt or something. No; instead you look for things that are more basic: eye contact, body language, etc. You don't open with 'hey, do you happen to enjoy anal?' even though this may be highly relevant to your interests. It's just not how it works. Whether you're the most awkward of neckbeards or the most suave of the ladies' men, the universal truth is that you can't be afraid to be disappointed, because you're not going to get what you want every time.

one big reason I don't approach random strangers.

Sure, and neither do I. I prefer situations where I know there's going to be at least one thing we could talk about for ten minutes and then move on.

Like I said before, I think you just wait for someone to show that she's different because you can't be bothered with trying to learn how to treat everyone the same, even just for ten minutes each. One part of that means understanding that your interests aren't the only ones that matter, not in any conversation you will ever have with anyone. I understand not wanting to settle or get stuck in a bad conversation, and that's fine. But you're not 'sticking to your guns' as much as you're just being really cold with people until they somehow prove themselves to you, and that strategy really just amounts to shooting yourself in the foot. You have to warm people up to get them to talk. And until that happens, you will never know what kinds of interesting conversations you could be missing out on.

[–]kurtgodelisdead[S] -5 points-4 points-3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I feel you trying to make a martyr of yourself for some misguided sense of intellectual elitism.

Nah, I actually have lots of friends who share similar interests. See, most of them happen to be guys. And most of them don't live in Philly. I've hung out with them before, but they move, or maybe I moved.. They dot the map. That's why Internet-ville has become the only place for me to meet interesting and new people.

Don't get me wrong — I feel the same way a lot of the time. But the point here isn't to make your interests match those of the general public, it's to acknowledge the reality that the other person in the conversation has interests too.

Acknowledging other people's interests is fine. But I feel that simply being understanding of others does not lead to an interesting life. Maybe others can handle that, but I've found empathy works against me more than with me. Also, being an alpha means you have high testosterone, and high testosterone does cause you to have a lack of empathy.

If you want to play it like a checklist: 'do we have A in common? Do we have B in common?' then that's going to make for some pretty awkward conversations indeed.

I'm a pretty awkward person in general. Adding to that doesn't bother me.

It's just not how it works. Whether you're the most awkward of neckbeards or the most suave of the ladies' men, the universal truth is that you can't be afraid to be disappointed,

If accepting disappointment with every social interaction is what you call a social life, I don't want one.

because you're not going to get what you want every time.

True.. I'm not asking to get it every time, just to maximize the number of times I do.

One part of that means understanding that your interests aren't the only ones that matter, not in any conversation you will ever have with anyone.

I dunno.. This reaks of beta mentality.

But you're not 'sticking to your guns' as much as you're just being really cold with people until they somehow prove themselves to you, and that strategy really just amounts to shooting yourself in the foot.

No, actually, I found that the more I "manned-up" and stuck to my guns, the more reality conformed to my perspective, instead of trying too hard to "fit in", which I've done plenty of in the past.

And until that happens, you will never know what kinds of interesting conversations you could be missing out on.

Again, you know what I defined as interesting. I doubt that you can get me interested in something else that I'm not already aware of. If you could, I would seriously send you $50. Go for it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm not telling you to overcorrect or change yourself, just to be aware of what is going on.

I feel that simply being understanding of others does not lead to an interesting life.

Agreed, but that's not what I'm telling you to do. I'm telling you to find a way to be personable for just ten minutes with each new person that you meet. You've got a serious mental block against this because you're so afraid of being disappointed

This reaks of beta mentality.

Riiiight...because alphas don't need to know how to make someone feel comfortable...

It's not about 'fitting in' as much as it is just learning a language you clearly don't already know. Never compromise on your interests, of course not. Be who you are, definitely.

And your last little challenge illustrates perfectly the mentality I was talking about before.You walk up to people and dare them to try to interest you. Very prickly demeanour.

[–]kurtgodelisdead[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, but that's not what I'm telling you to do. I'm telling you to find a way to be personable for just ten minutes with each new person that you meet. You've got a serious mental block against this because you're so afraid of being disappointed

Well, if I wasn't afraid of that, then I guess my time would be meaningless.. People should try harder to wear their heart on their sleeve, as far as I'm concerned.

Riiiight...because alphas don't need to know how to make someone feel comfortable...

I'm not going to comfort someone I just met.

And your last little challenge illustrates perfectly the mentality I was talking about before.You walk up to people and dare them to try to interest you. Very prickly demeanour.

I've tried this. Often with failure. Looking for alternatives on seddit. Everyone assumes I haven't tried this before.

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what would you qualify as smart?

I don't really have a set definition..

Nothing in the area satisfies even just ONE of your interests?

I mean, on occasion, there are things that come up that are interesting, but not enough to satisfy me. That's why I came to the conclusion I have to start my own parties in Philly, because what I desperately want to see in this town just doesn't exist. I don't even think there's much in NYC that appeals to me. Seriously. My interests are that narrow. Only "Internet-ville" has enough people in it to find common interests.

Sadly you just need some time (otherwise, like I said, speed date, or online dating) to get to know someone.

The online dating thing is okay, but it's not enough for me right now. I really want more than that.

Oh, and stop using the word "breed", that makes you sound socially inept.

I already admitted to being a social retard.

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